Child 44 Part 32

Several, he used the word so casually. If there were several, then they'd all been covered up.

-Arkady was murdered in February this year, on the railway tracks.

-A small boy?

-He was four years old.

-I remember him too. They were recent. I had perfected my method by then. Yet you still didn't know it was me? The earlier murders weren't as clear. I was nervous. You see, I couldn't be too obvious. It needed to be something only you would recognize. I couldn't just have written my name. I was communicating with you, and only you.

-What are you talking about?

-Brother, I never believed you were dead. I always knew you were alive. And I have only ever had one desire, one ambition...to get you back.

Was that anger in Andrei's voice or affection or both emotions together? Had his only ambition been to get him back or get back at him? Andrei smiled, it was a warm smilewide and honestlike he'd just won at cards.

-Your stupid, clumsy brother was right about one thing. He was right about you. I tried telling Mother that you were alive. But she wouldn't pay any attention to me. She was sure someone had caught you, killed you. I told her that wasn't true, I told her you'd run away, with our catch. I promised to find you and when I did I wouldn't be angry, I'd forgive you. She wouldn't listen. She went mad. She would forget who I was and pretend that I was you. She'd call me Pavel and ask me to help her, as you used to help her. I would pretend to be you, since that was easier, since that made her happy, but as soon as I made a mistake she'd realize I wasn't you. She'd become furious, she'd hit me and hit me until all her anger was gone. And then she'd mourn for you again. She never stopped crying over you. Everyone has a reason to live. You were hers. But you were mine too. The only difference between us was that I was sure you were alive.

Leo listened, like a child seated in front of an adult in rapt silence as the world was explained. He could no more lift his hands, stand updo anythingthan he could interrupt. Andrei continued: -Whilst our mother let herself fall to pieces, I looked after myself. Luckily for me the winter was coming to an end and things slowly got a little better. Only ten people survived from our village, eleven including you. Other villages were completely dead. When the spring came and the snows thawed they stank, entire villages were rotting and diseased. You couldn't go near them. But in the winter they were quiet, peaceful, perfectly still. And all through that time I went hunting through the forest, every night, on my own. I followed tracks. I searched for you and called your name, shouted it out to the trees. But you did not return.

As though his brain was slowly digesting the words, breaking them down, Leo askedhis voice hesitant: -You killed those children because you thought I'd left you?

-I killed them so you would find me. I killed them to make you come home. I killed them as a way of talking to you. Who else would've understood the clues from our childhood? I knew you'd follow them to me, just as you'd followed the footprints in the snow. You're a hunter, Pavel, the best hunter in the world. I didn't know whether you were militia or not. When I saw that photo of you, I spoke to the staff of Pravda Pravda. I asked for your name. I explained that we'd been separated and that I thought your name was Pavel. They said Pavel wasn't your name and that your details were cla.s.sified. I begged them to tell me which division you were fighting in. They refused to even answer that. I was a soldier too. Not like you, not a hero, not the elite. But I understood enough to realize you must have been in a special force. I knew from the secrecy regarding your name that there was a strong chance you'd either be in the military or the State Security or the government. I knew you'd be an important person, you couldn't be anything else. You'd have access to the information regarding these murders. Of course, that didn't necessarily matter. If I killed enough children, in enough places, I was sure you'd come across my work, whatever your occupation. I was sure you'd realize it was me.

Leo leaned forward. His brother seemed so gentle, his reasoning was so careful. Leo asked: -Brother, what happened to you?

-You mean after the village? The same thing that happened to everyone: I was conscripted into the army. I lost my gla.s.ses in battle, stumbled into German hands. I was caught. I surrendered. When I returned to Russia, having been a prisoner of war, I was arrested, interviewed, beaten. They threatened to send me to prison. I told them, how could I be a traitor when I could hardly see? For six months I had no gla.s.ses. The world beyond my own nose was a blur. And every child I saw was you. I should've been executed. But the guards used to laugh at me b.u.mping into things. I used to fall over all the time, just as I did as a child. I survived. I was too stupid and clumsy to be a German spy. They called me names, beat me and let me go. I returned here. Even here I was hated and called a traitor. But none of that bothered me. I had you. I concentrated my life on a single taskbringing you back to me.

-So you started murdering?

-I started in this area first. But after six months I had to consider the fact that you might be anywhere in the country. That's why I got a job as a tolkach tolkach, so that I could travel. I needed to leave the signs spread across the whole of our country, signs for you to follow.

