Long Distance Life Part 18

"Aaah," Marcel whispered. He understood the raw and vibrant voice, the still, composed form that was holding emotion in check.

"You know it's easy for me to forget that you're so young," Christophe went on. "You have some G.o.d-given confidence which is an inner flame. I don't have that confidence, though I have been told I possess a certain flair."

The compliment did not warm Marcel. He was afraid. His voice was uneven when he spoke.

"You want to go back to Paris, don't you?" he asked.

"O G.o.d, no!" Christophe shook his head. "That has nothing to do with it. Never, no!"

"But are you certain? You haven't had regrets?" Marcel's eyes probed fearfully for the slightest doubt.

Christophe made a weary smile. "You can't understand now. If you'd spent your youth traveling the world, and years in Paris, drunk night after night as you stumbled from one cafe to another, smoking has.h.i.+sh with people you couldn't remember, making love to people you'd never even met, if you'd written enough garbage that you yourself couldn't even recall committing to paper, ah, well, then, you might begin to comprehend. You might find yourself right back here on the corner of the Rue Dauphine and the Rue Ste. Anne with an idiotic smile on your lips, whispering the word, 'home.'"

But then he broke the contained pose for an instant and ran his hands over his hair. "Maybe I wasted Paris," he murmured. "It became a foul taste in the mouth and an endless throbbing in the head."

Marcel studied him, studied the way that he lifted a pencil from his desk and meant to break it firmly with both hands.

"Then it is just parting from the Englishman, then, just saying good-bye?"

"Just parting from the Englishman?" Christophe looked up. parting from the Englishman?" Christophe looked up. "Just "Just parting from the Englishman?" His lips lengthened in a grimace. parting from the Englishman?" His lips lengthened in a grimace.

Shyly, Marcel looked away. "If you want to be here with us," he said, "and we want you here-need you-then why is it so hard for the Englishman to understand?"

Christophe's brows came together in a tense frown. "Because he needs me," he sighed. "He needs me to need him again. And there's a monstrous injustice in all this, a monstrous injustice which no one comprehends here except me."

"I know he's not good for you," Marcel blurted suddenly, "and when he does leave this place, you'll be better off!"

He pressed his lips together tightly. He had gone too far. But he could hardly bear to see Christophe as he was now, and only the Englishman could reduce the resolute and quick-witted teacher to a diffident and miserable young boy.

"I'm sorry," Marcel muttered.

"You despise him, don't you?" Christophe asked. "The same as Maman. You glare at him as if he were some menace and she curses him, threatens him with voodoo magic, calls him names..."

"Christophe, that's because she's afraid of him, she's afraid he'll persuade you to leave here, just as I'm afraid. Besides, she believes him to be...well, a man, who took you away from your home in Paris years ago!"

Now he had done it! But he had the distinct impression he was fighting some sort of battle here, Christophe was asking him to fight it, and he didn't fully understand the terms.

"My home in Paris!" Christophe bent forward. "My home in Paris, did she use those words! Good G.o.d, such sublime simplicity of mind! You know, sometimes I think I understand my mother's madness perfectly. It is the perfect selfishness, she will not understand what she does not wish to understand!"

"Christophe, she'll hear you," Marcel cautioned.

"So, let her hear me! Let me bring down the rafters on her head. My home in Paris, for the love of heaven! That hotel and those people, I'd been there two years in that place without a letter from New Orleans, the bank clerk who left me there was gone! I stole to get the paper to write her! Now, Marcel, there are shops in this very street where a woman can dictate a letter and have that letter sent abroad."

"But what did happen?" Marcel asked.

