Crazy Love Part 7

He remembered his response: make me. Kaz had made a deal. The two of them in the backyard. Mano a mano. If Tynan won, he could carry on with his new hermit lifestyle. If Kaz won, Tynan had to make a real effort to join the living again. A two-day bender and a two-day hangover didn't lend themselves well to a receptive att.i.tude. Or a crystal-clear memory-or he would have thought twice about making that deal. Because he forgot that while Kaz might be a bottomless well of inner peace, he also possessed a fourth-degree black belt.

Kaz beat his a.s.s that day. That had been the day he pulled out of the flat spin his life had been in. No one in the family asked about his black eye or bruised cheek. They just looked darn happy and relieved he was back.

After that Tynan finally made some changes. He removed all alcohol from his house and only drank around other people now. It wasn't that he had a drinking problem. The problem was he'd been using alcohol to isolate himself.

He began by surrounding himself with family. He and his brothers had always been close, but in order to fight the need to isolate himself, he found hanging out with his brothers the best medicine. He'd started his own construction business; home renovations mostly, and he made handcrafted furniture in between jobs.

The second key for him was to keep his once wildly crazy life under tight control. Schedules were good. Schedules helped avoid surprises and helped him maintain control. He woke up at five every day. Worked out. Showered. Put in an eight-to-ten-hour day, then grabbed a meal with family or friends.

There was definitely a dividing line between his life before the war and after. The war had changed him. But that didn't mean he was damaged, just different. War had tamed his wild soul. He didn't like surprises anymore. He liked order. Now he kept tight control of both his life and his emotions. It was what worked.

Eventually, his life began to smooth out. Just a normal guy living a normal life. The nightly poker games in his dreams disappeared as he started sleeping at night again. He'd been back in his hometown of Climax, NC, for two years, one month, and seven days, and he had almost got to the place where he could say life was back to normal. Almost. Until six months ago, when he'd gone to the wedding of one of his men.

Tynan's chest constricted with the memory. The conversation from that day careened through his dreams like a high-speed express train, keeping him awake and rattling his world again.

"Happiest day of my life, Sarge. But there's a pain"-Dietz had tapped his chest-"right here, that Joey isn't here."

A big, gaping silence fell around the group as thoughts turned to Joey. Joey had been like everyone's kid brother. He was funny, happy, and easy to get along with. A free spirit, like he'd found out the secret of life.

"You know he had his whole life planned out? He was going to marry his high school sweetheart and then get busy having kids. He'd even picked out names. Joe Jr for a boy and Ashley for a girl."

More silence.

Dietz shook his head. "Why do I get this and he doesn't?"

It was like getting sliced by burning hot shrapnel all over again. h.e.l.l if he knew. Tynan raised his beer bottle up in the air. "You know what Joey would say to that?"

The men laughed and snorted. They all raised their drink of choice in the air and together said, "It's all good."

It's all good. Joey's tagline. His response when things were about to hit the fan and everyone else was losing it. It's all good, Sergeant.

Only it wasn't, because he hadn't been able to get that conversation out of his head since. Why was he alive and not Joey? What the h.e.l.l was he doing with his life to deserve being one of the lucky ones?

He would never forget the look of fear on Joey's face that night. h.e.l.l, they were all scared, but that night Joey's fear was deeper-bleak, bordering on all-out terror. Tynan had almost ordered Joey to take a guard rotation on base, but he hadn't wanted to play favorites. No one's life was more important than another's. That didn't stop the second-guessing.

What if he'd been five feet closer? What if he'd heard the incoming a second sooner? He used to remind his men before every mission to be careful, keep their eyes moving, but he couldn't remember if he'd said it that night. Had he droned his mantra before that mission? He couldn't remember now.

He'd shouted at Joey to run, but to this day he still remembered the look of fear that had cemented Joey's feet in place. And then everything had exploded. It had felt like forever by the time Tynan's ears stopped ringing and he could reorient himself. He was the first one to reach Joey and he'd been quick to apply pressure where blood was pulsing out of his thigh.

"Sorry, Sarg . . . eant Cates. I f.u.c.ked . . . up." Joey had looked right up at him with his little brother grin. "Letter in pocket . . . for Stanley. Tell Stanley to find another fis.h.i.+ng partner.... Promise."

Other squad members arrived to help. Someone had called in for a chopper. Joey's hand clawed at Tynan's wrist. "Promise."

"I promise, but you'll be fis.h.i.+ng with Stanley before you know it."

"Sure." Joey's hand fell away. "Sure. It's all . . . good."

The whole mission had been a cl.u.s.terf.u.c.k. They'd lost three other men that night. Tynan had clung to the fact that at least Joey hadn't died, that they'd gotten him safely on the chopper. It was two days later when they found out Joey hadn't made it through surgery.

And Tynan thought he'd dealt with it. Worked through it. But it turned out he'd just taken that guilt and buried it deep because guess who was showing up to play poker in his dreams again? Only now Joey had come out of the shadows in the corner and it was just the two of them going card for card at the table. They sat at the table and talked about sports, fis.h.i.+ng, Joey's girl, and life.

