Golden Steps to Respectability, Usefulness and Happiness Part 2

"Again a light boat on a streamlet is seen, Where the banks are o'erladen with beautiful green, Like a mantle of velvet spread out to the sight, Reflects to the gazer a bright world of light.

The fair bark has lost none of its beauty of yore, But a youth is within it,--the fair child before; And the Angel is gone--on the sh.o.r.e see him stand, As he bids him adieu with a wave of the hand.

Ah! a life is before thee--a life full of care, Gentle Youth, and mayhap thou wilt fall in its snare.

Can thy bark speed thee now? without wind, without tide?

Without the kind Angel, thy beautiful guide?

Ah! no;--then what lures thee, fair youth, to depart?

Must thou rush into danger from impulse of heart?

Lo! above in the bright arch of Heaven I see The vision, the aim so alluring to thee: 'Tis the temple of Fame, with its pillars so fair, And the Genius of Wisdom and Love reigneth there.

Advance then, proud vessel,--thy burden is light,-- Swift speed thee, and guide his young steps in the right; For in life's 'fitful changes' are many dark streams, And paths unillumed by the sun's golden beams."

Cherish self-respect. Have a deep regard for your own estimation of your own merits. Look with scorn and contempt upon low and vicious practices. Cultivate pride of character. I care not how proud the youthful are of all their valuable attainments, their correct habits, their excellings in that which is manly, useful, and good.

The more pride of this description, the better. Though it should reach even to egotism and vanity, it is much better than no pride in these things. This pride in doing right is one of the preserving ingredients, the very salt of man's moral character, which prevents from plunging into vice.

Live for something besides _self_. Build with your own hands, the monument that shall perpetuate your memory, when the dust has claimed your body. Do good. Live for others, if you would be embalmed in their recollections.

"Thousands of men breathe, move, and live--pa.s.s off the stage of life, and are heard of no more. Why! They did not a particle of good in the world; and none were blessed by them; none could point to them as the instruments of their redemption; not a line they wrote, not a word they spoke could be recalled, and so they perished; their light went out in darkness, and they were not remembered more than the insects of yesterday. Will you thus live and die, O man immortal? Live for something. Do good, and leave behind you a monument of virtue that the storm of time can never Destroy. Write your name by kindness, love, and mercy, on the hearts of the thousands you come in contact with year by year, and you will never be forgotten. No, your name--your deeds--will be as legible on the hearts you leave behind, as the stars on the brow of evening. Good deeds will s.h.i.+ne as brightly on the earth as the stars of heaven."[1]

"Up! it is a glorious era!

Never yet has dawned its peer; Up, and work! and then a n.o.bler In the future shall appear.

'Onward!' is the present's motto, To a larger, higher life; 'Onward!' though the march be weary, Though unceasing be the strife.

"Pitch not here thy tent, for higher Doth the bright ideal s.h.i.+ne, And the journey is not ended Till thou reach that height divine.

Upward! and above earth's vapors, Glimpses shall to thee be given, And the fresh and odorous breezes, Of the very hills, of heaven."

[Footnote 1: Dr. Chalmers.]

Among the fixed principles which you should establish for your government, by no means overlook _Honesty_ and _Integrity_. The poet never uttered a truer word than that

"An honest man's the n.o.blest work of G.o.d."

Honesty is approved and admired by G.o.d and man--by all in heaven, and by all on earth. Even the corrupt swindler, in his heart, respects an honest man, and stands abashed in his presence.

In all your actions, in all your dealings, let strict and rigid honesty guide you. Never be tempted to swerve from its dictates, even in the most trivial degree. There will be strong allurements to entice you from this path. The appet.i.te for gain--the voice of avarice--will often whisper that honesty may be violated to advantage. There will be times when it will seem that its dictates may be placed aside--that a little dishonesty will be greatly to your benefit. Believe not this syren song. This is the time you are in the most danger of being deceived to your serious injury.

