Windlegends Saga - The Windhealer Part 39

"That's better."

"Will you answer me, please?"

With a sweet, tantalizing smile, she gazed at him. "I have lived in Chrystallus before. I have a small house a friend left me when he died. Until a few weeks ago, though, I had been in Diabolusia. I left Serenia when Galen took the throne and went to live in the court at Deseo, near Hieaj. Serenia was becoming a cesspool filled with Tribunal s.h.i.+t."

He hadn't forgotten Raja's tendency to use gutter language. He was surprised only that it appalled him as much now as it had when he was young.

"I may decide to go back when you ascend the throne where you belong."

Although his face was calm, his tone wasn't. It was hard. "I have no intention of ever sitting on the throne of Serenia."

"You don't mean that!"

"Have you forgotten that my father had my birthright revoked?" he asked, the memory still hurting after all these years.

"Oh, pooh! No one cares about that! You were destined to ascend the throne and you shall!"

"I don't want to. The man Tohre appointed does a well enough job, I'm told. The people respect him and apparently care for him. Let him play monarch until I'm ready to destroy Tohre."

"The man who is sitting on the throne? Don't you know his name?" she inquired, laying her hand on his steel-like arm.

"I haven't cared enough to ask." He wished she wouldn't touch him.

"He isn't royalty. The people would prefer you to him." She raised her hand to his cheek, running her thumb along the vicious scars. "For this alone you deserve to take the throne."

He moved his head away from her. "What do you want, Raja?"

"Do I have to want something to visit you?"

He swung his legs to the floor. The nearness of Raja's loveliness was taking its toll on his senses. The woman might well be in her fifties, but she was still desirable, sensual. He was about to stand when he felt her hands on his shoulders.

"I knew they had beaten you, but to scar you in such a fas.h.i.+on is sacrilege!" She placed her lips on one deep, wavering line. "It hurts me to see this."

He looked around at her, hearing the grief in her voice, and was surprised to see twin tracks of moisture easing down her alabaster cheeks. It unnerved him. He would not have thought the woman capable of tears for anyone, not even herself. He saw, not the pity he imagined he'd find, but a great sadness.

"Do my tears surprise you?" she asked in a hollow, toneless confession. "Would it shock you to know that you are the only man I have ever cried for, Conar McGregor?"

"I can't imagine why," he answered, totally taken aback by her candor.

"You wouldn't." She brought his hand to her cheek, ran his fingers down her tearful flesh. "I have cried many tears over you, my beloved."

He eased his hand out of hers. "I asked you why you were here."

She looked at him, gauging his emotion, and when she realized he was looking at her with nothing but curiosity, she turned before he could see her anger. Her tone did not match her fury.

"When I was told Prince Conar McGregor was here, that he was alive, I wept with joy!" She looked up at him through her lashes and saw disbelief on his handsome face. "I did!"

"I'm glad," he answered dryly.

"I asked to be allowed to comfort you, to give you the happiness we had shared when we were together in Serenia."

"If memory my serves correctly, the last time weshared anything was when I was seventeen. That's a long while ago." He almost smiled, for the woman was as transparent as gla.s.s.

"That doesn't matter! I still have feelings for you! Occultus gave me his permission to come here tonight. I had every intention of succeeding where Se Huan had failed, but I can't deceive you like that. You have been hurt enough."

Conar had no idea what the woman was talking about. She'd never had any feelings for him other than l.u.s.t. She'd never had feelings for anyone other than herself. Weeping with joy? Not d.a.m.ned likely! And what happiness had they shared? He supposed if you considered animalistic bouts of unrestrained coupling and violent s.e.xual release happiness, then Raja DeLyle had been ecstatic! He, on the other hand, had been only mildly pleasured by her none-too gentle lovemaking. She had taught him how to please a woman, mainly her, but had given no thought to his pleasure.

And just what the h.e.l.l did she mean when she said she meant to succeed where Se Huan had failed? Failed at what? He looked with astonishment at the tears falling down Raja's face, a face remarkably untouched by time's hand. She could well pa.s.s for a woman half her age. For some reason that annoyed him more than he could stand.

"Quit that infernal crying," he grumbled. "It's not becoming. It makes you look weathered."

"I really do love you," she swore, ignoring his insult.

She looked so miserable, but she'd always been a good actress. Her mood swings were legendary and one could always tell when she'dinitiated another young boy, for Raja strutted about the keep like the cat who had eaten the canary.

Her avowal of loving him didn't ring true. If there was anything she might love more than herself-doubtful-it might have been his power and position, power and position she thought he would once again have.

"Hold me," she whimpered, reaching out to him.

"Raja..." Sighing, he pulled her into the comfort of his arms and rested his chin on the top of her head. He stroked the gleam of her golden hair as it cascaded down his chest. He had no delusions concerning her. She wanted something.

