Passage. Part 30

"Is she all right?" Joanna cut in.

Barbara nodded, and Joanna's heart started beating again. "She was only out a few seconds, and it doesn't look like there was any major damage. I left a message on your answering machine."

"I haven't been in my office since early this morning."

"I figured as much," Barbara said. "I'd have paged you if it looked bad."

I had my pager off, Joanna thought guiltily.

"Anyway, Maisie's up in CICU, and she wants to see you. I have to get back," she said, twisting the hand holding the two Pepsis around so she could see her watch.

"I'll come with you," Joanna said, pus.h.i.+ng the walkway door open for her. "Can she have visitors?"

"If she's still awake."

"What time is it?" Joanna said, looking at her watch as they started down the hall. A quarter to nine. She'd been stalking obsessively around the hospital for nearly two hours, oblivious to everything and everybody, while Maisie- The feeling of nearly knowing washed over her abruptly, almost sickeningly, and she glanced instinctively at the floor, at the end of the hall, but there was no door there, only a bank of telephones.

And that wasn't it. It was something to do with what she'd just been thinking, about her being oblivious to what was happening, and having her pager off, and- "Are you all right?" Barbara said, looking at her worriedly, and she realized she'd stopped short, her hand to her stomach. "Maisie's okay, really. I didn't mean to scare you like that. I know how attached you are to her. She's fine. She was regaling Paula with stories about Mount Vesuvius when I left. I'll bet you didn't have dinner either. Here." Barbara popped open one of the Pepsis and handed it to her. "Your blood sugar's probably even lower than mine. That cafeteria should be taken out and shot."

It was gone, as suddenly as it had come, and if she went straight up to the lab right now, the traces would surely show up on her RIPT, it had been so strong. But she had already let Maisie down once today. She wasn't about to do it again.

She took a grateful swig of the Pepsi. "You're right," she said. "I haven't had anything since this morning." She immediately felt better. And maybe it was just low blood sugar, she thought as they went down to Peds, combined with worry over Maisie.

And there was certainly reason to worry. "The doctors can't keep her stabilized," Barbara told her in the elevator. "They've put her on stronger and stronger antiarrhythmics, which all have serious liver and kidney side effects, but nothing seems to be working. Except in Mrs. Nellis's mind, where everything's wonderful, Maisie's getting better every day, and her coding is just a little blip. That'swhat she called it," she said disgustedly. "A little blip."

Which on the Yorktown would have meant a j.a.panese Zero, Joanna said silently, thinking of Mr. Wojakowski. Or a torpedo.

She went up to the CICU. Maisie was asleep, an oxygen line under her nose, electrodes hooked to her chest, her IV hooked to almost as many bags as Ms. Grant's had been. Joanna tiptoed a few inches into the partly darkened room and stood there watching her a few minutes. And there was no need to wonder where the sense of dread came from this time. Because it was one thing to simulate dying and another altogether to be staring it in the face.

What did you see, kiddo, when you coded? Joanna asked her silently. A partly opened door, and people in white, saying, "What's happened?" Saying, "It's so cold"? I hope you saw a beautiful place, Joanna thought, all golden and white, with heavenly music playing, like Ms. Grant. No, not like Ms. Grant. Like Mrs. Woollam. A garden, all green and white.

Joanna stood in the dark a long time, and then went back up to her office, telling Barbara, "I'll be around at least till eleven. Page me," and typed in interviews until after midnight, waiting for her pager to go off, for the phone to ring.

But in the morning Maisie was as chirpy as ever. "I get to go back to my regular room tomorrow. I hate these oxygen things," she told Joanna. "They don't stay in your nose at all. Where were you yesterday? I thought you said you were supposed to tell what you saw in your NDE right away so you wouldn't forget or confabulate stuff."

"What did you see?" Joanna asked.

"Nothing," Maisie said disgustedly. "Just fog, like last time. Only it was a little thinner. I still couldn't see anything, though. But I heard something."

"What was it?"

Maisie scrunched her face into an expression of concentration. "I think it was a boom."

"A boom."

"Yeah, like a volcano erupting or a bomb or something. Boom!" she shouted, flinging her hands out.

"Careful," Joanna said, looking at the IV in Maisie's arm.

Maisie glanced casually at it. "It was a big boom."

"You said you think it was a boom," Joanna said. "What do you mean?"

"I couldn't exactly hear it," Maisie said. "There was this noise, and then I was in this foggy place, but when I tried to think about what kind of a sound it was, I couldn't exactly remember. I'm pretty sure it was a boom, though."Like a volcano erupting, Joanna thought, and she just happened to be reading about Mount Vesuvius right before she coded. But Maisie was still a better subject than anyone else she'd interviewed lately. "What happened then?"

