Kiss Heaven Goodbye Part 47

After the huge publicity from shooting two of Alex Doyle's platinum-selling alb.u.m sleeves, Grace's photographic career took off like a rocket. She was constantly in demand to shoot magazine covers and for editorial spreads and private commissions. Above all, she loved doing portraiture, not the volumes of celebrity stuff that was regularly sent her way, but what she called 'real-life people': farmers in the fields, single mothers on sink estates, scientists at work in their laboratories. She loved capturing the lines on their faces, the expressions in their eyes, hoping her camera could reveal their inner secrets.

Today she was doing a portfolio for Rive Rive magazine called 'Bright Young Things', subt.i.tled 'A snapshot of the new millennium's gilded youth'. She was about to turn the job down the Toddington Hall renovations desperately needed her full attention when she got a call from Olivia saying that she had been chosen to appear in the very same photo story. Although she wasn't too pleased with her daughter being described as 'gilded youth', Grace had thought it wise to oversee her modelling debut, so had agreed to the commission. magazine called 'Bright Young Things', subt.i.tled 'A snapshot of the new millennium's gilded youth'. She was about to turn the job down the Toddington Hall renovations desperately needed her full attention when she got a call from Olivia saying that she had been chosen to appear in the very same photo story. Although she wasn't too pleased with her daughter being described as 'gilded youth', Grace had thought it wise to oversee her modelling debut, so had agreed to the commission.

'Let me look. Let me look!'

Olivia came running across the gra.s.s of Davidson House, a bucolic Georgian manor on the outskirts of London. In skin-tight jeans, huge wedge platforms and floaty white Chloe top, it was no surprise she had been chosen for the shoot. With her long dark hair and huge green eyes, she was growing into a very beautiful young woman, thought Grace with a sense of pride. She handed Olivia the Polaroid of the shot she had just taken; six Bright Young Things, the twin daughters of a rock star, a handsome eighteen-year-old lord who starred in the latest Abercrombie and Fitch campaign, two pretty actresses and Olivia playing croquet with gold b.a.l.l.s on the front lawns.

'Wow, I look amazing!' said Olivia. 'Can you make my b.o.o.bs a bit bigger when you make up the prints?' she said hopefully.

'No I will not,' said Grace.

'Please, Mum. I've already been in touch with a modelling agency, and they want me to send some photographs in. They're going to freak when they know I've already done a Rive Rive editorial. The work will just pile in.' editorial. The work will just pile in.'

Grace took a deep breath. It was clear from Olivia's school reports that she was not going to be an academic, not through a lack of intelligence but from an absence of interest in anything beyond make-up and fas.h.i.+on magazines.

'Olivia, we've talked about modelling before,' she said. 'You're fourteen years old and I think you should be concentrating on your GCSEs and all the stuff you love at school. What about the tennis team and the film club?'

Olivia rolled her eyes. 'I haven't done those things for ages, Mum. They're so boring.'

'Well, I think you're too young to model.'

'Julian says loads of models are my age.'

It was just like Olivia to start getting ammunition from Grace's partner.

'I don't care what Julian says. He is not your mother.'

Olivia glanced critically at her. 'It's only because you needed a chaperone at my age.'

Grace gasped. 'Do not talk to me like-' she began, but she was interrupted by her a.s.sistant, Tim.

'Sorry, Grace,' he said. 'Catrina wants you. She wants to know which shot you're planning on doing next so she can style the models.'

'I'll come inside.' She sighed, watching Olivia run back to the croquet lawn where she slipped her hand around Lord Freddie's waist, whispering something in his ear. Not for the first time, she wished that her daughter wasn't away at boarding school. If she had lost touch with Olivia's interests, she certainly had no idea of her social life. Was she dating Freddie? Grace was realistic enough to know that if her daughter wanted to horse around with boys, or smoke or even do drugs, she thought with a grimace nothing could stop her, but she wished she had a better relations.h.i.+p with Olivia, wished her daughter wanted to confide in her.

Perhaps it's my fault, she thought as she walked towards the house. Three months ago, Gabriel had announced that he was remarrying, which had upset Joseph but hadn't seemed to bother Olivia. Maybe this rebellion was her way of showing her hurt. Or maybe it was more than that. Olivia was beautiful, charming and bright, but she also had a lazy, expectant streak and a nose for trouble. The real truth was that she was starting to remind Grace of Miles.

