Never Never: Part Three Part 2

aHiaDad.a He slides into the seat across from me, still smiling. I can see how easy it would be to adore him. Even in his prison jumpsuit, heas set apart. It looks all wronga"him being here with his bright white teeth and neatly combed blond hair. Janette was right. We must look just like our mother, because we donat look anything like him. I have his mouth, I think. But not his pale skin tone. I donat have his eyes. When I saw my picture, thatas the first thing I noticed. I have sad-looking eyes. He has laughing eyes, though he probably doesnat have anything to laugh about. Iam lured in.

aYou havenat been here in two weeks,a he says. aI was beginning to think you girls just left me here to rot.a I shrug off the daddy vibes I was getting a minute ago. Narcissistic p.r.i.c.k. I can already tell how he works and I just met him. He says things with laughing eyes and a grin, but his words lash out like a whip.

aYou left us dest.i.tute. The car is a problem, so itas hard for me to drive this far. And my mother is an alcoholic. I think Iam mad at you for that, but I donat remember.a He stares at me for a minute, his smile frozen on his face. aIam sorry you feel that way.a He folds his arms across the table and leans forward. Heas studying me. It makes me uncomfortable, like maybe he knows more about me than I know myself. Which is probably the case in my current situation.

aI got a phone call this morning,a he says, leaning back in his seat.

aOh yeah? From who?a He shakes his head. aIt doesnat matter who it was from. What matters is what they told me. About you.a I donat offer him any information. I canat tell if heas baiting me.

aIs there anything you want to tell me, Charlize?a I tilt my head. What kind of game is he playing? aNo.a He nods a little and then purses his lips together. His fingers come up in the form of a steeple under his chin while he stares across the table at me. aI was told you were caught trespa.s.sing onto someoneas property. And that there is reason to believe youare under the influence of drugs.a I take my time before I respond to him. Trespa.s.sing? Who would tell him I was trespa.s.sing? The tarot reader? It was her house I was in. To my knowledge, we didnat tell anyone what had happened. We just went straight to the hotel last night, according to our notes.

So many things run through my mind. I try to sort through them all.

aWhy were you on our old property, Charlie?a My pulse begins to quicken. I stand up. aIs there anything to drink here?a I ask, spinning around in a circle. aIam thirsty.a I spot the soda machine, but I donat have any money on me. Just then, my father shoves his hand into his pocket and pulls out a handful of quarters. He slides them across the table.

aThey let you have money here?a He nods, eyeing me suspiciously the entire time. I grab the change and walk over to the soda machine. I insert the quarters and glance back at him. Heas not looking at me. Heas staring down at his hands folded together across the table.

I wait for my drink to plummet to the bottom, and even then, I stall another minute while I open it and take a sip. This man makes me nervous and I donat know why. I donat know how Charlie looked up to him like she did. I guess if I had memories of him as my father, maybe I would feel differently about him. But I donat have memories. I can only go by what Iam seeing, and right now I see a criminal. A beady-eyed, pale excuse for a man.

I almost drop my soda. Every muscle in my body weakens with the realization. I think back to a description either me or Silas wrote in our notes. A physical description of The Shrimp. Of Cora.

aThey call her The Shrimp because she has beady eyes and skin that turns ten shades of pink when she talks.a s.h.i.+t. s.h.i.+t, s.h.i.+t, s.h.i.+t.

Brett is Coraas father?

Heas staring at me now, probably wondering why itas taking so long for me to make my way back to him. I head in his direction. When I reach the table, I eye him hard. Once Iam seated, I lean forward and donat allow a single bit of my trepidation to seep through my confidence.

aLetas play a game,a I tell him.

