Turtle Recall Part 17

Bakers' Guild [GG]

Barber-Surgeons' Guild (motto: 'Shave & a Haircut, No Legs') [CJ]

BEGGARS' GUILD (Fellows.h.i.+p of Beggars) BUTCHERS' GUILD.

Butlers' Guild [AGD]

Carters' and Drovers' Guild [TFE]

Chefs' Guild [AGD]

Confectioners' Guild [TOT]

CONJURERS' GUILD.

Dibblers, C.M.O.T., Guild of DOG GUILD [MAA].

Dunnikin Divers' Guild [FOC]

EMBALMERS' GUILD (Guild of Embalmers and Allied Trades) ENGRAVERS' and Printers' GUILD FIREFIGHTERS' GUILD.

FOOLS' GUILD (Guild of Fools and Joculators and College of Clowns) GAMBLERS' GUILD.

Gla.s.sblowers' Guild [FOC]

Haberdashers' Guild [P]

Handlemen's Guild [MP]

Historians' Guild [J, TOT] (Bandits' Guild) [LL]

Lags' Guild (Professional Prisoners) (Chairman Joe 'Lifer' Bushyhead) [TGD]

Lawyers' Guild [WS]

MERCHANTS' AND TRADERS' GUILD.

PLUMBERS' GUILD (Guild of Plumbers and Dunnikindivers) [P]

Priests', Sacerdotes' and Occult Intermediaries' Guild Rat-Catchers' Guild [FOC, TAMAHER]

SEAMSTRESSES' GUILD.

Shoemakers', Cobblers' and Leatherworkers' Guild [TT]

Smugglers' Guild [P]

STRIPPERS' GUILD.

Tailors' Guild [TFE]

Teachers' Guild [GG]

THIEVES' GUILD (Guild of Thieves, Burglars and Allied Trades) Towncriers' Guild [TT]

Victims' Guild (sole member Mr Echinoid Blacksly) [TGD]

Watch & Clockmakers' Guild [TT, TOT]

Watchmens' Guild [TFE]

Gulta. One of the sons of Gordo Smith, and brother of Esk. [ER Gumption, Bewilderforce. Proprietor of a tobacconist emporium on the corner of Cheapside and Rhyme Street, Ankh-Morpork. [SN]

Gurnt the Stupid. A past king of Lancre. He had a plan for an aerial attack force of armoured ravens. It never got off the ground. [LL]

Haddock, Constable. Member of the Ankh-Morpork City Watch known, unsurprisingly, as 'Kipper' to his colleagues. For a while, serves as an Acting Captain in Quirm.

Hakardly, Ovin. A 7th level wizard and once a lecturer in Lore at the Unseen University. He was an elderly wizard, who gave the impression of being as fragile as a cheese straw. [S]

Halter, 'Tonker'. A volunteer to the Borogravian Army. Tonker is big, red-haired and with an air of nervousness not quite concealing some bubbling anger. Also known, to close friends, as Magda. [MR]

Hamadryad. Tree-dwelling species. The females have green skin and long, mossy hair. The males are tall and have skins the colour of walnut husks, with muscles bulging like sacks of melons. Their eyes are luminous green and have no pupils. Hamadryads do not wear clothes. They live not exactly in the tree, as squirrels do, but inside what can only be called the psyche of the tree. [COM]

Hamcrusher, Grag. A deep-downer dwarf and as fundamental as the bedrock. Hamcrusher occupies, with other deep-downers, a house in Treacle Street, Ankh-Morpork. As a Grag, he is a renowned master of dwarfish lore, and he preaches the superiority of dwarfs over trolls and that it is the duty of every dwarf to follow in the footsteps of their forefathers and remove trollkind from the face of the earth. He is a little figure (of course), dressed in heavy black leather robes and hooded so that he cannot commit the sin of seeing daylight. [T!]

Hamesh. A farmer. Brother to LEZEK and thus MORT'S uncle. [M]

Hamish, Mad. Member of the Silver Horde. Wizened, bearded, 105-year-old little man with false teeth. He still wore a horned helmet and didn't let being wheelchair-bound get in the way of barbarian heroing. Deaf as a post, but barbarian heroes don't usually listen to people in any case. [IT, TLH]

Hammerhock, Bjorn. A dwarf craftsman in Ankh-Morpork, with a workshop in Rime Street. Killed by the march of weapons technology. [MAA]

Hammerjug. He is a writer of dwarf songs with his partner, Gortlick. [SM]

Hamnpork. An old, greying, big, fierce and scabby rat who was the head rat in the group travelling with the Amazing MAURICE. [TAMAHER]

Hamstring, Goodie Ammeline. Address unknown, but almost certainly the RAMTOPS. A witch, bent with age, like a bow. White hair, and a cracked and quavery voice, but her eyes were bright and small as blackcurrants.

