Sane Sex Life and Sane Sex Living Part 6

VIII

THE ART OF LOVE

And still there is more to be said! Is it not written that "Art is long!" _And the Art of Love is the longest of all arts, and the most difficult of all for its complete mastery and attainment!_

It is a matter of misfortune, and yet one of not infrequent occurrence, that the s.e.x organs of husband and wife are _not well matched_; and that trouble, sometimes of a most serious nature, results. When this condition is found to exist, it should be treated sanely and wisely, and the chances are many to one that the difficulty can be overcome, to the full satisfaction of both parties concerned.

In such cases, the mis-matching usually arises from the fact that the p.e.n.i.s of the husband is too long for the v.a.g.i.n.a of the wife. This is very apt to be the case where the wife is of the "dumpy" sort, with a small mouth and short fingers, while the husband is "gangling," large mouthed and long fingered. These are facts that ought to be taken into account before marriage, and which should figure in determining whether the parties are "suited" to each other. They _would_ be regarded in this way, too, if they were generally known, as they most surely are not. Here is another place where ignorance and "innocence"

get in their work, and make trouble in married life!

In such a case as this, the too-long p.e.n.i.s, when fully inserted in the too-short v.a.g.i.n.a, and especially when, at the o.r.g.a.s.m, the two organs are crowded together vigorously, as the impulse of both parties demands they should be at this part of the act, the end of the p.e.n.i.s is driven against the rear walls of the v.a.g.i.n.a, often furiously, thus stretching and straining the v.a.g.i.n.al pa.s.sage longitudinally, pressing against the womb unnaturally, and not infrequently pus.h.i.+ng it out of place and sometimes rupturing the uterine tract seriously, hence causing all sorts of unfortunate and greatly-to-be-regretted results.

Because of such danger, the first meeting of the husband and wife should be accomplished with the utmost care, especially in the _second_ part of the act, the first putting together of the organs.

This is the only way of determining, in each case, how the organs will "fit," and happy are the parties thereto if such fit is found to be perfect!

But if it should turn out that there is a mismatching, of the nature just described, the conditions can be adjusted if the right means are used.

(Before telling this, however, it should be stated that the relative size of the s.e.x organs can never be fully judged of by the size of the body of a man or a woman. Many a small man has an abnormally large and long p.e.n.i.s, and many a little woman has a large v.u.l.v.a and a long v.a.g.i.n.a; and the reverse of all this is true, in the case of many men and women. These items in the count are among the things that can never be known with certainty except by actual trial, and this is not possible, as things are now.)

And so, if "mis-matching" is found to exist, in any given case, it can be provided for, in most cases as follows:

Instead of taking the position for coitus which has already been described--the woman on her back and the man over and above her--let _this_ be done: Let the man lie on his left side, or partly on his left side and partly on his back, facing the woman, his left leg drawn up so that the thigh makes an angle of 45 degrees with the body, and the knee bent at about the same angle. Now let her, lying on her right side, mount into his arms, in this way: Let her place her right hip in the angle made by her husband's left thigh and his body, so that _his left leg_ supports _her hips_, by being under them; put her right leg between his legs, throw her left leg over his right leg, put her right arm around his neck, and her left arm should be placed across his body under his right arm. His left arm should be placed around her waist from below, and his right arm left free to move over her body, as he may choose. Now in _this_ position, the man's hips make a sort of saddle into which the woman "vaults" easily, naturally, and with the greatest of comfort; while the man, with his whole body supported by the bed, as he lies, will be perfectly comfortable, and can maintain the position much longer, without tiring, than he could were he over and above the woman, supporting himself by his elbows and knees, and with the woman's arms around his waist, lifting her body thereby, and thus adding her weight to his, all to be sustained by him. A moment's consideration will disclose the fact that this position has many points in its favor, beyond that of the man-superior form. The woman, in this position, is not wholly superior, but she is partly on her right side and partly on her belly. Her whole weight rests on her husband's body, but her weight does not tire him, as the bed below him easily supports them both.