The manor's library had been turned into a makes.h.i.+ft dressing room. Catrina, the magazine's fas.h.i.+on editor, was fighting her way through a long rail of designer clothes. Grace was going through the next set-up with her, which was to be the rock twins running through the orchard in long sundresses, when they heard an insistent beeping coming from a pile of coats and bags flung on a chaise longue.

'Where is is that b.l.o.o.d.y noise coming from?' said Catrina. 'It's been beeping for the last ten minutes and it's driving me crazy.' that b.l.o.o.d.y noise coming from?' said Catrina. 'It's been beeping for the last ten minutes and it's driving me crazy.'

Tim rummaged through the pile and lifted up a brown Mulberry satchel that Grace immediately recognised as Olivia's.

'That's my daughter's,' said Grace. 'I'll take it to her.'

The satchel was heavy, weighed down with shoes, magazines and make-up.

No need to take the whole bag out, she thought, stopping in the hallway and rummaging through it looking for the phone. Then her fingers touched something and she stopped, holding her breath. It was a thin metallic strip of tablets. It was the pill. Looking up, she could hear footsteps.

'I need a drink,' said Olivia, running into the house.

Grace stood up. 'Olivia, can I talk to you for one moment?'

'Later, Mum,' she said, trying to dodge around her. 'Me and Freddie want a Pepsi.'

'Now,' said Grace, taking her by the arm and leading her into an empty study. It was a formal s.p.a.ce with a walnut writing desk and a captain chair that made Grace feel like a Victorian father.

'I found these in your bag,' she said simply, handing her daughter the strip of pills.

Olivia's green eyes blazed at her. 'What the h.e.l.l were you doing going through my bag?'

'That's beside the point. I asked you you what you're doing on the pill, Olivia.' what you're doing on the pill, Olivia.'

'I've only just got them,' she said sulkily.

'How? Why?' Grace asked, shaking with anger. 'You're fourteen years old, you're still a child.'

Olivia did not look like a child, standing six feet tall in her wedges, her hands on her hips.

'I'm not a child!' she spat. 'It's about time you realised that, Mother. Freddie and I are having s.e.x and you can't stop us,' she added with a note of malice.

Grace quivered with anger, but she knew she wouldn't get anywhere with Olivia by shouting. G.o.d knows she'd tried often enough.

'I just think you're too young, darling,' she said in a softer tone.

'Too young for modelling, too young for s.e.x,' said Olivia sarcastically.

'You need to be responsible ...'

'Ha!' said Olivia. 'Take a look in the mirror, Mum. Maybe you should have been a bit more responsible yourself.'

Grace gasped at her daughter's insolence. 'What do you mean by that?'

'I'm not stupid, Mum. I can do the maths. You got pregnant almost as soon as you met Dad. That's why you went to live in Parador and got married. No wonder it didn't all work out with him; you shouldn't have got married in the first place.'

'How dare you!' whispered Grace. 'I loved your father ...'

'Love?' said Olivia cruelly. 'Don't make me laugh.'

With a flick of her hair, she stalked out of the room. Grace could only stand there staring at the spot where her daughter had been. Slowly she turned and walked to the window, where she could see Olivia running up to her boyfriend like an eager puppy. How had this happened? In the blink of an eye, her sweet little girl had become a woman, a woman she barely recognised.

Olivia was right, of course: she did still think of her daughter as a child a baby, even and she knew she couldn't hold on for ever. She curled her hand into a fist. She should never have confronted Olivia in that way; she shouldn't have trotted out the old cliches about waiting and responsibility. No wonder Olivia didn't want to confide in her. She had certainly played this particular episode badly. But was Olivia also right when she said she had played it all all badly? For fourteen years, Grace had tried to do the right thing for her children, putting them first, pus.h.i.+ng her own needs to one side to make sure they had the best start they could have. Had she been a bad mother? She could certainly have done things differently, that was true. But should she have done? badly? For fourteen years, Grace had tried to do the right thing for her children, putting them first, pus.h.i.+ng her own needs to one side to make sure they had the best start they could have. Had she been a bad mother? She could certainly have done things differently, that was true. But should she have done?

'Grace?' called Catrina from the doorway. 'Do you want to look at the outfits for the next shot?'

Grace quickly brushed a tear away.'Sure, I'll be there in a minute,' she said.