-Signs? These were children.

-First I killed animals, catching them as we caught that cat. But it didn't work. No one paid any attention. No one cared. No one noticed. One day a child stumbled across me in the forest. He asked what I was doing. I explained I was leaving bait. The boy was the same age as you were when you left me. And I realized that child would make a far better bait. People would notice a dead child. You would understand the significance. Why do you think I killed so many children in the winter months? So you'd follow my tracks through the snow. Didn't you follow my boot prints deep into the forests, just like you followed the cat?

Leo had been listening to his brother's soft voice as if it was a foreign tongue he could barely understand.

-Andrei, you have a family. I saw your children upstairs, children just like the children you've killed. You have two beautiful girls. Can you not understand that what you've done is wrong?

-It was necessary.

-No.

Andrei banged the table with his fists, furious.

-Don't take that tone with me! You have no right to be angry! You never bothered to look for me! You never came back! You knew I was alive and you didn't care! Forget about stupid clumsy Andrei! He's nothing to you! You left me behind with a crazy f.u.c.king mother and a village full of rotting bodies! You have no right to judge me!

Leo stared at his brother's face, twisted with anger, suddenly transformed. Was this the face the children saw? What had his brother been through? What impossible horrors? But the time for pity and understanding had long since been pa.s.sed. Andrei wiped the sweat from his brow.

-It was the only way I could make you find me, the only way I could get your attention. You could've looked for me. But you didn't. You cut me out of your life. You put me out of your mind. The happiest moment of my life was when we caught that cat, together, as a team. When we were together I never felt the world was unfair, even when we had no food, even when it was bitterly cold. But then you went away.

-Andrei, I didn't leave you. I was taken. I was. .h.i.t over the head by a man in the woods. I was put in a sack and carried away. I would never have left you.

Andrei was shaking his head.

-That's what mother said. But it's a lie. You'd betrayed me.

-I almost died. That man who took mehe was going to kill me. They were going to feed me to their son. But when we arrived at the house, their son had already died. I was concussed. I couldn't even remember my own name. It took me weeks to recover. By that time I was already in Moscow. We'd left the country behind. They had to find food. I remembered you. I remembered our mother. I remembered our life together. Of course I did. But what was I supposed to do? I had no choice. I had to move on. I'm sorry.

Leo was apologizing.

Andrei picked up the cards and shuffled them.

-You could've looked for me when you were older. You could've made some effort. I haven't changed my name. I would've been easy to find, particularly for a man in power.

That was true, Leo could've found his brother; he could've sought him out. He'd tried to bury the past. And now his brother had murdered his way back into his life.

-Andrei, I spent my whole life trying to forget the past. I grew up afraid to confront my new parents. I was afraid to remind them of the past because I was afraid to remind them of the time when they'd wanted to kill me. I used to wake up every nightsweating, terrifiedworried that they might have changed their minds and that they might want to kill me again. I did everything in my power to make them love me. It was about survival.

-You always wanted to do things without me, Pavel. You always wanted to leave me behind.

-Do you know why I've come here?

-You've come to kill me. Why else would a hunter come? After you kill me, I'll be hated and you'll be loved. Just like it has always been.

-Brother, I'm considered a traitor for trying to stop you.

Andrei seemed genuinely surprised.

-Why?

-They've blamed your murders on other peoplemany innocent people have died directly and indirectly from your crimes. Do you understand? Your guilt is an embarra.s.sment to the State.

Andrei's face remained blank. Finally he said: -I'll write a confession. -I'll write a confession.

Another confession: and what would it say?

IAndrei Sidorovam a killer.

His brother didn't understand. No one wanted his confession, no one wanted him to be guilty.

-Andrei, I'm not here to collect your confession. I'm here to make sure you don't kill any more children.

-I'm not going to stop you. I've achieved all I set out to achieve. I've been proved right. You've been made to regret not looking for me sooner. If you had, think how many lives would've been saved.

-You're insane.

-Before you kill me I would like to play one hand of cards. Please, brother, it is the least you can do for me.

Andrei dealt the cards. Leo looked at them.

-Please, brother, one game. If you play, I'll let you kill me.

