Mail-order Bridegroom Part 83

Wouldn't she be in danger of making an even bigger fool of herself than she had over Bryce?

She locked up the office and letlierself out the main door onto the street.

A brisk winter wind knifed through her, chilling her to the bone. She hurried to the corner and flagged a cab, eager to get home where it was warm.

But even in her apartment, she s.h.i.+vered. She forced down a bowl of soup, but.i.t didn't thaw the cold.Damon wasn't working. Damon wasn't eating. Damon wasn't sleeping.

Was he, she wondered, also cold?She didn't know if she dared to hope. She suspected she might only be makingher life worse. But in one way at least, she was her father's daughter: shewas willing to take a risk.

She put her coat back on, knotted a scarf around her neck, and went back out

into the cold.

There were no lights on in Damon'sapartment that she could see from the street. Probably he was gone. Probably Stephanos had exaggerated.

Probably she'd come in vain.

But she was here now. So she rode up in the lift, padded along the carpetedhallway, and let herself in.The apartment was dark. Deserted. Damon must have given Mrs Vincent the night off. Kate stood just inside the door and wondered what to do now.Actually she knew what she should do: leave. Damon wasn't here.Stephanos had been wrong.She swallowed, turned, started to open the door to go out, then paused, drawn back by a need to touch one last time the place that had brought her closest

to her heart's desire.

When she'd left him, she'd been in a hurry. Cold, but still desperate, needing only to get away.

And now--now she needed, if only in the silence of an empty apartment--to say goodbye.

She loosened the scarf, unb.u.t.toned her coat, and slipped off her shoes, leaving them by the door. Then, with only the lights from the other buildings beyond the windows to guide her, she moved into the living room She walked slowly, trailing her hand along the back of the sofa, remembering when she and Damon had curled there together.

She touched the bookcases, recalling t.i.tles she wished she'd read.

She moved on to the kitchen. There was a pile of dirty dishes in the sink.

No sign at all that Mrs Vincent had been around. Had Damon fired her? It didn't seem likely. Still, from the look of things, for quite a while now he'd been on his own.

Kate picked up a coffee-mug from the counter, cupping it with her palms. She touched her lips to the rim where not long ago Damon's lips had been.

Hastily she set the mug back down.

She paused at the door to the master bedroom. In the darkness she could see that the spread on the bed looked slightly rumpled. Otherwise the room lay untouched.

Slowly Kate entered. She walked around the bed, seeing in her memory the twoof them lying there. Her throat tightened. Her eyes stung.Mindlessly she reached down and picked up a pillow, Damon's pillow, hugging it against her, pressing her face in the cool cotton, breathing in the scent of him.

Oh, G.o.d, it hurt!

She rubbed her face against it, furiously scrubbing away her tears and stalked out into the hall again.

"Who's there?"

The voice was hoa.r.s.e. Ragged. Damon's.

Kate stopped dead.

She heard noises now, coming from the back bed E room. Then a silhouetteappeared in the darkened doorway. A hand fumbled for the light switch thenflicked it on.

"d.a.m.n it, Stephanos! Leave me alone. I--you!"Kate's astonishment was just as great. Stephanos was right after all.Damon hadn't been shaving. Or eating, if the gauntness of his fqime proved anything. Or sleeping, as the dark circles under his eyes pointed out."Damon," she said quietly."What in h.e.l.l do you want?" He glared at her through bloodshot eyes.He wore only a pair of undershorts and he braced himself by holding on to the doorjamb. He looked as if he might fall over."I -- have you been sick?""I'm fine. I asked you a question. What're you doing here?""Stephanos said-' Damon said something in Greek about Stephanos. Kate didn't need a translator to know it wasn't complimentary. Then, right before hereyes, what little colour there was in his face seemed to wash right away. He turned and bolted for the bathroom. She could hear him being sick.

She wanted to go to him. She didn't dare. If she had any sense, she told herself, she'd leave. Damon certainly hadn't been happy to see her. Still she stayed right where she was, waited outside the door while she heardthe toilet flush, the tap turn on and, minutes later, off again. She took a step back only when the door opened once more.

Damon, still ashen and with damp dishevelled hair, stared at her.

"You're still here?"

"You are sick," Kate said.

"You should be in bed."