He raises an amused brow. aOkay.a aLetas pretend Iave lost my memory. Iam a blank slate. Iam putting things together I may not have seen otherwise, in my prior adoration of you. Are you followinga?a aNot really,a he says. He looks sour. I wonder if he gets like this when people donat fall all over themselves to please him.

aDid you happen to father another daughter? I donat know, maybe one with a crazy mother who would hold me against my will?a His face turns white. He immediately starts to deny, turns his body away from me, and calls me crazy. But I saw the panic on his face, and I know Iam on to something.

aDid you hear the last part of my sentence or are you just focused on keeping up appearances?a He turns his head to look at me, and this time his eyes are no longer soft. aShe kidnapped me,a I say. aKept me locked in a room in hera"oura"old house.a His Adamas apple bobs as he swallows. I think heas deciding what to tell me.

aShe found you trespa.s.sing on her property,a he says finally. aShe said you were acting irate. You had no idea where you were. She didnat want to call the police because sheas convinced youare doing drugs, so she kept you to help you detox. She had my permission, Charlie. She called me as soon as she found you in her house.a aIam not on drugs,a I tell him. aAnd who in their right mind would hold someone against their will?a aWould you rather she called the police on you? You were talking crazy! And you broke into her house in the middle of the night!a I donat know what to believe right now. The only memory of that experience I have is in the notes I wrote to myself.

aAnd that girl is my half-sister? Cora?a He stares at the tabletop, unable to meet my eyes. When he doesnat respond, I decide to play his game. aItas in your best interest to be honest with me. Silas and I came across a file that Clark Nash has been desperately searching for since before your trial.a He doesnat even flinch. His poker face is too perfect. He doesnat ask me what file I have. He just says, aYes. Sheas your half-sister. I had an affair with her mother years ago.a Itas like this is all happening to a character on a television show. I wonder how the real Charlie would take this. Burst into tears? Get up and run out? Punch this dude in the face? From what Iave read of her, probably the latter.

aWow. Oh, wow. Does my mother know?a aYes. She found out after we lost the house.a What a sorry excuse for a man. First, he cheats on my mother. Impregnates another woman. Then he hides it from his wife and kids until he gets caught?

aG.o.d,a I say. aNo wonder sheas an alcoholic.a I lean back in my seat and stare up at the ceiling. aYou never claimed her? Does the girl know?a aShe knows,a he says.

I feel hot anger. For Charlie, for this poor girl who has to go to school with Charlie and watch her live the life she didnat get to have, and for this whole screwed up situation.

I take a moment to gather myself while he sits in silence. I wish I could say he was wallowing in guilt, but Iam not so sure this man is capable of feeling guilt.

aWhy do they live in the house I grew up in? Did you give it to them?a This question turns him a light shade of pink. He pops his jaw as his eyes dart left to right. His voice is quieter when he speaks, so that only I can hear him. aThat woman was a client of mine, Charlie. And a mistake. I broke it off with her years ago, a month before she found out she was pregnant. We came to an agreement of sorts. That I would be present financially, but nothing else. It was better for everyone that way.a aSo what youare saying is, you bought her silence?a aCharlieaa he says. aI made a mistake. Believe me, Iave paid for it tenfold. She used the money Iad been sending her all those years to purchase our old house in auction. She did that just to spite me.a So sheas vindictive. And maybe a little bit crazy. And my father is to blame for that?

Jesus. This just gets worse and worse.

aDid you do what they say you did?a I ask him. aSince weare telling the truth, I think I have a right to know.a His eyes dart around the room again to see whoas listening.

aWhy are you asking all of these questions?a he whispers. aThis isnat like you.a aIam seventeen years old. I think I have the right to change.a This guy. I want to roll my eyes at him, but first I need him to give me more answers.

aDid Clark Nash put you up to this?a he asks, leaning forward with accusation in both his words and his expression. aAre you involved with Silas again?a Heas trying to turn it around on me. He canat get to me anymore.