After death, her soul was no longer bound by the body's morphic field and her hair unwound itself from its tight bun, changing colour and lengthening. Her body straightened up, her wrinkles dwindled and vanished and her grey dress changed to something leaf-green and clingy. Her voice became suggestive of musk and maple syrup. A prime example of the Discworld truth that what you look like isn't who you are. [M]

Hanc.o.c.k, Andy. 'Two Swords'. A member of the SPECIALS. An amiable, bearded man, with an amiable smile, and more cutlery about his person than Vimes thinks is quite appropriate. Amongst his cutlery are two curved Agatean swords strapped across his back. [T!]

Hangovers, Oh G.o.d of. See BILIOUS Harebut the Provision Merchant. Father of NIJEL the Destroyer. [ S ]

Harga, Sham. Owner of HARGA'S HOUSE OF RIBS in Ankh-Morpork. Sham, with his beefy hands and well-padded vest, is an expansive if grubby advert for his own carbohydrate merchandise. He has run a successful eatery for many years by always smiling, never extending credit and realising that most of his customers want meals properly balanced between the four food groups: sugar, starch, grease and burnt crunchy bits. He runs: Harga's House of Ribs. An eatery down by the docks in Ankh-Morpork. It is probably not numbered among the city's leading eateries, catering as it does for the type of clientele that prefers quant.i.ty and breaks up the tables if it doesn't get it. HARGA'S All-You-Can-Gobble-For-a-Dollar menu is famous wherever huge appet.i.tes gather and mountainous stomachs rumble.

The fat in the pan has a geological history all of its own. Bits of ancient sausage and nodules of bacon from pig varieties long extinct are still in it somewhere. Nor does the coffee jug ever get cleaned out the coffee is like molten lead, but it has this in its favour: when you've drunk it, you have an overwhelming feeling of relief that you've got to the bottom of the cup. Normally the only decoration in the cafe is on Harga's vest, which also acts as a sort of unofficial menu.

The city's dogs have also noted that Sham Harga puts out his rubbish at midnight. This would come as a surprise to his clientele, who thought he cooked it.

Has.h.i.+mi. A prophet of the Omnian church. It is said that he was given the Book of Creation by the Great G.o.d OM. They all say this. [SG]

Has.h.i.+s.h.i.+m. The original a.s.sa.s.sins. A band of mad killers, who were feared throughout Hubward KLATCH, and were led by the first CREOSOTE, Seriph of AL KHALI. They derived their name from the huge quant.i.ties of has.h.i.+sh they consumed. They were unique among killers in being both deadly and, at the same time, inclined to giggle, groove to interesting patterns of light and shade on their terrible knife blades and, in extreme cases, fall over. [S]

Hawkin, Annagramma. A trainee witch from Tiffany's part of the Disc. She is taller than Tiffany, with a face that seems to have been built backwards from her nose, which she constantly holds slightly in the air. She works for, with, Mrs EARWIG and she has the kind of voice you obey. It's an annoying voice it can make even 'h.e.l.lo' sound like an accusation.

Like Mrs Earwig, she wears stylish black and a lot of silver jewellery. Annagramma has an air about her as though she's taking notes about the world in order to draw up a list of suggestions for improvements.

Buildings along the Ankh She ran the coven of Tiffany, Lucy Warbeck, Petulia Gristle, Dimity Hubbub, Lulu Darling and Gertruder Tiring. She ran it because she invented it, she had the tallest hat and the sharpest voice. [HFOS, W]

Hedge wizards. Hedge wizardry is a very honoured and specialised form of magic that attracts silent, thoughtful men of the druidical persuasion and topiaric inclinations. If you invite a hedge wizard to a party he will spend half the evening talking to your potted plant. And he will spend the other half listening to it. These wizards do not have anything to do with Unseen University, where they would be considered in dire need of dried frog products. [ER]

Heinrich, Prince of Zlobenia. A 'friend to Ankh-Morpork'. He is over six feet tall, with a pretty smile, good teeth, a duelling scar, a monocle and a well-trimmed moustache, waxed to points. He has a local reputation for cunning, and inherited the throne in a country where the chief export is the hand-painted clog. He is an educated man, who has great plans for Zlobenia and has banned the wors.h.i.+p of Nuggan. At one point, he disguises himself as Captain h.o.r.entz of the First Heavy Dragoons. [MR]

Heliodeliphilodelphiboschromenos. Disc town mentioned in the song 'The Ball of Philodelphus'. A sort of architectural equivalent of Colonel Bogey. [E]

h.e.l.l. There are, almost by definition, an unlimited number of h.e.l.ls potentially at least a personal one for every living sapient being.

