A Darkness In My Soul Part 4

I know.

RELAX AND TALK.

What should I say? Tell me what it is that I could-that I should say to you.

START WITH A DREAM IF YOU'VE HAD ONE.

I always have one.

THEN START.

There are storm clouds in the sky: dark, thick, mysterious. There is no place where the sun shows. Below all this piling grayness, beneath the scudding harbingers of rain, there is a hill, a large and rounded hill formed by Nature into a grotesque, gnarled lump, a blemish upon the face of the earth. There are people* people,..

GO ON. The same old urging-go on, go on, go on*

There are people* and there is a cross* a wooden cross*

FOCUS ON THE CROSS. WHAT DO YOU SEE THERE?.

Me.

YES?.

Nailed. Blood. Much blood. White, festered wounds dribbling rusty blood around the edges of little holes, neat little holes like the cavities left when you rip the b.u.t.tons from the faces of rag dolls* Rusty blood there*

WHO IS IN THE CROWD?.

Harry. I see Harry there. He's weeping.

WHY IS HE WEEPING?.

For me.

WHO ELSE?.

I'm thirsty.

WHO ELSE?.

I'm thirsty. Very thirsty.

THEY WILL GIVE YOU WATER SOON. THEY.

WILL SLAKE YOUR THIRST. NOW WHO ELSE IS.

IN THE CROWD?.

Morsf.a.gen is casting dice for my cloak. And over there, beyond him, is a pregnant woman who is*

GO ON, PLEASE.

Please this time?

GO ON.

I look at her belly* and* there* is Child. He is weeping too. But he is not weeping for the same reason that Harry is. He isn't weeping for me. It's because he wants up there where I am. He wants out of that woman's womb and up on the cross, nailed and bleeding and thirsty and dying. He wants it so bad that he writhes inside her in fury, wanting out*

DO YOU KNOW WHY HE WANTS OUT?.

For the same reason I am happy to be there.

YOU ENJOY BEING ON THE CROSS?.

Yes.

WHY?.

WHY?.

I don't know.

DO YOU SEE ANYONE ELSE IN THE CROWD?.

No! Oh, no! Oh, my G.o.d, my G.o.d, my G.o.d!

WHAT IS IT? WHAT IS THE MATTER?.

No! You'll spoil it/me! I can't! Don't you see my station, my purpose, my nature? It must be my purpose! I haven't got another one, there isn't another one, this must be it! Get away from me! No!

WHAT IS IT? WHO DO YOU SEE?.

Melinda. Floating, naked. Floating toward the cross. No!

Stay away! You'll spoil my purpose!

STOP IT.

Help! Help me! Don't let her touch me! ForG.o.d'ssakeshe'snaked* naked* nakednakednakednaked!

STOP DREAMING! WAKE! LISTEN TO ME; HOLD.

YOURSELF TOGETHER AND LISTEN TO ME.

IQUIET. COMPOSE YOURSELF. I WILL INTERPRET YOUR DREAM. THOUGH I MUST SAY THAT.

THIS THROWS A NEW LIGHT ON YOUR PSYCHE.

DO YOU SEE WHY YOU ARE THE ONE ON THE.

CROSS? NO NEED FOR AN ANSWER, PURELY.

RHETORICAL. YOU SEE YOURSELF AS CHRISTWHAT A NEW DEVELOPMENT!-MORE PRECISELY, AS THE INCARNATION OF CHRIST AS REPRESENTED BY THE SECOND COMING. THERE.

ARE PARALLELS, OF COURSE, BETWEEN YOUR.

CONDITION AND THE STORY OF THE CHRIST.

YOU COULD SAY THAT YOUR OWN BIRTH WAS A.

VIRGIN BIRTH, FOR EXAMPLE. YOU WERE NOT.

CONCEIVED BY FLESH IN FLESH AND THE SPILLING OF SEED, BUT BY THE GENETIC ENGINEERS.

AND THE COMPLEX CYBERNETIC ARTIFICIAL.

WOMBS. AND THERE ARE YOUR SUPER-HUMAN.