Shadows - Girl In The Shadows Part 17

"My mother's not thinking straight about this at the moment. It'll be all right, once I finish here. which I have to do very soon, actually sooner than I had planned."

"It'll be all right? Is that what you think? I'm happy for you." "I just meant-"

"Look. Tyler, this all sounds stupid to me.

You're not a child. Just stand up to her."

"It's not a matter of that. It's a matter of respect," he said.

"Right." I looked down at the control for Destiny and slipped it into my hand. "What do you think. Destiny?" I asked the doll, and threw my voice to have her speak "We have a mama's boy here," Destiny said.

"Very funny. An obedient son is not a mama's boy. April. My mother comes from a different world and she hasn't lost her tradition and her sense of what she was taught is right and is wrong. It's how I was brought up," he explained. "Our first duty is to our parents. We don't desert them because they're old or sick and we respect their wisdom,"

"You should be telling Echo all this, not me. - Why come to me with these explanations and excuses.

anyway?" I asked.

He looked away and then he sat forward, his head down. "It's not only what happened in the mall.

I'm ashamed about how I behaved here with you. I shouldn't have done what I did."

"I didn't mind it," I confessed with a nonchalance that brought his eves up sharply. "Look. I know exactly what happened here. Tyler. You don't even have to try to explain it or make up something."

"You do?"

"You just looked at me and got disgusted. I told you I didn't want to get into that costume. I knew what I would look like in it."

"Oh no, it wasn't you at all."

"What?"

"I mean, it wasn't solely because of you. It's me," he said. "You were very honest about yourself and told me some intimate things. I appreciate that, but it makes me feel deceitful."

"Deceitful? Why?"

"I haven't told you the truth about myself, April. The truth is not only don't I have a girlfriend here or in Los Angeles. I've never had a girlfriend.

I've never been out on a real date, in fact."

I squinted, skeptical. "You've never been on a date? This is what you want me to believe?"

"I'm not lying. You have your personal and emotional problems and I have mine."

I thought a moment and it was as if a lightbulb went on in my head. You don't mean... are you saying you're gay?"

Was this why he was so interested in why I had left Brenda and run to Uncle Palaver, why he pursued me for details about Celia?

"I guess I'm saving I don't know. I'm not sure if I'm gay or just afraid. insecure. It's how I am. how I've always been. Sometimes, I think I'm as.e.xual, like an amoeba."

"Well, as you asked me, are you attracted to boys or aren't you? Are you more comfortable being with boys?" I repeated like a prosecutor.

"No. but I know I'm not as aggressive or as interested in girls as I should be, as other men my age are, as in fact my friends were when I was in high school and in college. They tried to include me in everything, parties, trips, but eventually they gave up on rile and so did most of the girls,"

I studied him. Who would ever think a man as good-looking as he was would have trouble with women? On the other hand, his look was different and there were probably many girls and women who thought of him as Asiatic and therefore not for them.

Maybe this was why he had a complex, felt insecure.

Suddenly, instead of being angry at him. I was feeling sorry for him and I was thinking he and I were more alike than he might think.

"You were never close with any girl, ever?"

"No, not really. I mean. I studied with them, things like that, but when it came to socializing, going out on dates. I went into retreat. There was a girl once who I knew liked me very much. She tried to develop a romance between us. but I didn't respond the way I should have and she just became angry at me, the way you were. I'm sure, Anyway. I decided I would come here to tell you about it so you wouldn't feel that it was your fault. I came to apologize, I'll fix it with Echo. too. I'll have to prepare her for my ending the tutoring."

"She won't understand. No matter what you tell her, she's going to think it's her fault somehow and she's going to be heartbroken."

"I hope you'll help me with her and prevent that. She thinks of you now as her best friend in the world."

I sighed deeply and shook my head. "I know, and I regret it now."

"Why?"

"I don't know how much longer be here. Tyler.

Rhona is determined to get me out. She's already threatened me."

"What does Mrs. Westingon say about that?"

"She doesn't know how bad things could get and I don't know if I will be able to stay around here any longer anyway. I promised Trevor I would try, but it's really not my business or my right to come between a mother and her daughter. Anyway. I have my own troubles."

"I'm sorry to hear that," he said.

"Is it really important to you that I stay?"

"Yes, important for Echo especially. Will you?"

"We'll see. As I told Trevor. I'll try."

"I'll help you if I can," he promised. "It could be that Rhona will get quickly discouraged once she sees how big a responsibility Echo is and take off again anyway,"

"I don't know as I would count too heavily on that. Tyler. As you have pointed out. Mrs. Westington is not a young woman. I think Rhona came here because she realizes it and wants to be sure she has control of everything, the property, the money. If Mrs.