However, humans are impressionable, gregarious creatures (one famous definition of h.e.l.l, after all, is that it is other people). h.e.l.l tends to look like they have come to expect and what they expect is often conditioned by what they've read and seen, so that for people around the CIRCLE SEA there is a kind of general, consensus h.e.l.l. This is the one described quite fully in Eric, where rather dull demons mindlessly apply physical torture to non-physical bodies and there is a general wailing and gnas.h.i.+ng of teeth subsequent to a handout of free, badly fitting false teeth for those who die toothless.

The unremarkable horror of the place is somewhat ameliorated by the lack of imagination of the demons who run it. For example, a forbidding door leads to it, with a sign on it saying, 'You Don't Have To Be "d.a.m.ned" To Work Here, But It Helps!!!', and the three exclamation marks and quote marks around a word that patently does not need it suggest a type of dreadfulness all their own. It also has a doorknocker black, horrible and tied up so that it can't be used. There is a doorbell next to it, which plays a jolly little chime. For anyone with any interest in music, h.e.l.l starts right there.

As you might expect in fact, precisely because you would expect the broad steps leading up to h.e.l.l are made of good intentions, carved in stone. (See also DEMONS.) [E]

Henderson, Fred 'Mr Harpsichord'. Musician and council member of the Musicians' Guild. [SM]

Henry, Coffin. A professional beggar in Ankh-Morpork and the leader of the Canting Crew. He is paid money not to attend important social occasions. If people don't take this small but essential precaution, he sidles ingratiatingly into the party and invites guests to inspect his remarkable collection of skin diseases. He also has a cough, which sounds almost solid, and is known for his volcanic spitting. Apart from this, he can be recognised by his signs on which are chalked: 'For sum muny I wunt follo you home. Coff Coff.' or 'Will Threaten For Food'. He would be the city's champion expectorator if anyone else had wanted the t.i.tle.

Heralds, Ankh-Morpork Royal College of. The Royal College is, or was, the repository of the only record of the heraldic ancestry of the all the oldest and most n.o.ble families in Ankh-Morpork and the Discworld as a whole. It maintains itself behind a green gate in a wall in Mollymog Street just head towards the sound of the heraldic beasts waiting to be fed.

The Ankh-Morpork College of Heralds is headed by Dragon King of Arms, who is traditionally responsible for proclamations of war and peace, for carrying the King's challenges to battle and messages between sovereigns. He is also responsible for all matters relating to heraldry affecting the Cities of Ankh & Morpork and has overall responsibility for his deputies, Hubward King of Arms (responsible for heraldry affecting cities and states to the Hubward of Ankh-Morpork) and Rimward King of Arms (responsible for the lands to the Rimward of Ankh-Morpork).

Working for them are six Heralds, each representing a major city state: Chirm Herald, Al Khali Herald and Genua Herald (for the Rimward states) and Pseudopolis Herald, Lancre Herald and Sto Lat Herald (for the Hubward states).

The Heralds' attendants are called Pursuivants: Pardessus Chatain Pursuivant, Croissant Vert Pursuivant, Garderobe Pursuivant and Rouge Dragon de Marais Pursuivant. Two additional officers, whose duties are unclear, are s.c.r.o.t.e Pursuivant Extraordinary and Ankh Pursuivant Extraordinary.

All this is, however, more or less irrelevant since practically none of the above posts are in fact occupied and all the practical business of the College is now carried out by the last two remaining Pursuivants, Croissant Vert (Green Crescent) and Pardessus Chatain (Brown Overcoat), or Sid and Frank as they are known to outsiders. They still do jobbing heraldry work for those members of the rising merchant cla.s.s of Ankh-Morpork which believes that having lots of dough makes you upper-crust, but spend most of their time tending the decrepit collection of heraldic animals still kept on the premises (the heraldic creatures used on s.h.i.+elds and so on are always painted from life; one reason why so many of them are such a strange shape legs of a lion, body of a weasel, head of an eagle and so on may lie in the fact that in the cramped quarters of the College yard the beasts are allowed to run free and seem to get along quite well, as it were).

