Tomahawk'd Part 9

"Fair enough."

"I was wondering if Erin was here. I didn't see her on the docks this morning."

His face fell. "She must not have told you."

"Told me? Told me what?" Jackson's heart started to pound.

"She and her mother rented a car and drove home today. The boating scare really shook her up. She and her mother left before the birds got up."

"Oh, I see," she barely got out, her stomach in knots. Not knowing what else to say, she started to leave. "Okay, um, I'll see you around then."

"Hey, Jack?" he said, making her turn around. "I almost forgot to tell you, Erin said she left you something in the boathouse."

Her eyes lit up instantly. "She did?"

"I have no idea what it is, but she said it was up there for you."

Smiling a little wider, Jackson replied, "Thanks, Joe. See ya 'round."

"'Bye."

Jackson ran to the boathouse. She could smell the stale beer from the ground floor and it made her stomach churn. She quickly climbed the stairs and jumped into the loft. Looking past the scattered beer bottles, she spotted a rolled up sketchbook page resting on the blanket.

She reached down and picked it up with shaky fingers, slowly rolling down the rubber band. When she unrolled the page, her heart sank. It was a vivid picture of Jackson holding Molly's face in a pa.s.sionate kiss. There was no mistaking who these two people were. Tears welling in her eyes, she scanned down to the bottom of the drawing to the single word in bold.

WHY?.

That one word asked a million questions Jackson was nowhere near ready to answer. Her heart was pounding so fast she thought she was going to have a heart attack. She had tried to keep this a secret, only to have her best friend catch her in the act. Anger at herself for not simply telling Erin about her newfound s.e.xuality, bubbled to the surface. Anger at Molly's games when Erin was around flamed through her.

Jackson was filled with so much anger she opened her mouth and screamed hoa.r.s.ely, "f.u.c.k!" The birds in the surrounding trees scattered at the sound. With wracking sobs, Jackson crumpled onto the blanket and cried until exhaustion took her to sleep.

When Jackson woke, it was mid-afternoon. Her eyes were swollen from crying and her head felt heavy. The emotional turmoil around her was deafening. She wanted to run away from it all, find a place where it didn't hurt so much. G.o.d, I'm so sorry, Hawk. So, so sorry.

Completely on autopilot, she climbed down from the loft and into the boathouse. Jackson's brain was so muddled she had no idea what she was doing. She aimlessly found her house and entered.

Seeing the lost and damaged look in her niece's eyes, Jackie immediately went to her. "Honey, what is it? You look like... I don't know what you look like, but it's not good. What happened?"

Jackson met the blue eyes of her aunt and instantly fell into her arms. "She's gone...it's my fault...now she's gone..." Her weeping came in huge wracking sobs.

Not understanding, Jackie held her niece tightly until she could figure out what she was talking about. Jackie moved them over to the couch so Jackson could lay her head in her lap. Sandra poked her head in from the kitchen to find out what was going on. Jackie shook her head and with her eyes said, I don't know yet. Ask me later.

Jackie continued to rock Jackson on the couch as she cried out her heart's pain. Jackie repeatedly thanked everything holy that she didn't have to be a teenager again. There was just way too much that went on for them to handle things gracefully-new responsibility, major peer pressure, hormones raging... Throw in discovering one was a lesbian and it was a nice breakdown sandwich.

The sobs finally began to slow into whimpers, which eventually stopped altogether. Jackson's breathing slowed and her heart returned to a normal cadence. She wasn't sure how much she wanted to tell Jackie. Though, she figured wryly, collapsing on her aunt's lap might warrant a brief explanation. She held Jackie's knee as her head rested on her thigh.

Jackie let her stay on her lap, knowing whatever happened must have been bad to stir this kind of emotion in Jackson.

"Is being gay always this hard, Jackie?" she whispered.

"What do you mean, honey?" Jackie asked gently.

"When people find out, do they always leave you?" Her body began to shake and the whimpering cries began again.

"Oh, Jack, no, not always. Sometimes, but not always." She ran her fingers through Jackson's sweat-dampened hair, trying to soothe her niece's distress. "Is that what happened? Does Erin know you're gay?" A small nod of her head answered the question. She tilted her head back and leaned it against the couch cus.h.i.+on, breathing out a slow breath. d.a.m.n.

"She left today, went home."

Head moving upright, Jackie was confused. "What do you mean she left? I saw Joe down on the docks today."

Jackson shrugged. "Joe stayed here, but Hawk left with her mom and they went home." She sighed and slowly sat up with her aunt's a.s.sistance. She hung her head and put her face in her hands. Scrubbing her face, Jackson took a deep breath while her aunt rubbed her back. "I really gotta figure some stuff out." She leaned back and gave her aunt a kiss on her cheek. "Thanks for listening."