Christophe ran his hand back through his hair again, fingers raking the tight close-cropped brown waves. "I sometimes wonder myself," he said. "But I'm not being honest, the whole truth is, I know too well." He drew himself up, clearing his throat slightly. "It was her father's idea. And it must have sounded terribly official when he spoke to his lawyers; but you see, by the time I'd crossed the ocean and pa.s.sed through a succession of strangers, there was little left of the original design. A family took me for the money offered, and kept me out of school to work in the hotel. I didn't have shoes by the time Michael came to lodge there, I'd run off twice and come back rather than starve. I can't talk about those times even now," he s.h.i.+fted uneasily. "But I can tell you this, I was younger than you are when I arrived there, and two years seemed the length and breadth of the world."

"I didn't know..." Marcel whispered.

"I don't expect you to know," he said. "But she doesn't know either, that's the tragedy of it. But if only she'd had a little strength, if only she had stood up to that man. She was always the prey of the lovers of her life, but I always knew with her that I came first. That no matter what happened, she was my mother and I belonged to her and she belonged to me. I'd look at them with their fancy carriages and their presents, they'd pay the rent, they'd order me around. But I knew I'd outlast them, all her lovers, and if they ever dared lay hands on me, well that would be the end. They could slap her around all right, I listened to enough of that through these walls. But she belonged to me and I belonged to her, until he came, her father, that glowering ghost from the past. A brigand was what he'd been, one of these wild Haitians who've lived for generations in the hills, runaway slaves in one century and rebels in the next. That man was made of iron, with all that blood on his hands, and all that gold in the banks.

"Oh, how the lawyers impressed him, I can remember the offices here myself. Lots of leather and green velvet, a little good sherry, I was to be educated abroad. In loco parentis In loco parentis, I was to have a good French family. And then that bleak little hotel, those grim-faced peasants with their leather straps, and the cot under the stairs."

Christophe made a short bitter sound.

"The first night Michael came, he let me warm my hands and feet at the grate when I brought up his supper. Then claiming he wasn't hungry, he watched me devour every morsel on that tray." He shook his head, musing, his eyes quite remote from Marcel. "Strange, I've never written a word about that. Mr. Charles d.i.c.kens would probably have written about it, but then he isn't scribbling nonsense between puffs of a has.h.i.+sh pipe."

Marcel said nothing. It was all as gossip had told it, he could almost hear Monsieur Philippe's drawling voice at table recounting the old tale. Only the Englishman had never been part of it. And until this moment, perhaps, Marcel had still doubted Juliet's fears. Now he was riveted to Christophe, and at the same time afraid. "He felt sorry for you, then..." he whispered.

"Sorry for me? He became my life. He bought me clothes, a warm blanket, gave me something to eat, took me everywhere he went. Then the day came that I dreaded, the day he told me he was going away." He sighed. He grasped the pencil again in one hand as if he wanted to break it against his fingers with the pressure of his thumb. Marcel could all but feel the pressure he exerted upon it. But Christophe continued, "I thought I was going to die. I told him I'd run away as soon as he was gone, I couldn't stay there any longer, I didn't care what happened to me, I was going away. Well, I don't think I'll ever forget that moment. He was sitting by the window in his room. I remember this as if it were happening now.

"'I've come to a decision, Christophe,' he said. 'It's a decision the world would not understand. But I've come to it, the struggle is over. Pack your belongings now quietly, and be ready to leave with me tonight.'"

The hand that held the pencil suddenly broke it in half. Christophe watched it drop to the desk. "I wonder what would have become of me if he'd left me there." His eyes moved slowly to Marcel. "Three years pa.s.sed before I walked into the offices of a solicitor in London and had him write to Maman. I had wanted to punish her, I had wanted her to believe I was dead."

Marcel bowed his head. Something stirred in his soul, a vague excitement as he thought of those "three years" and the names so often mentioned by the two men, Istanbul, Athens, Tangier.

Then Christophe asked in a small voice, "Do you know my worst fear?"

Marcel looked up.

