Skulduggery Pleasant: Death Bringer Part 19

"Don't worry about it. What're you doing in town?"

"I'm here for you."

"Did you drive? Get the bus? Do vampires get buses?"

He stepped in front of her. "You make jokes," he said. "But I see nothing to laugh at. The Death Bringer, Lord Vile, the end of the world... none of that would be as bad as losing you."

"I'm sorry? No more smooches is worse than the world ending? Seriously? You really want to stand behind that statement? You don't think it's a teensy bit melodramatic?"

"Without our love, Valkyrie, there is no world left to save."

"And that statement actually makes less sense than the one before it. Caelan, you've got to cop on to yourself. I've read Wuthering Heights, OK? I know the whole gloomy-tortured-romantic figure thing. Everyone knows it. It's not as romantic as you'd think. Where's the fun? Where's the laughter? I couldn't be with anyone I couldn't have a bit of craic with. I know you hate him but for G.o.d's sake, at least Fletcher is fun to be around."

Caelan's face s.h.i.+fted, becoming cold. "Do you love him more than you love me?"

"I never said the word love. I said the word fun."

"We have fun."

"We have a certain kind of fun, yes, but we don't laugh. When was the last time we laughed together?"

"You laugh with Fletcher?"

"All the time."

"Then the boy has his uses. When you need to laugh at something, you have him to laugh at. When you need to be fulfilled, you have me."

"You're really not getting this."

He took her hand in his and knelt before her. "Marry me," he said.

Valkyrie looked at him. He was serious. She had never used the word dude in a serious conversation before. She didn't think this qualified. "Dude, I'm sixteen."

"I love you."

"That doesn't make me any older. Stand up."

"Not until you say yes."

"You're going to shuffle around on your knees for the rest of your life? Stand up, for G.o.d's sake." She waited until he did as she asked. "Did you seriously propose to me? Have you not heard anything I've been saying these past few months? This is ridiculous. This is beyond ridiculous."

"Be my wife."

"Shut the h.e.l.l up. What did I tell you? What did I tell you about coming on too strong? Do you not think a marriage proposal falls into that category?"

"We are destined for each other."

"No we're not. Caelan, I've made it quite b.l.o.o.d.y clear. I've been with you because you're really good-looking and you're dangerous. That's attractive to me. That's a good combination. But they are the only reasons we were together. It's not love."

"It's fate."

"It's not fate either, you idiot. Why do you like me?"

"I love you."

"Then why do you love me? Give me five good reasons why you love me."

"Because you're beautiful."

"You're absolutely right there, but that's got nothing to do with me, that's genetics. Four more, suns.h.i.+ne."

"You're intelligent. You are the light in my darkness."

"Intelligent, that's reason number two. Light in the darkness? That's not a reason, that's a bad song lyric."

"You're full of life. I look at you and I'm reminded of the glory of humanity, how they seize life and let it fill them to the brim."

"I remind you of the glory of humanity. OK, that's reason number three. Two more."

Caelan smiled. "There are more reasons why I love you than there are stars in the night sky."

"In that case you won't have any problem coming up with two more."

He hesitated.

"You don't love me," she told him. "You think you do. You like the idea of it. But the fact of the matter is that you're a hundred and something years old and I'm sixteen. I'm a teenager. Do you not see anything wrong with that?"

"If I repulse you..."

"You don't repulse me, Caelan, because you look like a hot nineteen-year-old. But every time you say something, I'm reminded of the fact that you're really just an old man. And... OK, I've never actually said that out loud before and it's really kind of disgusting."

"For people like us, age doesn't matter."

"For people like you, the old men, age doesn't matter. For people like me, the teenage girls, it suddenly becomes very icky."

"I'm trying to make you understand, Valkyrie, that love transcends the meaningless. If I love you, I won't let anything stand in my way. If you love me-"

"Which I don't."

"-then you won't let anything stand in your way. Marry me, and we'll be together for ever."

"No."

"You can only hide from your feelings for so long."

"And you can only hide from reality for so long. I'm not going to marry you, Caelan. Right now, I'm going home."

"I will accompany you."

"No, you will not."

"The Death Bringer might return."

"You really need to relax. I've got my phone worked out so that all I have to do is tap a little b.u.t.ton and Fletcher and Skulduggery come teleporting in. She won't be back, though. She's had her fun."

"You don't need them. I am the only one you need. I am your guardian angel."

"I'm giving you the night off, OK? Go out. Have fun. Meet a girl. Don't obsess over her too much. I promise you, you'll be much more cheerful in the morning."