Leo took up his cards, not because of his brother's promise, but because he needed time to clear his mind. He needed to imagine Andrei was a stranger. They began their game. Concentrating, Andrei appeared perfectly content. There was a noise to the side. Alarmed, Leo turned around. A pretty little girl was standing at the bottom of the stairs, hair dishevelled. She remained on the bottom step, most of her body concealed, a tentative voyeur. Andrei stood up.

-Nadya, this is my brother, Pavel.

-The brother you told me about? The one you told me was coming to visit?

-Yes.

Nadya turned to Leo.

-Are you hungry? Have you travelled far?

Leo didn't know what to say. Andrei answered instead.

-You should go back to bed.

-I'm awake now. I won't be able to go back to sleep. I'd just lie upstairs listening to you talk. Can't I sit with you? I'd like to meet your brother too. I've never met any of your family. I'd like that very much. Please, Father, please?

-Pavel has travelled a long way to find me. We have a lot to talk about.

Leo had to get rid of the little girl. He was in danger of being entrenched in a family reunion, gla.s.ses of vodka, slices of cold meat and questions about his past. He was here to kill.

-Perhaps we could have some tea, if there's any?

-Yes. I know how to make that. Shall I wake Mother?

Andrei remarked: -No. Let her sleep.

-I can do it by myself, then.

-Yes, do it by yourself.

She smiled and ran back upstairs.

Excited, Nadya climbed the stairs. Her father's brother was handsome and she could tell that he had many interesting stories to tell. He was a soldier, a hero. He could tell her how to become a fighter pilot. Maybe he was married to a pilot. She opened the door to the living room and gasped. There was a beautiful woman standing in her kitchen. She stood perfectly still, with one hand behind her back, as if a giant hand had reached in through the window and placed her therea doll in a dolls' house.

Raisa held the knife behind her back, steel pressed against her dress. She'd waited outside for what felt like an impossibly long time. Something must have gone wrong. She'd have to finish this herself. As soon as she'd stepped though the door she realized to her relief that there were very few people in this house. There were two beds, a daughter and mother. Who was this girl in front of her? Where had she come from? She seemed happy and excited. There was no sense of panic or fear. No one had died.

-My name is Raisa. Is my husband here?

-Do you mean Pavel?

Pavelwhy was he calling himself Pavel? Why was he calling himself by his old name?

-Yes...

-My name is Nadya. I'm pleased to meet you. I've never met any of my dad's family.

Raisa kept the knife positioned behind her back. Familywhat was this girl talking about?

-Where is my husband?

-Downstairs.

-I just want to let him know I'm here.

Raisa moved to the stairs, placing the knife in front of her so Nadya couldn't see the blade. She pushed open the door.

Walking very slowly, listening to the sound of measured conversation, Raisa descended the stairs. She held the knife in front of her, outstretched, trembling. She reminded herself that the longer she took to kill this man, the more difficult it would become. Reaching the bottom of the stairs she saw her husband playing cards.

Vasili ordered his men to circle the housethere was no way anyone could escape. He was accompanied by fifteen officers in total. Many of them were local and he had no relations.h.i.+p with them. Fearful that they'd do things by the book, arrest Leo and his wife, he would have to take matters into his own hands. He'd end this here, making sure he destroyed any evidence which might mitigate in their favour. He moved forward, gun ready. Two men moved with him. He gestured for them to remain where they were.

-Give me five minutes. Unless I call for you don't enter. Is that clear? If I'm not out in five minutes storm the house, kill everyone.

Raisa's hand was shaking, holding the knife in front of her. She couldn't do it. She couldn't kill this man. He was playing cards with her husband. Leo stepped towards her.

-I'll do it.

-Why are you playing cards with him?

-Because he's my brother.

Upstairs, there were screams. The little girl was screaming. There was the sound of shouting, a man's voice. Before anyone could react Vasili appeared at the bottom of the stairs, his gun raised. He surveyed the scene. He too appeared confused, staring at the cards on the table.

-You've travelled a long way for a game of cards. I thought you were hunting for a so-called child-killer. Or is this part of your reformed interrogation process?

Leo had left it too late. There was no way he could kill Andrei now. If he made any sudden movement he'd be shot and Andrei would remain free. Even with his brother's declared reason for killingtheir reunionremoved, Leo didn't believe Andrei would be able to stop. Leo had failed. He'd talked when he should've acted. He'd lost sight of the fact that far more people wanted him dead than his brother.

-Vasili, I need you to listen to me.