Although there may be occasions when you will seem actually to lose by adhering to honesty, yet you should not shrink a hair's breadth.

Whatever you may lose, in a pecuniary point of view, at any time, by a strict submission to honesty, you will make up an hundred-fold in the long-run, by establis.h.i.+ng and preserving a reputation for integrity. Looking at it in simply a pecuniary point of view, community will give their countenance, their patronage, and business, much quicker to a man who has established a reputation for honesty, than to one who is known, or suspected of being fraudulent in his dealings. Every consideration which can bear upon the young, religious, moral and pecuniary, unite to urge them to establish, in the outset of life, the rule of unswerving _honesty_ and _integrity_, as their constant guide. Let it not be forgotten, that in every possible point of view, and in every conceivable condition of things, it will always be true, that "Honesty is the best policy."

I would have the young also cultivate and establish as it fixed rule of life, a friendly and accommodating disposition. This is all-essential to make their days pleasant and happy. Other virtues will influence the world to respect you; but an affectionate disposition will cause those with whom you have intercourse, to love you. Those who wish the friends.h.i.+p and good will of others, must themselves manifest a friendly disposition, and a spirit of kindness. Whoever would be accommodated and a.s.sisted, must themselves be accommodating, and ready to aid those who require it.

In all these things we see the wisdom of the Saviour's _golden rule_--"All things whatsoever ye would that men should do unto you, do ye even so unto them." Be kind, accommodating, loving, and peaceful, in the whole current of your disposition, and the cup of your life will be sweetened with peace and joy.

I exhort the young to adopt the n.o.ble motto of the coat-of-arms of New York--"EXCELSIOR!"

"The shades of night were falling fast, As through an Alpine village pa.s.sed A youth, who bore, 'mid snow and ice, A banner with the strange device, EXCELSIOR!"

Let it be the aim of every youth to lift aloft this glorious banner, and soar _upward_ to a surpa.s.sing excellency. Let them seek to _excel_ in all tilings high, and good. Let them never stoop to do an evil act, nor degrade themselves to commit a wrong. But in their principles, purposes, deeds, and words, let their great characteristics be Truth, Goodness, and Usefulness!

"Be just and fear not!

Let all the ends thou aim'st at, be thy country's, Thy G.o.d's, and Truth's!"

LECTURE III.

Selection of a.s.sociates.

"Be not thou envious against evil men, neither desire to be with them; for their heart studieth destruction, and their lips talk of mischief."--Prov. xxiv. I, 2.

There is nothing more important to the youthful, or that should receive more serious consideration at their hands, than the selection of a.s.sociates. We are by nature social beings. We desire, we seek, and enjoy, the society of our fellow-creatures. This trait is strongly developed in the young. They yearn for each other's companions.h.i.+p, and they must have it, or they pine away, and sink into misanthropy. This disposition may properly be indulged; but great care and prudence should be exercised in regard to it.

While mingling in each other's society, it is natural, almost unavoidable, that the youthful should imbibe much of the leading characteristics of their a.s.sociates. Being highly imitative in our nature, it is impossible to be on social and familiar terms with others, for any great length of time, without copying somewhat of their dispositions, ways, and habits.

Let a young man, however upright and pure, a.s.sociate habitually with those who are profane, Sabbath-breaking, intemperate, and unprincipled--who are given to gambling, licentiousness, and every low, brutal and wicked practice--and but a brief s.p.a.ce of time will elapse before he will fall into like habits himself, and become as great an adept in iniquitous proceedings as the most thorough-paced profligate among them. When a young woman a.s.sociates with girls who are idle, disrespectful and disobedient to parents--who are vulgar, brazen-faced, loud talkers and laughers--whose chief occupation and delight is to spin street-yarn, to run from house to house and store to store, and walk the streets in the evening, instead of being at home engaged in some useful occupation--whose whole conversation, and thoughts, and dreams, relate to dress, and fas.h.i.+on, and gewgaws, and trinkets, to adorn the person, utterly negligent of the ornaments of the mind and heart--whose reading never extends to instructive and useful books, but is confined exclusively to sickly novels and silly love-stories;--how long will it be before she will become as careless and good-for-nothing as they?