Now, in this position, the s.e.x organs are brought closely together and their union is easily accomplished. But see! It is _now_ the _woman_, and not the _man_ who has _full control_ of such meeting, and so can regulate it to _her liking_, or _needs_. Her hips are perfectly free to move towards, or from, those of the man; and so _she can determine just how much or how little of his p.e.n.i.s shall enter her v.a.g.i.n.a!_ And if his p.e.n.i.s is too long for her, she can accommodate her action to such fact!

As for the man, his satisfaction will be fully equal to, if not greater than it would be were he in the other position. The ease afforded to his body, and the fact that he need have no fear of hurting the woman, these things will be a delight to him, that is of real value, and which will make for his delectation as much as for that of the woman in his arms. The in-and-out motion is as easily performed in this position as in the other; and at the climax, the organs can be crowded together pa.s.sionately, and still without hurting the woman. For she, being free to move, can so curve her hips that the pelvic bone, the _mons veneris_, as it is technically called, will receive the most of the pressure, and at the same time the angle which is thus made by the relative positions of the v.a.g.i.n.a and the p.e.n.i.s will keep the latter from penetrating the v.a.g.i.n.a too far, and so will protect its rear walls and the womb from all danger of harm. The o.r.g.a.s.m is just as perfect in this position as in the other. It is just as _natural_ as the other position, and has only to be tried to be proved worthy.

And now one other point. (Curious how these details protract themselves. But there is no help for it. We must continue, now that we have begun.)

A very frequent cause of married unsatisfaction is the fact of the _difference of time_ that it takes for the husband and wife to come to the climax, the o.r.g.a.s.m. As has already been noted, the highest delight in the act comes when this climax is simultaneous, comes at exactly the same instant to both parties. But to bring this about is not easy in all cases, and hence what follows:

As a rule, women are slower in reaching the o.r.g.a.s.m than are men. This is not always so, but it is generally the case. Some wives are so pa.s.sionate that they will "spend" several times to their husbands'

once! The author knows of a case where the wife will regularly experience the o.r.g.a.s.m four or five times to her husband's once. She is a lovely wife and a highly accomplished woman, in no sense "fleshy" or "worldly minded." The situation is that her s.e.x organs are exceedingly sensitive while those of her husband are the reverse, they are "timed"

differently, that is all. The case is rare, and as a rule, women are "timed" slower than men.

Again, after a man has pa.s.sed the o.r.g.a.s.m it is, in most cases, impossible for him to continue the act, right then and there, and bring the woman to the climax, if she has not yet arrived, from the fact that, with the expulsion of the s.e.m.e.n, usually detumescence of the p.e.n.i.s at once takes place, and the organ is incapable of exciting the woman when in this condition. And so, if the husband "goes off"

_first_, there is no possibility of the wife's reaching the climax at that embrace. This leaves her unsatisfied, all her s.e.x organs congested, and the whole situation is unsatisfactory, in the extreme.

On the other hand, if the wife comes to the o.r.g.a.s.m first, her v.u.l.v.a and v.a.g.i.n.a detumesce but little and that very slowly, so that it is perfectly possible for the husband to continue his action, and come to the climax, even if his partner has already "spent."

Under these conditions it is easy to see that, where the wife is "keyed" or "timed" much slower than her husband, as is quite often the case, coitus is very liable to be a very one-sided affair, one in which the _husband gets all the satisfaction, and the wife little or_ NONE--_a most unfortunate status for both parties, but especially for the wife._ The writer once knew a case where a husband and wife lived together to celebrate their golden wedding, and the wife never once experienced an o.r.g.a.s.m, though the husband cohabited with her several times a month, during the most of their married life. There was no good reason why this should have been so, only that the husband was "quick in action" and the wife somewhat slow, and they had never synchronated their time differences. The dear old lady died at ninety, never having known a joy that, since her bridal night, she had wished for. Both the husband and wife were most excellent people. _They simply didn't know!_ One was ignorant and the other innocent, and there you are again!

