Broken Pasts Part 6

"You've got the same spirit. You're a strong woman, Theresa. I think that's what Nathaniel sees in you."

"Sees in me?" I asked, and I felt like a teenager gossiping with a girlfriend. You mean, he like, totally likes me? I sat up straighter and wished I had a gla.s.s of wine in my hand, just so I could look more grown-up. Cedric smiled and pointed at my laptop, sitting forlornly on the edge of the tabletop.

"E-mails?" he asked, and I could tell by the set of his s.h.a.ggy red brows that we were done with this conversation. For now.

I had a horrible night's sleep.

First off, I had a s.e.x dream featuring the one and only, Nathaniel Sutherland. In it, he gave me the most fabulous oral s.e.x and then while I returned the favor, he whispered sweet nothings in the moonlit air. When I'd awoken from that dream, I'd had to deal with the fact that Cedric was standing in my doorway and that he almost certainly had heard noises. I talked in my sleep, a lot. It was something that Glen had hated about me. The jerk. So I'd gotten up, stolen a quick sip of Jager (I do not have a problem) and stolen back to bed.

My next dream nightmare actually had been about Gary, standing over my bed in the dark with a knife in one hand. His eyes had been gla.s.sy and blank, like they'd been at the house yesterday. He'd then proceeded to stab me, over and over and over again until I was lying on my back in a pool of black blood, screaming and calling out a single name. Nathaniel. Now what the f.u.c.k does that mean?

When I told Jamie, she was as unhelpful as always.

"Theresa, don't be dense. You like the guy. Is it that hard to understand?"

"I'm in a transitional period in my life, Jamie. I don't need a man right now."

"Don't need, want. There's a difference. Everybody dreams of having someone to love, Theresa. It doesn't make you any less of a woman. Women can love men. It's okay to want and still be a headstrong, self-a.s.sertive, independent go-getter, which you are."

"Are you eating during my pep talk?" I asked her as she chewed and snapped and ground something in my ear.

"Listen, if you want to chill out and relax, come out with me tonight. I'm going to dinner with a bunch of power hungry demons from work. It's a girls only night, should be fun."

"I don't know ... Nathaniel said he might be able to take me shooting."

"I'll pick you up at eight, 'kay?"

"Jamie ... "

"And bring your s.e.xy hunk for security. Just in case."

"But "

She hung up on me.

I sighed and exited the bathroom as Cedric moved seamlessly out of my way and did his best to blend in with the wall behind him. It wasn't working. He was just too d.a.m.n big.

"Want some pancakes?" I asked as I opened the fridge and searched for bacon.

"I hate pancakes," Rhea said as she came out of her room in a pair of h.e.l.lo Kitty pajamas and glared at Cedric like he was the enemy, as if somehow, it was his fault that Nathaniel wasn't here.

"You love pancakes," I said as I grabbed the eggs and put them on the counter. "I always make you pancakes on Sundays."

"I want an omelet," Rhea said as she eyed the growing file on the corner of the table. It was as thick as War and Peace and about as pleasant a read. "With chives."

"What?" I asked as my daughter rolled her eyes and gave me a look.

"A chive is a perennial plant related to the onion," she told me, as if I'd never heard of it. "Often used to season food."

"You're nine," I said and started on the pancakes anyway. Rhea sighed and stomped off to watch cartoons, turning the volume up to a level she knew I didn't approve of. I left her to it and tried to focus on my cooking as I thought about Gillian Sutherland and her apple pies. "Hey Cedric," I said, glancing at him around the fridge. "The man that killed Gillian, her stalker, did he kill himself?" Nathaniel had said that he'd come home and found them both dead, so I had just a.s.sumed, but maybe that wasn't it at all. Maybe Gillian had wounded him critically in her fight to save her own life. She sounded like a woman who could take care of herself.

Cedric didn't respond, not for a long time. I even had to peek at him to make sure he was still there. Just as I was about to repeat my question, he answered me.