Jackson got up and walked slowly to her room, closing the door behind her. Sandra heard her leave and entered the living room. "What's going on?" she whispered.

"Erin found out about Jack. Evidently something happened, I have no idea what, but Erin left with her mother today."

Sandra's eyes went wide with surprise. "Really?" She shook her head. "I thought she'd be okay with Jack being gay, I really did. She seemed the type of friend to stay with Jack no matter what."

"I agree. I think there's more to it than that. I'm sure little Miss Molly had something to do with it."

"b.i.t.c.h," Sandra whispered. "What does Jack see in her?"

Shrugging her shoulders, Jackie said, "You know how it is when you're that age. You find that one other person who's just like you and somehow you connect. I don't see them lasting long." She winked at Sandra. "At least I hope not."

"Amen, sister." She kissed her temple. "You're such a good mom to her, you know that?"

Jackie smiled warmly. "Thank you, that's probably the nicest thing you've ever said to me. I know my sister would've loved to seen her little girl grow up. I don't know how she would've dealt with the gay thing, but who knows. I'm just glad I'm here for Jack. I love her like she was my own."

"And it shows." The two women shared another small kiss. "It really does."

Jackson went to her bed and laid down, hands behind her head in deep thought. Okay, I have to figure out a way to make this right. I owe Hawk an explanation. She wouldn't even stay long enough to say goodbye. I can't really blame her, though.

"I know!" she sat up. "I'll call her and tell her..." She blew out an exasperated breath. "What could I possibly say to her to make this all better?" She lay back down with a thud. Oh, I know. 'Hi, Hawk, it's your lesbo friend, Jack. I'm sorry I didn't tell you I like chicks but I do, and you're at the top of my list...' Yeah, that'll work. Not! Rolling her eyes at her own idiocy, Jackson cleared her mind to concentrate.

When nothing came to her, she got up, grabbed her oboe case, and went to the boathouse. Maybe playing some music will help. Climbing up the ladder, she stopped in the loft and looked around at the mess. Shaking her head, she went up the second ladder only to find more bottles up there. "Jesus!"

She picked up all the garbage and put it in what was left of the cardboard box the beer came in. Taking it down the stairs, she walked to the big dumpster and trashed the beer carton. She climbed back to the loft and reached for her oboe, but stopped, trying hard not to look at Erin's drawing of Molly and herself. Feeling anger swell in her belly, she picked up the drawing and ripped it into shreds. Taking the torn paper and stuffing it in her shorts pocket, she grabbed her oboe and went to the roof.

She a.s.sembled her instrument, hung her legs over the side, and began to play. The tune started out slow and sad, like her mood. She began to think about Erin and all they'd shared since they'd become friends. Before she knew it, she was playing the song she'd written for her, 'Hawks in Flight.' Eyes closed, the melody washed over her like a warm blanket. Serenity almost followed. Almost.

Her thoughts began to swirl in earnest and built in intensity. She was imagining her life without Erin in it and she couldn't do it. Erin was such a large part of her life she knew she had to figure out a way to apologize and hopefully get Erin to trust her again. That would be the hardest part. Once trust was lost, it was nearly impossible to gain it back. She would just have to show Erin how far she was willing to go to get her back in her life.

"That's it." She stopped playing. "I'll show her how much she means to me. I don't care what her mother thinks. She's my best friend and I'm going to get her back."

Jackson's mind was plotting her next move. She knew her plan was extreme, but she was desperate. Jackie was going to be less than pleased with her once she realized what she was doing, but Jackson knew she had to do something drastic. She grabbed her wallet and shoved it into her pants pocket. She finished her note to Jackie and quietly walked to the kitchen table, then left it for her to read in the morning. Taking the keys off the coffee table, Jackson tucked her directions from the motor club into her pocket and left the house as quiet as a mouse.

Walking to her car, she realized Jackie was going to have a fit and would probably take her car away. At this point, she didn't care. She would find Erin, tell her everything, and hope she would understand. Inside the small gray Honda, Jackson closed her door and put on her seatbelt. Looking at her gas gauge, she knew she'd have to stop to fuel up before making serious mileage into Illinois. She turned over the engine, put the car into reverse, backed up slowly, turned the wheel toward the exit, found first gear, and left the resort.