"Nothing," Maisie said. "Just fog, and then I was back in my room."

"Can you tell me about coming back? What was it like?"

"Fast," Maisie said. "One second I was looking around trying to see what was in the fog, and the next I was back, just like that, and the crash team guy was rubbing the paddles together and saying, 'Clear.' I'm glad I came back when I did. I hate it when they do the paddles."

"They didn't shock you?" Joanna asked, thinking, I need to ask Barbara.

"No, I know 'cause the guy said, 'Good girl, you came back on your own.' "

"You said you were looking around at the fog," Joanna said. "Can you tell me exactly what you did?"

"I sort of turned in a circle. Do you want me to show you?" she asked and began pus.h.i.+ng the covers back.

"No, you're all hooked up. Here," she said, grabbing a pink teddy bear, "show me with this."

Maisie obligingly turned the bear in a circle on the covers. "I was standing there," she said, holding the bear so it was facing her, "and I looked all around," she turned the bear in a circle till it was facing away from her, "and then I was back."

She was facing back down the tunnel when she returned, Joanna thought. If it was a tunnel. "Did you walk this way before you came back?" she asked, demonstrating with the bear.

"Hunh-unh, 'cause I didn't know what might be in there."

A tiger, Joanna thought. "What did you think might be in there?"

"I don't know," Maisie said, lying tiredly back against the pillows, and that was her cue.

She switched the recorder off and stood up. "Time for you to rest, kiddo."

"Wait, you can't leave yet," Maisie said. "I haven't told you about the fog, what it looked like. Or Mount St. Helens."

"Mount St. Helens?" Joanna said. "I thought you were reading about Mount Vesuvius."

"They're both volcanoes," Maisie said. "Did you know at Mount St. Helens this guy lived right up on the volcano, and they kept telling him he couldn't stay there, it was going to blow up, but he wouldn't listen to them? When it erupted, they couldn't even find his body."

I need to tell Vielle that story, Joanna thought. "Okay, you told me about Mount St. Helens," shesaid. "Now it's time for you to rest. Barbara said I wasn't supposed to tire you out."

"But I haven't told you about Mount Vesuvius. There were all these earthquakes and then they stopped, and then, about one o'clock, there was all this smoke and it got all dark, and the people didn't know what happened, and then all this ash and rocks started falling down, and the people got under these long porch things-"

"Colonnades," Joanna said.

"Colonnades, but it didn't help, and then-"

"You can tell me later," Joanna said.

"-and they all tried to grab their stuff and run out of the city. This one lady had a golden bracelet, and-"

"You can tell me later. After you rest. Put your oxygen cannula on," and Joanna made it to the door.

But not out. "When are you coming?" Maisie demanded.

"This afternoon," she said, "I promise," and went up to her office.

Halfway there she ran into Tish. "I asked Dr. Wright if we could move your session up to one, and he said to ask you," she said. "I've got a dentist appointment."

Or a hot date, Joanna thought. "Sure," she said. "Is he in the lab?"

"No, he was just leaving to go see Dr. Jamison," Tish said, "but he said he'd be back by noon.

Doesn't it drive you crazy that he's so oblivious?"

Oblivious, Joanna thought. Something about being oblivious to something terrible that was happening.

"Of course it doesn't drive you crazy," Tish said disgustedly, "because you're exactly the same.

Did you hear anything I just said?"

"Yes," Joanna said. "One o'clock."

"And he said to ask you if you'd been able to reach Mrs. Haighton yet," Tish said.

Mrs. Haighton. "I'll go try her right now," Joanna said and went on to her office to spend what was left of the morning leaving fruitless messages for Mrs. Haighton and staring at her Swedish ivy, trying to remember where she'd seen the tunnel.

Something about being oblivious, and Richard's lab coat and the way the floor met the bottom of the door. And cohorts gleaming in purple and gold. And high school. It had wooden floors, she thought. She saw in her mind's eye the long second-floor hall, the waxed wooden floor. There was a door at the end of that hall, she thought. The a.s.sistant princ.i.p.al's office, where Ricky Inman spent halfhis time. And was that what she was remembering-a memory from high school? Complete with a nice authority-figure judgment image?

It made sense. Those halls were long and lined with numbered doors. The lab coat could be the one the chemistry teacher-what was his name? Mr. Hobert-wore, the sound could be the pa.s.sing bell, which sounded like both a ringing and a buzzing, and the door to the a.s.sistant princ.i.p.al's office- But it wasn't a door to an office. The door in the tunnel opened onto the outside. I need to open that door and see what's outside it, Joanna thought. When I do, I'll know where it is.

