The Complete Plays of Gilbert and Sullivan Part 86

(Enter Chorus of Bridesmaids.)

CHORUS.

From the briny sea Comes young Richard, all victorious!

Valorous is he-- His achievements all are glorious!

Let the welkin ring With the news we bring Sing it--shout it-- Tell about it-- Safe and sound returneth he, All victorious from the sea!

(Enter Richard. The girls welcome him as he greets old acquaintances.)

BALLAD--RICHARD.

I s.h.i.+pped, d'ye see, in a Revenue sloop, And, off Cape Finistere, A merchantman we see, A Frenchman, going free, So we made for the bold Mounseer, D'ye see?

We made for the bold Mounseer.

CHORUS. So we made for the bold Mounseer, D'ye see?

We made for the bold Mounseer.

But she proved to be a Frigate--and she up with her ports, And fires with a thirty-two!

It come uncommon near, But we answered with a cheer, Which paralysed the Parley-voo, D'ye see?

Which paralysed the Parley-voo!

CHORUS. Which paralysed the Parley-voo, D'ye see?

Which paralysed the Parley-voo!

Then our Captain he up and he says, says he, "That chap we need not fear,-- We can take her, if we like, She is sartin for to strike, For she's only a darned Mounseer, D'ye see?

She's only a darned Mounseer!"

CHORUS. For she's only a darned Mounseer, D'ye see?

She's only a darned Mounseer!

"But to fight a French fal-lal--it's like hittin' of a gal!

It's a lubberly thing for to do; For we, with all our faults, Why, we're st.u.r.dy British salts, While she's only a Parley-voo, D'ye see?

While she's only a poor Parley-voo!"

CHORUS. While she's only a Parley-voo, D'ye see?

While she's only a poor Parley-voo!'

So we up with our helm, and we scuds before the breeze As we gives a compa.s.sionating cheer; Froggee answers with a shout As he sees us go about, Which was grateful of the poor Mounseer, D'ye see?

Which was grateful of the poor Mounseer!

CHORUS. Which was grateful of the poor Mounseer, D'ye see?

Which was grateful of the poor Mounseer!

And I'll wager in their joy they kissed each other's cheek (Which is what them furriners do), And they blessed their lucky stars We were hardy British tars Who had pity on a poor Parley-voo, D'ye see?

Who had pity on a poor Parley-voo!

CHORUS. Who had pity on a poor Parley-voo, D'ye see?

Who had pity on a poor Parley-voo!

(HORNPIPE.) (Exeunt Chorus.)

(Enter Robin.)

ROB. Richard!

RICH. Robin!

ROB. My beloved foster-brother, and very dearest friend, welcome home again after ten long years at sea! It is such deeds as yours that cause our flag to be loved and dreaded throughout the civilized world!

RICH. Why, lord love ye, Rob, that's but a trifle to what we have done in the way of sparing life! I believe I may say, without exaggeration, that the marciful little Tom-t.i.t has spared more French frigates than any craft afloat! But 'taint for a British seaman to brag, so I'll just stow my jawin' tackle and belay. (Robin sighs.) But 'vast heavin', messmate, what's brought you all a-c.o.c.kbill?

ROB. Alas, d.i.c.k, I love Rose Maybud, and love in vain!

RICH. You love in vain? Come, that's too good! Why, you're a fine strapping muscular young fellow--tall and strong as a to'-gall'n'-m'st--taut as a forestay--aye, and a barrowknight to boot, if all had their rights!

ROB. Hush, Richard--not a word about my true rank, which none here suspect. Yes, I know well enough that few men are better calculated to win a woman's heart than I. I'm a fine fellow, d.i.c.k, and worthy any woman's love--happy the girl who gets me, say I. But I'm timid, d.i.c.k; shy--nervous--modest-- retiring--diffident--and I cannot tell her, d.i.c.k, I cannot tell her! Ah, you've no idea what a poor opinion I have of myself, and how little I deserve it.

RICH. Robin, do you call to mind how, years ago, we swore that, come what might, we would always act upon our hearts'

dictates?

ROB. Aye, d.i.c.k, and I've always kept that oath. In doubt, difficulty, and danger I've always asked my heart what I should do, and it has never failed me.