Out in the garden, Olivia was sitting next to Lord Freddie, her head resting affectionately on his shoulder.

Just don't make the mistakes I did, darling, thought Grace, picking up her camera and turning away. It was the best she could hope for.

53

November 2007

Alex Doyle felt without a care in the world. Fregate Island, a private Seych.e.l.les atoll thirty miles east of Mahe, was beautiful, remote and the last word in barefoot luxury. A riot of coconut palms, cashew and almond trees perfumed the whole island like a bottle of Melissa's bespoke scent. For five days that week the lush secluded oasis was especially exclusive as Alex and Melissa had hired out the entire island for a holiday of paparazzi- and people-free luxury. Melissa was just about to go on a twelve-country promo tour for the Christopher Hayes film Next Door But One Next Door But One and Alex had finished a twenty-one-date tour of South American football stadiums; they felt they deserved it. and Alex had finished a twenty-one-date tour of South American football stadiums; they felt they deserved it.

'I'm nervous about the movie,' said Melissa, turning towards her husband. They were lying on wooden sunloungers positioned right at the water's edge of Anse Parc Beach, a small table between them holding c.o.c.ktails, their ice slowly melting. Fregate wasn't entirely deserted, of course. This was a luxury resort for the super-rich and there was an army of waiters, chefs and gofers to make sure their two guests never went without.

'What are you nervous about, honey?' said Alex, putting down the book he was reading a biography of hair metal band Motley Crue and peering at her over his sungla.s.ses. 'The early buzz on the film is great. Hayes said he'd work with you again in a heartbeat and you got a six-million-dollar pay packet. Sounds OK to me.'

She frowned, s.h.i.+elding her eyes from the sun. 'None of that matters, Alex. All that matters is box office and the Academy.'

'I'm not an expert,' said Alex, 'but the two things don't necessarily go hand in hand. I mean, look at Die Hard Die Hard. Brilliant movie, big box office, but where was Bruce Willis' Oscar? You can't necessarily have both.'

'Next Door is not an is not an action action movie, Alex,' she said sourly. 'All I'm saying is that I want people to enjoy the movie, of course, but I also want recognition from my peers about my craft.' movie, Alex,' she said sourly. 'All I'm saying is that I want people to enjoy the movie, of course, but I also want recognition from my peers about my craft.'

Alex rolled his eyes at the mention of the craft craft. Melissa was taking herself very seriously these days. Having acting lessons with a teacher at Lee Strasberg and searching for scripts that involved a physical transformation her logic being that Nicole Kidman, Charlize Theron and Halle Berry had all won Oscars in roles where they'd had to put on weight, don a prosthetic nose or wear little make-up.

'Christopher thinks I should stay a brunette.'

'I've been telling you for months you should stay as a brunette.' In fact, Alex wasn't entirely sure what Melissa's natural hair colour was: she had her roots done every two weeks and her pubic hair had been waxed, dyed and buffed with the same regularity as the hair on her head. 'Brunette definitely suits you, baby,' he said, but Melissa had already closed her eyes, concentrating on her tan. He started reading his book again, but quickly put it down all those stories of shooting up and orgies with groupies made him feel uncomfortable. He rolled over and grabbed the stack of tabloid magazines that Melissa had picked up at the airport. She professed to loathe the things and had taken out lawsuits against a number of them, but they were a guilty pleasure for her as much as the next person.

He flicked through the first one casually, enjoying the t.i.ttle-tattle, the dress disasters, the celebrity meltdowns. He closed his eyes, relis.h.i.+ng the cool breeze coming off the Indian Ocean, like a lake of s.h.i.+mmering jade in front of him. He had to admit, it had taken some persuading to get him to a private island. For many years he had been uncomfortable being by the sea at all. The year before, he and Melissa had had huge rows when she wanted to move to Malibu, because Alex was not sure if he wanted to wake up every morning to the sound of lapping waves. He hadn't told Melissa the real reason about his preference to stay in their Hollywood Hills home.

