Darlings of Darkness: A Vampire Anthology Part 13

I stared uncertainly at him. I wasn't sure if I should leave or not. I wanted to refuse and force him to listen to me. However, the heavy scent of fear oozed from Raoul's large physique. He was afraid of me. The realization came as a shock. I had to turn away from his frozen black gaze. I'm not sure whose dignity I was trying to preserve, his or mine, but I wasted no time in getting out of there.

Though Raoul may not have known it, I was terrified too. I enjoyed it when Arys's power surfaced within me, but at the same time, I wasn't myself. Was living as a vampire always so Jekyll and Hyde?

Frustration rode me, and I drove half-blinded by anger. I didn't know where I was going. I just drove.

When I came to a stop, I was parked outside of Shaz's apartment building. I had instinctively run to seek solace from the only person that I felt I could. My finger froze, poised above the buzzer labeled 204. What was I doing here? Would he even want to see me? I thought about leaving, but I had nowhere to go with the burden inside me. I let my finger fall on the b.u.t.ton.

I waited in stark silence. After a moment, I reached for the exit to the street, expecting no response. With a series of crackles, the intercom blared to life. Shaz's voice sounded fuzzy and far away.

"It's me," I said uncertainly. A deafening buzz indicated that the security door was unlocked.

I waited for the elevator as I nervously rubbed my sweaty palms on my jeans. I can't count how many times I arranged and then re-arranged my hair on the short ride to the second floor. My heart raced. I stepped into the hall, and the elevator doors slid shut behind me.

Deep breath.

He had cracked open the door in antic.i.p.ation of my entrance. I worked hard to keep my footsteps even. My legs felt like jelly. As I grew near, I took in the overwhelming scents of coffee, fresh laundry, and Shaz. With a light knock, I went inside.

"Hey." He looked up from where he stood loading the dishwasher. His smile was friendly, but I could see the reserve within it. "How are you?"

I closed the door behind me, kicked off my shoes, and left the false comfort of the entryway. My smile was forced, and I knew that he would see right through it.

"I've been better. You?"

I willed myself to hold it together as my throat grew tight. He knew me too well. Despite the awkwardness, something in his stance changed. His eyes softened, and he put down the plate he was holding.

I would not cry. I repeated the words in my head as if to will them to be true. A guilty little piece of me didn't want his sympathy. I didn't deserve it. His compa.s.sion would be my undoing.

He crossed the small s.p.a.ce between us in a few strides. A finger under my chin drew my gaze to his, and I looked into his calm, sea green eyes. I hated myself for the concern etched in their depths.

"Tell me," he spoke softly. He searched my eyes intently.

Between fighting the emotional outbursts that threatened, I told him everything: Raoul's advance and how I had scared us both, the strangeness of the power exchange, and the vampire who'd wanted Arys dead. I caught a glimpse of satisfaction on Shaz's face when I mentioned the hit job on Arys, but he hid it before I could be certain.

Before I saw it coming, Shaz pulled me into his arms. I expected his embrace to be stiff or distant, but instead, it was warm and inviting. The hand that gently stroked my hair was more possessive than I ever remembered it being.

"You are not Superwoman, Alexa," he said at last. "Stop feeling like you have to take care of everyone. It's not all within your control."

He took my hand in his and led me into the living room. I sat down on the noisy leather couch while he produced a mug of hot coffee from the kitchen.

"Thank you." I stared into the hot, creamy liquid. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be here. I have no right to show up here crying on your shoulder."

"Of course you do. We're pack. We're friends." He smiled, and his voice had dropped lower when he added, "You know I always wanted to be your other half."

My heart twisted in my chest, and my next breath actually hurt. Unable to speak, I squeezed his hand and wished that he knew what he really meant to me, though it was still hard to come to terms with myself. Why must I make one h.e.l.l of a mistake to realize what I should have already known?

"If I could take it back..." I choked on my words. "It would be you."

"Stop punis.h.i.+ng yourself. Self-loathing doesn't look good on you, Lex. You're a free woman, and I don't have the right to make you feel like you did something wrong."

"But, I did. And, I'm afraid that it cost me more than I even know."

"Like what?" He edged closer, and I was lost in the clean, natural scent of him.

"You."

Silence. The beat of my heart echoed in my ears. I longed to touch him, but I feared that he would pull away. Instead, I kept my hands to myself.

Time stopped.

For one magical moment, he kissed me with such fervor that I spilled my coffee on the beige carpet. I pulled him closer but allowed him to control the kiss. My head was a ma.s.s of confusion, but right then, it just felt so naturally perfect. I felt like I was learning a lesson in head versus heart. He nuzzled my throat and breathed in my scent. I melted against him.

"You know what I think?" He whispered after what felt like a long time. "I think you should tell Raoul that he's on his own now. Don't risk yourself for something he brought on himself."