"Yes." And that was it, no elaboration, nothing. His face was cold and blank, not just a professional facade, but something else. Cedric was hiding something from me. I knew that just as surely as I knew that Nathaniel had other secrets, things he hadn't told me. It was instinctive. I cracked an egg into the pan and let it go, for the moment. Of course, my mind supplied all sorts of other answers. Is the killer still alive? Did he escape? Is he out there now? I hoped not. I hoped Cedric was just being strange because it was a such a difficult subject for him, but I doubted it. Something was up with these two, and I was always game for a good mystery.

CHAPTER 13.

The day came and went as it's wont to do, and soon I found myself peeping out the blinds in my bedroom, just to see if I could grab a sneak peek of Nathaniel pulling into the driveway. I was already dressed in my best "girls' night out" look which consisted of the very cla.s.sic little black dress with a scooped neckline, a pair of emerald pumps, and Rhea's Kukui nut necklace. My eyes were smoky and mysterious (at least when I squinted), and I had a slash of "s.l.u.t Red" lipstick on my mouth (courtesy of Jamie), so I was feeling pretty good.

Until Nathaniel called and said he couldn't make it.

"What?" I asked, feeling sorely disappointed. "Why?"

"Well," Cedric began as his brow crinkled and he lifted the phone away from his ear. "Something came up at the office. One of our employees killed a man during a job." I clamped a hand over my mouth and didn't know what to say. Cedric smiled weakly. "It happens more often than you'd think. Still, Nathaniel needs to be there to make sure that justice is served so to speak. Self-defense is a hard one to prove in court."

"I ... " I had no idea how to respond to that.

"Do you mind if I make a personal call? I need to call my date and cancel."

"Your date?" I said. It had never occurred to me that Cedric might have a special someone. Why, I don't know, but I blinked at him in surprise. "Oh, you can't cancel your date," I said as a minivan pulled into the driveway. Joel was here to pick up Rhea. I started down the hallway with Cedric at my heels and tried to figure out a way to help the poor guy. He was obviously disappointed, whether he was showing it or not. "I refuse to let you tag along with me when you've got a lady friend waiting," I said as I peeped my head into Rhea's bedroom and found her engulfed in a Pokemon game of some sort. "Grab your things. Joel's here."

"Are you going to have s.e.x on a beach?" Rhea asked me, and I had to pause and stare at her for a moment before it sunk in.

"You mean the drink?" I said, tugging at my emerald earrings and wondering if they clashed too much with the necklace. "You mean, am I going to drink a s.e.x on the Beach?" Rhea nodded emphatically as she stuffed some books into her backpack and hopped off the bed. "Maybe. Why? Where did you hear that from?" She shrugged and moved past me, grabbing a notepad filled with p.e.n.i.s drawings on her way past. Am I a terrible mother?

"Perhaps," Cedric said, trying desperately to grab my attention as I moved back down the hall and followed Rhea into the kitchen. His face was red and he was actually sputtering. "Perhaps I could call someone else in. Normally, I wouldn't do this, but I ... "

"Have a super hot date?" I joked as I reached for the door and paused when Cedric put out a big meaty hand and stopped me in the nick of time.

"Am going to propose," he blurted, and I had to pause and stare at him with my mouth agape.

"Mom," Rhea said as she elbowed me in the side. "Say, Congrats. That's polite."

"Congratulations," I blurted as Cedric checked the peephole, swept Rhea and I to the side with a gentle sweep of his arm and opened the door to Joel. He stared at the Viking-like man with wide eyes, and I leapt in to explain.

"This is Nathaniel's ... brother, Cedric." The big man boomed with laughter as he reached out and grabbed Joel's hand for a shake.

"What she means is, I'm his business partner. Not a lick of shared blood between us!"

"Cedric's getting married," Rhea said proudly, as if she'd known all along. Joel blinked and tried to smile. Apparently Jamie hadn't briefed him on the situation. I slid between them and grabbed Rhea's bag from her hands, transferring it to Joel's.

"I'll pick you up in the morning, okay?" I said, pressing a kiss to her cheek. Rhea stuck out her tongue.

