Seaside Nights Part 27

"Why don't you take the day off?" Amy suggested. "We can hang out at the pool and relax."

Sky glanced down at the pool, and the memories of making love with Sawyer before going skinny-dipping with the girls came rus.h.i.+ng back.

"I think I need to be alone, but thanks for the offer."

By midafternoon Sky had rearranged her shop, given three customers tattoos, and thought about Sawyer every single d.a.m.n second. She couldn't shake the feeling that Bella was right. By walking away, she had done the same thing he was doing. She'd walked out on them. Ended their relations.h.i.+p. Torn them apart. But was that her fault? Did she have any other choice? Maybe she should wait it out. Pretend he wasn't fighting that one last fight and then go see him when it was over.

If he wasn't brain damaged-or worse.

She couldn't go a minute without thinking about him. How could she pretend he wasn't risking his life in a fight? And why should she have to? Shouldn't he love her-himself, his family-enough to want to remain healthy and cognitively aware?

He does love his family. That's why he's fighting.

Even her own brain was making her crazy. She walked outside and inhaled the fresh air, hoping to clear her head. People of all ages walked through the streets laughing and talking, carrying shopping bags, eating ice cream, and holding hands. A month ago she'd have been just fine chatting with people as they pa.s.sed by the shop, but now? Now she wanted to cry just watching people enjoy what she'd never have with Sawyer.

She tried to distract herself from the pain by tallying what she still had.

I finally own my own tattoo shop.

I have a great apartment.

Great friends.

A wonderful, loving family.

She glanced in the window of Lizzie's store and saw her talking with Blue. She'd been hoping they'd start dating, but now she almost wished they wouldn't. She didn't want either of them to ever go through the pain she was going through.

"How is my favorite tatty girl?"

Sky turned at the sound of Marcus's happy voice. He was dressed as Marcus today, in a pair of dark cargo shorts and a yellow tank top, his hair brushed away from his face and not a speck of makeup on his clean-shaven face. His eyes rolled over her face, and his smile turned to a grim line.

"Oh, my, sugar." He opened his arms and pulled her into a hug. "You look like someone stole your tattoo guns. Let Marcus make it all better." He patted her back, and when he drew away and searched her eyes, it was all she could do to keep from crying. "Come." He pulled her down to the stoop in front of the shop and sat with one arm around her, the other holding her hand in his. "Tell me all about it."

"I'm fine," she lied.

"You are fine, as in hot, but this." He used his index finger and drew circles in front of her face. "This is not fine. This is I've given up on even trying to look fine. I smell trouble with Mr. Sawyer."

Sky exhaled and dropped her eyes. She couldn't talk about Sawyer, because if she did, those tears she'd been holding back would break free, and that was the last thing she needed.

"Marcus, can I ask you a really unfair question?"

He narrowed his eyes and tilted his head. "Doesn't everyone?"

She knew that Marcus and many of the drag queens around Provincetown were asked tactless questions by inquisitive tourists.

"This is really unfair, and you don't have to answer me, but I don't know how else to figure this out." She met his gaze and took another shaky breath before asking, "If Howie had opted not to get treatment for his cancer, how would that have made you feel?"

Marcus s.h.i.+fted his eyes away, and now it was his turn to take a deep breath. "You don't pull any punches, do you, sugar?"

"I'm sorry. You don't have to answer."

"It's okay. If it'll help you, I'll tell you. Howie and I actually talked about this a lot. When we were in the thick of his illness, I couldn't imagine him not getting treatment. We fought over that, because he had done his research, and he knew that even with treatment, his life wasn't going to be a life at all. It was going to be time between treatments, most of which was spent sleeping, or fighting skin infections due to radiation, or bouts of nausea." Marcus swallowed hard. "I know he went through the treatments because I needed him to."

"Do you regret asking him to?" she asked, trying to figure out her own feelings.

"Those treatments gave me Howie for another two years, and even if those years weren't the best years of our lives, it was two solid years of holding him. Kissing him. Caring for him. Loving him while he was still here with me."

