Twins Under His Tree Part 11

"Man, that's tough," he muttered. "It breaks my heart when they're sad."

Lily patted Shep's arm knowing that before he met Raina, he never would have been able to admit that.

"I'm going to visit the new mom," Lily said.

Shep studied Mitch. "You want to get a cup of coffee with me?"

"Sure," Mitch answered, exchanging a look with Lily that told her she'd been right about Shep needing a break.

"See you in a bit," she said with a wave, and headed for Raina's room.

When she entered her friend's room, she stopped short. This was a woman who had her world together.

The head of the bed had been raised and Raina was holding her infant daughter. She looked absolutely radiant and Lily almost envied her calm sense of satisfaction.

"Hey, there," she called softly from the doorway.

"Hey, yourself. Come on in. Meet Christina Joy McGraw."

"What a beautiful name! Did you and Shep decide on it together?"

"He just said he wanted something pretty and a little old-fas.h.i.+oned. I added Joy because that's what she's going to bring us." After pa.s.sing her hand over her baby's head, Raina looked beyond Lily. "Where's Mitch?"

"He's keeping Shep company for a cup of coffee."

"This is a rough day for Shep, but if he drinks more than two cups, he's not going to sleep tonight."

Lily laughed. "I don't think he's going to sleep anyway. You do know he's going to stay here with you."

"He said something to that effect, but I thought he was kidding."

"Uh-uh. He's not letting you or that baby girl out of his sight for very long."

After they both stared down at the infant, Lily taken with her raven-dark hair and eyes, Raina asked, "Did I interrupt something when I called? I never imagined you'd be with Mitch."

"Oh, I just decided to make him a thank-you dinner. It was easier to do at his house."

"Did you eat?"

"No, we put it in a ca.s.serole for later. It will be fine."

"I have lousy timing," Raina murmured.

"No, actually you have very good timing."

The two women exchanged a look.

"Do you want to tell me what's going on?" Raina asked.

"Not here. The men could come back. Besides, I'm not sure anything is going on. Nothing should be going on, right?" If there was one person to ask about this, that person would be Raina.

"I waited nine long years to find love again. You don't have to wait that long."

"But what if it isn't love? What if I just miss Troy so much, long to be held so much, that I mistake something else for real emotion?"

"Is that what you think is happening?"

Lily sighed. "I don't know. When I'm with Mitch, I actually can't think sometimes, let alone figure out the best thing to do."

"Then don't do anything until you're ready to do whatever's right for you."

"You make it sound so easy."

"Yeah, I know," Raina said with a wry smile. "If I'd taken my own advice, I wouldn't have this little girl in my arms right now. Do you want to hold her?"

"You bet I do."

Shep sat across from Mitch at the cafeteria table, staring down into his coffee. "When Raina went into labor-" He shook his head. "I don't think I've ever gone into such a panic."

"I know what you mean," Mitch said, thinking about that night at the banquet, Lily's contractions, knowing the twins would be premature.

Shep didn't say anything for a moment, but then remarked, "So you felt that way when Lily went into labor?"

What kind of trap had Mitch just walked into? He kept silent.

"You being a doc and all," Shep went on, "I would think you'd be more matter-of-fact about it."

He would have been with anyone else, but not with Lily. No way was he going to admit that out loud. Then it didn't seem he had to. Shep was giving him a knowing look that made Mitch feel uncomfortable. One thing Mitch never thought he'd be was transparent. He expected another question, but it didn't follow.

Instead, Shep took another sip of his coffee and set it down again. "Raina and Lily have become really good friends. They have a lot in common."

"Raina's been a great support for Lily since Troy died." He might as well just get the subject out there so they weren't trampling around it.

"I heard you've been, too."

"You heard?" Mitch tried to keep the defensiveness from his voice, but he was worried that gossip was spreading about him and Lily.

"That night at the banquet when you carried Lily off. Raina told me Troy had left a letter asking you to look after her. That's why you're with her again tonight, right?" Shep inquired blandly.

Lily had told Mitch about Shep's background and why he'd wanted to adopt. She'd always spoken admiringly of him and Mitch knew her to be a good judge of character.

So when Shep stopped beating around the proverbial bush and added, "When I met Raina, nine years had pa.s.sed since her husband died. Even so, we had a few b.u.mps in our road because of it."

"Lily and I aren't-"

"Aren't serious? Aren't involved? Only friends? I get that. No one's judging you...or Lily."

"Maybe you're not, but Troy's sister is and I can't blame her for that. Even I know Lily's still vulnerable and I should watch my step. But how do you keep a promise to protect someone and step back at the same time?"