"That she she was dead. That I'd lost her. That maybe she'd disappeared. I couldn't stop thinking about her. And oddly enough, as time pa.s.sed, she became more and more real. I could remember all manner of things about her that I did not even know I had known. I would awake in different cities feeling the atmosphere of this house around me. I would dream of her. She was with me, at last, night and day. I was trembling the day I went to the solicitors for their answer. They had contacted a law office here, in the Rue Camp uptown. The old b.a.s.t.a.r.d, her father, was bedridden, paralyzed from a stroke and she had cried uncontrollably when they let her understand I was alive. All she ever said to any of them was Tell him to come home.' was dead. That I'd lost her. That maybe she'd disappeared. I couldn't stop thinking about her. And oddly enough, as time pa.s.sed, she became more and more real. I could remember all manner of things about her that I did not even know I had known. I would awake in different cities feeling the atmosphere of this house around me. I would dream of her. She was with me, at last, night and day. I was trembling the day I went to the solicitors for their answer. They had contacted a law office here, in the Rue Camp uptown. The old b.a.s.t.a.r.d, her father, was bedridden, paralyzed from a stroke and she had cried uncontrollably when they let her understand I was alive. All she ever said to any of them was Tell him to come home.'

"Well," Christophe shrugged with the same bitterness he had evinced before. "We had already booked pa.s.sage to Istanbul and I had no intention of crossing the sea for her, after what she'd done to me, not while that b.l.o.o.d.y Haitian was still alive. I instructed the solicitors to let me know as soon as he'd departed this earth, but by that time, well, I was in Paris, I was famous for writing nonsense about an improbable heroine named Charlotte and her preposterous lover, Randolphe. Michael had educated me, outfitted me, instructed me in the fine points of manners, polite conversation, vintage wines. It was he who dealt with the publishers, managed the rent, and carried me home on his arm from the cafes.

"I couldn't teach you or anyone else a d.a.m.ned thing if it weren't for Michael. I wouldn't be a teacher, a writer, I wouldn't have the money in my pockets for a dram of absinthe!"

He turned his head sharply to the side.

Below and far to the back of the house, a clock chimed, so faint that a sigh would have obliterated it. Marcel listened, but did not note the time. As a matter of fact it seemed to go on forever.

He took no note of anything around him, not even of Christophe who rested his forehead against his open hand, the heel of his boot hooked in the rung of his chair. The story had left him miserable and vaguely excited and he did not know why. He loathed the Englishman, positively loathed him, but he had a profound and numbing sense of two people together, wandering over land and sea, together, the one sheltering the other, caring for the other and just how that might be! just how that might be! It was so alluring suddenly that without realizing it he gave a slight shake of the head. And he felt pain for the Englishman that this was ended, utterly ended, and he felt terrible pain for Christophe. It was so alluring suddenly that without realizing it he gave a slight shake of the head. And he felt pain for the Englishman that this was ended, utterly ended, and he felt terrible pain for Christophe.

There was one great flaw in the story, however, a hideous flaw. Why hadn't the Englishman written to the mother in New Orleans, why hadn't he tried to help the boy get home?

Christophe drew himself up. His voice was thick, heavy. "It's time for me to go."

For a moment, Marcel didn't answer. He was feeling a dull palpitation. Then he said softly, "But surely you'll see him again." Christophe shook his head. "I think not."

He stared at Christophe who sat stiff again, like the model for the Daguerreotype in the chair.

"But why must it be so final, Chris, I don't understand!"

"Because it's finished!" Christophe whispered, his eyes widening on the shadows before him. "Because I owe him my life! And that is simply too much to bear!"

He rose. He stretched his arms out, clenched his fists, and then let them drop at his side.

Marcel stared at his straight back, the square shoulders, the head that faced the wall of poems. The night seemed empty around them except for some soft, distant rustling sound. Marcel blinked as if the story had been a sudden blaze that had blinded him, and he must regain his sight.

"Do you want to walk with me...part of the way?" Christophe murmured over his shoulder. "We could find one of those little riverfront bistros you so love and have a cool beer."

"Yes," Marcel rose slowly. "Maybe I could wait for you...outside the hotel."