aYes, Daddy,a I say, smiling sweetly. aIam involved with Silas again. And weare in love and very happy. Thank you for asking.a Veins bulge at his temples. His hands tighten into angry fists. aCharlie, you know what I think about that.a His reaction sets me off. I stand up and my chair scoots back with a screech. aLet me tell you what I think, Dad.a I take a step away from the table and point at him. aYouave ruined a lot of lives. You thought money could take the place of your responsibilities. Your choices drove my mother to drinking. You left your own daughters with nothing, not even a role model in their lives. Not to mention all the people you swindled money from in your company. And you blame everyone else. Because youare a really s.h.i.+tty human. And an even s.h.i.+ttier father!a I say. aI donat know Charlie and Janette very well, but I think they deserve better.a I turn and walk away, tossing a couple of final words over my shoulder. aGoodbye, Brett! Have a nice life!a Iam sitting cross-legged on the hood of the car, leaning against the winds.h.i.+eld and writing down notes when she returns. She was in there for more than an hour, so I did what she said and came to wait out here to keep an eye on our siblings. I sit up straight when I see her. I donat ask her if she found out anything; I just wait for her to say something. She doesnat look like she wants to be spoken to at this point.

Sheas heading straight for the car. She makes brief eye contact with me as she pa.s.ses me. I turn my head and watch her as she walks swiftly to the rear of the car and then back to the front again. Then to the rear. Back to the front.

Her hands are clenched in fists at her side. Janette opens the front door and steps out of the car.

aWhatad the worldas greatest prison-dad have to say?a Charlie stops in her tracks. aDid you know about Cora?a Janette pulls her neck back and shakes her head. aCora? Who?a aThe Shrimp!a Charlie says loudly. aDid you know heas her father?a Janetteas mouth drops open and I immediately jump off the hood of the car.

aWait. What?a I say, walking toward Charlie.

She pulls her hands up and rubs them over her face, then makes her fingers into a steeple as she breathes in slowly. aSilas, I think you were right. This isnat a dream.a I can see the fear in every part of her. The fear that hasnat settled in since she lost her memories again several hours ago. Itas all just now hitting her.

I take a slow step forward and reach my hand out. aCharlie. Itas okay. Weall figure this out.a She takes a quick step back and begins shaking her head. aWhat if we donat? What if it keeps happening?a She begins pacing again, this time with her hands locked behind her head. aWhat if it happens over and over until our lives waste away!a Her chest begins to heave in and out with the deep breaths sheas taking.

aWhatas wrong with you?a Janette asks. She directs her next question at me. aWhat am I missing?a Landon is standing next to me now, so I turn to him. aIam taking Charlie for a walk. Will you explain to Janette whatas happening to us?a Landon presses his lips together and nods. aYeah. But sheall think weare all lying.a I grab Charlieas arm and urge her to walk with me. Tears begin streaming down her cheeks and she swipes at them angrily. aHe was living a double life,a she says. aHow could he do that to her?a aTo who?a I ask. aJanette?a She stops and says, aNo, not Janette. Not Charlie. Not my mother. To Cora. How could he know he fathered a child and refuse to have anything to do with her? Heas an awful person, Silas! How did Charlie not see that?a Sheas worried about The Shrimp? The girl who a.s.sisted in holding her captive for an entire day?