Now the thing to do, under such circ.u.mstances, is for the parties to "get together." And the way to do this is, first, to _prolong the FIRST part_ of the act, till the wife has not only caught up with, but is even _ahead_ of her husband in the state of her pa.s.sion. To bring about this condition, _the husband should use every means to stimulate his wife's s.e.x-nature and increase her desire for coition._ Here are some things he can do, which will tend to produce such results:

A woman's b.r.e.a.s.t.s are directly connected with all her reproductive nerves. This is especially true of her nipples. To touch them is to directly excite all of her s.e.x organs. The lips and tongue are also thus nervously connected with these vital parts, and, so, if the husband will "play" with his wife's b.r.e.a.s.t.s, especially with her nipples, manipulating them with his fingers, or, better still, with his lips and tongue--at the same time, if he will stroke her v.u.l.v.a with his fingers, especially the c.l.i.toris, _and if she will encourage him to do this_, by holding her breast with one hand, shaking it about as her nipple is in her lover's lips; if, lying flat on her back, her husband at her right side, and with his left arm around her waist, she will spread her legs wide apart, thus opening the v.u.l.v.a to its utmost, and sway her hips, raising and lowering them betimes; and, since she has a free hand, if, with this, she will take her husband's p.e.n.i.s with it and "play" with it as her lover plays with her v.u.l.v.a--if they will do this, the cases are rare in which pa.s.sion will not grow in the wife to almost any desirable extent. Under such "courting," the parts will all enlarge, the pre-coital secretion will flow in abundance; and, in due course, all will be ready for the second part of the act. This part of coitus is, really, one of the most enjoyable of the entire performance.

If, perchance, the pre-coital secretion should be tardy in appearing on the part of the wife, so that the v.u.l.v.a is dry as the husband strokes it, let him moisten the part with saliva from his mouth. To do this, let him moisten his _fingers_ from his mouth, and transfer this to the v.u.l.v.a, and then proceed with his stroking. This moistening the v.u.l.v.a with saliva may be repeated _several_ times, _if necessary_, always until the flow of pre-coital fluid from the parts themselves renders any further moistening needless. _The stroking of the dry v.u.l.v.a will do little toward the arousing of pa.s.sion, or producing the pre-coital flow_. But if the parts be moistened, as above directed, both these desired results will follow, except in _very_ rare cases.

And let no one make the mistake of thinking that thus moistening the v.u.l.v.a with saliva is unseemly, or unsanitary. It is neither. On the contrary, it is nature's way of helping to perfection an act which, but for such timely a.s.sistance, might never be brought to a successful issue. As has already been noted, chemically, saliva and the pre-coital fluid are almost identical. They are both a natural secretion of a mucous membrane, are alkaline in reaction, their native purpose is lubrication, and, as a matter of fact, the saliva is as natural an application to the lips of the v.u.l.v.a as it is to the interior of the mouth or throat. Truth to tell, the practice of applying saliva to the genitals before coition is very general, so much so that it might almost be counted as instinctive. It is mentioned here only to remove any prejudice that might linger in the sophisticated mind of the reader. Such use of saliva is no more to be deprecated than its application in a hundred other ways, such as moistening the fingers to turn a leaf, of "licking" one's fingers after eating candy. Such use of this fluid from the mouth might be condemned by the "over-nice," but it is quite universally practiced, and it is neither unwholesome nor unsanitary.

It is sometimes recommended that some form of oil, as sweet oil or vaseline, be used as an unguent for anointing the parts before engaging in coitus, but this practice cannot be recommended. Oil is not a natural product of the parts to which it is applied, it is chemically unlike their secretions, and to smear the delicate organs with a fluid that is foreign to their nature, is unwise, unsanitary, not to say filthy. It is like greasing the mouth to make food slip down easily. And it is easy to understand how such application of an unguent to the mouth would impair the taste, dull the nerves of sensation, and greatly interfere with the native and wholesome uses of the oral cavity.