"No," Christophe shook his head. "I'll see him off," he said, and reached out for the package of cheroots on the desk.

But there was a soft tread in the hallway. And the tall, willowy figure of the slave Bubbles appeared in the door.

"Michie, a man's here," said the slave, "come from the St. Charles Hotel."

"d.a.m.n," Christophe muttered. "Anger on top of everything else."

Marcel followed him through the dark hallway at a slow pace.

He didn't welcome the sight of the angry Englishman cursing Christophe for not coming sooner. However, it was a black man at the foot of the stairs, with a lantern in his hand. Christophe turned to Marcel, and at first Marcel thought the light had distorted the expression on his face.

"Michie, you best move him out of there right now," said the black man. "They say he's far gone with it, and when it gets these Englishmen, Michie, they drop like flies."

"No!" Christophe was staring wide-eyed. He shook his head, and said again, "No. He's been in Cairo with the cholera, with the plague. This is nothing, surely..."

"Michie, he's got it, and they want him out of the hotel."

"Got what?" Marcel whispered.

But he already knew.

V.

THE E ENGLISHMAN was delirious. He did not know that he was being taken into the carriage, nor out of it, up the stairs into Christophe's room. A tousled and sleepy Juliet came into the hallway, a flowered shawl over her long silk gown. Pus.h.i.+ng her hair back angrily she padded toward them, pa.s.sing Marcel in the open doorway and looked down at the Englishman in Christophe's bed. His head lay limp against the pillow, his hair wet and dark against his high forehead, eyes at half-mast. The breath came from him in slow, measured gasps. was delirious. He did not know that he was being taken into the carriage, nor out of it, up the stairs into Christophe's room. A tousled and sleepy Juliet came into the hallway, a flowered shawl over her long silk gown. Pus.h.i.+ng her hair back angrily she padded toward them, pa.s.sing Marcel in the open doorway and looked down at the Englishman in Christophe's bed. His head lay limp against the pillow, his hair wet and dark against his high forehead, eyes at half-mast. The breath came from him in slow, measured gasps.

Bubbles, having gone for water, brought the pitcher to Christophe who wet his handkerchief and laid it on the Englishman's head. "Michael, can you understand me?" he said in English. He had asked this over and over on the way to the house. "Oh, where is the doctor, for the love of G.o.d!" He turned to them with clenched teeth.

"He's coming, Michie," said Bubbles in that soft, eternally calm voice. "The fever is all over tonight, Michie, he will come when he can."

Christophe tore at the Englishman's s.h.i.+rt, loosening the b.u.t.tons at his throat, then wrapped the robe more tightly around him.

"It isn't a doctor he needs, Christophe," Marcel said. "It's a good nurse. Our people are the best for that, the doctor will tell you this when he gets here, to get him a nurse."

Christophe turned to Juliet. She was leaning against the door frame staring down at the Englishman from the corner of her eye.

"You know what to do for him, Maman, you know yellow fever, you've seen it here and in Saint-Domingue."

She turned her gaze slowly to Christophe, eyes widening as if with disbelief. "You ask that of me!" she whispered. "Me, and that man!"

"Maman!" he grabbed her suddenly by the arms, as if he meant to hurt her. She merely let her head drop to one side.

"Christophe, listen to me," Marcel interjected. "I can find a nurse. My aunts will know, the Lermontants will know..."

"No!" Christophe shuddered. "Don't go near those people." For a second, Marcel did not understand. It was superst.i.tion, the mention of the Lermontants, of course. But behind them, the Englishman let out a moan. His thin body looked so slight under the covers, and his cheeks flushed with the fever made him appear all the more wasted and white.

"Michael, the doctor is coming, a nurse will be here soon," Christophe said to him in a barely controlled voice. "This is some tropical fever, Michael, you've seen this before, you'll shake it off."

The Englishman grimaced, and his lips formed the whisper, "Yellow jack."

A soft indefinable sound came from Juliet. She left the room.