Once she reached the small two-lane highway, she put in an Indigo Girls CD and sped down to the local Amoco. She filled up the tank, grabbed a couple of sodas for the road, and she was off. She drove down Highway 51 at eighty-seven miles an hour, hoping to G.o.d she wouldn't get a speeding ticket. Changing the CD to Melissa Etheridge, she laughed at the absurdity of music listened to by a newly identified lesbian. Could I get any more stereotypical? Laughing to herself, she belted out the songs as they played through her speakers.

She'd downed her first soda shortly into her third hour on the road and knew she'd have to stop to relieve herself before too long. Knowing she should be dead on her feet at four in the morning, she was strangely wide-awake. She let the music keep her going as she changed lanes on the highway. She'd been on I-90 for over a hundred miles and knew she'd be at Erin's within the hour.

As she got closer to Erin's house, she accepted the realization that she hadn't thought about how to get past Katie Hawkins to talk to Erin once she arrived. I'll just have to get creative. I'm not turning back now. G.o.d, I hope this wasn't a mistake.

Paldeer, Illinois 5:02 a.m.

"One ninety-eight...two hundred...two twelve...two thirty-six...two fifty-two! There you are," Jackson spoke to herself, finding Erin's pale yellow ranch house. Pulling the car up to the curb of the house beside Erin's, she released her brake, put the car in gear, and turned off the engine. She looked slowly around the nice neighborhood. It was extremely quiet and the sun had yet to make an entrance into the day. She grabbed her keys and quietly opened and closed the car door. Walking around to the side of Erin's house, she was grateful for the bright moon. Full last night, but its rays continued to light her way.

Jackson walked around the house, looking in every window to find Erin's bedroom. A sharp noise to her right made her flip around to face a man hauling his garbage to the curb.

He noticed her walking around the Hawkins' home and, deciding she wasn't going to be much of a threat, approached. "Hey! What are you doing out here?" he asked loudly.

Heart racing, Jackson was trying to think of a reason she'd be snooping outside Erin's house at five in the morning.

"Hi, I'm sorry to scare you," she whispered. "I'm a good friend of Erin's, you know, next door?"

"Okay," he said, still wary.

"I live in Wisconsin and I don't get to see her much, but, um... her birthday is today and I wanted to surprise her by taking her out to breakfast." Way to go, Jack!

"Oh!" The man smiled. "That's very kind of you. You wouldn't be Jack, would you?"

Her eyes widened with fear. Perhaps Katie Hawkins had put out a neighborhood watch on her. Cautious, she replied, "Yes, I am."

"Oh, little Erin talks about you all the time! All we ever hear about is her friend Jack who lives in an island city or something."

Jackson smiled with relief. "The IslandCity is our resort. My aunt and I live there."

"Well, I think it's great you've come to surprise her." He pointed to the house. "But you're looking at the wrong end for her room. That's her mother's room on this side. Erin's room faces the rear of the house in the bas.e.m.e.nt. Here, I'll show you." He started to usher Jackson to his backyard.

Could this be so easy? Unless this joker is going to kill me with no witnesses around. She tightened the grip on her keys, just in case the latter was true.

"Just be quiet. G.o.d knows you don't want to wake Katie up."

Well, well, well, Katie has quite a reputation, doesn't she? Smiling to herself, she followed the neighbor to his yard. Directing her through the shrubs, he pointed to a large double window in the bas.e.m.e.nt. A small light was s.h.i.+ning through the gla.s.s.

"I see it. Thank you...?"

"Richard. Richard Henderson. My boy Ricky is friends with Erin." A lightbulb went off in her head and a memory flashed before her eyes.

I told my neighbor Ricky that I was going there for vacation again and he called you a cheesehead.

"Ricky?"

"Yep. Has Erin mentioned him to you?" He had hopes that one day Erin would date his son.

"Once in a letter. Apparently he called me a cheesehead." She smiled. "Tell him that the cheesehead said h.e.l.lo."

He shook his head and chuckled with Jackson. "I will. Have fun, and wish Erin a happy birthday for us."

"Will do." When it's her birthday, I'll mention I saw you.

Jackson walked stealthily toward Erin's window. Crouching down, she looked inside and on her bedside table, saw a small reading lamp on. Erin's full-sized bed was in the center of the back wall and she was sleeping in the middle of it, a book lying next to her. Taking a deep breath, she raised her hand to knock. "Here goes..." With a light tap on the gla.s.s, she saw Erin stir but not wake. Tapping a little louder, she roused Erin from sleep.

A sleepy head rose off the pillow and slowly looked around. Looking at the window, she had to stop herself from screaming at the silhouette she saw there.

When Jackson saw Erin look her way, she immediately began to wave to try and dispel her fear.

