The Complete Plays of Gilbert and Sullivan Part 72

SOLO -- Sacharissa

Pray you, tell us, if you can, What's the thing that's known as Man?

SOLO -- Psyche

Man will swear and man will storm-- Man is not at all good form-- Is of no kind of use-- Man's a donkey -- Man's a goose-- Man is coa.r.s.e and Man is plain-- Man is more or less insane-- Man's a ribald -- Man's a rake, Man is Nature's sole mistake!

Chorus: We'll a memorandum make-- Man is Nature's sole mistake!

And thus to empyrean height Of ev'ry kind of lore, In search of wisdom's pure delight, Ambitiously we soar.

In trying to achieve success No envy racks our heart, For all we know and all we guess We mutually impart!

And all the knowledge we possess, We mutually impart, We mutually impart, impart.

(Enter Lady Blanche. All stand up demurely)

Blanche: Attention, ladies, while I read to you The Princess Ida's list of punishments.

The first is Sacharissa. She's expelled!

All: Expelled!

Blan.: Expelled, because although she knew No man of any kind may pa.s.s our walls, She dared to bring a set of chessmen here!

Sach.: (Crying) I meant no harm; they're only men of wood!

Blan.: They're men with whom you give each other mate, And that's enough! The next is Chloe.

Chloe: Ah!

Blan.: Chloe will lose three terms, for yesterday, When looking through her drawing-book, I found A sketch of a perambulator!

All: (Horrified) Oh!

Blan.: Double perambulator...

All: Oh, oh!

Blan.: ...shameless girl!

That's all at present. Now, attention, pray; Your Princ.i.p.al the Princess comes to give Her usual inaugural address To those young ladies who joined yesterday.

CHORUS OF GIRLS "Mighty maiden with a mission"

Girls: Mighty maiden with a mission, Paragon of common sense, Running fount of erudition, Miracle of eloquence, Altos: We are blind and we would see; Sops: We are bound, and would be free;

Girls: We are dumb, and we would talk; We are lame, and we would walk.

(Enter the Princess) Mighty maiden with a mission-- Paragon of common sense; Running found of erudition-- Miracle of eloquence, of eloquence!

RECITATIVE & ARIA (Princess) "Minerva! Oh, hear Me"

Princess: Minerva! Minerva!

Oh, hear me: Oh, G.o.ddess wise That lovest light Endow with sight Their unillumin'd eyes.

At this my call, A fervent few Have come to woo The rays that from thee fall, That from thee fall.

Oh, G.o.ddess wise That lovest light, That lovest light,

Let fervent words and fervent thoughts be mine, That I may lead them to thy sacred shrine!

Let fervent words and fervent thoughts be mine, That I may lead them to thy sacred shrine, I may lead them to thy sacred shrine, thy sacred shrine!

Princess: Women of Adamant, fair Neophytes-- Who thirst for such instruction as we give, Attend, while I unfold a parable.

The elephant is mightier than Man, Yet Man subdues him. Why? The elephant Is elephantine everywhere but here (tapping her forehead), And Man, whose brain is to the elephant's As Woman's brain to Man's - (that's rule of three),-- Conquers the foolish giant of the woods, As Woman, in her turn, shall conquer Man.

In Mathematics, Woman leads the way; The narrow-minded pedant still believes That two and two make four! Why, we can prove, We women -- household drudges as we are-- That two and two make five -- or three -- or seven; Or five and twenty, if the case demands!

Diplomacy? The wiliest diplomat Is absolutely helpless in our hands.

He wheedles monarchs -- Woman wheedles him!

Logic? Why, tyrant Man himself admits It's a waste of time to argue with a woman!

Then we excel in social qualities: Though man professes that he holds our s.e.x In utter scorn, I venture to believe He'd rather pa.s.s the day with one of you, Than with five hundred of his fellow-men!

In all things we excel. Believing this, A hundred maidens here have sworn to place Their feet upon his neck. If we succeed, We'll treat him better than he treated us: But if we fail, why, then let hope fail too!

Let no one care a penny how she looks-- Let red be worn with yellow -- blue with green-- Crimson with scarlet -- violet with blue!

Let all your things misfit, and you yourselves At inconvenient moments come undone!

Let hair-pins lose their virtue: let the hook Disdain the fascination of the eye-- The bashful b.u.t.ton modestly evade The soft embraces of the b.u.t.ton-hole!

Let old a.s.sociations all dissolve, Let Swan secede from Edgar -- Gask from Gask, Sewell from Cross -- Lewis from Allenby!

In other words, let Chaos come again!

(Coming down) Who lectures in the Hall of Arts to-day?

Blanche: I, madam, on Abstract Philosophy.

There I propose considering, at length, Three points -- The Is, the Might Be, and the Must.

Whether the Is, from being actual fact, Is more important than the vague Might Be, Or the Might Be, from taking wider scope, Is for that reason greater than the Is: And lastly, how the Is and Might Be stand Compared with the inevitable Must!

Princess: The subject's deep -- how do you treat it, pray?

Blan.: Madam, I take three possibilities, And strike a balance then between the three: As thus: The Princess Ida Is our head, the Lady Psyche Might Be, -- Lady Blanche, Neglected Blanche, inevitably Must.

Given these three hypotheses -- to find The actual betting against each of them!

Princess: Your theme's ambitious: pray you bear in mind Who highest soar fall farthest. Fare you well, You and your pupils! Maidens, follow me.

[Exeunt Princess and maidens.

Manet Lady Blanche.

EXEUNT FOR PRINCESS IDA & GIRLS "And thus to Empyrean Height"

Chorus: And thus to empyrean height Of ev'ry kind of lore, In search of wisdom's pure delight, Ambitiously we soar.

In trying to achieve success No envy racks our heart, For all we know and all we guess We mutually impart!

And all the knowledge we possess, We mutually impart, We mutually impart, impart.

Blan.: I should command here -- I was born to rule, But do I rule? I don't. Why? I don't know.

I shall some day. Not yet, I bide my time.

I once was Some One -- and the Was Will Be.

The Present as we speak becomes the Past, The Past repeats itself, and so is Future!

This sounds involved. It's not. It's right enough.

(Since 1935 the following song has been usually omitted) SONG (Lady Blanche) "Come, mighty Must!"