So don't be afraid or ashamed to use saliva in preparing the v.u.l.v.a and the v.a.g.i.n.a for the reception of their natural mate.

And so, to return to where we left off, if the wife is slower timed than her husband, her pa.s.sion can be greatly increased by the manipulation just described. Indeed, it could be very easily carried to such length--the lips and tongue playing with the nipple, and the finger-stroking of the v.u.l.v.a--that the woman could be brought to an o.r.g.a.s.m without the union of the organs at all! This is a form of masturbation (this word has a bad meaning attached to it, but it is a good word, as will shortly be shown, and it has its legitimate uses; but, as a preparation for coition, it should not be carried any further than is essential for bringing the laggard pa.s.sion of the woman up to an equal tension of that of her lover.) A few weeks', or months', practice will enable a wife to determine just how much of this form of "courting" will bring her to the desired point of excitement; and, when this point is reached, she should invite her husband to "come up over," if the first position is to be adopted for the rest of the act; or, she should throw herself into her lover's arms, if the second position is used.

Just a little more--If, after getting into one position or the other, it seems to the wife that she is not yet fairly abreast of her husband in the intensity of her pa.s.sion, let her _still further_ seek to advance it, as follows:

If the position with the husband superior is taken, let him, after he has gotten into place and before the organs are united, have his wife take his p.e.n.i.s in her hand, and, as he moves his hips up and down, stroke her v.u.l.v.a, especially the c.l.i.toris, with the glans p.e.n.i.s--not entering the v.a.g.i.n.a at once, but continuing this form of _exterior_ contact of the organs, for a longer or shorter time--slipping past the wide open v.a.g.i.n.al mouth, even when the wife raises her thighs and, as it were, begs for an entrance; tantalizing her to the point of distraction--till, finally, she will "take no for an answer" no longer, but will, in an ecstacy, slip the p.e.n.i.s into the v.a.g.i.n.a, and thus consummate their union.

If she be far enough abandoned with her pa.s.sion, such entrance may be made at a single stroke, not to say a furious plunge. But if the v.u.l.v.a and v.a.g.i.n.a are not yet fully dilated, the entrance should be carefully made, gently made, as she can bear it, as _she_ wishes it to be.

Sometimes, yes, not infrequently, in this position, the external stroking of the organs may be continued to the very verge of the o.r.g.a.s.m, so that, especially if the entrance can be made, as it were, in a frenzy of pa.s.sionate delight, the organs coming into full length union at a single impulse, or rus.h.i.+ng together--then the simultaneous climax _may_ be reached with one or two in-and-out motions--or, perhaps the single master-plunge may win the goal instanter! If so, a consummation devoutly to be wished has been successfully reached!

Again, if the wife is slow, and the man is quick, in this play for "getting together," it will enable the man to greatly extend and protract what might be called the time of his possible _retention_, if he can keep the foreskin over the glans p.e.n.i.s. Some men cannot do this. If they have been circ.u.mcised, of course they cannot! But if the glans p.e.n.i.s can be covered with the foreskin during all this playing together, it will enable the husband to prolong his "retentional time" far beyond what he otherwise could. Some men have the power of "retaining" to almost any length of time by the exercise of their will power, and so they can _wait_ for their wives. If the wife is slower timed than the husband, he should _carefully cultivate the "art of retaining"_ and so wait for her. _To do this successfully will greatly increase married happiness_.

This same remark (keeping the gland covered) applies with equal force to the possibilities of the man's retention after the organs are united, and all through the third part of the act. If the p.e.n.i.s can enter the v.a.g.i.n.a with its "natural cap on," the husband can give his wife the pleasure of many times the amount of in-and-out motion than he could otherwise bestow upon her. And if the wife is the slower of the two (as is generally the case) she will greatly appreciate such a favor, and will repay it a THOUSAND FOLD by the responsive, reciprocal motions which she will LAVISH upon her _considerate_ lover.

