Roses For Sophie Part 11

Being drawn against his chest and wrapped up in his embrace was like coming home. This was her favourite place in the world. While a huge part of her wished this were the real deal, she knew it had to come to an end, but at least Logan's presence in her life would continue for the foreseeable future. She might tell herself she was doing this for her grandfather's sake, but she knew that by prolonging her relations.h.i.+p with Logan she was making herself happy at the same time.

Agreed,' Logan said as he kissed her temple. I want more from you and I won't pretend I don't, but it's a start.'

Chipping away at my defensive layers?' she queried, part of her feeling apprehensive now about ceding even this small amount of ground to him.

You've read my mind,' he told her with a laugh. Then, plucking at a bit of fabric from her blouse, he said, I like what's under the layers.'

Despite herself, she found her lips twitching into a smile. Hm.'

Now, my gorgeous fiancee-to-be, how about that Italian restaurant?'

Chapter 9.

Do you mind if we take a slight detour before I drop you home?' Logan asked Sophie when they were almost back to her apartment after their dinner.

Not really. Where to?'

It's a surprise.'

She tilted her head to one side. You've surprised me once tonight already with your announcement that you'd met with Grandfather today. Am I going to like this surprise?'

Do you think you could just put your trust in me and hand over control?' He rolled his eyes.

I've handed you more control over me than I've ever handed anyone in my adult life,' she told him indignantly. And I've done it in record speed.'

He grinned. You've enjoyed every second of it.'

She threw her hands up in a gesture of defeat. Okay, I'm in your hands. Control away.'

Oh baby, don't tempt me!' He only just managed to keep his mind on the traffic, especially as she reached over and placed her hand on his thigh.

This stop-off is very close to home?' she asked as they drove toward Wolseley Road, where her apartment was situated.

Very close.'

A couple of streets away, he turned into a driveway. The home wasn't in view as it was surrounded by high sandstone walls, but there was a sold sticker across the real estate banner.

In fact, we're almost going to be neighbours,' he told her as he pressed a remote control switch and activated the electronic gates.

Did you buy this place?'

Yep.' Once the gates were open, he drove through and the magnificent sandstone home came into view. The views are spectacular. Like your apartment, it overlooks the northeast aspect of Sydney Harbour and Shark Island. But I wanted a home for Charlotte, rather than an apartment.'

It's beautiful, Logan!' He was pleased by the enthusiasm in her voice. It's pretty huge though, for you and Charlotte.'

He was counting on it not just being Charlotte and him living here. Six bedrooms, all with en suites, a self-contained live-in quarters for Charlotte's nanny...Come on. Rather than talk about it, let me show you.' He got out of the car and went around to her door. The real estate agent brought me the keys today when I was signing off on the office block.' He'd packed a lot into a day that was supposed to have been part of his vacation.

Logan showed her through the home, which had recently been modernised, but retained enough of its original old-word charm to make it a home rather than a show house. The formal and informal living and dining s.p.a.ces were extensive. Sophie loved the magnificent kitchen with butler's pantry and walk-in cool room.

These stairs lead to the cellar.'

Wow, this is an entertainer's paradise,' she exclaimed. What a dream kitchen.'

Do you like to cook?'

I love to cook.' As soon as the words were out, she stilled and tilted her head at him. Are you sharing this with me or giving me an orientation and using it as another temptation toward marriage?'

Another temptation,' he admitted. Notice how you said another temptation and not just a temptation? I'm glad you're tempted.' He stepped closer to her. I can picture you here, Sophie. I can hear your laughter ringing through the place.'

Logan Jackson, for a man who professes not to do love, you're being very...' She trailed off, as if she were suddenly embarra.s.sed. Logan pinned her with his gaze and raised his eyebrows, waiting for her to elaborate. I don't know. You're dreaming. You're...romantic.'

You bring out feelings in me that are more intense than any I've known for another woman.'

Whoa! How can I resist you when you make statements like that? But how can you make those statements when you don't love me? These intense feelings, Logan, do they have a name?' she pressed.

The Adam's apple in his throat worked up and down. Respect. Trust. Desire. You know how I feel about you. My feelings for you are a mix of pa.s.sion and friends.h.i.+p, and they're growing stronger the more time we spend together.'