And at one-fifteen, lying sleepily under the headphones and the sleep mask and waiting for the dithetamine to work, she thought, The door, the answer lies through the door- And was in the tunnel. The door was shut. Only a knife-blade-thin line of light showed at the bottom of the door. Joanna had to feel her way along the pitch-black tunnel toward it, her hand on one wall.

The line of light was too narrow for any shadows, and she could not hear even a murmuring of.

voices. The tunnel was utterly silent, like Coma Carl's room after the heater shut off. No, not a heater.

Some other quiet, steady sound you didn't notice till it had stopped.

"-stopped," a voice said softly from beyond the door, and Joanna waited, listening.

Silence. Joanna stood there in the darkness a long minute, and then began feeling her way toward the door again, thinking, What if it's locked? But it wasn't locked. The k.n.o.b turned easily, and she pulled the door open onto a blast of brilliant light. It hit her with an almost physical force, and she reeled back, her hand up to s.h.i.+eld her face.

"What's happened?" a woman's frightened voice said, and Joanna thought for a moment she meant the light and that it had burst on all of them like a bomb when Joanna opened the door.

"I'm sure it's nothing, miss," a man's voice said. As Joanna's eyes adjusted, she could see the man in the white jacket. He was talking to the woman with her hair down her back.

"I heard the oddest noise," she said.

Noise, Joanna thought. Then it was a sound, after all.

The white-jacketed man said something, but Joanna couldn't hear what it was, or what the woman answered. She moved forward, up to the door, and instantly she could see the people more clearly. The young woman had a coat on over her white dress, and the man's white jacket had gold b.u.t.tons down the front. The woman in the white gloves was wearing a short white fur cape.

"Yes, miss," the man said, and Joanna thought, He's a servant. And that white jacket is a uniform.

"It sounded like a cloth being torn," the young woman said and walked over to the man with the white beard. "Did you hear it?""No," he said, and the woman with the piled-up hair inquired, "Do you suppose there's been an accident?" She had her white-gloved hand at her throat, holding her fur cape closed, as if she were cold, and Joanna thought, That's because they're outside, and tried to look around at their surroundings, but the light was behind them, and she couldn't see anything except the white wall against which they stood. She looked down at the floor they were standing on. It was wooden, like the floor in the hallway, but unwaxed. Some sort of porch, Joanna thought, or patio.

"It's so cold," the young woman said, pulling her coat more tightly around her. No wonder she's cold, Joanna thought, looking at her dress under the open coat. It was made of thin muslin, much too thin for this weather, and hung full and straight to her feet like a nightgown.

"I shall see what's happened," the bearded man said. He was in evening clothes, with a stiff-fronted white s.h.i.+rt and a white bow tie. He jerked his chin imperiously at the servant, and he hurried over.

"Yes, sir?" he said.

"What has happened? Why have we stopped?"

"I don't know, sir. It may be some sort of mechanical difficulty. I'm sure there's nothing to be alarmed about."

"Go and find Mr. Briarley," the bearded man said. "He'll be able to tell us."

"Yes, sir," the servant said. He disappeared into the light.

"Mr. Briarley will be able to explain things," the bearded man said to the ladies. "In the meantime, you ladies should go back inside where it's warmer."

Yes, Joanna thought, back inside where it's warmer, and was back in the lab, with Tish working reproachfully over her. "You were under forever," Tish said, taking her blood pressure. She entered Joanna's vitals on the chart, removed her electrodes, took out her IV, looking at her watch every few minutes.

"Okay," she said finally. "You can sit up."

Richard came over. "There definitely was a noise," Joanna told him. "One of the women heard it.

She said it sounded like cloth tearing."

"Can you put the rest of this stuff away?" Tish said, stowing the IV equipment. "I'm already late."

"Yes," Richard said. "What about duration? How long were you there?"

"Ten minutes maybe," Joanna said, "while the people outside the door talked, and it was outside.

The man with the white beard said, 'You ladies need to go back inside.' They talked about the noise and then the bearded man told the servant to go find out what had happened."

"The servant?" Richard asked."I'm off," Tish said. "What time tomorrow?"

"Ten," Richard said, and Tish went out. "One of them was a servant?"

"Yes," Joanna said. "I could see the gold b.u.t.tons on his uniform and the embroidery on the woman's white dress, only it wasn't a dress. It was a nightgown. She had a coat on over it..." She frowned, remembering the woman pulling it tighter around her. "No, not a coat, a blanket, because-"

She stopped suddenly, breathing hard. "Oh, my G.o.d," she said. "I know what it is."