This is an item of almost supreme importance--this "keeping the cap on" the p.e.n.i.s, during the act, _if the wife is slower than the husband_--if they need to have a care, to insure their "getting off together."

And here is a curious fact, which would seem to show that Mother Nature has especially provided a blissful reward for both the husband and wife who will be careful on this point. Thus, if the husband will be careful to have the glans p.e.n.i.s covered with the foreskin (and, of course, this can _never_ be, if the organs are united when the v.u.l.v.a and v.a.g.i.n.a are dry) when it enters the v.a.g.i.n.a, and will so engage in the in-and-out motion that it will _stay covered_ as the _third_ act progresses--if this is done, when the climax comes, if the two "spend together," the womb will open its mouth as it were, clasp the foreskin, slip it back over the gland so that, when the supreme instant comes, the naked gland will be in the most direct and blissful contact with the most sensitive part of the uterus! This is a most wonderful provision of nature, and to utilize it, and enjoy it to its utmost, is the maximum of human delight!

Again, if after the organs are well together, in the man-superior position, and the in-and-out motion has begun, it should be found that the wife is still behind in the game, she can gain greatly in "catching up" if she is permitted to _originate_ the larger part of the motion. To enable her to do this, let her husband hold his body quite well above her, so that she can have plenty of freedom to move her hips as she may choose to. Added to this, if the husband will, in large measure, "hold still," and keep his p.e.n.i.s in such position that it presses against the _upper part_ of the v.u.l.v.a, that is against the c.l.i.toris, (as the phrase goes, if he will "ride high") and then permit his _wife_ to make "long strokes," sliding the organs together for their full possible length, with the c.l.i.toris in constant contact with the p.e.n.i.s, during the whole of each stroke--all of this will greatly and rapidly increase her pa.s.sions and bring her to the climax.

Or, as a variation from this, if the organs can be united to their fullest possible limit, so that the base of the p.e.n.i.s presses firmly against the Mons Veneris, and the c.l.i.toris and l.a.b.i.ae almost clasp their mate; and then, in this position, if the husband will maintain the _status quo_, while she lifts her hips hard against his, and _swings them about_, in a sort of circular motion "round and round,"

as it were--this will also greatly increase her pa.s.sion, and soon bring her to the climax.

In both these last described ways of courting, the husband should be _extra careful not_ to permit the weight of his body to press down heavily upon his wife. He should _wholly_ sustain himself on his elbows and knees, and permit her to lift herself, at least her hips, by the help of her arms around his waist. This is no hards.h.i.+p for the husband, if he be a true lover. For is he not strong, and what is his strength for but to delight his sweetheart? _A true, devoted, virile and manly lover is always at the service of his sweetheart! To delight her, is to doubly delight himself_. This is another point of which mere animals know nothing. There is nothing in all their nature which responds to the like of this, in any way. The whole experience is _human_; it is productive of a joy, of a _spiritual elevation_, which mere animality knows nothing of--can know nothing of.

Playing thus together, courting each other thus (For, through all these actions, a line of _complete mutualness must run_! The husband may _seem_ to be specially accommodating himself, and all he does, to his wife's whims or necessities; but, even so, this will be more of a delight to _him_ than it is to _her_, viewed from the _spiritual plane_, on the principle that "it is more blessed to give than to receive"--and no truer words than these were ever spoken--while, at the same time, the wife, though _seeming_ only to be gratifying herself, to be reaching after what she alone desires, yet, as a matter of fact, by her very so doing--and the more perfectly, completely, she does this, the better--she is gratifying and delighting her husband to the utmost possible limit) courting each other thus, the lovers will learn to "time" themselves together, perfectly, each knowing just when the other is fully ready, by a sort of _spiritual consciousness_, as it were, and so a perfect climax can be reached.