This predisposition of the young to imitate the characteristics of those with whom they a.s.sociate, has been so well and so long known, that it has given rise to the old proverb--"Show me your company, and I will show you your character." So perfectly did Solomon understand this, that he uttered the wise maxim--"Make no friends.h.i.+p with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go; lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul."

The young should remember, that people will judge them by the company they keep. This principle is perfectly correct. In selecting their a.s.sociates, they act _voluntarily_. They choose such as they please. When they seek the society of the ignorant, the vulgar, the profane and profligate, they give the best of reasons for believing that they prefer profligacy and vulgarity to virtue and purity. To what other conclusion can the observer come? If they preferred virtue and purity, they would certainly seek pure and virtuous a.s.sociates. Hence society have adopted the very correct principle of judging the young, by the character of their a.s.sociates. If they would be thought well of, they should strive to a.s.sociate with those who are known to be virtuous and good. However blameless and upright young persons may have been, if they begin to a.s.sociate with those whose reputation is poor, and whose conduct is improper, they will soon be esteemed no higher than their companions.

These reflections show the youthful how important it is, that their a.s.sociates should be of the right stamp. They should see the necessity of _selecting_ their companions. The great difficulty with the young is, that they leave this important matter altogether too much to "chance." If they happen to fall into good company, it is very well; and their a.s.sociates and intimate friends will be likely to be of that cla.s.s. But if, unfortunately, they meet with the vicious and unprincipled, and are, to any great extent, thrown in their way, they are as likely to form intimacies with them as with any others.

Such negligence is exceedingly unpromising and dangerous. Whoever allows it, will be in far more danger of falling under the influence of the vicious than the exemplary. Instead of this heedlessness, they should carefully and thoughtfully _select_ their a.s.sociates.

They should not be willing to form terms of intimacy with, every one into whose society they may be casually thrown. They should inform themselves of their tastes, habits, and reputation. And from the circle of their acquaintance should choose those with whom they would form terms of intimacy.

Be cautious to select aright. The entire career in after-life depends very much on this. How many a young woman of fine attractions has had her reputation injured, and her prospects for life destroyed, by a.s.sociating with those whose character and habits proved to be bad. When once young women get a taint on their reputation in this way, or in any other manner, it is exceedingly difficult to wipe it out.

The ruin of mult.i.tudes of young men can be traced to the same origin--a bad selection of a.s.sociates. I have in my mind's eye now, a case in point. A young man, born in this city, and known to most of you, was naturally endowed with the rarest abilities and the finest talents. He belonged to one of the most wealthy and respectable families. He had every advantage for cultivation, and for the highest and most thorough education. Had he been thoughtful and wise to have improved his opportunities, the way was open for him to the highest advancement. He might have been blessed with respectability, wealth, and honors. He could have risen to the most dignified positions in life. His voice might have been heard in strains of persuasive eloquence, from the sacred pulpit, or in the halls of justice, or in the senate chamber of our state or national councils. He might have occupied a seat on the bench of the highest courts, or have aspired to the executive chair of the nation. But where is he now, and what are his circ.u.mstances and his position in the world? See issuing from the door of yonder filthy groggery; a wretched specimen of humanity--the distorted caricature of a man!

His garments are thread-bare and patched--his eyes are inflamed, sunken and watery--his countenance bloated and livid--his limbs swelled and tottering. Although but in the morning of his manhood, yet the lines of premature old age and decrepitude are deeply carved upon his pale, dejected face; and in his whole aspect, there is that forlorn, broken-spirited, anguished look of despair, which shows he himself feels that he has sunken, beyond earthly redemption, into the awful pit of the confirmed drunkard! This is the young man whose early opportunities were so favorable, and whose prospects were so bright and flattering. He has become a curse to himself, he has brought disgrace and wretchedness on his connections, and is an outcast and vagabond, with whom no young man who now hears me would a.s.sociate for a single hour!

