Gabriel's Inferno: Gabriel's Rapture Part 48

You were sleeping so peacefully that I didn't want to disturb you. I'll ask Rebecca to make waffles for breakfast because I know you like them. Falling asleep in your arms again reminded me that I was only half a person in your absence.

You make me whole.

With love,

Gabriel.

Julia couldn't deny the fact that a variety of emotions came upon her as she read the note, like a symphony of different instruments. Perhaps the most dominant feeling was that of relief.

Gabriel loved her. Gabriel had returned.

But forgiveness and reconciliation were two different things, and she knew that although other forces had been at work to effect their separation, she and Gabriel each bore responsibility for the situation in which they currently found themselves. Julia didn't want to run back into his arms only to escape the pain of their separation; that would be like taking a pill to kill a pain without investigating its root causes.

She found her shoes and slowly walked across the garden, retrieving her purse before entering the back door. Rebecca was already at work in the small kitchen, preparing breakfast.

"Good morning." She greeted Julia with a smile.

"Good morning." Julia motioned toward the staircase that led to the second floor. "I was just going to use the bathroom."

Rebecca wiped her hands on her ap.r.o.n.

"I'm afraid Gabriel is in it."

"Oh."

"Why don't you knock on the door? He might be finished."

The thought of running into Gabriel, damp from the shower, wrapped in a towel, made Julia's skin grow pink.

"Um, I'll wait. May I?" She gestured to the kitchen sink and, with Rebecca's permission, proceeded to wash her hands. When they were dried, she removed a hair elastic from her purse and pulled her hair into a ponytail.

Rebecca invited her to sit down at the small, round kitchen table. "This house isn't very convenient with only one bathroom. I end up having to climb those stairs several times a day. Even my little house has two bathrooms."

Julia was surprised. "I thought that you lived here."

Rebecca laughed as she retrieved a pitcher of freshly squeezed orange juice from the refrigerator. "I live in Norwood. I used to live with my mother, but she pa.s.sed away a few months ago."

"I'm sorry." Julia gave Rebecca a sympathetic look as she poured orange juice into two wine gla.s.ses.

"She had Alzheimer's," said Rebecca simply before returning to her cooking.

Julia watched as she plugged in an electric waffle maker and proceeded to wash and hull a basket of fresh strawberries and whip some cream. Gabriel had planned the breakfast well.

"It's going to be an adjustment to keep house for a professor after looking after my mother. He's a bit particular, but I like that. Did you know that he's lending me books? I've just started reading Jane Eyre. I've never read it before. He says that as long as I keep cooking I can keep borrowing books. Finally, I have a chance to further my education and use everything I learned from years of watching the Food Network."

"He's lending you books from his personal library?" Julia sounded incredulous.

"Yes. Isn't that nice? I don't know the professor very well, but I'm already fond of him. He reminds me of my son."

Julia sipped her orange juice and began to eat her breakfast, urged as she was not to wait for Gabriel's arrival.

"I don't know why he bought this house when the kitchen is so small and there's only one bathroom." She spoke between bites of a cinnamon flavored waffle.

Rebecca wore a knowing smile. "He wanted to live in Harvard Square, and he liked the garden. He said that it reminded him of his parents' place back home. He plans to renovate the house to make it more comfortable, but he refused to book a single contractor until you gave your approval."

"My approval?" Julia's fork clattered to the floor.

Rebecca efficiently handed her another one. "He might have said something about selling it if you didn't like it. Although given the language I heard coming from upstairs this morning, I think he has decided to begin his renovations immediately."

She pa.s.sed a plate of crispy bacon to Julia. "I don't know if you've noticed this, but the professor can be a little intense."

Julia laughed loudly. "You have no idea."

She was able to enjoy not one but two waffles before the sound of Gabriel and his Italian shoes came thumping down the stairs.

"Good morning," he greeted her, kissing the top of her head.

"Good morning." Acutely aware of Rebecca's presence, Gabriel and Julia made polite small talk for a moment or two before Julia excused herself to visit the bathroom.

With one look at her face and hair in the mirror, she realized that she needed to have a shower. And that's when she noticed a shopping bag placed neatly on the corner of the vanity.

Inside the bag she found bottles of her old brand of vanilla shampoo and shower gel, along with a new lavender-colored poof. Even more surprisingly, she found a pale yellow summer dress with a matching cardigan. It took a moment or two for her to overcome the sudden, almost overwhelming feeling that pa.s.sed over her. But she swallowed it back and showered and dressed, making herself presentable.

She was grateful to have clean clothes to wear but slightly irritated at Gabriel's presumption. She wondered if she'd find lingerie in her size hanging in his closet. She wondered if, when he moved the contents of his condo, he kept all the clothes and items she'd left behind.

She swept her hair behind her ears. Grace's earrings were hidden in the back of her underwear drawer with a few other precious things, in her apartment. She knew that putting them away, although it seemed necessary when he left, had injured Gabriel deeply.

They'd wounded each other, and both were in need of forgiveness and healing. But Julia couldn't decide what path would be the best one to take in order for her to mend. The obvious choices in life aren't always the correct ones.

When she finally came downstairs, Rebecca was cleaning up the kitchen and Gabriel was in the garden. She found him sitting in a chair under the shade of a large umbrella.

"Are you all right?" she asked, for his eyes were closed.

He opened his eyes and smiled. "I am now. Join me?" He extended his hand, and she took it, settling herself in the chair adjacent to him.

"That color suits you," he said, appraising her yellow dress with unconcealed delight.

"Thank you for going shopping."

"What would you like to do today?"