"Because you'll be drunk?" she asked, and I had to ignore her. What the h.e.l.l was I supposed to say to that? Yes. Mommy is going to get plastered with some women she doesn't know and get her mind off all of the s.h.i.+t that's going on in her life. It's a grown-up thing.

"Thank you again, Joel," I said, but he shrugged off his own good nature with a wink.

"No problem," he told me with a smile. "I owe you one to make up for Stuart anyhow." He grabbed my hand and kissed it before putting an arm around Rhea and guiding her to the car. "Come on, kid. Let's see if you can kick those boys' b.u.t.ts at air hockey."

I smiled as I closed the door and turned to Cedric who was thumbing through his phone with purpose. Thing is, I didn't want a new bodyguard to drag around on my girls' night. I reached out and put a hand over his Cedric's screen. He glanced up at me.

"You know what," I said, hoping this would go over smoothly. "I don't need a bodyguard tonight." Cedric's mouth was open and his booming voice was raising in protest when I continued, hoping to make my case before he talked me out of it. "I'll be out with the girls, in clubs, restaurants, wherever. There'll be people around, lots of them. Afterward, I'll go home with Jamie, sleep on her couch." Cedric was not convinced. "She has three pit bulls," I added. Cedric shook his head. "Mean ones."

"I don't think it's safe, Ms. McMaster, I really don't. If you don't want a new bodyguard, I'll stay."

"Cedric," I said, using my best mom voice. "You are not skipping your proposal dinner for little old me. Look, why don't you send Nathaniel over to pick me up in the morning? I'll give you Jamie's address." My heart fluttered a bit at the thought of the dark haired man with the emerald eyes and the world's most well pressed suit. I have got it bad. I need this night.

"Nathaniel would kill me if " I narrowed my eyes on Cedric's. He was desperate to get out of here, I could see that. I didn't blame him one bit. I mean, how much more important can a date be?

"When Jamie picks me up, you can sweep the house and lock up, and I'll see Nathaniel in the morning. It works out for everyone." Cedric was caving. I was so close ... And then his phone rang and whatever it was that he saw on the screen sealed the deal. "Take it," I said with a smile and watched as his need for professionalism warred with his desperation to speak to his girlfriend. Love won out and he answered the call. The future Mrs. Bair was one lucky girl.

"I'm going to fire their a.s.ses," Jamie said, already half-drunk. I had no way of knowing how much she'd drank. The woman downed shots in mere seconds, punctuated them with neon colored drinks, and drowned it all with dark beers and honey colored ales. I couldn't keep up. "You are unprotected," she slurred. "You are an unprotected woman."

"You think Gary's going to sneak up on me in here?" I asked as I tried my best to shout over the pulsing thump of the music. I adjusted my skirt and tried to pretend that I was not way overdressed. And ten years too old. "Besides, they don't control what I do. I'm the client, Jamie. I make the decisions."

"Seriously," she said as she watched the group of friends we'd come with b.u.mp and grind with men half their ages. "I am p.i.s.sed. I am going to call that Nathaniel Sutherland tomorrow and file a formal complaint."

"You'll do no such thing," I said as I slid her drink away from her and looked down at it. It was flaming. Wow. Since when did drinks flame? I was so out of my element. I looked around for an escape route and landed on the women's bathroom. Would it be any better in there? I doubted it. Probably just a bunch of drunk college girls puking their guts out. Gross. "Let's talk about something else, shall we?" I asked as I tried to loosen up my shoulders and figure out how to drink the d.a.m.ned thing. Jamie leaned over and blew it out, pus.h.i.+ng the drink closer to my elbow with her brows raised defiantly.

"Can't we go out to dinner at an Italian restaurant or something?" I asked with a sigh. "Somewhere more appropriate for women our age?"

"Our age?" Jamie gasped as she sat back and hiccuped. She winked at the s.h.i.+rtless bartender and licked her lips. "Speak for yourself there, darling. Grow-down a little."

"Grow-down?" I asked.