aTry to take a breath,a I tell her, grabbing her shoulders and forcing her to face me. aYou probably never saw that side of him. He was good to you. You loved him based on the person he pretended to be. And you canat feel sorry for that girl, Charlie. She helped her mother hold you against your will.a She begins shaking her head back and forth feverishly. aThey never hurt me, Silas. I made it a point to stress that in the letter. She was rude, sure, but Iam the one who broke into their house! I must have followed her there the night I didnat get in the cab. She thought we were on drugs, because I had no memory of anything, and I donat blame her! And then I forgot who I was again and I probably started to panic.a She exhales sharply and pauses for a moment. When she looks up at me, she looks calmer. She folds her lips together and moistens them. aI donat think she had anything to do with whatas happened to us. Sheas just a crazy, bitter woman who hates my father and probably wanted some sick revenge for how I treated her daughter. But they got brought into the fold by us. This whole time weave been looking at other people...trying to blame other people. But what ifaa She exhales a breath, and then, aWhat if we did this to each other?a I let go of her shoulders and take a step back. She sits down on the curb and holds her head in her hands. Thereas no way we would have done this to ourselves on purpose. aI donat think thatas possible, Charlie,a I say, taking a seat next to her. aHow could we do this? How do two people just simultaneously stop remembering at the same time? It has to be something bigger than what weare capable of.a aIf it has to be bigger than us, then it also has to be bigger than my father. And Cora. And Coraas mother. And my mom. And your parents. If we arenat capable of causing this, then no one else should be capable of it either.a I nod. aI know.a She brings her thumb up to her mouth for a second. Then, aSo if this isnat happening to us because of other peopleawhat could it be?a I can feel the muscles in my neck tighten. I bring my hands up behind my head and look up at the sky. aSomething bigger?a aWhatas bigger? The universe? G.o.d? Is this the beginning of the apocalypse?a She stands up and paces back and forth in front of me. aDo you think we even believed in G.o.d? Before this happened to us?a aI have no idea. But Iave prayed more in the last few days than I probably have in my entire life.a I stand up and grab her hand, pulling her in the direction of the car. aI want to know everything your father said. Letas head back and you can write down everything he told you while I drive.a She slides her fingers through mine and walks back to the car with me. When we return, Janette is leaning against the pa.s.senger door. Sheas glaring at both of us. aSo you seriously canat remember anything? Either of you?a Her attention is focused solely on Charlie now.

I motion for her and Landon to sit in the backseat this time. I open the driver door as Charlie responds to her. aNo. We canat. And I swear Iam not making this up for kicks, Janette. I donat know what kind of sister Iave been to you, but I swear I wouldnat make this up.a Janette eyes Charlie for a moment and then says, aYouave been a really s.h.i.+tty sister the last couple of years. But I guess if everything Landon just told me is true and you really canat remember anything, then that explains why not a single one of you d.i.c.k faces has told me happy birthday today.a She opens the door to the back seat, climbs inside, and then slams it.

aOuch,a Charlie says.

aYeah,a I agree. aYou forgot your little sisteras birthday? Thatas pretty selfish of you, Charlie.a She slaps me playfully in the chest. I grab her hand, and I swear thereas a moment that pa.s.ses between us. A single second where she looks at me like she can feel what she once felt for me.

But then she blinks, pulls her hand from mine, and climbs in the car.

Itas not really my fault that the universe is punis.h.i.+ng me. Us.

Silas and me.

I keep forgetting that Silas is screwed too, which probably means Iam a narcissist. Great. I think about the sister in the car with me who is having a really s.h.i.+tty birthday. And the half-sister who lives in my old house with her psychotic mother, who, according to my journals, Iave been torturing for a decade. I am a bad person, and an even worse sister.

Do I even want to get my memories back?

I stare out the window and watch as we pa.s.s all of the other stupid cars. I donat have any memories, but I can at least make sure Janette has some of this day.

aHey, Silas,a I say. aCan you put something into that fancy GPS for me?a aYeah,a he says. aLike what?a I donat know the girl in the back seat at all. She could be super into role-play video games for all I know. aAn arcade,a I say.

I see Landon and Janette perk up in the backseat. Yes! I congratulate myself. All p.u.b.escent humans like video games. Itas a thing.

aKind of a weird time to want to go play games,a Silas says. aDonat you think we shoulda"a aI think we should play games,a I interrupt. aBecause itas Janetteas birthday.a I make my eyes really wide so he understands this isnat up for discussion. He makes an aOa face and gives me a really lame thumbs up. Charlie hates thumbs up, I can tell by her bodyas immediate reaction to it.

Silas finds an arcade not far from where we are. When we get there, he pulls out his wallet and digs around until he finds a credit card.