"It must have been so painful," she whispered, her hand running down his side, tracing the thick bands of scars on his flesh.

Her tears might be genuine for the scarring of a body she had once found beautiful, he thought, but her grief did not extend to the pain and suffering that had accompanied the scarring. "What was it Se Huan failed to do, Raja?"

"Occultus sent her to seduce you. To make you so mad with desire for her you would take her. It was his idea for her to ease you the way she did, the way you allowed her to do, but he wanted you to penetrate her."

Though her words shocked him, he didn't let on. Her plain way of speaking was so normal for her, he didn't dwell on the shock. "Why?"

"He believes you feel emasculated because of what happened to you." Her hands tightened on him. "They did that to you as a boy, too. The rape, I mean. I remember." Her cheek pressed into his cheek. "I remember holding you, comforting you."

He ground his teeth. "Why did he think me taking Se Huan would matter?"

"To force you to face your nightmares and overcome them. By tricking you into taking Se Huan, he thought the dreams would disappear." She looked at him through tear-drenched lashes. He was so astonished by her words, he failed to see the sly gleam in her eyes. "I told him you would not want to betray your wife with some stranger. I reminded him that your vows at the Joining were sacred to you. You are honorable. Taking just any woman would not be your way. If you wanted to make love to the girl, you would have. No one should try to force you into breaking your Joining just to prove you are still capable of s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g a woman."

A part of Conar raged at Occultus and his underhanded presumptions, but a part of him warmed to the knowledge that both Occultus and Se Huan had tried to help him. His face softened at the memory of Se Huan coming to him, offering herself the night before. She hadn't wanted anything for herself. Just for him. The girl had been genuine in her affection for him.

Unlike the wh.o.r.e plastered to him now.

"Conar?"

He looked down at her with irritation. "What?"

"I can make the dreams go away," she whispered seductively.

It was all he could do to keep his lip from curling. "The dreams will go away. I have them less frequently."

"That's not true and you know it. You were having one when I slipped into bed beside you." That wasn't true but he had no way of disputing her. "I am told they come every night and that your sleep is constantly interrupted. You cannot close your eyes without dreams taking over. Occultus feels this does your training harm. I agree."

He looked away. It was true the dreams were getting no better. They were getting worse, if anything. His lack of sleep would soon begin to undermine his health and he hesitated asking Xander for something to make him sleep. He wasn't even sure Occultus would allow such a drug in his system. Yet, he was powerless to keep the dreams at bay and his sleeplessness was taking its toll. It sapped his energy, destroyed his peace of mind and left him listless at times.

Raja put her hands on his shoulders and pulled, urging him to lean against her. She settled him close to her and put her arms around him. "Do you think making love would help?"

"I don't know, Raja."

"Do these dreams make you feel worthless?"

"They make me feel empty inside." His voice was lost, a mere whisper. It didn't matter that he was leaning against a woman he had never trusted, never even liked. He needed the comfort of a soft body and gave in to the warmth of hers.

"Tell me what's in your heart, Conar. Maybe speaking of it will help." She had always been good at getting Conar to voice his troubles, his most intimate thoughts, when he was younger. She knew she could again. She stroked his hair. "Talk to me, dearling. Tell me how you feel."

"There's nothing inside meto feel. There's a s.p.a.ce where love once was, a gaping hole in my heart that was once filled with the sweetest of joys. There's only a memory of that love there now, a fading memory." He looked at her. "I loved her, Raja. She was everything in life to me. I swore to be faithful. I learned what it was to reallyneed to be faithful to her. I betrayed her and I swore I would never do that again."

"I understand."

"I can't make love where love does not exist. To take a woman for the sake of taking her doesn't hold any allure for me anymore. Can't you see? I don't think I could have s.e.x with anyone other than her, so what good would it do to try? Would failing make the nightmares stop or would it make them worse?"

Raja looked at him,really looked at him. She had not seen him in more than thirteen years. He had just turned thirty at the coming of the new year. Gone was the youth she had seduced with her womanly wiles. Gone was the young boy, tragically scarred for life by men who had used him as a plaything. Gone was the mistrusting, arrogant Prince who had once called her a wh.o.r.e. The round face was devoid of youth and lined with the tracings of suffering and heartache. The blue eyes were not as bright, as innocent as they once had been. The slim body was no longer thin and lean. All the things that had thrilled her when she was younger-young men with virile, supple bodies that could make love all night and still crave more-were gone in his sad face. Yet, Raja found him more alluring than ever. His eyes were stronger, gleaming with a man's intelligence, wisdom, and pain. His body was strong, thick, and heavily-muscled. She wanted him more than ever.

"You are right of course. You took your vows seriously. For you, there would be no honor in casual coupling. I admire that." She entwined her fingers with his. "Occultus told me to stay the night with you because he doesn't want you left alone with your dreams. You don't mind, do you?" She saw him frown. "I will keep to my side of the bed and be on my best behavior."