As Erin's vision cleared, she wondered if she was dreaming or if Jackson was really outside her window. Getting up out of bed, she walked slowly toward the apparition. Turning on a light, her suspicions were confirmed; it was her friend on the other side of the gla.s.s.

Sliding open the window, she breathed in the fresh air coming through the screen. "Jack, what are you doing here?" she whispered, not sure which emotion she was feeling. Confusion, joy, anger, surprise, she just wasn't sure.

"I had to see you," Jackson whispered. "I couldn't leave things like that between us without talking to you."

"You can't come in here! My mother will kill you! I'm not kidding, Jack, I don't know what her deal is with you, but it won't be a good thing if she finds you here." Erin desperately tried to explain the severity of her mother's ire.

"Then don't let her find me. Come on, Hawk, I need to try to explain. I know you're hurt and angry, but I have to try." She stared into blue eyes and hoped she was right about her trip. "Please?"

Erin looked into the pleading eyes that made her heart hammer and knew she was lost. She pressed the latch on her screen and slid it open. She helped Jackson through the small opening and guided her feet to the floor. Closing the window, Erin turned to find a nervous, fidgety Jackson. Unbelievable.

"Can I um...use your bathroom first? I've had to pee for over two hours. I just didn't want to stop."

Still in shock, Erin nodded dumbly and pointed to the door connecting her room to the bath.

Erin sat on her bed as Jackson went to relieve herself. She unconsciously started to smooth down her sleep-tousled hair, and to her horror, knew she must have awful morning mouth. Quickly reaching into the drawer of her bedside table, she grabbed a container of breath mints and threw a couple in her mouth for good measure. Hearing the toilet flush, she knew Jackson would be emerging soon. Oh, G.o.d...

Oh, G.o.d... Jackson looked at her disheveled appearance in the mirror. Taking a deep breath, she realized her breath was less than stellar. Seeing the toothpaste on the vanity counter, she dabbed a small amount on her finger and lightly rubbed it on her teeth and tongue. She rinsed her mouth and spat the paste down the drain. Taking a few swallows of water, she knew this was going to be a very scary conversation and one she hoped would go her way. Grabbing the doork.n.o.b with more confidence than she felt, she pulled it open to face Erin.

Sharing a nervous smile between them, Erin motioned for Jackson to sit next to her on the bed. Jackson automatically went to that spot and sat down. Her hands were folded tightly together. She looked over to Erin, who hadn't looked over at her. She noted her jaw muscles working.

"Before I say anything else, Hawk, I want to apologize for the way you found out about me. It was wrong and I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

Erin turned. "Why didn't you?" she asked softly.

"I was terrified. I've known for so long that I was different from other girls, but only this year did I actually understand what that difference was. G.o.d, the girls in my school are so awful. If you don't have the right shoes with the right skirt with the right s.h.i.+rt and hang with the right people, you are just sc.u.m to them. I refuse to be sc.u.m for anyone.

"High school is a lot different than grade school. You're gonna find that out this year. It's bigger, there's more kids, and the decisions you make could change your whole life." She paused to see that Erin was paying rapt attention. "I don't know about you, but I wasn't ready to make decisions about my life this young. It's really kind of thrown me. My counselors at school all wanted to know where I wanted to go to college, and what I wanted to be when I grew up. You know what I wanted to know?"

"What?" Erin asked.

"I wanted to understand why I didn't like boys the way I should and why my heart raced when I saw certain girls. They don't really have that sort of answer in our curriculum or the advisor's office. So it was a really hard thing to deal with."

"But why didn't you tell me? I thought we were supposed to be best friends. That means we tell each other everything. I've told you every stupid thing I've ever done since we met, and I don't feel like you've done the same."

Nodding her head, Jackson agreed. "No, I haven't. I wish I could tell you something other than I wasn't ready, but that's the truth of it. I knew, for whatever reason, you and Molly wouldn't get along. And yeah, Molly probably wasn't the best person to be with, but she was like me and she liked me, so we just clicked, you know? I had a feeling that if you knew about us, it would be harder to deal with than just knowing about me." She paused. "Does that make any sense?"

"It does and I guess I understand, but Jack, you really hurt my feelings. I had so many thoughts going through my head-that you didn't really think of me as your friend, but as a guest you felt obligated to play with when I came up there with my parents. You made me feel insecure about our friends.h.i.+p."

Shaking her head rapidly, Jackson said, "No, Hawk. I never felt like I was obligated to hang with you." She put her hand on Erin's back, happy when Erin allowed the contact. "I chose to be with you because you are my best friend. I just haven't acted like it lately and for that I am so d.a.m.n sorry. You have no reason to doubt what we've shared, I promise."