Janette makes eyes at me, like sheas embarra.s.sed, but I shrug. I barely even know this guy. What does it matter that heas spending his money on us? Besides, I donat have any money. My father lost it all and Silasas father still has some, so itas fine. Not only am I a narcissist; Iam also good at justification.

We carry our tokens in paper cups, and as soon as weare inside the arcade, Janette and Landon walk off to do their own thing. Together. I make eyes at Silas and mouth see.

aCome on,a Silas says. aLetas get some pizza. Let the kids play.a He winks at me, and I try not to smile.

We find a table to wait for our pizza, and I slide into a booth, wrapping my arms around my knees. aSilas,a I say. aWhat if this keeps happening to us? This endless loop of forgetting. What will we do?a aI donat know,a he says. aFind each other over and over. Itas not that bad, right?a I glance over at him to see if heas joking.

It isnat that bad. But the situation is. aWho wants to spend their life not knowing who they are?a aI could spend every day getting to know you all over again, Charlie, and I donat think Iad get sick of it.a Heat climbs up my body and I quickly look away. Thatas my go-to with Silas: donat look at him, donat look at him, donat look at him.

aYouare dumb,a I say. But heas not dumb. Heas a romantic and his words are powerful. Charlie isnat, I can tell. But she wants to bea"I can tell that too. She desperately wants Silas to show her itas not all a lie. Thereas a pull inside of her every time she looks at him. It feels like a tugging, and I want to brush it away every time it happens.

I sigh and rip open a sugar packet, emptying the powder onto the table. Being a teenager is exhausting. Silas silently watches me draw patterns in the sugar until he finally grabs my hand.

aWeall figure it out,a he a.s.sures me. aWeare on the right track.a I dust my hands on my pants. aOkay.a Even though I know we arenat on any track. Weare just as lost as we were when we woke up in the hotel today.

Iam also a liar. A narcissist, a justifier, a liar.

Janette and Landon find us just as the pizza arrives. They slide into our booth, rosy cheeked and laughing. In the entire day Iave known Janette, Iave never even seen her come close to laughter. I hate Charlieas father more right now. For s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g up a teenage girl. Two teenage girls if I count myself. Wellathree, now that I know about Cora.

I watch Janette bite into her pizza. It doesnat have to be this way. If I could just come out of thisathingaI could take care of her. Be better. For both of us.

aCharlie,a she says, setting down her slice. aWill you come play with me?a I smile. aYeah, of course.a She beams at me and my heart suddenly feels so big and full. When I look over at Silas, heas staring at me, gla.s.sy eyed. The corner of his mouth lifts in a small smile.

Itas dark when we pull into Charlie and Janetteas driveway. Thereas an awkward moment where I should probably walk Charlie to the door, but based on the way Landon and Janette have been flirting in the back seat, I donat know how all four of us are supposed to do this at the same time.

Janette opens her door, and then Landon opens his, so Charlie and I wait in the car.

aTheyare exchanging numbers,a she says, watching them. aHow cute.a We sit in silence watching them flirt until Janette disappears inside the house.

aOur turn,a Charlie says, opening her door.

I walk slowly with her up the sidewalk, hoping her mother doesnat see me here. I donat have the energy to deal with that woman tonight. I feel bad that Charlieas about to have to do just that.

Sheas wringing her hands together nervously. I know sheas stalling because she doesnat want me to leave her alone tonight. Every single memory she has consists of me and her. aWhat time is it?a she asks.