"But? I hear a but."

"But I knew from the start that he didn't really want to go out of this world that way, and I still live with the guilt of that decision." His eyes dampened, and he rested his head on Sky's shoulder. "Maybe it would have been better, or kinder, to have let him die on his own terms. To leave me sooner. I just loved him too much to honor what he really wanted. I'm not sure there's a right answer. Either way I lost the only man I've ever loved, but I do know this. Whether he had died after a month or two years, I did everything within my power to treasure every second of the time we had. And I'm glad I did, because I've known love, Sky, by the most remarkable man who has ever lived. He showed me enough love in those days to fill my soul for a lifetime. I was just gluttonous. I wanted more."

He lifted his head from her shoulder and looked at her. "What is this all about, Sky?"

She shook her head, unable to answer. Did she love Sawyer too much? Should she be happy for whatever time they had together and not worry about the future? She knew the ache of losing someone she loved. Her mother had left a hole so vast she thought she'd be navigating around it her whole life. She lifted her eyes to the alley across the street, remembering the first night she and Sawyer had gone out and the way he'd waved and run back to get her phone number. That was when things had begun to change-the ache of losing her mother had started to subside. Sawyer had begun filling that great abyss.

What about the immense hole he'd leave behind?

Could she survive losing Sawyer?

Reality hit her a moment later.

I'm already losing him.

Chapter Twenty-Seven.

SKY PRESSED SAWYER'S speed-dial number for the third time as she drove down Route 6 toward his house with her heart thundering in her chest. His voicemail picked up again, and she left another message.

"It's me. I'm sorry for walking out and not taking your calls. I want to talk. Call me?" She ended the call and set the phone on the pa.s.senger seat. Sawyer had left her five messages apologizing and asking her to please return his calls. The sixth message had cut Sky to her core. Sky, how am I supposed to just walk away from us? I no longer know how to be me without you.

She drove off the exit in Truro and navigated the narrow streets to the private sandy road that led to his house on the dunes. The house came into view over the treetops, and her pulse sped up. She didn't know if what she was doing was right or wrong. She only knew that two days without Sawyer had been h.e.l.l, and the idea of not being with him ever again was incomprehensible. She needed to see him, to talk to him when he wasn't lying in a hospital bed having just been knocked out. When she wasn't still on the verge of a breakdown from thinking she'd lost him forever. They'd communicated so well with each other until now. Their hearts were made of words and love and all things in between. They had to be able to figure this out together.

She pulled into his empty driveway and her stomach sank at the sight of a "For Sale" sign in the center of the front yard. Her jaw dropped open as she stared at the sign. He was moving? After two days? Tears sprang to her eyes as she slammed on the gas and backed out of the driveway. She had to find him. She had to talk to him and find out what was going on. She sped down the road and headed to the one place she knew she'd find him-the club.

Out on Route 6 she tried his number again and left another hasty message. "You're moving? Where are you going? Don't move, Sawyer. Call me back, please?" Her finger hovered over the End b.u.t.ton, and she added, "I love you. Please call me." She put the phone in the cup holder in the center console, hoping he'd call back.

Her phone rang a few seconds later, and she fumbled for it, blinking away tears. Amy's name flashed on the screen. She put the phone back down. She couldn't talk to Amy or anyone else until she spoke to Sawyer. She sped down the road, confused, upset, and feeling like her heart was being torn to shreds. Had she already lost him for good?

Ten minutes later she pulled into the club parking lot-and Sawyer's truck wasn't there. She slammed on the brakes, staring at the building. They have to know where he is. She parked out front and ran inside. Brock looked up from behind the registration desk with wide eyes, which turned serious as she hurried to the desk.

"Hi, Sky." His eyes traveled over her face.

She knew she looked a wreck, but she didn't care. She had to find and talk to Sawyer. "Do you know where I can find Sawyer?" She was breathing so hard, she felt like she'd just run a mile.