Every dream ended the same way. Tynan would look at Joey and say how sorry he was. How he would have traded places with him if he could. Joey would just slide on his lopsided grin and say, "It's all good, Sergeant, but don't forget to tell Stanley to get a new fis.h.i.+ng partner."

He hadn't forgotten. When he'd finally come back stateside, he'd gone to see Joey's family and had asked his parents and brother where he could find Stanley. They'd said Joey didn't know anyone by that name. Not a first name or a last. Joey had been in shock and losing blood pretty fast. It was entirely possible he had been delirious. So he'd let it go.

Yet here was Joey, haunting his dreams again. d.a.m.n if Tynan wasn't right back where he had started two years ago. Feeling a desperate, burning need to earn the life he'd flown out of Afghanistan with and wondering who the h.e.l.l was Stanley?

"Hey, Ty. I thought you'd be long gone by now." Kaz stood silhouetted in the wide-open front entranceway in a soft orange glow of the setting sun. "It's six o'clock. Don't you usually knock off by now?"

"We've been working longer days because of the pixie, but I think everybody cleared out about twenty minutes ago." He chugged the rest of his water back before tossing the bottle into the large tin trash barrel.

Kaz stepped in and let his gaze move from left to right around the library. "Looks like demo's almost done, but maybe you need a day off. You look beat up."

Tynan ran a hand down his face, scrubbing it over his gritty eyes. "What I need is a full night's sleep."

"Oh?" Eyebrows raised, Kaz walked in farther and sat on the other end of the drywall stack, settling in for a talk. "What's keeping you awake? Is your business okay? I can float you a loan if you need it, Ty."

"My business is fine."

"Then what gives?"

"Can't a guy just have trouble sleeping?"

"Look, Quinn and Sijan are busy with their women. So unless you want to get lawyered by Paxton-I'm it." Kaz crossed his arms, looking like he wasn't going anywhere soon.

"Is this about my s.e.x life?"

"You tell me. But that reminds me"-Kaz tossed the white bag in his hands at Tynan-"I stopped by the bakery at lunch and Georgie gave me these magic-s.e.x m.u.f.fins for you. She said they're packed with ginseng and will have you b.u.t.tering biscuits in no time."

"Dude, a guy has one off night-" Tynan tossed the bag to the side. With the way his body reacted around Lu, magic-s.e.x m.u.f.fins with ginseng were the last things he needed.

Kaz shook his head. "I'm not falling for that. You've been acting more and more like when you first got back. Spill it."

"It's nothing really. I went to that wedding back in May. h.e.l.l, was it really six months ago?"

"Sure. I remember you going." Kaz nodded. "Who got married?"

"Lance Peter Dietz, one of the craziest SOBs around." No one knew how he'd convinced a very sweet lady to marry him, but he had.

"Why does his name sound familiar? Was he the one who went streaking down the runway?"

"Ha! Yep, that was Dietz." Tynan grinned. "It was nice to see all the guys again and hear what everyone was up to."

Who was still in? Who was deployed? Who was doing what after getting out? Axel was teaching high school now. No surprise to anyone, Wolcott, who never shut up, had started law school. Catching up was always good.

He could relax among these brothers because they knew. They'd seen what he'd seen, faced the same fears and terrifying realities of war. Faced the death of comrades and looked death in the face themselves more times than they wanted to remember.

"Sounds like a good time. So why are you losing sleep?"

"You know how it is at reunions. Old stories, good memories, funny stories." Tynan ran a hand over his head and then along the back of his neck. "All the c.r.a.p and the f.u.c.ked-up missions. It all gets dredged up."

"Is this about that kid again? I thought you'd dealt with that."

"Me too. I guess when you're responsible for someone's death, you can't bury that forever. It bubbles back up like acid. It's hard to live knowing Joey's dead because of me."

A loud crash from behind them had both men standing up and spinning around. Lu stood frozen in place, looking like a pixie statue at Disneyland. Her face was as pale as marble and rolls of drywall tape lay scattered at her feet.

"You okay, Lu? I thought you'd left with everyone else."

She stared at him unblinking.

Tynan took a step toward her when she didn't move. "Lu?"

"I . . . I'm fine. I, uh, just forgot my . . . um . . . hammer." She blinked and turned her gaze on his brother. "Paxton."

"Kaz." He grinned, taking no offense. Even people who had known Kaz and Paxton their whole lives had trouble telling them apart.

She nodded and sidestepped around them toward the front door. "See you tomorrow."

The brothers watched Lu rush out the front door and down to her baby-blue-and-rust-colored vehicle. The engine sputtered and backfired before she chugged away from the curb.

Kaz cleared his throat, bringing him back to the conversation. "The kid's death wasn't your fault, Ty. You get that, right?"

"Absolutely." Tynan nodded, rea.s.suring his brother. Just because he was being dragged back down didn't mean he had to drag his family with him. They'd worried about his a.s.s long enough. "Seriously, Kaz, I'm fine."

"Tynan!"

Tynan and Kaz both turned toward the library entrance. His brother Quinn stood in the doorway dressed in his khaki-colored police uniform.

