Dark Guardian - Moonlight Part 18

ever going to breathe right again. I didn't know what to say to you."

He skimmed his fingers along my cheek. Looking at him now, he appeared to be any normal teenage boy.

"The night before the sherpas left, you and Rafe had an argument."

"Yeah. He knew you were one of us, thought I was being irresponsible to leave you behind. But I didn't

want to force you to go, to make you resent me, and I hadn't figured out how to tell you yet about our

abilities. And okay, to be honest, I was jealous that you were so into Mason." "I don't know that I was really into him. I liked him because he was uncomplicated, because he didn't make me feel all these insane things that you do. That pull you were talking about-I'd never felt anything like it before. So what is it? Like an animal bond or something?"

"It can be intense, but it can't make you feel what you're not really feeling. If that makes sense. We feel these primal urges because we walk the fine line between man and beast, but at our core we're human. We just have the ability to s.h.i.+ft into another form."

"You say that like it's nothing."

"I grew up watching people s.h.i.+fting back and forth with the ease of someone clicking the remote to flip

through channels on the TV."

"So who coached you?" I asked.

"Males go through it alone."

"Doesn't that make it more painful?"

"Doesn't seem fair, does it? But it's a form of natural selection. The weaker males don't survive."

"Were you afraid?"

"I couldn't wait, but then I knew what was coming. When I was a kid, my parents took me into the

woods, explained things, showed me-"

"Oh my G.o.d!" I glanced around quickly because it was safer than looking at him or inside of myself.

He sat up straight. "What? What is it?"

"My parents . . . those deer hunters said they saw wolves." I buried my face in my hands. "What if it

was my parents? Showing me? We ran. Mom pushed me back beneath some brush. There was

growling." I'd repressed the images. "Therewere wolves," I said with a certainty I'd never before felt. I lowered my hands and met Lucas's gaze, knowing the devastation he must have seen in my eyes. "The wolves.

Could they have been my parents?"

"It makes sense that they might have been."

Only if I bought into the whole I-am-a-werewolf-too idea. I was having a difficult time accepting that.

"If you die in wolf form, what happens?" I asked.

"Our species always reverts back to human form right before death."

"So the hunters might have been correct when they said they shot wolves?"

Lucas nodded.

I shook my head. "No, my parents weren't naked. And if they were shot, wouldn't they have healed?"

"Not if they were shot in the heart or the head."

"But they would have been naked," I mused. And they weren't. At least I didn't remember them that way.

Last summer I hadn't wanted to go to the part of the forest where they'd died. Suddenly, I realized that in order to face my past and present fears, I needed to return to that place. I didn't even know how to find out where it was.

Later that night I prowled around the cavern with nervous energy I couldn't explain. Or maybe I just didn't want to face the truth of it. Spending the afternoon with Lucas in our isolated world here had made me more aware of him. I thought I could smell the scent of his skin. It was going to be more difficult to lie with him tonight and just hold him and be held by him.

I walked to the edge of the cavern, closed my eyes, and listened to the water cras.h.i.+ng down. I wanted to empty my mind of all thoughts. But one remained: If I didn't s.h.i.+ft tomorrow night, would I lose him?

In spite of the roaring waterfall and my closed eyes, I knew the moment he stepped behind me.

"Kayla?"

I loved the deep rumble of his voice and the way my name sounded when he spoke it. I turned to face him.

"Nothing between us has changed," he said.

"Everything's changed. I know you better now. It's like I've had a crash course in Lucas Wilde. I'm feeling things I've never felt before." "Good things?"

"Scary things. Intense. What if I'm not what you think I am?"

"You mean you're not brave?"

I released a self-conscious laugh and shook my head. "That's not what-"

"You don't have an inner strength? You're not courageous? You're going to change, Kayla, but what I

feel for you isn't because youwill change-it's because of everything that won't change." "Oh." I didn't know what to say to that. I thought it was probably as close to a declaration of love as I might ever get.

"Come on." He took my hand and led me over to the sleeping bag.

I drew comfort while wrapped within Lucas's arms. I could hear his heart pounding, feel the warmth of

his body. It was different tonight. Our closeness had changed, evolved. He wasn't Lucas, my boss. Hewas Lucas, my Dark Guardian. Even if I didn't think I needed a guardian, I knew he'd always be there. "Will it happen"-if it happens, I thought-"as soon as the moon appears?" "No, not until the moon reaches its zenith."

"How will I know?"

"You'll start to feel . . . different. Don't let it scare you. I know you haven't known for very long, but for us morphing is a natural part of life-like p.u.b.erty."

"Yeah, well, I've had a lot of unpleasant cramps during p.u.b.erty."

He pressed his lips to my forehead. "So now you'll have cramps all over, but they come and they go quickly."

I had a thousand questions as my time drew nearer. "When you're in wolf form, do you think like a

wolf?" "I don't know. I don't know how a wolf thinks." I released a bubble of laughter, before going quiet. "You know what I'm asking." "It's still you, Kayla. Inside. You just look a little different. When I'm in wolf form, I'm more aggressive, better able to fight-that's the reason I s.h.i.+fted when the bear was going to attack you. I can run faster as a wolf, so if I need to get somewhere quickly, I'll usually s.h.i.+ft."

"I thought you were pretty fast last night-when you weren't in wolf form."

"Most s.h.i.+fters are fast and strong. Our bodies constantly get a workout." He brushed his lips along my temple. "You're going to do fine, Kayla."

A s.h.i.+ver went through me as his voice rumbled near my ear. His skin was warm against my fingers where they rested on his chest.

"You said I was your mate," I said, my voice low and hesitant. "Does that mean we get married?" "Not necessarily. Usually mates marry, but not always. We'll go through the whole dating scene if you want to go out with me. But you're not forced to be with me-if it's not what you want."

His voice had grown very quiet.

"If I didn't want to be your mate, would you find another?"

"No, I'd just be alone."

My heart did a little stutter. I rose up on my elbow and looked down on him. The moon-just a little shy

of being full-was large and bright, s.h.i.+ning through the waterfall as though it were a gossamer curtain.

"That's not fair."

"I know. The male s.h.i.+fters get the raw end of the deal. They feel what they feel, and the females choose."

"Do they ever fight over a female?"

"Sure. Sometimes a girl wants to know who's the strongest, who wants her the most. We're human, but we're also animal."

"I don't know if I'll ever wrap my mind around all this."

He cradled my cheek with his hand and threaded his fingers up into my hair. "Are you freaked out about

what I am?"

Strangely, I wasn't freaked out by him. By myself, yes. I was definitely having some problems coping with that, but Lucas was just Lucas. Lying here with him, I could forget that he was sometimes furry.

"No," I answered truthfully.

"Good." He rolled over until I was on my back and he was above me. He cradled my cheek with his

large, warm hand. "Good," he repeated.

Then he kissed me. It wasn't like any kiss I'd ever had before, but then, I hadn't expected it to be. It

was, after all, Lucas. And he wasn't like any guy I'd ever known before. His lips were soft and gentle, as though he wasn't sure that I would want this. But how could I not?

I'd wished for it on my birthday.

He pulled back and looked at me quizzically. "You smile when you're being kissed?"

I broadened my smile. "My birthday wish just came true. When I blew out the candles, I wished you'd