Public Secrets Part 233

&'Right."

Brian lay in bed a moment trying to imagine it. He had known Jane

longer than anyone but Johnno. He had loved her once, and he had hated

her. But he couldn't imagine her dead.

Rising, he walked to the window. The sunlight hurt his eyes and churned

the hangover up to blinding. Without thought, he poured out two fingers

of whiskey and downed it. He was almost sorry that he couldn't feel

anything but the pain in his head, dulling now under the coat of

whiskey.

She'd been the first woman he'd lain with.

Turning his head, he looked at the brunette sleeping under the rumpled

satin sheets of his bed. He didn't have any feelings for her, either.

He was always careful to choose women who wouldn't want an attachment,

who would be as satisfied as he by a few nights of s.e.x. The dark,

dangerous, careless s.e.x that had nothing to do with affection.

He'd made the mistake of choosing a woman who wanted more once. Jane

had never let him get on with his life, let him fully enjoy what he had.

Then he'd found Bev. She'd wanted more too, but with her, so had he. My

G.o.d, so had he. She had never let him get on with his life, either. Not

once in seventeen years had a day gone by when he hadn't thought of her.

And wanted her.

Jane had shadowed his life by refusing to get out of it. Bev had ruined

it by refusing to share it.

So he had his music, and more money than he had ever dreamed of And he

had a succession of women who meant absolutely nothing to him.

Now Jane was dead.

He wished that he could stir his heart, feel some regret for the girl he

had known once. The desperate, eager girl who had claimed to love him

above all else. But there was nothing to feel. The girl, and the boy

he had been, had been dead a long time.

So he would call Emma. It was best that she hear it from him, though he

doubted she would feel any true griel When he had called her, and made

certain she didn't need him, he would go to Ireland. To Darren. And

spend some quiet days sitting in the tall green gra.s.s.

ARE YOU SURE you're going to be all right?"

"Yes." Emma gave Marianne's hand a squeeze as they walked toward the

gate at LAX. "I'm going to be fine. I'm just going to take a few more

days to, well, let myself settle."

"You know I'd stay."

"I know." This time the squeeze of a hand wasn't enough. Emma turned

and hugged her. "I wouldn't have been able to go through with this on

my own."

"Yes, you would have. You're stronger than you think. Didn't you

cancel the credit cards, close the bank accounts, and have the

accountant play hide the money?"

"Your ideas."

"That's only because you weren't thinking of practical matters. I

wasn't going to see that b.a.s.t.a.r.d get a penny. I still think you should

talk to the police."

Emma only shook her head. She was just beginning to believe she might