"That's a tough one," Shep admitted. "But if you care about her, you'll figure out the right thing to do, without interference from anyone else." Shep drank the last of his coffee. "Thanks for coming down here with me. I want to be with my wife and baby, but I needed a little break just to settle down a bit."

"I understand."

Shep nodded. "So are you ready to meet my daughter?"

When Lily and Mitch returned from the hospital, they warmed up dinner and ate at the table Lily had set. She called Ellie to see how the twins were doing and to give a report on Raina.

After she closed her phone, Mitch asked, "Ready for dessert?" and brought the apple crumble to the table.

"I have to get back home. Sophie and Grace are okay but I don't want Ellie and Angie to feel as if I've abandoned them."

"You haven't. A couple of hours away will do all of you good."

"I know, but-"

"You don't have to run off because you think I might kiss you again. I won't, if you don't want me to."

Lily felt her heart start hammering. "That's the problem, Mitch. I think I want you to."

Although another man might have acted on that subtle invitation, Mitch didn't. He set the dish on the table and started scooping dessert out for both of them.

"You don't have anything to say to that?" she asked quietly.

"Shep thinks we're involved."

Lily felt rattled that the subject had come up between the two men.

"I didn't start that conversation, if you're wondering," Mitch a.s.sured her.

"No, I wasn't. I guess I was just surprised."

"Everyone who cares about you is worried about you. It's natural that they're going to watch what you're doing."

"I hate to think I'm being watched," Lily murmured.

"In a good way."

After Mitch took his seat again beside her, she confessed, "Raina thinks we're involved, too."

"And what do you think?" he asked, his dark gaze penetrating, a.s.sessing, questioning.

"I think I'm scared. I think a kiss means more than I want it to mean with you."

"We did more than kiss," he reminded her.

She couldn't look away, didn't look away, wouldn't look away. She had to be as honest as she could with him. "I'm not sure where we're headed, Mitch. A lot of hormones are still driving me. What if we go up in flames? How much damage will that do to either of us? I've never had affairs, even before Troy. I was always in committed relations.h.i.+ps. So what's happening between you and me-"

"Isn't a committed relations.h.i.+p."

"We're really on sandy footing," she said with a shake of her head.

He didn't disagree.

"But I like being with you," she continued. "I feel so alone sometimes, but not when I'm with you."

"We're back to the friends-versus-more question," he said.

Suddenly Lily was tired of the seriousness of it all. She was a widow with two babies to raise and sometimes she just wanted to scream. "Why do we even have to decide? Why are we worried about affairs and committed relations.h.i.+ps? I mean, why can't we just enjoy being together?"

A light smile crept across his lips. "You couldn't be saying we're a.n.a.lyzing too much."

"I'm saying I need to take some deep breaths and not worry so much, and maybe you do, too. Yes, I think about Troy all the time, and how much I miss him, and how much the babies would love to have him as a father. But he's not here, and I can't pretend he will be again."

"You still love him a lot."

"Yes, Mitch, I do. But that love can't fill up my life twenty-four hours a day anymore. I have to start making room for a different life."

"And?" Mitch prompted.

"And," Lily repeated, then hesitated a moment.... "And Ellie and Angie are going to a concert in Amarillo tomorrow. They're going to stay overnight. So why don't you come over around four and we'll take the babies for a walk. Then maybe we can toss around some ideas for your Christmas weekend. That will be looking ahead and it should be fun. I can plan a menu. You can decide who will be Santa Claus. We'll just hang out."

His gaze was still on her, seeing into her and through her. They had to both figure out what they wanted and maybe the only way to do that would be to spend some time together.

"You just want some help with Sophie and Grace," he teased.

After considering what he'd said, she shook her head. "No, I want to hang out with you."

If she thought Mitch had ignored her invitation earlier, she could see in his eyes now that he hadn't.

Leaning toward her, he reached out and moved a stray wave from her cheek. Then he rubbed his thumb over her lips, leaning even closer. "Does hanging out involve kissing?"

"Maybe," she said with a little uncertainty.

His lips came down on hers and the rest of the world fell away.

Chapter Eight.

Mitch pushed the double stroller down the street, noticing the darkened gray sky and the storm clouds that had gathered. He felt a similar storm inside of himself, agitating to be set free.

We're just going to hang out together, he repeated in his mind like a mantra.

Strolling beside him, Lily bent to make sure Sophie and Grace were happy under their canopies. Lily wore a yellow sundress with strawberries appliqued around the hem. He wondered if she'd dressed up for him or if he was reading too much into her choice of a simple dress on a warm June day. She'd tucked her hair behind her ears and held it in place with two pretty mother-of-pearl combs. She was a vision that plagued his dreams and unsettled his days.