He chuckled. Such a thing was nigh impossible with her, but he didn't want to spend the night alone, and didn't want to argue. He would have preferred Se Huan's sweet body beside him.

"I swear to be good!"

"That I will have to experience to believe!"

She kicked him with her bare toes. When he told her she could stay only if she kept her hands, lips, legs, and b.r.e.a.s.t.s to herself, she stuck out her tongue. "Such conditions!"

"Conditions that leave no margin for error in case you decide toroll into me in your sleep."

"And what if youroll into me?"

"Not likely."

She smiled. If what Occultus had told her was true, he'd be in her arms before the night was through when the nightmares came calling.

"Who'd want to paw such a stick-in-the-mud as you?" she snorted.

"Se Huan."

"Obviously the girl has no taste!"

As he lay sleeping beside her, Raja propped her head on an elbow and stared at him. Despite the scars on his cheek, the man was as handsome as any she had ever seen. His hard, sweat-glistened chest caused her to ache with need and when her gaze slid to the slight jerk of the sheet at the juncture of his thighs, her face shone with hunger.

Conar had been taught the art of lovemaking by an expert-her. He knew every trick and nuance to send a woman cras.h.i.+ng into the oblivion of release.

It was going to be harder than she had thought to arouse in him the frenzied, mindless pa.s.sion and raging l.u.s.t she planned, but not impossible. Men were creatures of habit. s.e.x was s.e.x to them. One woman, one body, willing or not, was as good as the next. It had been her experience that love was a word men used only to get a woman into bed. She did not understand the concept of such a vague-without monetary or power value-ideal as that of love. Unfortunately, Conar was different. He had once known true love and viewed things in a different light. Where it might be difficult to bring him to heel where s.e.x was concerned, it was well within her abilities and her desire to do so.

She wanted him. She had always wanted him, and feared she always would.

"If you try and fail with me," she told his sleeping face, "it might be disastrous to you. I can understand your reluctance to make an attempt. But then again, what difference will it make?"

The businesswoman in her saw him as a challenge.

The wh.o.r.e in her never saw him at all.

Chapter 11.

Conar had had less than five hours sleep in just as many days. His head ached miserably, his temper was short. He felt so tired it was an effort to put one foot in front of the other. Occultus allowed him a week's vacation. His mornings were to be spent on the beach, either lying on the clean white sand or floating on the softly caressing waves in one of the small boats the palace kept for such pleasure. His early afternoons were spent sitting on the rocks, looking out to sea, his eyes on the horizon, and his late afternoons found him in the palace library,book in hand. He had wanted no company and those who loved him had been warned to stay away. He spent the evenings playing chess with Pearl or Brelan, or sat quietly in his aunt's garden. His nights were also filled with heavily drugged slumber.

"One more day is all I can allow him," Occultus said as he poured a gla.s.s of wine for himself and Brelan. "I wish it could be longer, but the drugs I am administering are highly addictive. Addiction is the last thing he needs."

"Then what?" Brelan asked and took a sip of the wine.

"His instructions with Pearl are over. He has one final skill to learn." Occultus sat on a large fat cus.h.i.+on and crossed his legs.

"I mean what happens once he's no longer given drugs? Will the nightmares return?"

"I am sure they will."

Brelan tipped his winegla.s.s, draining it, while Occultus waited patiently for him to speak. "He told me Raja had offered to sleep with him." Brelan made an ugly snort. "The woman's goal is to sleep with every man who might possibly wield any power."

"One never knows when one will need the a.s.sistance of aspecial friend," Occultus said wryly.

"Precisely," Brelan sneered. "I'd rather have Conar hump the most gruesome, diseased hag Diabolusia has to offer than have him bed that one!"

"As would I."

"And yet you gave her permission to seduce him." Brelan didn't actually accuse with his tone, but the implication was there.

"I knew he would turn her down." Occultus set aside his winegla.s.s and folded his arms over his silk-clad chest. He gazed at Brelan with amus.e.m.e.nt. "I knew Raja would twist things to suit her, makingme the villain in this. She would have told him that she was against such underhanded tactics to rid him of his problems. She would have played to his sense of honor where his Lady-wife was concerned and then would have offered her a.s.sistance. I knew Conar would see through her." His lips moved into a hard line of disdain. "The b.i.t.c.h's motives as selfish; he would have recognized them for what they were."

"Then why allow her near him, Master?"

"The ways of the G.o.ds are not always revealed to me, Lord Brelan. If it were left up to me, I would not allow her near him."

"You fear for his safety with her?"

"No, I fear for his soul. But I am the servant of the G.o.ds. When it is time, They will reveal to me the reason They have set this woman in your brother's path. Until then, we must bide our time, and be there if Conar should need us."

"And watch Raja like a hawk."