Desperately Seeking... Part 7

'Yeah,' said Don. 'It was similar for me. Aine and I had been going together since school. It was a running joke with both our families and all our friends that we still weren't married. But by the time we'd both finished with college and had done a bit of travelling and were saving for the deposit on a house, we kind of realized that we'd done with each other. It was almost like we'd lived a whole life together and were ready to move on. It was a shame, but it was true. It hit our families the worst.'

'My break-up was pretty messy, though,' continued Lorna. 'I knew Steve didn't love me and I knew there was no point in us getting married but a big part of me wanted to get on with it and be married and deal with the rest later. Steve was furious when I confronted him. We'd already spent an awful lot of money on the wedding and everybody had been invited. It was the money and the humiliation that bothered him most. Eventually he admitted that he was just going along with it to keep me happy. He said that, no, he didn't think realistically he would have been faithful.'

'And then we met,' said Don. 'Speed-dating, would you believe?'

'I didn't want to go,' said Lorna, 'but a group of my friends dragged me along. As soon as I saw Don I knew he was the one.'

'I felt the same way,' said Don. 'You just know when it's right.'

'Oh, you do,' I said emphatically, because it was what their two pairs of expectant eyes were demanding, but it made me wonder if I had ever had that feeling deep in my gut that it was right with Keith. Anyway, what does 'right' mean? n.o.body can know for sure that they're going to live happily ever after. There mightn't even be any such thing.

I had enjoyed their company over the few days, but I was glad they lived in Fermanagh. n.o.body expected you to keep in contact if you lived in Fermanagh.

I had made only one cursory phone call home all week. The obligatory no-we-didn't-die-horrific-deaths-in-the-worst-air-crash-of-the-millennium-even-though-it-didn't-make-the-evening-news phone call. My mother was suitably nonplussed about our adventures and merely told me not to forget to bring back something for my aunts. 'I don't want a thing, you know me, but your aunts would really appreciate the thought.'

I had already filled a bag with the appropriate kind of tat. I would pick up some White Linen for my mother at the airport.

So when we got back to the hotel on that last evening and there was a message for me saying simply, 'Ring Lucy,' I was more than surprised. Oh, G.o.d, had something awful happened? Was I being punished for daring to have a good time or for having led a dissolute life up to now? Ring Lucy. There was nothing for it but to do it.

'Hey, Luce, what's up?'

'Come home quick. Mum's in a state. Jean has left Mike.'

7.

I came back to a madhouse. We landed in Shannon at seven o'clock and less than an hour later I was in the thick of it at Sycamore Lodge. Before we could even think about Jean or Mike we had to deal with Mum. Despite the efforts of Lucy, Marion, Ruth, Dad, her GP and the local pharmacist, she was still hanging from the chandeliers (almost literally). When I arrived through the door she was leaning over the landing banister, threatening to drive herself to Dublin.

'Don't be silly, love,' Dad was saying from the hall below. 'n.o.body's going to Dublin. We don't even know where Jean is.'

'Don't call me silly. I'm not the silly one here. I'm not the one throwing up my marriage on a whim. And I've been tempted. Believe me, I've been tempted. I've had far more to put up with than that girl has.'

'Yes, love, we know. Now, will you come down here and we'll have a cup of tea?'

'I don't want any tea.'

'Look,' he continued, pus.h.i.+ng me in front of him, 'look who's home.'

'Kate, is it? I'm sure you had a hand in this, Kate.'

I wasn't ready to be attacked the minute I got in the door. 'Honestly, Mum, I don't know a thing about it.'

'Hrrmph!'

Marion came out to greet me and responded to my look of desperation with one of her own. 'We've been at this all afternoon,' she said.

I decided it was ridiculous to be shouting at Mum up the stairs so I began to go up to her.

'Don't come near me!' she flashed. 'I don't want anyone near me.'

'OK, OK, Mum,' I said, turning on my heels, wondering if anybody had tried leaving her on her own for a while. 'We'll be in here if you need us.' I grabbed Dad by the shoulders and led him forcibly into the sitting room. 'She'll be fine, Dad. I really don't think she's going to throw herself over the banister.'

Keith followed us in but remained standing by the door. He didn't know what to do with himself.

'I wanted her to take a Valium,' piped up Ruth, 'but she refused. Valium's good for her it's always been good for her.'

'Oh, take one yourself,' snapped Lucy.

'I'm only trying to help!'

'Maybe she'll have one later,' said Marion, 'but right now Kate's right. We should leave her alone for a while. We still need to get out of her what Jean actually said.'

'So Jean was here last night,' I established, 'and said she was leaving Mike?'

'Well,' said Lucy, 'it seems she said something about going to Dublin on a course, some two-week thing for her job. And then when Mum asked if Mike was going to join her at the weekend she said, no, he wasn't and that actually she was leaving him. And that was it. According to Mum, she just waltzed out of the house, having dropped her bombsh.e.l.l.'

'I don't believe it. She wouldn't do that. Where is she now? Has anyone spoken to her?'

'I've been ringing her mobile,' said Marion, 'but it's switched off. I've tried her work and they won't say where she's staying.'

'She must have told them not to,' said Ruth.

'What about Mike?'

'Mobile and house phones are ringing out. And he wasn't at work today.'

'But why would Jean leave Mike like that? They weren't unhappy, were they?'

'Who knows?' said Marion. 'But I don't think so. I mean, she never said anything to me anyway.'

'Or to me,' said Ruth.

'Mike did say something at your engagement party,' said Lucy.