I pull my phone out of my pocket to check. aItas after ten.a She nods and then glances behind her at the house. aI hope my mother is asleep,a she says. And then, aSilasaa I interrupt whatever sheas about to say. aCharlie, I donat think we should split up tonight.a Her eyes meet mine again. She looks relieved. Iam the only person she knows, after all. The last thing we probably need right now is to be distracted by people we donat know. aGood. I was just about to suggest that.a I nudge my head to the door behind her. aWe need to make it look like youare home, though. Go inside. Make like youare going to bed. Iall go drop Landon off at my house and then come back to get you in an hour.a She nods. aIall meet you at the end of the road,a she says. aWhere do you think we should stay tonight?a I think about that. Itas probably best if we stay at my house, so we can see if thereas anything we missed in my room that might help us. aIall sneak you upstairs to my bedroom. We have a lot to go over tonight.a Charlieas eyes drop to the ground. aUpstairs?a she says curiously. She inhales a slow breath, and I can hear the air sliding through her clenched teeth. aSilas?a She lifts her eyes to mine, and theyare narrowed. She has an accusatory look about her and I have no idea what Iave done to provoke this look. aYou wouldnat lie to me, would you?a I tilt my head, not sure if I heard her right. aWhat do you mean?a aIave been noticing things. Little things,a she says.

I can feel the descent of my heart. What did I say? aCharlieaIam not sure what youare getting at.a She takes a step back. Her hand covers her mouth for a moment, and then she points at me. aHow do you know your bedroom is upstairs when you havenat even been to your house yet?a s.h.i.+t. I did say upstairs.

Shaking her head, she adds, aAnd you made a comment earlier at the prison. About how youave prayed a lot in the last few days, but weare both only supposed to remember today. And this morningawhen I told you my name was Delilah? I could see you trying not to smile. Because you knew I was lying.a Her voice begins to falter between suspicious and scared. I hold up a rea.s.suring palm, but she backs another step closer to the house.

This is a problem. Iam not sure I know how to respond to her. I donat like knowing that she would rather run inside a house that terrified her five minutes ago than be standing near me. Why did I lie to her this morning?

aCharlie. Please donat be scared of me.a I can tell itas already too late.

She darts for her front door, so I lunge forward and wrap my arms around her, pulling her against my chest. She starts to scream, so I cover her mouth with my hand. aCalm down,a I say against her ear. aI wonat hurt you.a The last thing I need is for her not to trust me. She grabs my arm with both hands, trying to free herself from my grasp. aYouare right. Charlie, youare right. I lied to you. But if youall calm down for two seconds, Iall explain why.a She lifts a leg while Iam still holding on to her from behind. She presses her foot against the house and kicks as hard as she can, sending both of us tumbling backward. I lose my grip on her and she begins to crawl away from me, but Iam able to grab her again and push her onto her back. Sheas looking up at me wide-eyed, but she isnat screaming this time. My hands are pressing her arms against the ground.

aStop it,a I tell her.

aWhy did you lie?a she cries. aWhy are you pretending this happened to you too?a She struggles some more, so I tighten my hold.

aIam not pretending, Charlie! Iave been forgetting, just like you have. But it didnat happen to me today. I donat know why. But I can only remember the last two days, thatas it. I swear.a I look her in the eyes and she holds my stare. Sheas still mildly struggling, but I can tell she also wants to hear my explanation. aI didnat want you to be afraid of me this morning, so I pretended it happened again. But I swear, up until this morning, itas been happening to both of us.a She stops struggling and just lets her head fall to the side. She closes her eyes, completely exhausted. Emotionally and physically. aWhy is this happening,a she whispers in defeat.

aI donat know, Charlie,a I say, releasing one of her arms. aI donat know.a I brush her hair out of her face. aIam about to let go of you. Iam going to stand up and get in my car. After I drop Landon off, Iall come back for you, okay?a She nods her head but doesnat open her eyes. I release her other arm and slowly stand up. When Iam no longer pinning her to the ground, she quickly sits up and scoots away from me before standing up.

aI was lying to protect you. Not to hurt you. You believe me, right?a She rubs the spots on her arms where I was holding her down. She produces a meek, aYeah.a And then, after clearing her throat, aBe back in an hour. And donat lie to me ever again.a I wait for her to walk back inside her house before I head back to the car.

aWhat the h.e.l.l was that all about?a Landon asks.

aNothing,a I reply, staring out the window as we pa.s.s her house. aJust telling her goodnight.a I reach into the back seat to grab all of our things. aIam going back to Jamais Jamais for my Land Rover.a Landon laughs. aWe sort of wrecked it last night. Tearing down a gate?a I remember. I was there. aIt might still drive okay, though. Itas worth a shot, and I canat keep using...whose car is this, anyway?a aMomas,a he says. aI texted her this morning and told her yours was in the shop and that we needed hers today.a I knew I liked this kid.

aSoaJanette, huh?a I ask him.