"Yeah, grow-down. You know how people are always telling everyone around them to grow-up? Well, f.u.c.k them. Grow-down a little. Have some fun. You've been through way too much s.h.i.+t in your life, Theresa. Drink the drink, dance with me, and don't care that anybody's looking. You owe yourself that." I stared at her and picked up the shot gla.s.s, lifted it to my lips and drank.

Sometime later (I don't know how long because I was slightly intoxicated), the girls and I stumbled out of the club in a giggling, sweaty heap, melding into the throng of twenty-somethings like we belonged there. We made our way down the street, heels clutched in our hands and the world at our fingertips. It felt good.

"This is fun," I told the blonde woman in the neon green dress. She was at least ten years older than me and her outfit had half as much fabric. For a brief moment, I was envious. She was actually managing to pull it off.

"I told you," Jamie said as we crossed the street without looking. Didn't matter anyway. There was a throng of people around us, enjoying the night and the street signs that glimmered like some kind of dystopian skyline, winking color from every window, every awning. "You need to get out more."

"Let's go see a movie," one of the other women said. "The new one with that skinny b.i.t.c.h in the leather, the one that fights fairies."

"The Creature Killer?" I asked with a laugh and a hiccup.

"Yeah," she said as I blinked at her and struggled to remember her name. Mina? Mira? Mya? "That chick is totally hot."

"Oh my G.o.d," Jamie drawled as we stumbled towards the movie theater. "You like girls?"

"G.o.d yes," Mina-Mira-Mya said. "Don't you?" The group burst into spontaneous laughter that I found myself surprised to be a part of. I was one part ecstatic and one part ashamed. I'm stumbling down the street drunk. With no shoes. I'm thirty-two years old. What the h.e.l.l is wrong with me?

I didn't care.

"Pit stop," one of the women called out. "Pit stop! Just before the theater! I need another drink if I'm going to stay buzzed for the movie."

"How about this one?" Mina-Mira-Mya asked as she pointed at a ma.s.sive line beside the brown building next to us. The people in line looked like G.o.ds, beautiful, chiseled, perfect. No way we were getting in anytime soon. Still, I was in no shape to argue. I stumbled after my friends and paused at the velvet ropes feeling like an extra in a movie. Only difference was that the bodyguard was a woman with a face full of piercings instead of a big, bulky man who could probably take on the Hulk.

"Hey there," Jamie said and without another word, she leaned over and kissed the chick on the lips. I gasped, but the bouncer smiled. Even more so when Jamie pulled down her dress and flashed her ... b.r.e.a.s.t.s.

"Oh my G.o.d!" I exclaimed which got everyone giggling again. "What about Joel?" n.o.body was listening to me. The velvet ropes were already being lifted and we were being ushered into a throbbing throng of young people that swept us up and knocked us around with their thrusting hips. At first, I was horrified, but then I found my way over to the bar and downed some kind of blue colored drink that tasted like kiwi. That was it for me. After that, I might as well have been floating in s.p.a.ce for all that it mattered. I was grinding and shaking my thing with a boy that I was ashamed to say that I found attractive. At least he had a stamp on his hand telling me he was no younger than twenty-one. It was just enough of a relief that I managed to relax, put my hands on his hips and close my eyes, moving to the music in a way I hadn't thought possible. What about Gary? my mind asked me while I sweated and breathed and lived. It was exhilarating, really, although I had a feeling that this was going to be my last girls' night for a good long while. It was as exhausting as it was exciting, and I already feel myself tiring, dreaming of goose down pillows and fluffy comforters.

And Nathaniel Sutherland.

Oh G.o.d.

Those emerald eyes, that chocolate hair, that perfect suit, that wicked smile.

