A Time To Dance Part 1

A time to dance.

Padma Venkatraman.

As this book neared completion, I was struck by the story of a dancer.

-Adrianne Haslet-Davis-.

who became a below-knee amputee as a result of the Boston Marathon bombing. This work is dedicated to the courageous people I've been privileged to meet and those whom I'll never be honored to know, whose spirit triumphs over terror and tragedy.

PROLOGUE.

TEMPLE.

of the DANCING G.o.d.

Clinging to the free end of Ma's sari, I follow the tired shuffle of other pilgrims' feet into the cool darkness of the temple, where sweat-smell mingles with the fragrance of incense.

Pa's hand rests heavy on my curls.

The priest drops a pinch of sacred ash into Ma's palm and she smears it on my forehead above the red dot she paints between my eyebrows each morning.

I push through the rustling curtain of women's saris and men's white veshtis, tiptoeing to see better.

A bronze statue of s.h.i.+va, four-armed G.o.d of dance, glistens.

He balances on His right leg alone, His left raised parallel to earth, the crescent moon a sparkling jewel He wears in His matted hair.

Carved high into the temple's granite walls are other celestial dancers.

"Pa?" I tug at my father's s.h.i.+rt.

He lifts me onto his shoulders but the sculptures are too far away to touch.

After the crowd empties out into the suns.h.i.+ne of the temple courtyard I, alone, slip back into the soft blackness of the empty hall, spot a stepladder propped against my dancer-filled wall, and climb. Up, up, up, to the very top.

Leaning forward, I trace dancing feet with my fingertips.

"What are you doing, little one?" A priest steadies my ladder. "You don't have to climb ladders to reach G.o.d.

He dances within all He creates.

Come down."

I run my fingers along the curve of each stone heel.

The priest's laugh rumbles up into my ears.

"Place a hand on your chest.

Can you feel s.h.i.+va's feet moving inside you?"

I press on my chest. Feel bony ribs. Under them, thumping, faint echoes of a dance rhythm: thom thom thom.

s.h.i.+va outside me, gleaming in the temple sanctum.

Yet also leaping, hidden inside my body.

"G.o.d is everywhere. In every body. In everything.

He is born at different times, in different places, with different names.

He dances in heaven as s.h.i.+va, creator of universes; He lived on earth as Buddha, human incarnation of compa.s.sion; and as you can see, He moves within you.

Now, please, come down, little one."

I'm halfway down the ladder when Pa and Ma rush back in.

Pa prostrates, laying his squat body flat on the stone floor, thanking G.o.d.

Ma thanks the priest, words of grat.i.tude bursting from her like sobs.

"Searched-the other four temples-couldn't find her- so scared-what if she'd left the temple complex- run outside the walls-into the city-"

As we leave, Ma's thin fingers pinch my shoulders tight as tongs roasting rotis over an open flame.

Pa scolds, "You could have burst your head climbing a ladder like that!"

My head is bursting with images of stone dancers come alive, the tips of their bare toes twirling, with sounds of the tiny bells on their anklets twinkling with music.

HOPING.

and

WAITING.

I race upstairs, kick my sandals off outside our front door, burst into our apartment. "I'm in the finals!"

My grandmother, Paati, surges out of the kitchen like a s.h.i.+p in full sail, her white sari dazzling in the afternoon light that streams through our open windows.

I fling my arms around her.

Drink in the spicy-sweet basil-and-aloe scent of her soap.

Paati doesn't say congratulations. She doesn't need to.

I feel her words in the warmth of her hug.

"I knew you'd make it." Pa plucks me out of Paati's embrace into his arms.

"Finals of what?" Ma says.

I've only been talking about the Bharatanatyam dance compet.i.tion for months.

Mostly to Paati, and to Pa, but Ma's hearing is perfect and we don't live in a palace with soundproof walls.

Paati retreats into the kitchen.

Paati's told me she doesn't think it's her place to interfere with her son and daughter-in-law.

Pa's eyes rove from Ma to me.

He's caught in the middle as always.

Ma's diamond earrings -the only reminder of her wealthy past- flash at me like angry eyes.

"Veda, you need to study hard.

If you don't do well in your exams this year-"

For once, my voice doesn't stick in my throat. "I am studying hard.

To be a dancer.

I'm not planning to become an engineer. Or a doctor."

Or any other profession Ma finds respectable.

Ma launches into her usual lecture. "Dancing is no career for a middle-cla.s.s girl.

You need to study something useful in college so you can get a well-paid job."

I sigh extra-loud.

My dance teacher, Uday anna, isn't rich. But his house is larger than ours.

Clearly, he earns more than Ma at her bank job and Pa at his library.

Ma goes on and on.

Back when I was younger, I'd struggle to be better at school for Ma's sake.

But numbers and letters soon grew too large for me to hold and I grew far away from them and Ma grew out of patience.

Paati places steaming sojji, my favorite snack, on our table.

The sweet, b.u.t.tery smell of cooked semolina is tempting but I leave the plate untouched.

March into the bedroom Paati and I share.

Slam the door.

Pa knocks. Says, "Come out, Veda. Eat something."

"Leave her alone," Ma says. "She knows where to find food if she's hungry."

I probably shouldn't have slammed the door.

But Ma never even said congratulations.

She's never pretended my dancing made her happy.

But never has a performance mattered more to me than being chosen for the finals of this compet.i.tion.

All my life, Ma's been hoping I'll do well at science and mathematics so I could end up becoming what she wanted to be: an engineer.

All my life, I've been waiting for her to appreciate my love of the one thing I excel at: Bharatanatyam dance.