Fruits of Culture Part 19

Grossman goes about, searches near the First and Second Peasants, then approaches the Third, and stumbles over a bench.

BARONESS. _Mais dites-moi, on le paye?_[6]

ANNA PaVLOVNA. _Je ne saurais vous dire._

[6] BARONESS. But tell me, please, is he paid for this?

ANNA PaVLOVNA. I really do not know.

BARONESS. _Mais c'est un monsieur?_[7]

ANNA PaVLOVNA. _Oh, oui!_

BARONESS. _ca tient du miraculeux. N'est ce pas? Comment est-ce qu'il trouve?_

ANNA PaVLOVNA. _Je ne saurais vous dire. Mon mari vous l'expliquera._ [Noticing Peasants, turns round, and sees the Servants' Cook] _Pardon_ ... what is this?

[7] BARONESS. But he is a gentleman?

ANNA PaVLOVNA. Oh yes!

BARONESS. It is almost miraculous. Isn't it? How does he manage to find things?

ANNA PaVLOVNA. I really can't tell you. My husband will explain it to you.... Excuse me....

Baroness goes up to the group.

ANNA PaVLOVNA [to Servants' Cook] Who let the peasants in?

SERVANTS' COOK. Jacob brought them in.

ANNA PaVLOVNA. Who gave Jacob the order?

SERVANTS' COOK. I can't say. Theodore Ivanitch has seen them.

ANNA PaVLOVNA. Leonid!

Leonid Fyodoritch does not hear, being absorbed in the search, and says, Sh ...

ANNA PaVLOVNA. Theodore Ivanitch! What is the meaning of this? Did you not see me disinfecting the whole hall, and now the whole kitchen is infected, all the rye bread, the milk ...

THEODORE IVaNITCH. I thought there would not be any danger if they came here. The men have come on business. They have far to go, and are from our village.

ANNA PaVLOVNA. That's the worst of it! They are from the Koursk village, where people are dying of diphtheria like flies! But the chief thing is, I ordered them out of the house!... Did I, or did I not? [Approaches the others that have gathered round the Peasants] Be careful! Don't touch them--they are all infected with diphtheria! [No one heeds her, and she steps aside in a dignified manner and stands quietly waiting].

PETRiSTCHEF [sniffs loudly] I don't know if it is diphtheria, but there is some kind of infection in the air. Don't you notice it?

BETSY. Stop your nonsense! Vovo, which bag is it in?

VASiLY LEONiDITCH. That one, that one. He is getting near, very near!

PETRiSTCHEF. Is it spirits divine, or spirits of wine?

BETSY. Now your cigarette comes in handy for once. Smoke closer, closer to me.

Petristchef leans over her and smokes at her.

VASiLY LEONiDITCH. He's getting near, I tell you. Eh, what?

GROSSMAN [searches excitedly round the Third Peasant] It is here; I feel it is!

FAT LADY. Do you feel an effluence? [Grossman stoops and finds the spoon in the bag].

ALL. Bravo! [General enthusiasm].

VASiLY LEONiDITCH. Ah! So that's where our spoon was. [To Peasants] Then that's the sort you are!

THIRD PEASANT. What sort? I didn't take your spoon! What are you making out? I didn't take it, and my soul knows nothing about it. I didn't take it--there! Let him do what he likes. I knew he came here for no good.

"Where's your bag?" says he. I didn't take it, the Lord is my witness!

[Crosses himself] I didn't take it!

The young people group round the Peasant, laughing.

LEONiD FYoDORITCH [angrily to his son] Always playing the fool! [To the Third Peasant] Never mind, friend! We know you did not take it; it was only an experiment.

GROSSMAN [removes bandage from his eyes, and pretends to be coming to]

Can I have a little water? [All fuss round him].

VASiLY LEONiDITCH. Let's go straight from here into the coachman's room. I've got a b.i.t.c.h there--_epatante_![8] Eh, what?

[8] Stunning!

BETSY. What a horrid word. Couldn't you say dog?

VASiLY LEONiDITCH. No. I can't say--Betsy is a man, _epatant_. I should have to say young woman; it's a parallel case. Eh, what? Marya Konstantinovna, isn't it true? Good, eh? [Laughs loudly].

MaRYA KONSTANTiNOVNA. Well, let us go. [Exeunt Marya Konstantinovna, Betsy, Petristchef, and Vasily Leoniditch].

FAT LADY [to Grossman] Well? how are you? Have you rested? [Grossman does not answer. To Sahatof] And you, Mr. Sahatof, did you feel the effluence?

SAHaTOF. I felt nothing. Yes, it was very fine--very fine. Quite a success!

BARONESS. _Admirable! ca ne le fait pas souffrir?_[9]

LEONiD FYoDORITCH. _Pas le moins du monde._

[9] BARONESS. Capital! Does it not cause him any pain?

LEONiD FYoDORITCH. Not the slightest.