RICH. Right! Let your heart be your compa.s.s, with a clear conscience for your binnacle light, and you'll sail ten knots on a bowline, clear of shoals, rocks, and quicksands! Well, now, what does my heart say in this here difficult situation? Why, it says, "d.i.c.k," it says--(it calls me d.i.c.k acos it's known me from a babby)--"d.i.c.k," it says, "you ain't shy--you ain't modest--speak you up for him as is!" Robin, my lad, just you lay me alongside, and when she's becalmed under my lee, I'll spin her a yarn that shall sarve to fish you two together for life!

ROB. Will you do this thing for me? Can you, do you think?

Yes (feeling his pulse). There's no false modesty about you.

Your--what I would call b.u.mptious self-a.s.sertiveness (I mean the expression in its complimentary sense) has already made you a bos'n's mate, and it will make an admiral of you in time, if you work it properly, you dear, incompetent old impostor! My dear fellow, I'd give my right arm for one tenth of your modest a.s.surance!

SONG--ROBIN.

My boy, you may take it from me, That of all the afflictions accurst With which a man's saddled And hampered and addled, A diffident nature's the worst.

Though clever as clever can be-- A Crichton of early romance-- You must stir it and stump it, And blow your own trumpet, Or, trust me, you haven't a chance!

If you wish in the world to advance, Your merits you're bound to enhance, You must stir it and stump it, And blow your own trumpet, Or, trust me, you haven't a chance!

Now take, for example, my case: I've a bright intellectual brain-- In all London city There's no one so witty-- I've thought so again and again.

I've a highly intelligent face-- My features cannot be denied-- But, whatever I try, sir, I fail in--and why, sir?

I'm modesty personified!

If you wish in the world to advance, etc.

As a poet, I'm tender and quaint-- I've pa.s.sion and fervour and grace-- From Ovid and Horace To Swinburne and Morris, They all of them take a back place.

Then I sing and I play and I paint: Though none are accomplished as I, To say so were treason: You ask me the reason?

I'm diffident, modest, and shy!

If you wish in the world to advance, etc.

(Exit Robin.)

RICH. (looking after him). Ah, it's a thousand pities he's such a poor opinion of himself, for a finer fellow don't walk!

Well, I'll do my best for him. "Plead for him as though it was for your own father"--that's what my heart's a-remarkin' to me just now. But here she comes! Steady! Steady it is! (Enter Rose--he is much struck by her.) By the Port Admiral, but she's a tight little craft! Come, come, she's not for you, d.i.c.k, and yet--she's fit to marry Lord Nelson! By the Flag of Old England, I can't look at her unmoved.

ROSE. Sir, you are agitated-- RICH. Aye, aye, my la.s.s, well said! I am agitated, true enough!--took flat aback, my girl; but 'tis naught--'twill pa.s.s.

(Aside.) This here heart of mine's a-dictatin' to me like anythink. Question is, Have I a right to disregard its promptings?

ROSE. Can I do aught to relieve thine anguish, for it seemeth to me that thou art in sore trouble? This apple--(offering a damaged apple).

RICH. (looking at it and returning it). No, my la.s.s, 'tain't that: I'm--I'm took flat aback--I never see anything like you in all my born days. Parbuckle me, if you ain't the loveliest gal I've ever set eyes on. There--I can't say fairer than that, can I?

ROSE. No. (Aside.) The question is, Is it meet that an utter stranger should thus express himself? (Refers to book.) Yes--"Always speak the truth."

RICH. I'd no thoughts of sayin' this here to you on my own account, for, truth to tell, I was chartered by another; but when I see you my heart it up and it says, says it, "This is the very la.s.s for you, d.i.c.k"--"speak up to her, d.i.c.k," it says--(it calls me d.i.c.k acos we was at school together)--"tell her all, d.i.c.k," it says, "never sail under false colours--it's mean!" That's what my heart tells me to say, and in my rough, common-sailor fas.h.i.+on, I've said it, and I'm a-waiting for your reply. I'm a-tremblin', miss. Lookye here--(holding out his hand). That's narvousness!

ROSE (aside). Now, how should a maiden deal with such an one? (Consults book.) "Keep no one in unnecessary suspense."

(Aloud.) Behold, I will not keep you in unnecessary suspense.