Reaching across, he got his c.o.c.ktail and sipped it slowly as he leafed through the magazine. He couldn't pinpoint the precise moment he'd started drinking again, but it was usually only a couple of Budweisers every day and Melissa had been either on set or too self-absorbed to notice. Suddenly he stopped on the centre-spread story in US Weekly US Weekly, his eyes wide. Too Hot To Handle! Too Hot To Handle! screamed the headline. There were two blown-up pictures on facing pages one of Melissa and Justin in bed together, the curve of her breast and his bronzed, rippled torso totally visible. The other was a grainy long-lens shot of the two of them in deep discussion. That one made him feel like puking. In it, they were completely clothed, but Justin's hand was held up to Melissa's face, stroking the underside of her jaw. It was such an intimate gesture, it was like a punch to the stomach for Alex. Maybe Melissa could explain the bed shot away although he had no idea how but this one, this was unmistakably a photograph of two people who were in love. screamed the headline. There were two blown-up pictures on facing pages one of Melissa and Justin in bed together, the curve of her breast and his bronzed, rippled torso totally visible. The other was a grainy long-lens shot of the two of them in deep discussion. That one made him feel like puking. In it, they were completely clothed, but Justin's hand was held up to Melissa's face, stroking the underside of her jaw. It was such an intimate gesture, it was like a punch to the stomach for Alex. Maybe Melissa could explain the bed shot away although he had no idea how but this one, this was unmistakably a photograph of two people who were in love.

He wanted to throw the magazine away, but he couldn't take his eyes from the page, vainly hoping it would change. The chatter about an on-set affair between Melissa and Justin had been fairly continuous throughout the filming of Next Door But One Next Door But One, but Melissa had kept reminding him about Justin's s.e.xual preference. He only had her word for it, and even she couldn't dispute the intimacy in these pictures.

'Melissa,' he said.

She opened one eye lazily. 'What?'

He held up the magazine.

Melissa groaned.'Not this again?' she said, s.n.a.t.c.hing it from him. 'When are you going to get over being so d.a.m.n insecure?'

'A picture of you and Justin naked together isn't really helping things, Melissa,' he snapped.

'Oh get real, Alex,' she said wearily. 'This shot is from the movie the movie movie! It was leaked by Brett it's all part of the publicity.'

'So now your publicist is whipping up trouble about our marriage in the tabloids?'

'He released one on-set photo taken months ago.'

'Of you having s.e.x, which by the way I thought was supposed to be a closed set. Just you, Justin and the director.'

'What is your problem?' she said fiercely. 'I'm getting sick of this jealousy, Alex. I'm an actress; sometimes I have to play parts that involve intimacy, and when I do, I do it well. And I'm not going to apologise for the way the studio does its publicity that's just ridiculous.'

Emotion welled up in his throat. Everything had gone so well over the past few years: his music career, his marriage to one of the world's most beautiful women. He knew it was more than he deserved and in his darker moments, usually alone on tour, awake in the middle of night, he expected it all to come cras.h.i.+ng down.

'I just want us to be happy,' he said sadly.

Her expression softened. She swung her legs around his body to straddle him, pressing her bare b.r.e.a.s.t.s against his back as she kissed the nape of his neck.

'It's just publicity, honey. I love you, Alex. I love you so much.'

He relaxed into her, feeling rea.s.surance in her words and her warm skin brus.h.i.+ng against his.

'I want to try for a baby,' she whispered.

He turned round to face her. 'You do?'

The only time children had been mentioned before was on their honeymoon in Ireland. Sailing across Lough Neagh, a gorgeous blood-red sunset had settled over the water and, overcome with its beauty, Alex had turned round to his new wife and told her he wanted to have at least six children. Melissa had just giggled and said,'We'll see'. Alex had never pushed it because he knew her career came first. Always Always came first. But he had always wanted children, desperately wanted them. Perhaps it was some desire to make up for the failings of his own family, or a need to create something whose love would be unconditional, whose love he would never have to question. came first. But he had always wanted children, desperately wanted them. Perhaps it was some desire to make up for the failings of his own family, or a need to create something whose love would be unconditional, whose love he would never have to question.

'Are you sure this is what you want?' he asked.'You start shooting another movie in a month, and I've got the European tour.'

He knew he was pus.h.i.+ng her, testing her. A baby was exactly what he wanted but he wanted her to want it just as much.

'After this film and after the tour, then we'll start trying,' she said, nibbling at his ear lobe. 'But in the meantime, why don't we start practising?'

She squealed with laughter as Alex scooped her up and rolled on to the floury-white sand. Lying half naked on the sh.o.r.e, a wave of surf washed over them.

'From here to eternity.' She giggled.

G.o.d, I hope so, thought Alex, pulling at her bikini briefs. I really do I really do.

54

March 2008