Shaz was ticked over Raoul's unwelcome advances, which pleased me regardless of our situation.

"I don't know what to do anymore."

"There's no sense trying to help him. For all we know, he really deserves what's coming to him."

"Maybe." I nodded. Raoul certainly wasn't the nicest guy. I could believe that someone would have a just grudge against him.

Since I continued to anguish, Shaz changed the subject. "Hey, why don't we order pizza for lunch? We can hang out here and watch talk shows all day like we used to. Maybe play some video games?"

I smiled at the memory. We'd once spent an entire week like that. In the heart of a Canadian winter, the blizzards had kept traffic off the highways. Commuters were stuck at home that week, a weeklong snow day for Stony Plain.

"Sounds great. Chicken and mushroom with honey garlic wings?" I was surprisingly hungry at the mention of food. "And some pizza bread."

The afternoon went by too fast for my liking. A couple episodes of Jerry Springer and a handful of court shows held our attention as we stuffed ourselves with pizza and wings. Shaz made another pot of coffee that we sipped, curled up together on the creaky couch. We laughed and giggled our way through a session of Guitar Hero. As I laughed with Shaz and pretended to be carefree, I felt rejuvenated.

After successfully beating him on battle mode for the third time in a row, I chortled, "In your face."

He responded by grabbing me in a move faster than my eyes could follow. Our plastic guitar controllers went flying. I squealed as his fingers deftly found that one ticklish spot between my ribs. To escape, I threw myself to the floor, but he followed me down and pinned me beneath his weight.

I looked up into his bright green eyes. They held an affection that I hadn't realized I'd been missing. He continued tickling and held my wrists above my head as I wrestled to break free.

"Shaz, please," I begged in a high, pleading note as desperation set in. Too much tickling could end very badly.

"Who's the dominant wolf now?" He growled playfully in my ear.

A series of soft knocks on the apartment door caused us to freeze. After a heartbeat, Shaz jumped up. The sudden absence of his body heat caused goose b.u.mps to break out on my skin.

I didn't realize that I had been vibing off of him until the energy fell away. The metaphysical remnants remained like a coating of fairy dust on my skin.

Shaz flipped the lock, and I rolled over on to my stomach to push myself to my knees. I was in direct view of the door and didn't want to be seen splayed out on the floor.

A woman's voice called out brightly, and a brunette with a ponytail and a grey tracksuit burst into the entryway. She threw her arms around Shaz excitedly, and my breath caught. I tugged my top to cover my belly.

"How are you? I thought I'd come by and see if you want to catch a movie or grab dinner later." She stopped suddenly when she noticed me. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize you had company."

Shaz looked awkwardly at me and made a strange gesture in the air between the brunette and myself.

"Casey, it's nice to see you. This is Alexa O'Brien. She's a very good friend of mine. Lex, this is Casey Edmonds. She lives in the building here."

Casey's dark eyes flicked to me on the floor and noted the s.h.i.+rt that I tugged back in to place. I saw the a.s.sumption in her eyes, and I encouraged it. I fixed my hair as well, as if she'd interrupted something. Maybe it was catty, but Shaz hadn't mentioned any lady friend, and my cheeks were burning.

"Nice to meet you, Casey." I got to my feet and went to her, hand extended.

She tossed her wavy ponytail and sniffed. I knew she didn't want to take my hand and, when she did, it was with the barest of touches. I resisted the urge to crush her flimsy human fingers in my grip.

"You too," she murmured before turning back to Shaz. It was an obvious attempt at a dismissal, and I felt the energy around us begin to grow hot with my anger.

"Would you like to come in for coffee?" Shaz's fingers worked furiously through his platinum hair, a nervous habit that he'd had as long as I have known him.

His gaze jumped back and forth between us, and I knew he'd either dated her, slept with her, or both. Why did it make my insides churn? I squashed all feelings of jealousy before I had to admit to myself how bad it was.

"No, thanks. I'm just on my way to the gym. Why don't you give me a call sometime when you're free?" Casey slid a sidelong glance in my direction, and then she gave him the look.

I barely restrained the desire to tear her eyes out. Power began to hum softly around me, and both Shaz and Casey reacted to it.

He knew exactly what it was, and his jade eyes narrowed in warning. Casey began to fan herself saying, "It's hot in here, Shaz. You should turn the air conditioning on."

"It is on," he replied. He quickly added, "Maybe it's broken. I'll have the superintendent look at it."

"You should." She flashed me a brittle, cold smile and finally turned to leave. I sighed aloud. I hated her.

After she forced Shaz to promise to call later, he closed the door and turned to face me. Guilt defined his features, and I looked away, embarra.s.sed by my jealousy.

"Sorry about that. I wasn't expecting her to come by." The moment was wretchedly awkward. The sound of the forgotten video game played loudly in the quiet apartment. "We only went out once. Nothing happened."