Most of the College records were destroyed during the events of Feet of Clay but, given the average human's persistent desire for bits of paper proving his or her superiority over the neighbours, Sid and Frank seem to be kept busy.

Helmclever. A novice dwarf Grag, related to the Helmclevers of Tallow Lane, Ankh-Morpork. He was born in Ankh-Morpork, and went off to study in the mountains against his parents' wishes. He is a junior official (orders the groceries, relays orders, pays the miners, etc). He dresses as a standard city dwarf helmet, leather, chain mail, battleaxe/mining pick, and a black sash. [T!]

Here'n'Now. An unlicensed thief and stool pigeon in Ankh-Morpork. The worst thief in the world (worst as in not good at it). A very small, raggedy man, whose beard and hair are so overgrown and matted together that he looks like a ferret peering out of a bush. Called Here'n'Now because of his nervous inability to master anything but the present tense, so that his speech is therefore on these lines: 'So I'm standing outside the Mended Drum when who is coming up to me but Flannelfoot Boggis who tells me he is seeing where the De Bris gang are robbing the jewellers' shop in Gleam Street, but I am reticent because I know this to be nothing but an untruth . . .' [MAA]

Heretofore. Secretary to Cosmo LAVISH. He is a pale young man in an old-fas.h.i.+oned clerk's robe. Heretofore had told Cosmo that he had been employed at the Patrician's Palace. Indeed he had been employed for a while at the palace, but he did not let Cosmo find out that it had been as a gardener. He had been a minor secretary at the Armourers' Guild before that, which was why he'd felt confident in saying 'I was a minor secretary and I was employed at the palace', a phrase that readers will recognise that Lord Vetinari would have examined with more care than the delighted Cosmo had done. [MM]

Herne the Hunted. G.o.d of all small furry creatures whose destiny it is to end life with a brief, crunchy squeak. Herne is about three feet high with long, floppy, rabbit ears and very small horns. He has an extremely good turn of speed. Found in the mountains and forests of LANCRE, moving extremely fast. [WS, LL]

Heroes. Most of the Disc's cla.s.sic heroes are from the barbaric tribes nearer the frozen Hub, which have a sort of export trade in heroes, which shows that the leaders of these tribes are by no means stupid because their sons are usually suicidally gloomy when sober and homicidally insane when drunk. They tend to acquire magic swords, a forthright att.i.tude to women, and a complete disrespect for other people's property. Some of the Disc's best-known heroes include COHEN the Barbarian, HRUN the Barbarian, Erig Stronginthearm [COM], Black Zenell [COM], Codice of Chimeria [COM], and Cimbar the a.s.sa.s.sin [LF]. Stronginthearm is a dwarf name, but presumably they have heroes just like everybody else.

Herrena the Henna-Haired Harridan. An adventuress. A good swordswoman who has ama.s.sed a modest fortune for a future which will certainly include a bidet if she has anything to do with it. She is usually sensibly dressed in light chain mail, soft boots and a short sword, and would look quite stunning after a good bath, a heavy-duty manicure and the pick of the leather goods in Woo Hun Ling's Oriental Exotica and Martial Aids on Heroes Street, Ankh-Morpork. [LF, E]

Hersheba. Small desert kingdom Rimwards of KLATCH, practically on the more-or-less vague boundary with HOWONDALAND. Said to be ruled by a queen who lives for ever.

Hex. It was, perhaps, inevitable that the combination of enthusiastic students and a disinterested faculty would lead to the creation of a machine to explore the unknown and to advance the search for knowledge. Such is the case in Unseen University and Hex, although the underlying reason for Hex's construction is probably the same as the one which has inspired so many other technological advances: we can build this, so let's see what it does if we do.

The official reason was the speeding up of the University's magical throughput. There are more than 500 known spells to secure the love of another person. Enquiring minds wondered whether an a.n.a.lysis of all these spells might reveal some small powerful common denominator, some meta-spell, some simple little equation which would achieve the required end far more quickly.

To answer both these questions, Hex was built. Part of it is clockwork. A lot of it is a giant ant farm (the interface, where the ants ride up and down on a little paternoster that turns a significant cogwheel, is a little masterpiece). The intricately controlled rus.h.i.+ng of the ants through their maze of gla.s.s tubing (which looks like it has been made by a gla.s.s-blower with hiccoughs) is the most important part of the whole thing. Stuff which just seemed to have acc.u.mulated included the Phase of the Moon Generator, the aquarium and the wind chimes, which now seemed to be essential. A mouse has built a nest in the middle of it all and has now been allowed to remain indeed, Hex stopped working when the mouse had been removed.