"Why aren't you answering your phone?"

He stood up and checked his back pockets. "I must have left it in my truck. What's up?"

"Rojas just picked up a stray dog headed into town. When he dropped it off at the pound, they said it was your dog and they'd hold it there until you came for him."

"I left him in my house. Are they sure it's mine?"

"Not many other three-legged dogs around town. Only they also said there was a cat with it and the two refused to be separated."

"You adopted a cat, too?" Kaz asked.

"No." Tynan shook his head. "The dog adopted the cat. I let Houdini out to do his business and twenty minutes later he came back in wearing a cat on his head."

Quinn looked at him with his don't-bulls.h.i.+t-me serious cop face.

"I didn't even ask questions. So, yes, I have a dog and my dog has a cat. I'd better go get them." Tynan grabbed his small cooler and headed toward the door. "Houdini doesn't like being locked up."

"No kidding. I thought you were going to change the locks on your door."

"I did."

Chapter Nine.

What the h.e.l.l had Lu just heard? It's hard to live knowing Joey's dead because of me. That wasn't the story she'd been told, that's for sure. She threw herself behind the wheel of her car and slammed the door. Her hands were shaking so badly that she dropped the keys to the floorboard. Bending down to fish around for them, she hit her head on the steering wheel. Dammit.

Keys finally in hand, she took a deep breath to calm herself down before starting the car. Inhale. Exhale. She forced herself to loosen the tight grip she had on the wheel before heading toward the hotel.

Pulling into the parking lot of the Honeybee Hotel, Lu shut off her engine and sat in shock. No. She could not have heard what she thought she had. But when she replayed it in her mind, the guilt was still there in Tynan's voice. Dead because of him. What did that mean? It couldn't have been friendly fire or there would have been a long, drawn-out investigation. Or at the very least rumors floating around the unit. You couldn't keep something like that a secret.

Although, after Joe's death, she'd been so lost and completely out of the loop of the news from the unit. She still hadn't talked to any other wives or girlfriends since Joe's death. But Cam would have mentioned something to her, right?

No. On second thought, he probably wouldn't have. He had gone into protective mode with both her and Joe's mom, treating them both like fragile flowers. He probably would have tried to s.h.i.+eld her from news like that.

All she had wanted was help moving forward. A bridge to help her get over the huge, gaping hole in her life since Joe's death. She'd wanted to s.h.i.+ne a light to give her a path out of the dark place where she'd been stuck for the last three years. She'd come here looking for answers, but not this. Well, for the first time in three years, she didn't feel numb inside. She felt very alive and very, very angry.

It's all good, Stanley. No, Joe, it wasn't. Although she'd admit she could use a bit of Joe's Zen right now. He had always been the calm eye in the center of every storm, while she had been the emotional one. Joe had said she was pa.s.sionate. Pa.s.sionate about life. She'd thrown herself, fully committed, into her friends.h.i.+ps, her hobbies, and her job. Quick to laugh and cry. Short fused like a firecracker, but fast to forgive too. She'd sworn Joe used to get her riled up sometimes because he had loved the forgiveness part. It usually involved kissing. Lots of kissing.

She rested her cheek on the steering wheel and closed her eyes. It clogged her breath knowing she was having a harder and harder time pulling up the memory of Joe's lips on hers. The secure feeling of his arms around her. They'd been a couple since . . . forever. Best friends since elementary school, and that had blossomed into romance during high school. Always together.

A tap on her side window sat her up straight. Her eyes popped open to find the Simon sisters peering into her car window, their faces creased with concern. She pasted on a smile and rolled her window down.

"Are you all right, Lu?"

"Yes, I'm fine. Just fine. Thank you."

Agatha leaned down. "You aren't in diabetic shock, are you? That happens to my sister Beatrice here, and I know just how to handle it."

Lu shook her head. "No. I'm-"

"Maybe she's hypoglycemic." Beatrice peered in around her statuesque sister. "Are you, dear? Do you feel shaky? You look a bit pale."

She smiled a polite smile at the women. "Thank you, I'm really fine. It's been a long week and I'm just tired."

"You poor thing. Tynan's been working you too hard. I've got a right mind to have a talking to with Tynan Cates. That man thinks everyone runs on his speed-hyperdrive."

"I'm fine, really." Gritting her back teeth, she shook her head and smiled. Just hearing Tynan's name made her vibrate with tension. She was too angry to think rationally right now. To think at all. She needed to calm down and get her emotions under control before running everything through her mind again.

She shoved Tynan Cates and his confession into a metal box, slammed the lid, and locked it up tight. In her mind she brought out a blow torch and sealed the box with melted steel. Next she dragged and kicked the box into the dark back recesses of her mind on the shelf labeled "c.r.a.p to deal with later." She'd have a gla.s.s of wine and a good night's sleep and wake up calm and coolheaded. That was her plan.

Stupid plan. She tossed and turned all night and woke up angry. Very, very angry. Angry to the tenth power. She wanted to scream. Throw things around. Slam a hammer through a wall. Strangle a certain someone.