Christophe was after her in an instant, catching her in the hall. "Maman, help me!" he pleaded.

"Get your hands off me," she groaned, but her eyes were on fire. "You dare to bring that man here, here to me?" her voice broke. "In my house."

"No, no, don't look away from me, please, Maman, I've told you over and over what happened in Paris, Maman, I'm begging you..."

She jerked away from him, pulling her shawl up over her shoulders, hair falling down in her face. "There isn't anything I can do!" She shook her head. "It's yellow fever, your friend knows it, they all know it!" she threw up her hand. "He is going to die!"

Christophe gasped. He let her go. He backed away from her. And turning, her head down, she padded softly away from him into the darkness of her room.

One half hour later the doctor, weary, overworked, and plagued with a wracking cough himself, confirmed Marcel's advice. A nurse would work no miracles, but it was the best anyone could do.

"But I saw him at noon today," Christophe whispered. "He complained of a headache from walking in the sun, that was all, a headache." Bubbles and Marcel stared at him. It was clear he could not accept the situation. The Englishman had begun to have violent chills.

A terrified Tante Louisa opened the door for Marcel at midnight, greatly relieved it was only that Englishman friend of Christophe's who was ill. Of course she knew nurses, but all of them had their hands full, ah, this heat, this rain. Nevertheless, Marcel took the names from her and began going door to door.

It was near dawn when tired and discouraged he rang Rudolphe Lermontant's bell. Rudolphe in his nights.h.i.+rt wiped the shaving soap from his face as he stood in the door, a stub of candle in one hand, a peculiar expression pa.s.sing over his features, his eyes almost dreamy as he looked at the deserted street. "I told that man," he said wearily and without pride, "to get out of the city, to go out to the lake for a while until the end of summer. Every day he walked past the shop with his head uncovered in the heat of the afternoon. He uttered some poetry to me, some mad English foolishness about the Hounds of h.e.l.l! All the nurses are employed by now, even the old women who ought to be retired." Marcel, studying his wide musing eyes, was suddenly struck by a faint shudder. Rudolphe knew the Englishman was a dead man, he knew that he would be bathing that body, dressing it perhaps before this day had pa.s.sed.

"You must know some names, just anyone..." Marcel murmured. "Christophe's caring for that man by himself."

Rudolphe shook his head. "There is one young lady I can think of, but your chances of getting Madame Elsie to let her go up there are as good as mine," he said.

"Ah, Anna Bella."

"You remember '37, Madame Elsie's was almost a hospital, and every time I came to pick up a body, that poor little girl was there. She knows as much about nursing fever victims as anyone around. But Madame Elsie, well, now that's another affair."

"She'll do it for me," Marcel said, and turning he ran, forgetting to offer Rudolphe his thanks.

The sun was just rising over the river and the sky resembled perfectly a sunset as Marcel entered Madame Elsie's yard. A mist hung over the flagstoned garden, and beyond through the gray branches of the crepe myrtles a light already burned in Madame Elsie's windows, and against the backdrop of that light Marcel could see the outline of a figure on the porch, a lone woman in a chair. The creak of the rocker sounded clearly in the stillness. He stopped at the edge of the path. A pain throbbed inside him like a heart. But then a faint voice reached him, a voice singing low, a voice that did not know it could be heard. It was not Madame Elsie in the rocker, it was Anna Bella.

She rose as he pounded up the steps. She wore an airy dress, replete with her usual lace, a thin crocheted shawl over her shoulders, her heavy hair undone. And as she turned to him, he saw that she had been crying.

"Why Marcel!" she whispered.

"Anna Bella," he said as he took both her hands. "You've got to forgive me, but I need you now, Anna Bella," and without guile or craft or stammered apologies he told her at once all about the Englishman in Christophe's house.

"Just you wait right here, Marcel, while I get my bag," she said.

He was so relieved that he squeezed her hands before he let her go, and then, forgetting everything, he clasped her tight, kissing her quickly, innocently, on both cheeks.