Speed the Plough Part 21

_Enter_ GERALD.

There he is--never was so frightened in all my life.

[GERALD _advances._]

_Lady H._ [_Shrieks and exclaims._] Gerald!

_Gerald._ Yes.

_Lady H._ An't you dead, Gerald? Twenty years away and not dead?

_Gerald._ No, wife.

_Sir Abel._ Wife! did you say, wife?

_Gerald._ Yes.

_Sir Abel._ Say it again.

_Gerald._ She is my wife.

_Sir Abel._ Once more.

_Gerald._ My lawful, wedded wife.

_Sir Abel._ Oh, my dear fellow!--Oh, my dear boy! Oh, my dear girl!--[_Embraces_ GERALD _and the rest._] Oh, my dear! [_Running to_ MRS. GERALD.] No--yes, now she an't my wife, I will--well--how will you have the five thousand? Will you have it in cash, or in bank notes--or stocks, or India bonds, or lands, or patents, or----

_Gerald._ No--land will do--I wish to kill my own mutton.

_Sir Abel._ Sir, you shall kill all the sheep in Hamps.h.i.+re.

_Gerald._ Sir Abel, you have lost five thousand pounds, and with it, properly managed, an excellent wife, who, though I cannot condescend to take again as mine--you may depend on't shall never trouble you. Come!

this way [_Beckoning to_ MRS. GERALD.]--important events now call on me, and prevent my staying longer with this company. Sir Abel, we shall meet soon. Nay, come, you know I'm not used to trifle; Come, come--[_She reluctantly, but obediently, crosses the stage, and runs off_--GERALD _follows._]

_Sir Abel._ [_Imitating._] Come, come--That's a d.a.m.n'd clever fellow!

Joy, joy, my boy! Here, here, your hands--The first use I make of liberty, is to give happiness--I wish I had more imitators--Well, what will you do? [_Walks about exultingly._] Where will you go? I'll go any where you like--Will you go to Bath, or Brighton, or Petersburgh, or Jerusalem, or Seringapatam? all the same to me--we single fellows--we rove about--n.o.body cares about us--we care for n.o.body.

_Handy, jun._ I must to the Castle, father.

_Sir Abel._ Have with you Bob. [_Singing._] "I'll sip every flower--I'll change every hour."--[_Beckoning._]--Come, come--[_Exeunt_ SIR ABEL, HANDY, _jun. and_ SUSAN. SUSAN _kisses her hand to_ ASHFIELD _and_ DAME.]

_Ash._ Bless her! how nicely she do trip it away with the gentry!

_Dame._ And then, Tummas, think of the wedding.

_Ash._ [_Reflecting._] I declare I shall be just the zame as ever--may be I may buy a smartish bridle, or a zilver backy stopper, or the like o' that.

_Dame._ [_Apart._] And, then, when we come out of church, Mrs. Grundy will be standing about there--

_Ash._ I shall shake hands agreeably wi' all my friends. [_Apart._]

_Dame._ [_Apart._] Then I just look at her in this manner.

_Ash._ [_Apart._] How dost do, Peter--Ah, d.i.c.k,--glad to zee thee wi'

all my zoul. [_Bows towards the centre of the stage._]

_Dame._ [_Apart._] Then, with a kind of half curt'sy, I shall--[_She advances to the centre also, and their heads meet._]

_Ash._ What an wold fool thee be'st, Dame--Come along, and behave pratty, do'e. [_Exeunt._

SCENE II.

_The same as act fourth, scene third._

_Enter_ HANDY, _jun. with caution, bearing a light, and a large key._

_Handy, jun._ Now to fulfil my promise with Sir Philip Blandford--by--entering that chamber, and removing--'Tis rather awful--I don't half like it, somehow, every thing is so cursedly still. What's that? I thought I heard something--no--why, 'sdeath, I am not afraid--no--I'm quite su--su--sure of that--only every thing is so cursedly hush, and--[_A flash of light, and a tremendous explosion takes place._] What the devil's that? [_Trembling._] I swear I hear some one--lamenting--who's there?

_Enter_ SIR ABEL HANDY.

Father? [_Trembling._]

_Sir Abel._ [_Trembling._] Bob!

_Handy, jun._ Have you seen any thing!

_Sir Abel._ Oh, my dear boy!

_Handy, jun._ d.a.m.n it, don't frighten one--

_Sir Abel._ Such an accident! Mercy on us!

_Handy, jun._ Speak!

_Sir Abel._ I was mixing the ingredients of my grand subst.i.tute for gunpowder, when somehow it blew up, and set the curtains on fire, and--

_Handy, jun._ Curtains! zounds, the room's in a blaze.

_Sir Abel._ Don't say so, Bob.

_Handy, jun._ What's to be done? Where's your famous preparation for extinguis.h.i.+ng flames?

_Sir Abel._ It is not mixed.

_Handy, jun._ Where's your fire escape?

_Sir Abel._ It is not fixed.