'Oh, yeah?'

'Yeah. I suppose I wasn't taking that much notice I mean, when has Jean ever been exactly happy?'

'Well, what was he saying?'

'Oh, just that she was working very hard and she wasn't around much in the evenings. She always had somewhere else to be. He wasn't saying anything in particular, but he seemed a bit concerned about her.'

'Concerned she'd tire herself out? Or concerned she was going to leave him?'

'Oh, I don't think he had any notion she was going to leave him. He just seemed a bit... bothered, you know?'

'Yeah,' said Marion. 'He was a bit quiet that night.'

'Was he?' I asked, trying to remember.

'You probably didn't notice, but he was a bit off form.'

'So what do we do now?'

'I'll go and check on Mum,' said Ruth, getting up.

'Hold on a minute,' said Lucy. 'Don't go fussing her.'

'I'm not fussing her. I'm just concerned about my mother.'

'Look,' said Marion, 'we're all concerned about her. Let's give her a few more minutes.'

Ruth sat back down with a thump and crossed her legs with vigorous intention.

'What do you think, Dad?' I asked him, suddenly aware that he had been silent all this time.

'I think,' he said slowly, 'that whatever's going on, they'll sort it out eventually.'

Just then Mum appeared in the doorway, pale and drawn but otherwise quite well. 'I'll have that cup of tea now,' she said.

'I'll make it,' said Ruth. 'You put your feet up. I'll get you a little sandwich too your blood sugar's probably gone very low.'

'Just the tea will be fine.' Mum came fully into the room and sat on the edge of the couch. 'I can't believe she's done this.'

'What exactly did she say?' asked Marion, gently.

'What did she say? She said she was leaving her husband! Leaving Mike! Mike! She was lucky to get him and now here she is leaving him. She won't get another husband, not at her age.'

'Did she say why, Mum?'

'She did not!'

'Like, do you think it was a sudden thing, as if they'd had a row, or do you think it was something she'd planned?'

Mum considered this. 'You know, I think it was planned. Yes yes! She said she'd thought about it for a long time. Yes, that's what she said.'

Marion and I looked at each other.

'Had she ever mentioned being unhappy, Mum?' I asked.

'Oh, Jean's always complaining about something. Of course, if she had children she'd know what it was like to have something to complain about. And she certainly wouldn't go walking out on her husband if she had children.'

Jean's refusal to start a family had always been a sore point with Mum.

'Children don't automatically fix things,' said Lucy.

Suddenly I was reminded of Keith's presence by the particularly annoying sound of him repeatedly clearing his throat. 'Honestly, Keith,' I said, transferring my frustration to my fiance, lurking uselessly by the door, 'you should go home. You're exhausted and there's no need for you to be here.'

'But how will you get back?'

'I'm perfectly capable of getting myself home. You could do with going to bed.'

'Poor Mike,' Mum continued. 'He would have loved a son.'

'OK, OK,' said Marion. 'We're getting off the point here. So, we can't contact Jean. At worst we'll hear from her in two weeks when she comes back from Dublin. Mike isn't answering his phone but he has to be at home some time so we could go out to Kilconnel and try to talk to him.'

'That's a good idea.'

'I'm afraid you'll have to count me out, though,' said Marion. 'Nick isn't back till tonight and I can't leave the kids with his mother any longer.'

'No problem,' said Lucy. 'Kate and I will go out. OK, Kate?'

'Fine.'

'I'll drive you,' said Dad.

'I'll drive you,' said Keith, already fingering his car keys.

'No!' I said firmly, then added, more softly, 'No, you go home, Keith. You're wrecked, and if we do find Mike he might be a bit embarra.s.sed in front of another man.'

'But how will you get out there?'

'Ruth will drive us, right, Roo?' Lucy said, as Ruth returned, carrying a tray laden with tea-things.

'What will I do?'

'Drive Kate and me out to Kilconnel to find Mike.'

'Oh... ahm... of course, but... Well, you know him much better than I do... He mightn't like...'

'We don't want your counselling services, just a lift in your car.'

'Well, OK, then.'

And so it was decided. Keith headed back to the flat while we piled into Ruth's brand-new people-carrier. We left Mum picking her way through crustless sandwiches and dainty fingers of fruit cake while Dad took up the newspaper and drank his tea in silence.

When we got to the house it was clear that n.o.body was home so we took a vote and decided to wait a while in case he came back. I couldn't decide which was more ridiculous camping outside Mike and Jean's house, or taking a vote to decide to do it. We put on the radio and listened to the sea area forecast while Ruth treated us to a lecture on the trials of marital breakdown. Ruth and her husband Phil have done a few stints on a pre-marriage course and feel themselves to be experts. (The local priest was desperate and they were the only married couple who regularly attended Ma.s.s but Ruth likes to tell everyone they were chosen because of the beauty of their marriage. Whatever makes her happy.) However, after about forty-five minutes we could take no more so we pulled round and headed back to Limerick. Still no Mike.

Ruth dropped us off on O'Connell Street. (We decided one of us was enough to report back to Mum, and Ruth was still itching to give her that Valium.) I figured Keith would be asleep by now he wasn't answering his mobile so I persuaded Lucy into a nightcap at the White House. Suddenly a long, cold pint of Guinness seemed a very good idea.

'You know,' said Lucy, bringing two gorgeous pints to our table, 'I didn't want to say it in front of Mum and Ruth, but Mike did sort of give the impression that something was wrong the other night.'

'Oh? What else did he say?'