Brock dropped his eyes. The muscle in his jaw flexed. "Haven't seen him since the fight. He met with Roach last night, but I haven't seen Roach either."

"Was he okay?" She started to wonder if his concussion had been worse than the doctor thought.

Brock shrugged. "If I see him I'll let him know you came by. Are you okay?"

"I honestly don't know anymore." She hurried from the gym out to her car and started the engine. Where was she going? She had no idea where to look next. He could have gone to his parents, but she wasn't about to show up there looking like this. She glanced at her phone. She'd missed another call from Amy-and none from Sawyer.

Clutching the steering wheel so tightly her knuckles turned white, she gave in to the tears streaming down her cheeks. Sobs began in her chest, bubbling up and coming out loud and tortured. She'd f.u.c.ked everything up. He'd f.u.c.ked everything up.

She drove back to Seaside, completely drained and confused. She drove by the pool and saw the girls lying in the sun. Maybe she needed to disappear into them for a while after all. She definitely couldn't weather this storm alone.

SAWYER HEARD TIRES on gravel before he spotted Sky's car driving up the road. He tightened his grip on the leather notebook he'd brought with him, silently hoping his unhappiness wouldn't keep him from making sense when he spoke to her.

He knew she needed time and they needed s.p.a.ce to figure this out. They needed to talk with clear heads, but clear heads went out the window when she stepped from the car with tears streaming down her cheeks and a look of dismay on her beautiful face. Her T-s.h.i.+rt and shorts were wrinkled, and she had no bangles on her wrists or necklaces hanging around her neck. Her hair was tousled, and her nose was pink. Sawyer rose to his feet and closed the distance between them.

"Sky." He opened his arms, and for a beat she just stared at him, slack-jawed, and then the edges of her lips curved up as sobs sprang from her lungs-confusing him and killing him in equal measure as he gathered her in his arms.

"I'm so sorry, Sky." He'd felt so empty without her for the past two days that having her in his arms brought tears to his eyes. "I was in denial about the doctor's warning. I wasn't trying to keep it from you. I was keeping it from myself. It's just that you were a part of me, so you got caught in the crossfire. I'm so sorry."

She drew back and opened her mouth, but her voice was silenced by sobs. He swallowed hard against the ache in his heart and held her close again, until they both calmed enough to look at each other without breaking down. She took a step back and crossed her arms, creating a barrier he wanted to burst through. But he knew there was no bursting. They were still straddling a great divide, and they needed to talk.

"What are you doing here?" she asked as she wiped her tears. "You're selling your house."

"Yes, I am. How do you know that?"

"I drove by looking for you." Fresh tears slid down her cheeks. "G.o.d, Sawyer, don't you ever check your phone?"

Given how many of his calls to her had gone unanswered, he could have responded with, Don't you? But what good would that do? "My phone is in my car over by the laundry building."

She looked across the quad at the building.

"Sky, I have no right to ask anything of you, but if there's one thing I've learned from our relations.h.i.+p, it's that following my heart has always been the right thing to do." He stepped closer and handed her the notebook he'd brought with him. She stared down at it without accepting it.

"I don't have much left. And no matter where we go from here, I want you to have this." He set the notebook in her hands. "These are my songs. All of them, including yours. You believed in me, and in them, and I want you to have them."

"Sawyer-"

"They're yours. I have all I need right here." He touched his chest over his heart. "I'm no longer the man who walked into your shop asking for a tattoo. I have no career, and my house is under contract, which means I'm homeless, at least at the moment. Where I'll go from here is up in the air. I can train with Brock, write with my father, or move away and start over."

Her lower lip trembled as fresh tears spilled down her cheeks.

"I don't have much to offer you, but if you'll give this broken-down ex-boxer another chance at doing things right, I promise I'll never let you down."

"You..." Her hands dropped limply to her sides. "You're no longer a boxer? I don't understand."

"I quit. I'm not fighting anymore. I want to be in one piece for us, Sky. I want a future with you. A family. A life."