Hex redesigns itself and, although the students a.s.sert that it was they who constructed the Unreal Time Clock (a strange wobbly thing with a cuckoo), other features now form integral parts of the machine without anyone being quite sure how they acc.u.mulated. These include: a device a bit like a wind-speed measurer, blocks with occult symbols that dropped into a hopper (although these now seem to have been replaced by a quill pen in the middle of a network of pulleys and levers, and Hex communicates in handwriting) a clothes wringer, a thing like a broken umbrella with herrings on it, some small religious pictures, a large hourgla.s.s on a spring (which shows when the machine is thinking) and a thing that goes 'parp'. Long-term memory storage is not achieved by using beehives and, apparently, some kind of telepathic contact between the ants and the bees placement of pollen and honey in the wax cells indicates a kind of code and, unlike more traditional forms of computer equipment, can be eaten when obsolete. Hex has now also been enhanced with a white carnival mask on one wall of its room so that users have someone to talk to.

Hex weighs around ten tons and its gnomic bulk is operated by an enormous keyboard almost as big as the rest of Hex. It now also houses a ram's skull at its core, and its two most technical features are the GBL and FTB. Oh, sorry, the Great Big Lever and the Fluffy Teddy Bear without the latter, it refuses to work at all. On its outer surface it has a sticker 'Anthill Inside'. No one knows why it is there, but it turned up one day. [IT, H]

Hicks, John, Professor. Head of the Department of Post-Mortem Communications at Unseen University. Well, I say Head, but that is the trouble with working in the DPMC, you could never exactly be the boss. In an ordinary job people retired, wandered back to the ol' workplace a few times while there were people who remembered them, and then faded in to the ever swelling past. But the former staff here never seemed to go . . . There is a saying: 'Old Necromancers never die.' When he tells people this, they say '. . . and?' and Hicks would have to reply, 'That's all of it, I'm afraid. Just "Old Necromancers never die".'

He has a widow's peak, a skull ring, a sinister staff, a black robe and a coffee mug with the legend 'Necromancers Do It All Night'. He is tolerated as a useful, if slightly irritating, member of the College Council. He looks as though he's tried, like any self-respecting necromancer, to grow a proper goatee beard, but owing to some basic lack of malevolence it had turned out a bit sheepish.

Now spells his name 'Hix'. Strictly speaking, Dr Hix, spelled with an 'X' was the son of Mr and Mrs Hicks, but a man who wears a black robe with nasty symbols on it and has a skull ring would be mad, or let us say even madder, to pa.s.s up the chance to have an 'X' in his name. [UA, MM]

History, nature of. (See MONKS, HISTORY.) Hiver, the. A form of demon. Hivers were formed in the first seconds of Creation. They are not alive but they have, as it were, the shape of life. They have no body, brain or thoughts of their own and a naked hiver is a sluggish thing indeed, tumbling gently though the endless night between the worlds. Most end up at the bottom of deep seas, or in the bellies of volcanoes, or drifting through the hearts of stars. [HFOS]

Hix. See HICKS Hobson, Willie. Willie is a thickset man and owner of Hobson's Livery Stable in Creek Alley, Ankh-Morpork. A huge, multi-storey building. Hobson found a niche and occupied it. Many people in Ankh-Morpork occasionally needed a horse, but hardly anyone has somewhere to park one, or the money for the stable, groom, hayloft . . . To hire a horse from Willie you just needed a few dollars. Lots of people rent s.p.a.ce to keep their own horses there, too. Hobson's Livery Stable is at once the most famous and notorious such establishment in the city. It is probably not the hive of criminal activity that popular rumour suggests, although the huge establishment often seems to contain grubby looking men with not much to do apart from sit around and squint at people. And Willie now employs an Igor, which of course is sensible when you have such a high veterinary overhead, but you hear stories such as, for example, stolen horses got dismantled at dead of night and might well turn up with a dye job and two different legs. And it was said that there was one horse in Ankh-Morpork that had a longitudinal seam from head to tail, being sewn together from what was left of two horses that had been involved in a particularly nasty accident. [TT, GP, etc.]

