Nightingale (The Sensitives) Part 25

My body feels like lead as Michaela leads me to the vanity and spins the chair around. She gently pushes on my shoulder to get me to sit. "Now, don't you worry Miss Lark. I'll make you glow, and your intended will swear you're the most beautiful thing he's ever seen."

Wonderful.

My eyes focus on a distant spot on the wall. I sit stone-like, unmoving, unwilling to budge even when Michaela tries to guide my head to the left or right. She finally gives up.

"I can't work like this, Annalise. She's not cooperating."

Annalise presses her ruby lips together. "Out, both of you. I'll call you when we're ready to continue."

As soon as the door is shut, she spins on me. "This is unacceptable, Lark. You have a responsibility to your family and the State. I thought you liked Ryker. Isn't that what last night was about?"

"I decline the responsibility," I say ripping at the ribbons James has weaved into my hair. "And I refuse to bind myself to Ryker when I'm already bound to Beck."

My hands quiver and a small smile forms on my lips as I focus on my binding dress across the room.

"Oh no you don't." Annalise's magic hits me square in the chest and knocks me off my feet.

"Is this your only trick?" I scream. The heavy air encasing me makes it difficult for me to move or use my hands.

Annalise stands over me. "Malin has given me permission to use whatever means necessary to get you to the binding ceremony. If that requires me to physically restrain you and tie your tongue, so help me I will."

Fury builds in my chest. It creeps out from the darkness of my heart and along my nerves. Pulsing, growing stronger...

"Leave me alone!"

The air around us turns brittle, like gla.s.s, and shatters. Pieces fly through the air and one slashes through the milky whiteness of Annalise's cheek. She touches it in shock.

I'm running down the long hallway, to the backstairs, past Callum, Oliver and Dawson standing in the foyer. They step before me and block my path. I fling my arm to the side and all three men fly backward, away from me like at the hospital.

The garden door crashes open and frigid wind gusts into the warm house. I don't stop to grab a jacket or shoes. If I do, someone may restrain me.

Rain falls like fat tears from the sky and stings my bare skin. Mud seeps between my toes. And deep in my soul, my heart burns. Currents of energy pulse through my body and I know what's happening: my power is surging. I'm becoming what I've feared.

Don't forget me, how I was before the Darkness took me.

Where are you? Beck says through the noisy clutter in my brain.

When I don't respond, he says, Please tell me where you are. I'll come for you.

My fingers slip as I stick them into the crevices of the stone wall separating Mother's house from the Presidio. I heft myself over the wall and run, barefoot, toward the Bay.

With each step, my mind becomes more focused. The only way to stop this is if I'm dead. Then I can't hurt anyone else. Beck will live. Ryker's life won't be ruined.

I have to die. It's the only way out.

In the distance, waves slam into the rocky sh.o.r.eline. The water where the Bay meets the ocean froths from the violent undercurrents. All I would have to do is throw myself from the cliff and it would all be over. My body would bob in the surf, broken from the impact. Perhaps Mother would send someone to recover me and they could hold a funeral instead of a binding.

I collapse under the giant redwood, my heart too broken to go on, and roll onto my back. There is no sun anymore, only grayness and destruction.

I'm doomed to hurt everyone around me. Lena was only the start.

"Come, Lark. You'll freeze to death." I'm remotely aware of Mother touching my shoulder gently.

I don't move. Layers of ice cover my heart and my limbs savior the numbness.

Time pa.s.ses and rain soaks through my clothes until I'm drenched. I close my eyes and the pain lessens.

I'm here waiting. For someone or something to take me.

A flutter in my heart.

You need to get up and do this. For both of us. Beck's voice is so clear he could be whispering in my ear. I don't want to live in a world without you. No matter what you are.

I wipe the back of my hand across my face. Leave me alone.

Fight, Birdie. If not for you, than for me. I'm begging you.

At Summer Hill, I thought I was strong. I believed I could overcome whatever awaited Beck and me.

But now, I see how foolish I was. Last night should never have happened. I should have forced him away. Because now he'll never leave me. I made him promise and now I need him to undo it.

I don't love you, I lie. I lie and my heart sputters.

He doesn't say anything.

24.

I don't recall coming in from the rain. Or being dressed.

I keep my hands firmly against my lips as I'm marched from my bedroom to the foyer. The harder I press, the deeper I shove the sobs back, locking them inside me.

Why are you doing this? Beck's voice invades my brain. Do you think lying to me will make things easier?

Mother's staff and my guards have gathered in the foyer. When Oliver announces me, all heads turn toward the top of the stairs where I stand in a stiff dress that constricts my breathing.

Why won't you answer me? Beck sounds wild and not at all like his normal collected self. I bite my lip to keep it from trembling. I can't cry in front of the crowd. At least not the type of tears I want to shed.

Callum waits for me at the bottom. Mother will meet us at the Binding Hall.

"Don't forget to smile." Kyra squeezes my hand. "And be graceful. Smile. Wave. "

When I continue to stare blankly, she pushes ups the corners of my mouth. "Try."

I sigh.