"But your dad?" She reached for his hand, and he was so thankful for her touch that his eyes filled with tears again, too.

"The sale of the house will cover his medical expenses forever. Who knew that over the last few years bay-front property had doubled in value?"

"But it's your family's legacy." Her voice was fraying as she stepped closer to him.

"Yes. That was their legacy. But it's not mine. It won't mean anything without you by my side. I can never look at that house again without seeing you standing in the skycap or lying beneath me on the pillows. Or laughing with me on the dunes. I know I have nothing to offer you, and you could find a guy who's got a job, and a house, and so much more than what I have to offer." The truth hurt like a bullet through his chest.

"But you're wrong, Sawyer. I loved you despite your job, not for it. You have the only thing I want-your heart."

"Do you mean that? You'd take me back even though I'm homeless-"

"I have an apartment." She stepped closer, bringing their thighs together.

"Jobless?"

"I have a job." She wound her arms around his neck, and his heart skipped a beat.

"An idiot for taking two days to figure it out?" He folded her into his arms, and she answered in a whisper against his lips, "You're my idiot."

"Sky," was all he could manage as he was bowled over with emotions.

"Kiss me, Sawyer."

She didn't need to ask twice. Their tears mixed and mingled on their cheeks, and when she whispered, "Carry me inside. If I'm going to be your sugar mama, I plan on using my power for all sorts of s.e.xual favors," he was sure he'd found heaven.

Epilogue.

Six weeks later...

SKY GLANCED UP from the tattoo she was creating on Cree's shoulder at her brother Matt and her father as they looked over her artwork. She'd missed seeing them both and was glad they'd come for the grand opening. Matt picked up her poetry book and sat down to read it. It didn't surprise her that he'd ignore the music and the people milling about and bury his nose in a book. Sky was about to call him over when Lizzie and a dark-haired girl came into the shop. Lizzie hugged Sky's father, and the girl she was with struck up a conversation with Matt.

She looked back down at the tattoo she was doing and then took a second to glance up at Sawyer, who was sitting on the front stoop beside Marcus, Lizzie, Amy, and Tony, while he sang one of the songs he'd written since they'd moved in together in the apartment above the shop. What Sawyer hadn't told Sky the night he'd come to see her after the hospital visit was that Tony and Amy had been the ones to put an offer down on his beach house. He'd come to Seaside looking for her that morning after meeting with the real estate agent, and the agent had called him later with the offer. Apparently he hadn't wanted to mention it was Tony and Amy because he didn't want her to feel pressured by the connection. Sky was happy for Tony and Amy, and she knew they'd start their own family traditions in the lovely home. Sawyer had made enough money from the sale to provide for his father's future and also to buy a little cottage somewhere. But neither Sky nor Sawyer was in a hurry to move out of their cozy apartment. They'd toyed with buying Amy and Tony's extra cottage, and they might one day do that, but for now they wanted to enjoy being settled in their own place for a while.

Sawyer was working as a trainer at the club with Brock, and he and his father had begun writing together. His father's editor was so stoked about the collaboration that he'd already made them a six-figure offer. This was Sky's third clue that the universe was stepping in this summer to help guide her and Sawyer. The first clue, of course, was that they'd met in the first place, and the second was that they'd found their way back to each other.

Sky turned her attention back to putting the finis.h.i.+ng touches on Cree's tattoo as Sawyer's parents came into the shop, accompanied by the private nurse Sawyer had hired for them. Mira was in her midtwenties, and she and Sky had already become close. Mira pushed Sawyer's father's wheelchair across the floor with ease and waved to Sky. Sky smiled and said, "I'm glad you're here. I'll be done in a minute," then finished up the tattoo.

"I haven't found any more of those poems around lately," Cree said.

"The P-town poet must be busy these days." She glanced at Sawyer again as he set his guitar aside and reached for Hannah, Amy and Tony's two-week-old baby girl. Bella had given birth the day before yesterday to baby Summer and had to miss the grand opening.