The Castle of Andalusia Part 18

_Ped._ Me! no!

_Spado._ Oh, yes; I lent you the use of my two fine ears, to hear your song, and the use of my most capital nose, to snuff up your macquabah.

_Ped._ Eh! what the deuce, do you hire out your senses and organs, and--

_Spado._ Yes, and if you don't instantly pay the hire, I'll strike up a symphonia on this little barrel organ here.

[_Shows a Pistol._

_Ped._ Hold, my dear sir--there--[_Gives Money._]--I refuse to pay my debts!--Sir, I'm the most punctual--[_Frightened._] But if you please, rather than hire them again, I'd chuse to buy your fine nose, and your capital ears, out and out.

_Spado._ Hark ye! [_In a low Tone._] You owe your Dons.h.i.+p to a finesse of mine, so mention this, and you are undone, sirrah!

_Ped._ Sir! [_Frightened._] Dear sir! [_SPADO presents Pistol._]--Oh, lord, sir!

[_Exit._

_Spado._ I suspect presently this house will be too hot for me, yet the devil tempts me strongly to venture in once more. If I could but pick up a few more little articles--Ecod, I'll venture, though I feel an ugly sort of tickling under my left ear--Oh, poor Spado.

[_Exit._

SCENE IV.

_A Hall in the Castle._

_Enter SPADO._

_Spado._ So many eyes about--I can do nothing; if I could but raise a commotion to employ their attention--Oh! here's Don Juan, father to Fernando, just arrived--Yes, if I could but mix up a fine confusion now--ay, that's the time to pick up the loose things--but hold, I am told this Don Juan is very pa.s.sionate--heh! to set him and Don Scipio together by the ears--Ears!--I have it.

_Enter DON JUAN in a travelling Dress._

_Don Juan._ Egad, my coming will surprise my son Fernando, and Don Scipio too--tell him I'm here--I hope I'm time enough for the wedding.

_Spado._ [_Slily._] A grim-looking old gentleman!

[_Bows obsequiously._

_Don Juan._ Who's dog are you?

_Spado._ How do you do, signor?

_Don Juan._ Why, are you a physician?

_Spado._ Me a physician! Alack-a-day, no, your honour, I am poor Spado.

_Don Juan._ Where's Don Scipio? What the devil, is this his hospitality?

he has heard that I am here?

_Spado._ He hear! Ah, poor gentleman--hear! his misfortune!

_Don Juan._ Misfortune! What, he's married again?

_Spado._ At the brink.

_Don Juan._ Marry, and near threescore! What, has he lost his senses?

_Spado._ He has nearly lost one, sir.

_Don Juan._ But where is he? I want to ask him about it.

_Spado._ Ask! then you must speak very loud, sir.

_Don Juan._ Why, what, is he deaf?

_Spado._ Almost, sir, the dear gentleman can scarce hear a word.

_Don Juan._ Ah, poor fellow! Hey! Isn't yonder my son?

[_Walks up._

_Spado._ Now if I could bring the old ones together, I should'nt doubt of a quarrel.

_Enter DON SCIPIO._

_Don Scipio._ Ah, here's my friend, Don Juan! Spado, I hope he ha'n't heard of his son's pranks.

_Spado._ Hear! Ah! poor Don Juan's hearing! I've been roaring to him these five minutes.

_Don Scipio._ Roaring to him!

_Spado._ He's almost deaf.

_Don Scipio._ Bless me!

_Spado._ You must bellow to him like a speaking trumpet.

[_Exit SPADO._

_Don Scipio._ [_Very loud._] Don Juan, you are welcome.

_Don Juan._ [_Starting._] Hey! Strange that your deaf people always speak loud--[_Very loud._] I'm glad to see you, Don Scipio.

_Don Scipio._ When people are deaf themselves, they think every body else is too--How long have you been this way?

[_Bawling._

_Don Juan._ Just arrived.