I groaned. Out loud. In the middle of a throng of people. Luckily (or not?) I wasn't alone. People were shouting and moaning all around me, signing song lyrics I didn't know, making out with partners they didn't know. I pushed away from my boy toy and stepped back, right into a girl with a sequined dress and then turned and made a beeline for the bathroom. When I got there, I skipped right past the line and stumbled over to a sink, splashed cold water on my face and tried to breathe. My head was spinning like crazy and I was having a hard time keeping my thoughts straight. Not that that was a bad thing. Sometimes my thoughts were my own worst enemy. Still, I had to keep some wits about me before I started having wet dreams on the dance floor and ended up b.u.mping into Gary.

I looked up into the mirror and found that my carefully coiffed do had come undone. Dark tendrils were dripping down the sides of my face, teasing my shoulders and kissing the line of cleavage above my dark dress. My lipstick was smeared just a bit on my chin and my eyeshadow had bleed down my cheeks just enough that I looked like a burglar instead of a girl on the town. I cleaned up as best I could and stumbled back out of the bathroom and over to the bar.

"Water, please," I said as I watched the bartender's brows raise. Apparently that was an odd request this side of town.

"What are you doing?" Jamie asked as she found me a few minutes later, nursing some sparkling water, no ice, no straw, no umbrella. I glared at the bartender's back. "You're missing out! There's an informal dance compet.i.tion going on near the entrance."

"No thanks," I told her as I cupped my gla.s.s with shaking hands and closed my eyes against the dull beat of the ba.s.s. "I think I need to take a time out."

"Why?" Jamie asked as if she thought I was crazy. "Aren't you having fun?"

"I am, I just ... " Nathaniel's handsome face flashed in my mind for a moment. His s.e.xy lips were turned down at the corners, and his eyes were sad. "I just can't lose myself, not completely. Remember, I've got a stalker on my tail and I told my bodyguards to take a night off. Besides, I'm drunk enough as it is. What more do you want from me?" Jamie shook her head and held out her hand for mine.

"I want Theresa McMaster to be happy."

"But " I wanted to protest, to tell her that I was fine, but was I? My heart thumped in my chest as I stared into my friend's eyes and found that the music was falling away around me, leaving room for my thoughts and a niggling, little voice that told me I was most certainly not. But why? What was holding me back? Me? I kind of knew in the back of my mind that I was three shots and two mixed drinks away from blacking out, that now wasn't really the moment to a.n.a.lyze my life, but that's not how revelations work. They come when you least expect them, when you don't want them, when you're doing anything and everything in your power to get away from them. "Me, too," I said simply. Jamie smiled and pulled me off the stool and into the ma.s.s of people, into the pulsing heartbeat of the club where hopes and dreams were out on everyone's sleeves, bared for the world to see. Or maybe that was the alcohol talking. Either way, I let myself melt into them once again. I danced and I smiled and I laughed and then, I felt a hand on my shoulder.

I whirled around, convinced that the iron grip of the hand belonged to Gary Harper. I had this vague and rather creepy thought about him putting a knife through my ribs before I realized that the hand did not belong to Mr. Harper but rather to Mr. Sutherland.

"Oh?" I said, drunk as h.e.l.l and confused as all get out. I mean, Nathaniel Sutherland was standing in the club in his dark suit with a sad smile on his face and a look that asked me if I was a crazy person.

"I just got Cedric's message," he said, and he didn't have to shout to get his voice over the music. Nathaniel just had this strong, a.s.sertive tone that cut through everything and pierced me right to the heart. He might as well have said, I am going to kick Cedric's a.s.s tomorrow. That's what it sounded like anyway.

"What are you doing here?" I asked as Jamie stepped up beside me and gawped. Apparently she was as surprised to see him as I was. Nathaniel took off his sungla.s.ses and stuck them in his front pocket. He looked ... odd ... I couldn't tell if it was because he was the only person within a ten mile radius that was wearing an Armani suit or because he had a s.p.a.ce bubble around him that n.o.body else in the club had managed to obtain. Something about Nathaniel was dangerous and sharp. People sensed that, no matter how intoxicated they were, and they stayed back. Just in case.

"I couldn't, in good conscious, leave a client unprotected," he said, but those were just words. There was something else in his voice. Fear, I think it was. He was afraid that something was going to happen to me.