What has brought him to this pitiable condition--this state of utter wretchedness? It was a want of forethought. He totally neglected the considerations I have endeavored to impress upon the young. He was careless and indifferent in regard to his a.s.sociates. He would not be admonished to turn from the company of the vicious, and seek the society of those of good habits and upright character. Despite the counsel of parents and friends, he would a.s.sociate with companions of corrupt habits--with the profane, the drinking, the Sabbath-breaking--those whose chief delight was to visit oyster-cellars and grog-shops--whose highest ambition was to excel in cards, and dice, and sleight-of-hand tricks--and who sought for no better employment than to range the streets and alleys, to engage in midnight adventures and Baccha.n.a.lian revelries. Mingling with such as his a.s.sociates, and falling unavoidably into their habits, he is now reaping the _bitter_--BITTER fruits of his folly. His time misspent--character destroyed--health ruined--every source of happiness obliterated--his life wasted and literally thrown away--his days, a _blank_--ah! worse than that--filled with the terrific visions, the horrid dreams, the flames of the unquenchable fire, which float and burn in the veins of the confirmed inebriate!

Young men! Do you shudder at the condition of this wretched youth, whose form yet flits like a shadow through our streets? Would you avoid his fate? Do you start back in affright at the mere thought of becoming the poor, cast-off wreck of humanity that he is? Then avoid the rock on which he foundered his bark. Shun, as you would a nest of vipers, the company of the reckless and profligate. Avoid all a.s.sociation, all companions.h.i.+p, all intimacy, with those whose habits deviate from the high rules of rect.i.tude, purity, and virtue.

Allow me to paint you a picture of an opposite character, drawn also from real life. I have another young man in my mind's eye, who originated in our own county. He had but few of the advantages of him whose melancholy career I have painted. He was the son of parents who possessed but little means, and who could afford him no a.s.sistance after the days of childhood. He was early placed to the hard labor of a mechanic. But he did not sink into lewdness and vice, under the pressure of his adverse circ.u.mstances. He would not spend his leisure hours at public resorts, in the midst of the profligate and reckless. Each moment of respite from labor, he applied himself to study and the improvement of his mind. With great wisdom he avoided the company of idle, profane and vicious youth; and would a.s.sociate with none but the discreet, the intelligent and virtuous. He was determined to RISE in the world, and to win a name which should live long after he should pa.s.s from the earth. He placed his mark high! With indomitable courage and unwearied perseverance, he pursued the path he had chosen for himself. He cut his way through every obstacle, and overcame every hindrance and difficulty, though they might seem to tower mountain high. Friends came to his aid, as they will to the a.s.sistance of every youth who is industriously seeking to rise in the world by the strength of his own merits. At length, after great exertions, he obtained a profession, and entered into a field where he could bring into active exercise the fund of knowledge he had been acquiring under so many difficulties. One thus industrious, thus pure in his habits, thus upright and honorable in all his transactions, could not fail to receive the commendation and confidence of his fellow-citizens.

Rapidly he rose from one post of honor to another. Ere long he was sent to the Legislature of our State. Soon he entered the halls of Congress, where he won the confidence of his compeers, and arose to honorable distinction. From step to step he advanced--high and higher still he ascended the ladder of fame--until now, the poor mechanic boy of Montville, occupies the _second place_ in the gift of the American people--within _one step_ of the highest pinnacle of fame to which man can attain on the earth! How n.o.ble the career--how splendid the example--placed before the youth of our country, in the history of this eminent man! How honorable to himself--how worthy of imitation.

I need not ask the young men of this audience, which place they would prefer to occupy, the position of the poor inebriate of whom I have spoken, or that of the Vice-President of the United States?