Westington should leave it all to Echo. Rhona will have a mother's authority. What could I possibly do to help or prevent any of that? What can you do?"

"Well, don't make any quick decisions about it," he said. "I'll return on Monday. Please."

I looked at him. He really did seem to want me to stay. Was it only to make things easier for him or was there some interest in me, enough to keep him thinking about me?

"I tell you what," I said. "I'll promise to stay as long as you do." He thought a moment and then nodded. "Okay."

"Is that a firm promise?"

"Yes."

"Destiny, do you believe him?"

"Give him the test," I made her say.

Tyler laughed, "What test?"

"Test of truth." I said. I stood up and went to the cabinet under the television set to let a deck of cards. Then I handed it to him. "Pick a card and whisper what you've chosen into Destiny's ear."

"What?"

"Just do it."

He started to pluck one out of the deck.

"No, this is the honor system. Don't pull it out.

Just pick it and tell her."

"Tell her?"

"That's right. Whisper it in her ear. Go on."

I took the deck back and went into the kitchen.

He laughed, rose, and whispered into Destiny's ear.

Then I returned and knelt down to put my ear to her lips. Her lips moved and then I turned and plucked a card from the deck. "Was this it?"

He looked from the card to Destiny to me, "How could you do that?"

"A good magician..."

"Never tells, but you've got to tell me or I'll go crazy."

"It's better you believe it was simply magic," I said, and started away, but he grabbed my wrist and pulled me back so roughly I nearly fell over him.

"In a minute I'll give you magic you won't forget, if you don't talk."

"I must warn you. I'm trained to endure all sorts of torture to keep the great secrets." I said.

He stood up. "Is that so?" He smiled and then he started to tickle me and I squirmed to get away. He held on and we both fell back on the sofa. He held me down and started to blow in my ear. I screamed and he stopped. "Are you going to talk?"

I shook my head.

Then he poked the tip of his tongue into my ear and I squealed.

He held himself inches from my face. We were both very silent. I'm not like Brenda. I thought. I'm not. I want him to kiss me. I really do. I raised my lips toward his. He didn't move and then he brought his to mine.

"I'm a stumbling fool when it comes to this." he said.

"So am I." I whispered, and he kissed me again.

I moved more to the left to make room for him on the sofa. It occurred to me as he slid down beside me that we were truly like two young teenagers making an initial foray into the s.e.xual jungle. A man his age really should have more sophistication. I thought. He wasn't lying to me about his inexperience and lack of romantic involvement. Could I be the first girl he's ever gone this far with?

He fingered the b.u.t.tons on my blouse awkwardly. Should I help him? I wondered, Would he be embarra.s.sed, insulted, and once again turn away from me? I waited with my eyes closed until he finally had it all done. Then I let him lift me so he could take off my blouse and begin to fumble now with the fastener of my bra. It was easier and in moments, he had my breast cupped in his hand, his lips to my nipple. I moaned and sank back on the sofa.

He started to undo the b.u.t.ton of my jeans and gently pull them down. I felt his fingers move under the elastic of my panties and then I let him lift my legs to slide my panties lower and lower.

"I do like you. April," he said. 'I do. I do." he chanted. I heard him undoing his pants. I am going to do this. I thought, almost solely to prove to myself I wanted it as much as I was proving it to him and letting him prove himself to me.

And then I turned slightly to my right and looked at Destiny. "Wait," I said. but I said it through her. "Wait."

Tyler stopped, a confused smile on his face.

"What?"

"Are you prepared? Are you ready for this?"

My lips didn't move. He turned and looked at Destiny and then back at me. "What are you doing?"

"She's right," I said. "We have to be careful. I don't want to get pregnant. That would be horrible right now. Are you prepared?"

He thought a moment and shook his head.

"Then let's wait until you are. Tyler. Please," I said.

He nodded and sat back with a dazed look on his face. I saw his eyebrows rise and fall with the ebb and flow of his thoughts as he gazed at Destiny. The foggy look lifted away from his face and left behind his thoughtful, more intelligent expression. He turned to me.

"You're right, of course, but why did you throw your voice through the doll to say it?" He smiled at me, but it was a smile of confusion and even a little annoyance.

"I don't know. I just... it seemed to be what she would say."

"She? She? It's a doll. April."

"I meant, what she would say if she were really sitting there.' "You think we would do this in front of someone?"

"You know what I mean. Tyler."

He thought and then he glanced at Destiny and buckled up his pants. I started to dress as well.

"Tell me this. Did you enjoy being with a male, with me?" he asked.

"Of course I did. I wouldn't have gone this far if I didn't, and you already know I was upset and disappointed the first time because you ran out." I told him.

That seemed to satisfy him. "I'd better get home," he said. rising.