Hodgesaargh. Castle falconer at LANCRE. Hodgesaargh is not his original name, but he is regularly attacked by his birds just as you speak to him, and this has led to a common misunderstanding. An amiable, good-natured man, whose love and care for his charges is only surpa.s.sed by their own fervent desire to eat his eyeb.a.l.l.s. He is not a bad falconer, in fact he's one of the best trainers in the mountains. His personality tends towards the one-man feudal system; he doesn't disagree with his betters and he doesn't mind who runs the castle as long as they don't tamper with his birds. As the official Royal Falconer he is ent.i.tled to wear a ceremonial costume, which was designed hundreds of years previously by someone with a lyrical view of the countryside. It includes a lot of red and gold, with a big, red floppy hat with a feather in it. The whole outfit would look much better on someone two feet taller and who has the legs for red stockings. Usually, however, he wears working leathers and about three sticking plasters. [LL]

Hogfather, the. Now, at least, the Hogfather is kind old gentleman with whiskers and boots who arrives, to the sound of hog bells, with a sack of toys on HOGSWATCHNIGHT. Children leave out a gla.s.s of wine and a pork pie for him, and they decorate their houses with an oak tree in a pot and strings of paper sausages; on Hogswatchday they wear paper hats while they eat their pork dinner.

However, this is a light modern version of a darker myth. The original Hogfather is a winter G.o.d who was a.s.sociated with the pig-killing that is customary in country districts in the month before Hogswatchnight. According to legend at least in those areas where pigs are a vital part of the household economy the Hogfather spends the year in his secret palace of giant pig bones, emerging on Hogswatchnight to gallop from house to house on a crude sledge drawn by four tusked wild boars to deliver presents of sausages, black puddings, pork scratchings and ham to all the children who have been good. He says 'Ho Ho Ho' a lot. Children who have been bad get a bag full of b.l.o.o.d.y bones (it's these little details that tell you it's a tale for children). There is a song about him, which includes the line: 'You'd Better Watch Out . . .'

The kinder version of the Hogfather is said to have originated in the legend of a local king who, one winter's night, happened to be pa.s.sing, or so he said, the home of three young women and heard them sobbing because they had no food to celebrate the midwinter feast. He took pity on them and threw a packet of sausages through the window badly concussing one of them, but there's no point in spoiling a good legend.

However, it is clear that the root of the story goes back much, much further, to those b.l.o.o.d.y and often abrupt ceremonies that were once thought necessary to give the sun a nudge in the darkest times of the year.

His sledge is drawn by his four boars: Gouger, Rooter, Tusker and Snouter. They are not your average cuddly piggies.

Hogswatchnight. The one night of the Disc's long year when witches are expected to stay at home. Occurs at the turn of the Disc year. By tradition, shops do not open on Hogswatchday. It's generally the occasion for festivities of a let's-get-the-whole-family-together-and-have-a-row nature, at which otherwise sane people may occasionally blow squeakers.

Hoki (Hoki the Jokester). A nature G.o.d in the RAMTOPS. He manifests himself as an oak tree, or as half-man and half-goat, or in his most common aspect as a b.l.o.o.d.y nuisance. He is found only in deep woods and likes to haunt the Ramtops. Hoki was banished from DUNMANIFESTIN for pulling the old exploding mistletoe joke on BLIND IO.

Hollow, Desiderata. A fairy G.o.dmother, which is a very specialised form of witch. A kindly and intelligent soul, who lived in LANCRE. Although blind for thirty years, she was blessed or possibly cursed with second sight and always saw what she was doing just before she did it.

Her cottage was stuffed with old books, maps and curios from Foreign Parts. Her friends.h.i.+p with Magrat GARLICK, who has rather more respect for book learning than her fellow witches, led to Magrat inheriting her magic wand and, directly, the confrontation between the WEATHERWAX sisters. [WA]

Holy Wood. A wind-blown old forest, a temple and some sand dunes about thirty miles turnwise of Ankh-Morpork, on a sun-drenched spit of land where the CIRCLE SEA meets the Rim Ocean. There is a legend that a city on the site was destroyed by the G.o.ds for some unspeakable crime against them or mankind, and given what the G.o.ds (and mankind) get up to all the time without any kind of punishment at all, it must have been something pretty awful.

For a while, Holy Wood was the focus for creatures from the DUNGEON DIMENSIONS, who tried to use the magic of the area to break into the real world during the time that moving pictures were being made there. [MP]

Hong, Lord. Grand Vizier of the Agatean Empire until his death at the age of twenty-six. He rose to the leaders.h.i.+p of one of the most influential families of the Agatean Empire by relentless application, total focusing of his mental powers and six well-executed deaths (including that of his own father). Like all Grand Viziers he was power-obsessed and pathologically intelligent. There just seems to be something about the job. [IT]