It is instructive to inquire why the one, with opportunities so good, sunk so low, and the other, with early advantages so limited, has arisen so high? This disparity in their condition is to be attributed to the different paths they selected at the outset of life. While the one trampled on all his advantages, and foolishly a.s.sociated with the vicious and unprincipled, the other diligently applied himself to the acquisition of useful knowledge, and was scrupulous to a.s.sociate with none but those who were discreet and virtuous, and whose influence was calculated to elevate and purify him.

These two cases, drawn from real life, are but a specimen of instances with which the world is filled. They show how immensely important it is for the young to reflect maturely on the course they would pursue, and the necessity of selecting for their a.s.sociates such as have habits, tastes, and principles, proper for commendation and imitation.

Most of those who come under the influence of corrupt a.s.sociates, are led thither more from sheer thoughtlessness, than from any disposition to become depraved. They fall into the company of those who are gay, sociable and pleasant in their manners; who make time pa.s.s agreeably, and who contrive many ways to drive dull care away, which do not, in themselves, appear very bad. The thoughtless youth becomes attached to their society, and gradually gives himself up to their influence. Almost imperceptibly to himself, he follows them farther and farther from the path of rect.i.tude, until, before he is aware of it, some vicious habit has fixed its fangs upon him, and made him its wretched slave for life.

The difficulty in these cases, is the want of a due exercise of reflection and discernment. The young should guard against being deceived by outward appearances. Beneath a pleasant, agreeable exterior--beneath sociability and attractive manners--there may lurk vicious propensities, depraved appet.i.tes, and habits of the most corrupt nature. Hence the young should look beyond the surface, and guard against deceptive appearances. It should not be enough to make a young man or a young woman your a.s.sociate, that they are sociable and attractive in their manners, and can make their company agreeable. Search farther than this. Strive to know their tastes, their habits, their principles. Inquire how, and where, they spend their leisure hour's--in what company do they mingle--what practices do they approbate--what is their general conduct and demeanor? If in all these respects, they are found to be discreet, virtuous, and worthy of imitation, then hesitate not to a.s.sociate with them, and allow yourself to be influenced by them. But if you find them deficient in any of these characteristics, however attractive they may be in other respects, shun their company, and avoid their influence. The effect of a.s.sociating with them would be to lead you astray, to your ruin.

In selecting a.s.sociates, studiously avoid those who are low, coa.r.s.e, and vulgar in their behavior and manners. Rudeness and vulgarity are unbecoming any age. But they are especially offensive and indecorous in youth. The young man, or young woman, who has not sufficient self-respect and pride of character to deport themselves with modesty, circ.u.mspection, and politeness, is unfitted to be an a.s.sociate. A bold, brazen, forward demeanor, indicates a heart far from possessing those delicate and amiable traits, which are alone worthy of imitation. Vulgarity in language or demeanor, indicates a vitiated heart. Cultivation and refinement of manners are, to a good degree, evidence of a pure spirit, and high and honorable feelings.

The youth who is truly polite, has a great advantage, in every respect, over those who are deficient in this desirable qualification. Many, however, entertain very erroneous views of the nature of politeness. It does not consist in putting on an air, a simper, a strut, or a bow. Neither is it to be manifested in high-flown words, or a fas.h.i.+onable p.r.o.nunciation. Many young persons who can make very accomplished bows, and go through all the postures and att.i.tudes of the schools, are still ignorant of the first principles of genuine politeness, and violate them every day.

Politeness is not to be learned of the dancing-master, the fop, or the belle. Do you inquire where it can be obtained? I answer, in the gospel of our Saviour. True-hearted Christians are always polite.

They cannot be otherwise, while influenced by the Christian spirit.

For the first great principle of true politeness is found in the Saviour's golden rule--"All things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them." Treat others as you wish to be treated yourself, and you cannot fail of being polite. Treat them as you wish _not_ to be treated, and you are ill-bred and vulgar, though you may be dressed in the extreme of fas.h.i.+on, and steeped in Cologne! Politeness, in its true acceptation, is but another word for kindness. The truly polite man and woman, are not haughty, nor exclusive--they are not starched, nor supercilious.