Julia tugged the hem of her dress to cover her knees. "I think we should finish our conversation."

He nodded, silently renewing his prayer. He didn't want to lose her. And he knew that her reaction to the next part of his story might bring about just that.

"I know you remember our conversation in the hallway, after the hearing. When John was rude to you, I wanted to break off his finger and feed it to him."

"Why?"

"I don't think you comprehend the depth of my feeling for you. It goes beyond wanting to be near you, or to protect you. I want you to be happy, and I want you to be treated you with respect."

"You can't break off people's fingers when they're rude to me."

He made a show of stroking his chin thoughtfully. "I suppose not. What can I do? Strike them with the collected works of Shakespeare?"

"In one st.u.r.dy volume? Of course."

They shared a laugh before falling silent for a moment.

"I wanted to communicate what had happened behind closed doors, but I was ordered not to talk to you. That's why I spoke in code. Except I stupidly quoted Abelard, forgetting that you and I had different interpretations of his relations.h.i.+p with Heloise. I should have quoted Dante, Shakespeare, Milton, anyone." He shook his head.

"You were so angry. You accused me of f.u.c.king you. Julianne..." Gabriel's voice broke as he p.r.o.nounced her name. "Did you really think so lowly of me? To think that was how I would choose to say good-bye?"

Julia looked away, avoiding the intensity of his gaze. "What was I supposed to think? You wouldn't talk to me. You left the next morning without leaving a note. And then at the hearing, suddenly it was over."

"I didn't trust myself to speak with words. When I made love to you, I thought you understood what I was trying to say-that we're one. That we've always been one."

"You were talking about our conversation in the hallway after the hearing," she prompted, eager to change the subject. "I don't understand how they could have forced you to leave the city."

"They couldn't, really. Jeremy simply wanted my word that I'd stop seeing you."

She folded her arms in front of her. "Then why did you leave?"

"Jeremy discovered I broke my promise before we exited the building. He demanded I break things off with you and swear on my honor that I would stay away from you. I'd already told him I'd do anything if he helped us. I had no choice."

Julia thought back to her exit interview with the Dean and Professor Martin, just before graduation. "Why did Jeremy think you broke your promise? You wouldn't talk to me or answer my messages. You sent me an email telling me it was over."

"I know. I'm sorry. I'd hoped you'd read between the lines and realize it was just for the administration. I'd sent you another email before that from my Gmail account, saying it was only temporary."

"No, you didn't."

He retrieved his phone. Scrolling through a few screens, he settled on something. Then he fixed distressed and haunted eyes on hers.

"After the hearing, I ducked into the men's room and quickly sent you an email." He gently took her hand. "Here," he said, giving her the phone.

Julia quickly glanced at the screen.

Beatrice, I love you. Never doubt that. Trust me, please. G.

She blinked several times, trying to a.s.similate what she saw typed in black and white with what she'd experienced. "I don't understand. I didn't receive this."

Gabriel gave her a tortured expression. "I know."

She looked at the screen again and saw that the date and time of the email corresponded with Gabriel's story. But the addressee of the email was not her. In fact, the actual recipient was someone entirely different.

J.H. Martin.

Julia's eyes widened as the magnitude of Gabriel's error suddenly became very, very clear. Instead of sending the email to Julianne H. Mitch.e.l.l, he'd sent it to Jeremy H. Martin, the Chair of the Department of Italian Studies.

"Oh my G.o.d," she breathed.

He plucked the phone from her hand, muttering curses. "Every time I tried to do something for you, it backfired. I tried to save you, and the hearing officers were suspicious. I tried to give you a clue in conversation, and I made you feel like I'd abandoned you. I tried to email you, and I sent the email to the very person who'd forbidden me to contact you. Honestly, Julia, were it not for the fact that I hoped that someday we would be having this conversation, I would have stepped out into rush hour traffic on Bloor Street and ended it."

"Don't say things like that. Don't even think it."

Julia's sudden show of fierceness pleased him, but he found himself back-pedaling quickly. "Losing you was a low point for me. But suicide isn't an option I'd entertain again." He gave her a look that seemed to signify much more than he could say at that moment.

"Jeremy was furious. He'd put his career and his department on the line to help me and I'd gone behind his back two minutes later. Now he had proof, in writing, that I was breaking my agreement with the committee. I had no choice but to do whatever he said. If he sent my email to the Dean, the repercussions would have been devastating for both of us."

At that moment, Gabriel and Julia were interrupted by Rebecca, who joined them on the patio, carrying a pitcher of homemade lemonade garnished with a few frozen raspberries that floated delicately in the cloud of yellow. She served their drinks with an encouraging smile and vanished back into the house.

Gabriel drank greedily, enjoying his reprieve.

"So?" prompted Julia, sipping her lemonade.

"Jeremy told me to stay away from you. I had no choice. He held Damocles's sword in his hand."

"He let you go?"

"With a handshake and a promise." Gabriel grimaced as the memory of that dreadful conversation haunted him. "He showed me mercy. Then more than ever I felt obligated to keep my word. I resolved not to contact you directly until you were already a.s.sured your place at Harvard."

Julia shook her head stubbornly. "But what about me, Gabriel? You made a lot of promises to me. Didn't you think about keeping them?"

"Of course. Before I left Toronto, I put the textbook in your mailbox. I thought you'd find the pa.s.sage in Abelard's letter and read what I wrote on the back of the photograph."

"But I didn't realize it was from you. I didn't even look at it until the night you came to see me. That's why I was running outside. I didn't have an internet connection in my apartment and I wanted to email you."

"What would you have said?"