Yeah.' Her voice was quiet and she was looking at him in an odd way. You keep claiming you don't do love and that's sounding a lot like sentiments of love to me.' She continued to look at him and he saw she was holding her breath.

No.' Love was about losing control and making yourself vulnerable. Love was about becoming dependent on another person to feel good about yourself and needing that person to define who you were. He would never succ.u.mb to love.

Turning away from him, she ran a hand absently over the smooth granite bench top. Well, we're going to be neighbours so maybe I'll come and use this magnificent kitchen and cook for you some time.'

So this dream kitchen hasn't done the trick?' He copied her light tone. Maybe you could be swayed by the champions.h.i.+p-sized tennis court, the swimming pool, and the immaculate grounds?' He moved closer, placed his hands at her waist, and kissed the curve of her neck. His voice deepened as he said, Or...maybe I should take you straight up to the master bedroom for some sensual persuasion?'

A s.h.i.+ver of longing pa.s.sed through her and she turned back toward him with a flirtatious smile. Sensual persuasion sounds good, but I'll tell you now, it takes an awful lot to persuade me.'

He felt himself getting hard. I wish you'd trust me, gorgeous.'

She shrugged. Well, we all have our crosses to bear. You don't do love. I don't do trust easily.'

You don't trust easily because that b.a.s.t.a.r.d you were engaged to broke your heart. I understand how much that hurts because I was betrayed in exactly the same way.'

What? Someone hooked up with you for your money then slept with someone else?' she scoffed. Unlikely. No woman in her right mind would leave your bed to go to someone else's.'

He laughed. For the very first time while he was thinking back to Celine's betrayal, he was actually laughing. There was no pain gripping his chest, no sudden pressure in the blood vessels at his temples. Sophie was making him laugh about it.

What's so funny?'

G.o.d, this woman was good for him. You are. Sweetheart, you told me you'd put a dent in my ego, but saying things like that sure isn't the way to go about doing it!'

Hm.' She pursed her lips. My mistake.' She toyed with the b.u.t.tons on his s.h.i.+rt. You know what happened to me. Tell me about what happened to you.'

Could he? The subject had always made him too angry to discuss. That he hadn't seen through Celine's shallow, money-grabbing nature made him feel foolish. The way his ego had been stroked by her pretence that he was the best thing on the planet made him feel like a first-cla.s.s idiot. It wasn't something he wanted to admit to. Yet Sophie had opened up about her past hurts to him. He couldn't expect her to marry him if he couldn't own up to the mistakes of his past.

I thought I loved Celine. One day, I thought she was at work. I left work in the middle of the day, planning on going to the apartment we shared to set the scene for a romantic proposal of marriage. When I got there I discovered that she'd left work early as well, but not for the same reasons. I found her in our bed with someone else.'

No way! What a b.i.t.c.h! How could she do that to you?' Sophie was fairly bristling with indignation on his behalf and he adored her for it. I understand exactly how you feel because that's what happened to me, too. I paid a surprise visit to the guy I was secretly engaged to and found him in bed with a stable hand.'

He was an idiot!'

The world's full of them.' She smiled. Smoothing her hands over his chest, she frowned. So Celine was responsible for your aversion to commitment? She's the reason you never thought you'd marry?'

Partly. My father had been hoodwinked by countless women. I lost count of the number of times he married. He was a total sucker for a pretty face, and the women saw it a mile off. They hooked him in and in some cases they'd barely danced the bridal waltz before they were signing divorce papers. Worse was seeing how dependent he was upon a relations.h.i.+p with a woman to feel like he was worth something. I swore I'd never leave myself vulnerable to pain, and that I'd never end up in the divorce courts like my father. I also swore I'd never be dependent upon someone to feel good about myself.'

That need your father had was unhealthy. It must surely have come from low self-esteem.'

Maybe. He sure as h.e.l.l didn't need Melissa or me in his life. All he wanted was a trophy wife. He collected one trophy after another.'

And you and Celine?'

Somehow Celine got under my guard.' His arms around her waist, he lowered his hands so they traced over the beautiful roundness of her b.u.t.tocks.

Do you still have feelings for her?'

Other than despising her? No.'

And you've never been seriously involved with anyone else?'

No. After Celine, I was determined to keep my relations.h.i.+ps impersonal.'

Listen to you!' She hit her palms against his chest. The words relations.h.i.+ps and impersonal simply don't belong together!'