Take time, LET LOVE RULE AND DIRECT; BANISH ALL SELFISHNESS; _Let the husband keep his head, and_ THE WIFE UTTERLY LOSE HERS, throwing it to the winds, to be wholly swept away by the whirlwind of her pa.s.sion; feeling free, delighting, to let it go, go, go, no one cares where!

Do these things, and married life will be glorious! Of such is the kingdom of heaven, for the truly wedded lovers!

This will be "all Greek," or "foolishness" to the selfish and materially-minded; but to the truly wise, it will be _life immeasurable_. This is a paradox, but it takes a paradox to tell the greatest truths!

So much for the act of coitus in the man-superior position, when the wife is slower timed than the husband and they adopt this method, and the accompanying means for "getting together." Now, if the other position is taken, that of the wife semi-superior, in the husband's arms, as he lies partly on his back and partly on his left side, etc., here are a few points to be noted to advantage.

Still a.s.suming that the wife is the slower-timed of the two, it is entirely possible that when she has "come over" and has gotten into position, that she may not yet be fully ready for the union of the organs. The very time that it takes for her to get into position, the changing of the position of her body, from her back to her right side; the temporary cessation of the stroking of the v.u.l.v.a by her husbands's [sic] fingers; all these things will have a tendency to r.e.t.a.r.d her pa.s.sion, for the time being, and all this loss ought to be made good, if not added to, before the _second_ part of the act is entered upon.

And, in this position, all this can most happily be brought about, as follows:--

Lying in each other's arms, in this _second_ described position, the organs naturally _come_ into contact in such a way as to make the further excitation of the v.u.l.v.a and c.l.i.toris most natural and easy.

The spreading of the wife's hips, caused by her throwing her left leg over her husband's right and drawing up of her left knee, opens the v.u.l.v.a wide; and, at the same time, the p.e.n.i.s, from the very nature of its position, will lie at full length in the opening, thus exposed--not entering the v.a.g.i.n.a, but remaining "without the gate" as yet.

By this time the v.u.l.v.a will have become enlarged and elongated, the lips full and the c.l.i.toris erect, all in a state of tumescence, and all covered with the pre-coital fluid; the lips so distended that, when thus parted, they form the sides of a l.a.b.i.al ca.n.a.l, as it were (a delectable, and most delicately smooth-walled channel). Now, in this extended condition, which is fully as long as the p.e.n.i.s, from end to end of its pathway of dalliance, every part covered with the most delicately sensitive nerve-filaments, and all of these in an ecstasy of keenness to the sense of touch, and in the most perfect of "love's strolling way,"--if the p.e.n.i.s, as it were, stands up full and strong, in such fas.h.i.+on that it touches the v.u.l.v.a at every point, both inner and outer l.a.b.i.ae, the c.l.i.toris and all, for a s.p.a.ce of five or six inches in length; while the protruded and well-moistened lips of the v.u.l.v.a as it were reach out, and clasp themselves at least half way around their suitor, laving him with their luscious kisses--in this position, the wife being partly above, and so, perfectly free to move her "love way" as she will, she can slide the pathway itself a full six or more inches, up and down, stroking all the area against the p.e.n.i.s as she moves; that, again, by its very position, being held firmly in contact by its stiffness and stoutness; the glans p.e.n.i.s throbbing l.u.s.tily against the c.l.i.toris when the two meet at the extreme of the wife's up-stroke; she, pausing an instant, just then, to more perfectly enjoy the sensation; the p.e.n.i.s slipping past the now wide open v.a.g.i.n.al mouth, which reaches out at every down stroke to engulf it--dallying, delaying, coquetting, tantalizing, both man and woman; playing the game in almost a swoon of ecstatic delight--under such conditions the wife's pa.s.sion will rush to its fullest development, till, when she will, she can drop her v.a.g.i.n.a upon the p.e.n.i.s in such a way that the _two will be made one_, in absolute perfection, on a single move, and from this to the finish it is but a few motions distant.