"Don't, Shaz. You don't owe me an explanation." And didn't I know it? It was hard to swallow even a taste of what I'd inflicted on him.

"I want you to know that I didn't mention it because there was nothing worth mentioning." He shrugged, and his voice grew soft. "I only went out with her because I thought you and I never stood a chance."

"It's ok, Shaz. I'm the last person in the position to be demanding answers. It's none of my business."

He accepted that reluctantly. He nodded slightly, but I knew that he wanted to say more. Less than ten feet separated us, yet I felt like we were a world apart. I'd gotten so used to keeping people at a distance that I still didn't know how to let anyone in.

"You want to finish the game?" He brushed past me into the living room, and the repeating music stopped.

"I'm done. I'll be seeing colors in my dreams as it is."

He chuckled and turned the PlayStation off. The apartment went silent. "I should probably start getting ready for work anyway."

"Well, thanks for entertaining me. It's been a while since we got to do this. It was nice." I was doing a rotten job of maintaining eye contact, but I felt weird and knew he would see it in my face. Of course, he could sense the rapid beat of my heart.

"It was." Shaz leaned casually against the wall as I gathered my things to leave. "So why don't we go out sometime? On a real date, I mean."

In turn, I sensed the blood rus.h.i.+ng through him. His cheeks were flushed, and I couldn't hide my smile.

"You're asking me on an official date?"

Thinking back briefly, I couldn't recall ever having been asked out on an actual date. My teen years and early twenties had been chaotic enough without romance of the human variety. After the last week, I was astonished that he even wanted a date with me.

"Yes. I'm asking you on a date. Dinner, on me."

"And after?" I dared to ask playfully.

He shrugged. "Catch a movie, go for a run, park and make out. Whatever you prefer."

Energy s.h.i.+fted between us. At the core of me, where the power of my werewolf lay rooted, I felt him. Like a shadow that I could feel but not see, his wolf lingered, hesitant to reach for me.

The vampire in my energy made him pause, and I hated that. I knew the touch of his skin as well as I knew the silk of his fur or the musk of his scent. I longed to pull his wolf around me like a blanket to drown out the energy of the grave. Everything with Arys felt more wrong when I was this close to Shaz's pure, untainted aura.

But, I couldn't force out what I had allowed to become a part of me. It scared me to the tips of my toes to think that I might not ever be able to.

"I would love to go on a date with you, Shaz." I giggled slightly and felt like a total moron. I heard him release the breath he'd been holding.

"Great. How's Friday?"

I would have ditched anything to say yes to him in that moment. As I scanned through my mental calendar, I was already free that day.

When we'd confirmed that he would pick me up at nine on Friday, I crossed the threshold into the hall and turned back to say goodbye. I loved that he was just there, close enough for me to feel.

His breath was warm and inviting. His kiss was chaste but tender. Still, I felt his hunger leashed beneath his calm surface.

My heart skipped a beat when, just as fast as he was there, he was gone. Only his scent lingered to tease me as I waited for the elevator. I was one d.a.m.n confused werewolf.

Chapter Thirteen.

I simply didn't want to face anymore of Arys's evil. I'd avoided Lucy's Lounge and had carried the manila folder around for three days without cracking the cover. It did nothing to alleviate the growing confusion or the guilt over leaving Arys to fight the s.h.i.+ft on his own. I wanted to pretend it would just go away. Instead, avoiding the vampire made the newfound power and the blood thirst more p.r.o.nounced rather than subdued. It itched and clawed at my insides.

Rather than face Cat's thoughts on Arys, I screwed around for as long as I could justify it to myself. Menial tasks like tidying the kitchen counters and folding laundry grabbed my attention easier than ever before, and I dragged the ch.o.r.es out until I had nothing left to keep me from the folder. Well, the walls could use a fresh coat of paint but I had to draw the line somewhere.

I had no excuse to avoid Cat's evidence any longer. The cream-colored folder lay open on the desk in the small office I share with Ky. Sounds from late night television murmured quietly from the small TV set in the corner. A gla.s.s of my favorite red wine stood tall next to the sheaf of papers, awaiting my return.

Finally, I stared at the folder and thought, Arys is a vampire who enjoys it. What more do I need to know? Bothered by the prospect of a reason to take Arys out within those pages, I took a large, un-lady-like gulp of wine first.

Even my knowledge of the vampire's bizarre memories didn't prepare me for what I discovered on the series of crisp, white photocopied pages of Cat's journal. Before reaching the end of the first page, I was sitting up a little straighter in my chair with rapt attention. As I read, his memories began to take form inside my mind.

Catherine had written about her time as a new vampire with him. Her tales of seduction as a key component in inevitable murder resulted in a spattering of goose b.u.mps along my arms. The wheels turned faster in my brain as I tapped into his memories of those same events.