He turns toward the window. aShut up.a The Land Roveras front end was a debacle of twisted metal and debris. But apparently the damage was only cosmetic, because it cranked right up.

It took all I had not to go inside the gate again and scream at that psycho woman for leading us in the wrong direction, but I didnat. Charlieas dad has caused enough of a s.h.i.+t storm in her world.

I calmly drive my car to Charlieas house and wait for her at the end of the road like I said I would. I text her to let her know Iam in a different vehicle.

I begin to turn theories over in my mind while I wait for her. Itas hard for me to suspend belief in order to give our circ.u.mstances an explanation, but the only things I can come up with are otherworldly.

A curse.

An alien abduction.

Time travel.

Twin brain tumors?

None of it makes sense.

Iam making notes when the pa.s.senger door opens. A rush of wind follows Charlie inside the car, and I find myself wis.h.i.+ng it would push her all the way to my side. Her hair is damp and sheas in different clothes.

aHey.a She says, aHi,a and pulls the seatbelt into place. aWhat were you writing?a I hand her the notebook and pen and then back out of the driveway. She begins reading over my summary.

When sheas finished, she says, aNone of it makes sense, Silas. We got into a fight and broke up the night before this started. The next day we canat remember anything other than random stuff, like books and photography. It keeps happening for a week, until you donat lose your memory and I do.a She pulls her feet up on the seat and taps the pen against the notebook. aWhat are we missing? There has to be something. I have no memory before this morning, so what happened yesterday that made you stop forgetting? Did anything happen last night?a I donat answer her right away. I think about her questions. How all along, weave been a.s.suming other people had something to do with this. We thought The Shrimp was involved, we thought her mother was involved. For a while, I wanted to accuse Charlieas father. But maybe itas none of that. Maybe it has nothing to do with anyone else and everything to do with us.

We reach my house no closer to the truth than we were this morning. Than we were two days ago. Than we were last week.

aLetas go through the back door in case my parents are awake.a The last thing we need right now is for them to see me sneaking Charlie into my bedroom to stay the night. The back door wonat take us past my fatheras study.

Itas unlocked, so I make my way in first. When all is clear, I grab her hand and rush her through the house, up the stairwell, and to my bedroom. By the time I shut the door behind us and lock it, weare both breathing heavily. She laughs and falls onto my bed. aThat was fun,a she says. aI bet weave done that before.a She sits up and brushes the hair out of her eyes, smiling. She begins to look around my room, through eyes that are seeing it again for the first time. I immediately get that longing in my chest, akin to how I felt last night at the hotel when she fell asleep in my arms. The feeling that I would do absolutely anything to be able to remember what it was like to love her. G.o.d, I want that back. Why did we ever break up? Why did we let everything that happened between our families come between us? From the outside looking in, Iad almost believe we were soul mates before we let it all fall apart. Why did we think we could intervene with fate?

I pause.

When she looks at me, she knows something is going on in my head. She scoots to the edge of the bed and tilts her head. aDo you remember something?a I sit in the desk chair and roll toward her. I take both of her hands in mine and I squeeze them. aNo,a I say. aButaI might have a theory.a She sits up straighter. aWhat kind of theory?a Iam sure this is about to sound crazier coming from my mouth than it does swimming around in my head. aOkay, soathis might sound stupid. But last nightawhen we were at the hotel?a She nods, encouraging me to continue.