Oliver throws the thick gla.s.s doors open. A riot of joyous shouts erupts as my name is chanted with a maddening frenzy.

My eyes roam over the lined walkway, searching for a place to flee even though I know it's of no use. This is happening.

The cheers grow louder and Kyra squeezes my hand again. "They love you, Lark."

I shuffle my limp body forward. One step, then another. Beneath the tight lacing of my dress, my chest heaves and I choke back a sob.

Time doesn't move. It spins and bends and stretches infinitely before me like a bad nightmare.

Nothing can soothe my pain.

But my pain is nothing compared to the despair Beck sends coursing through me. Everything around me blurs and the noise becomes unbearable. I lift my hands to cover my ears, but Callum latches on to me, and crushes my arm to his body.

Panic that is not mine floods through me. I can feel Beck pacing the perimeter of the crowd. I know he's there, torturing himself. For both our sakes, he needs to stop this.

Don't watch. Please, I beg him in my mind.

His misery latches onto me. If I felt more stable, I'd try to overrun his emotions, but I'm barely holding myself together. I have nothing to give him.

I told you I wouldn't leave you. His voice shakes, matching the sputtering of my heart.

Guards surround me, and the extra security Mother's hired for our short walk to the Binding Hall forms a line of protection between the crowd and me. I dig my heels into the ground, forcing Callum to half-drag me down the front steps.

"You're going to have to do better if you want this to look believable," my brother hisses.

The closer we come to the sidewalk, the more I stiffen and pull against him.

"Walk, Lark. Or I'll have Annalise make you."

We turn onto the sidewalk. People pack each side and jostle for position. Newscaster cameras buzz just over our heads, focusing their all-seeing eyes on me.

How I behave, right now, will be on every wallscreen within seconds. The ceremony may only be for show, but to the State and the non-witch population, this binding is for real. Forever. Until either Ryker or I die. And I need to sell it.

Please, Beck, don't hate me.

I lift my heavy arm and wave listlessly to the crowd. I pray they take me for a typical nervous girl and not the reluctant victim I am.

We turn left, away from the Presidio, and the bitter wind flutters my dress around my legs. Kyra had wanted to cast a warming spell on me, to keep me from freezing in my strapless dress and sheer wrap, but I refused. I need to feel something-even if it's just the icy sting of early spring on my skin. I need to know I can still hurt.

That I'm still me and not a cruel, heartless monster.

My arm tingles beneath Callum's constricting grip.

Four more blocks. That's all there is between my future and me.

Three blocks.

Celebratory bells ring out when we reach the top of the final block.

Suddenly, something yanks at my heart and sends it thudding against my ribcage. It whirls like it's trying to escape and blood rushes through my ears, drowning out the sounds of the crowd around me.

I swing my gaze to the left. Beck, disguised as Tom, stands just beyond the wall. His unfamiliar dark eyes are locked on me and his face drained of color.

Don't do this to yourself, I say.

He takes two steps forward, in my direction. His voice fills my mind. I can't let you do this.

I'm drowning in his pain. Air rushes from my lungs and I gasp. The crowd falls silent as my legs shake and collapse beneath me. Callum doesn't try to break my fall.

"Are you okay?" Kyra asks as she frantically lifts me to my feet. "Can you walk? Should I get a healer?"

Annalise pushes herself into my line of vision. Her wristlet chirps and beeps as she scans my data. I close my eyes and rock back and forth while Kyra holds me upright.

"I can't go on." My voices cracks. "I thought I could, but I can't."

My sister-in-law brings her piercing blue eyes within inches of mine. "You can and you will." Her face softens. "Please, Lark. If not for you, for the rest of us. Do this to keep us safe. Do your duty."

My shoulders slump and I dart my eyes back toward Beck. Heartbreak fills the soft lines of the middle-aged face he's a.s.sumed.

We could run. Desperation oozes from his words. Meet me at Kyra's?

I draw a deep breath and shake my head.

His face falls and the air around him s.h.i.+mmers.

Next to me, Annalise inhales sharply and her fingers curl around my wrist, cutting off the flow of blood. "Keep your head up. Smile. And walk."

I lift my chin but don't make any effort to move.

She leans in so that only I can hear her words. "If you don't, I'll tell Malin where Beck is. And that, dear sister, won't be pretty."

The ceremony is a blur of words and blessings. Ryker pushes a silver band over my knuckle and we stare at each other, neither of us willing to do the next step, until the officiate instructs us to kiss.

Ryker leans toward me. I hold my head still and my eyes open. His lips graze mine, and I recoil like his mouth is poison.

If the audience notices, they pretend otherwise. Whistles and stomps surround us.

Ryker slips his warm hand around mine and leads me up the aisle. People reach out to me, begging me to touch them and bestow good luck on them.

How can I tell them I have none to give?

To my surprise, Henry occupies the seat next to Mother and looks almost as pained as me to be here. But I think it has more to do with Eloise's continuing condition, than my new status as a bound States woman.

We step outside, into the foggy afternoon. The crowd cheers and Ryker kisses my cheek. This time, I stand still with a smile plastered on my face.