"You are the only one for me."

"I'm walking away now."

"Say you love me!" he called after her, and she rolled her eyes.

Chapter 22.

The Church of the Faceless.

corn kept her waiting, but it was a beautiful morning outside so China didn't mind. It was an obvious little game, designed to teach her who was in charge. A little clumsy, and somewhat disappointing to see that dear old Eliza would resort to it, but it was an inoffensive tactic. According to Gallow, today was the day that he would be revealed to China. She wasn't sure yet if she believed him, but she definitely didn't trust him. He had told her to act suitably surprised when he appeared. China hadn't made any promises.

She became aware of Prave glaring at her from across the church, and arched an eyebrow. "Can I help you?"

"I'm not in love with you," he snarled.

"How dreadful for me."

He gripped the sweeping brush like he was strangling it. "You think everyone falls in love with you. Well, you're wrong. They are weak-minded fools. That's not me."

"Obviously."

"The only love in my heart is for the Faceless Ones, and you will not take that from me."

"Perish the very thought, Mr..." She paused. "Whatever your name is."

"Prave," he blurted.

"Mr Prave, excellent."

"I have wors.h.i.+pped the Dark G.o.ds since I was a boy. My parents were loyal to them. My father fought alongside Mevolent himself."

"That's nice."

"He wasn't a traitor. Not like you!"

"And what was your father's name?"

"Benzel Travestine. He was at Mevolent's side when they destroyed the Sanctuary in Ma.r.s.eilles."

"I doubt it. I've never heard of your father, and I was in Ma.r.s.eilles when the Sanctuary fell. It was my Diablerie that opened the doors to allow Mevolent entry. Your father wasn't there, I'm afraid."

Prave stared at her. "You're lying."

"I could name each and every sorcerer who toppled that Sanctuary. I won't, because you're truly not worth the effort, but I could. It seems your father was exaggerating his importance, Mr Prave."

"My father was a hero!"

"To his weak-minded son, I'm sure he was."

Prave hurled the sweeping brush away and stormed over, fists clenched. China turned her head to him and sighed. He stopped a hand's breadth away, face red and snarling, like he was forcing himself not to commit incredible acts of violence.

"You," China said, "are a very impressive man."

"Do not mock me!" he screeched.

China smiled. "Walk back over there, pick up the sweeping brush and continue cleaning. Or go for a nice walk and think about all the lies your father told you. I really don't care what you do, so long as you stop breathing on me. It's really not as soothing as you might think."

Prave's bulging eyes bulged even further, which was a feat in itself. "I should kill you right here."

"You know," China said, "there was a time when n.o.body dared threaten me. I just wouldn't stand for it. The amount of people I killed, of bodies I twisted and bones I snapped, all because they had allowed their anger to momentarily overwhelm their good sense. I regret it all now, of course. I was out of control. I was indulging the darkness inside me far too often. I was not, Mr Prave, a very nice person. But I have changed. I have allowed the years to mellow me. Now I find joy in simple pleasures. A good book. A fine wine. Good company. All of these things make me smile. They make me happy.

"But every once in a while, I get the urge. You know what I'm talking about, don't you? The urge for destruction. The urge to hurt, maim, kill. It's quite a thing, to experience that urge, to let it wash over you, to give in to it. It's addictive. It's all-consuming. You lose yourself to it. It's quite, quite wonderful. I can feel it, even as I speak, tapping around the edges of my mind, trying to prise me open, slip its fingers in. And it would be so easy to let it happen. But we're all like that, aren't we? We're all barbarians at our core. We're all savage, murderous beasts. I know I am. I'm sure you are. The only difference between us, Mr Prave, is how loudly we roar. I know I roar very loudly indeed. How about you? Do you think you can match me?"

Prave had grown quite pale. His fists were no longer clenched and he was no longer gritting his teeth. He took a step back, then another one. He hesitated, then slowly turned and went back to his sweeping brush.

China shrugged, and Scorn appeared at the door.

"China," she said. "So sorry to have kept you waiting."

"Not at all," China smiled. "Mr Prave here was entertaining me. I do so like how you've kept him around."

Scorn shrugged. "Ah, well, I made the mistake of feeding him, you see, and now he just won't go away."

China heard Prave muttering under his breath.

"But I didn't ask you here to help me insult the help, as fun as that may be. I have a surprise for you."

"Let me guess," China said. "You've changed your mind and you're going to put all this nonsense behind you."

"Not even close," said Scorn. "Do you want another try? I bet you won't guess what it is."