Too often I've met women with dollar-signs in their eyes.'

Often, but surely not always?'

He frowned. I don't want to be taken advantage of again. My judgement was sorely lacking when it came to Celine. I took her completely at face value when all along it was my wealth and social status she craved, just like the long procession of women who were my step-mothers.'

She flicked a nail over his nipple. I'm quite certain your money wasn't the only thing Celine or any of the others craved.'

Temptress.' His hands splayed over her b.u.t.tocks and urged her into closer contact with the hardness of his pelvis.

I'm beginning to understand where you're coming from,' she said.

Whoa. No psychoa.n.a.lysis please, and definitely no pity.'

Your mother left your father but worse, she left you. That must've been difficult to deal with,' Sophie said.

Logan closed his eyes in an effort to shut out the painful memories that were as clear in his mind as if the events had taken place yesterday. He wasn't successful.

Logan had raced in from the garden, carrying a ladybird on his arm to show his mother. Mummy, I've found something for you! You can wear it on your top like a brooch!'

She'd barely spared him a glance. Then, he'd noticed the two suitcases packed against the wall and the ladybird had been forgotten. Mummy, are we going on a holiday?'

You're not going anywhere, kid.'

He'd been confused. What are you doing with those bags?'

I'm going far away to a place I deserve to be.'

Where are we going?'

I just told you, stupid, you're not going anywhere. You get to stay here with your wonderful father.'

You're not taking Daddy and me with you?'

What the h.e.l.l would I want you two along for - especially a whinging, whining child like you, Logan? G.o.d, I almost wish I'd never had you.' She'd grabbed the handle of one of the suitcases and started wheeling it toward the door. But, you served a purpose and I've regained my figure.'

Pain had gripped him. She wished she'd never had him? Something in him had always known that, but to hear it voiced...When are you coming back?'

Slowly she'd turned. The smile she'd given him was one of sheer bliss. Never.'

No, Mummy! You can't leave me!' He'd hurled himself at her, wrapping his arms tight around her legs. Please don't go!' Tears had scalded his throat. Each breath had been choppy as his lungs laboured against the dreadful weight that constricted his chest.

Stop hanging off me, you little brat, and get this through your thick skull,' she'd yelled angrily as she whacked him across the head and tried to prise his arms from their hold on her legs. I don't want you. I never wanted you and I wouldn't have ever had you if your father hadn't paid me to give him a son. I'm going somewhere I never have to put up with your snivelling again.'

His heart had splintered. He'd just about choked on his tears.

Look at you! You've got disgusting snot running from your nose. Get up, Logan and try not to be such a b.l.o.o.d.y little sissy. I can't believe I gave birth to such a pathetic little s.h.i.+t.'

Please Mu...Mummy, I'll be good. Please don't leave me...I promise, I promise to be g...good. I'll do whatever you say.'

She'd shoved him so hard he'd crashed into a Grecian statue that graced the opulent hallway. It had smashed and he'd cut his hand on it.

She hadn't cared.

Tears scalding his eyes, he'd watched her pick up both her suitcases and walk out without a backward glance as his breath came in great shuddering sobs. She'd known it was the housekeeper's day off, but she'd still walked out. His mother had left him completely alone, his heart aching, and it hadn't even bothered her. He'd just found out she'd never loved him at all.

All mothers loved their children, didn't they?

What was so unlovable about him?

When he'd finally paid his hand some attention, he'd registered that something small was under it. Turning his hand palm up he saw that he'd crushed the beautiful ladybird. Hot tears had streamed down his cheeks again. He'd killed that pretty creature but he hadn't meant to do it. It'd been an accident. It must've happened as he'd fallen. He really was bad. No wonder his mother didn't love him.

He hadn't moved. He couldn't. His limbs had felt too heavy and his heart too sore, but he'd started crying in earnest. Crying for his mother and shedding tears as well for the pretty little insect he'd meant to give to her. For what must have been hours, he'd prayed that his mother would come back and vowed that he could be the little boy she wanted him to be.

Darkness had fallen and he'd still sat huddled next to the base of the broken statue. Blood from his cut hand had stained the top of his shorts. It had flowed for a long time before it had stopped.

It was late by the time his father had come home from work and Logan had started to feel hungry, yet he was also too paralysed by his grief to move.