"I'll go to bed." Damon's voice was a mixture of

weariness and irritation."Just get out of here." He turned and headed back towards the small bedroom.Kate followed him."Why aren't you sleeping in our?" ---- She stopped.Our room, she'd been going to say. She couldn't.Damon shot her a malevolent look."Because I don't want to, all right?" He sagged onto the crumpled bedclothes and sat staring at his fingers which were laced together between his knees.

He looked worse than she'd ever seen him. Defeated almost.She had halted in the doorway. Now she ventured further in, only stoppingwhen he lifted his eyes and scowled at her.

"Why don't you want to, Damon?"

His dark eyes glittered.

"What do you want, a pound of flesh? Christ, what did I ever do to you?" He

jerked his head towards the door."Get out of here, Kate. Leave me alone.""You can't be left alone. You're sick. You need someone to take care of you.""Not you."The words slapped her across the face. She stepped back."All right,"she said."Not me. But what about your mother or one of your sisters?"Damon snorted."No, thanks.""Eleni, then," Kate snapped, goaded."Who?""Who?" She couldn't believe he'd said that. But he was looking at her, perplexed."Pandora's friend. The one who came to see the baby with her. You remember."He nodded, then rubbed a hand across his face. "Why would I want her?""Maybe you wouldn't, I don't know," Kate said, exasperated."But she's perfect for you. Lovely, talented, charming, maternal. Not to mention Greek."

"So I should want her?" He still looked confused.

Then his gaze dropped and he bent his head so that once more he was staring at his hands.

"No."

No? Kate, watching him, felt equally confused. Was Stephanos right then?

He had been about Damon's drinking, about his lack of sleep and food, about Damon's not working, about his looking like h.e.l.l.

Was he right about him loving her, too?

Her fingers clenched. Her heart gave a tiny leap.

Damon glanced up at her, his lips thinning when he saw her still Standing

there.

"You don't have to hang around. I don't know what Stephanos told you, but '" He told me that you love me. "It was as if the world had suddenly gone still. Damon didn't move, didn't even breathe.Neither did Kate. She waited. She prayed. She hoped.At last Damon sighed, shut his eyes and fell back against the pillows. She saw his throat work. Then he opened his eyes and looked at her wryly.

"Does it say something about divine retribution, do you suppose, that I would

marry you to keep him on the straight and narrow and he should be the one with the last laugh?"

"He wasn't laughing," Kate said quietly.

"No one was laughing, because he also reminded me that I love you."

Damon stared at her. He didn't speak. He levered himself halfway up so he

was propped on his elbows as he searched her face.

"You love Bryce," he corrected her hoa.r.s.ely.

Kate pressed her lips together.

"Once I did," she admitted.

"When I married him. He didn't love me."

"But ' " He wanted what I had, the family fortune, exactly

what my father had predicted. And when Daddy cut me off, Bryce left me. "

"He died," Damon protested.

"As he was leaving me."

He shoved himself up off the bed and crossed the room, pulling her into his arms, holding her close. "Oh, h.e.l.l, Kate. I'm sorry. So d.a.m.n sorry."

Kate pressed against him, loving the warm strength of his arms around her.

She rested her head against his shoulder.

"Thank you for caring."

"I thought I mean, all the time, when we made love He shook his head slightly as if he were dazed.

"You thought I was pretending you were Bryce?" She was astonished at his nod."Never. I never it was never like that with Bryce.""It wasn't?" His voice was hoa.r.s.e, his tone disbelieving.She smiled."Not at all. It was barely tolerable. I. . really didn't like it much. I thought I was frigid. So did Bryce," she admitted shakily.Damon snorted and hugged her tightly."Hardly frigid."She looked up at him, adoring him."Then I owe it all to you.""Why didn't you say?""Because it-would have been changing the rules. We weren't supposed to care, remember?"

He pulled back and looked down into her eyes. His own were dark and stillheld a hint of desperation."I remember. It was h.e.l.l. I wanted more. I thought you didn't. And when you took off for East Hampton, that confirmed it. It seemed that whatmattered to you was your work.""I thought it was all I was going to have left.""No," Damon said."Oh, no." He kissed her then. It was a deep kiss, a hungry kiss.

"Oh, G.o.d, Kate. I've missed you. I almost died when I came home and found