Unfinished Hero - Raid Part 24

"I'm not a criminal."

"You partic.i.p.ate in criminal activities," I pointed out. "With understanding and intent."

"I do s.h.i.+t that's considered illegal," he amended.

"It isn't considered illegal, Raiden. It just is," I told him.

"And who do I hurt?" he shot back, and my mouth clamped shut because that was actually a good question. "Who do I hurt, Hanna?" he pushed.

I said nothing.

What I did was push back into the couch when Raiden leaned toward me, putting his elbows to his thighs and kept talking.

"I don't push dope. I don't run guns. I don't pimp women. I don't steal. I don't con. I don't blackmail. I don't squeeze people for protection money. I do not act as an enforcer. My business never touches the lives of honest citizens. The people I deal with made their choices, the wrong ones, and I'm a consequence of those choices. I didn't force their choices. I do not do one f.u.c.kin' thing that contributes to their business or the s.h.i.+t they do. They f.u.c.k up and wander into the real world where there's a possibility that they can make decisions that will put good people doin' their best to live decent lives in jeopardy, I reel them back in so that s.h.i.+t does not happen. I'm not tryin' to convince you that that s.h.i.+t always bleeds. Sometimes it's contained, but there's always the possibility that someone could get tweaked, panicked, do something entirely f.u.c.ked up where someone innocent pays, and what I do stops that before it could even start."

He was scaring me. All of this was, but still, I found the courage to note, "Raiden, it's clear you're determined to do what you do and you have your reasons, but, honestly some of it sounds like rationalizations."

"Yeah?" he asked. "You stopped Bodhi and Heather from f.u.c.kin' you up the a.s.s. You let that play out, I would have stopped those s.h.i.+pments from goin' out with your afghans and I would have eventually traced all that s.h.i.+t back to the man who's instigating it. Now he's gonna find another Bodhi and Heather who will likely find another Hanna Boudreaux they can f.u.c.k up the a.s.s and she might not be as lucky as you."

Oh my G.o.d.

That totally made sense.

"People do a lot of s.h.i.+t," Raiden told me. "You're so insulated by family, friends and Willow, thank Christ, you'll never know all the seriously jacked up s.h.i.+t people can get up to. And I didn't tell you that about Bodhi and Heather to make you think I'm on a crusade to shut down drug dealers or any kinds of other sc.u.m. The men I work for, I don't make judgments and I don't get involved. But when s.h.i.+t bleeds and I staunch the flow, that jacks up job satisfaction and it does it huge. You want it straight up, odds are Bodhi and Heather were good people who got caught up in something they couldn't control. They were squeezed. They were forced to make a choice. I don't know what happened and I don't give a f.u.c.k, but I've seen a lot of people, and those two do not have black souls. But they jacked up somewhere along the way, felt the consequences and that's fair. What isn't fair is they roped you into that s.h.i.+t and I don't get to feel good about disentangling people like you often. It happens enough that I like what I do enough to keep doin' it until I have the money to quit doin' it, kick back and have a decent life where I answer to no one and I can just breathe."

He stopped speaking and I said nothing.

We held each other's eyes.

This went on a good, long while as my mind turned over what he said, everything he said, and a lot of things he didn't say.

I had to admit, all of it made sense. It was his sense because Raiden had untwisted some scary, twisted stuff and forced it to make sense, but he did it in a way that it even made sense to me.

It was what he didn't say that penetrated, dug deep and settled with the intention of staying awhile.

Maybe forever.

As I thought this he watched my face, and I knew he knew when he sat back and ordered quietly, "Now, Hanna, come here."

I didn't decide to do it. I couldn't actually believe I was doing it even as I did it.

I let my legs go, curled them under me, put my hands to the empty seat between us and crawled his way.

The instant I got close he leaned toward me and his arms sliced around me so tight my breath constricted. He hauled me to him, his hand at the back of my head forcing my face in his neck and I felt him bury his in mine.

"Jesus, f.u.c.k," he whispered, relief dripping heavy in those two words.

I closed my eyes, and again I didn't decide to do it, but still my arms shoved into the cus.h.i.+ons of the couch so they could round him.

He shoved his face further in my neck and squeezed tight.

I let this continue because he needed it, and maybe I needed it. Then I couldn't let it continue because I didn't need to pa.s.s out.

"Raiden, I'm finding it hard to breathe," I rasped.

His arm loosened.

"Are you with me?" he asked my neck.

Oh boy.

Oh G.o.d.

Heck.

"Yes," my mouth decided for me.

His hand in my hair fisted and he repeated, "Jesus, f.u.c.k."

Grams was right. She always was.

Raiden was dangerous.

And I knew I shouldn't. She warned me to be careful.

But for some reason I didn't understand I couldn't stop myself from being that woman who tried to withstand h.e.l.lfire.

No.

I knew the reason.

It was because I wanted to know nothing for the rest of my life sweeter than the love Raiden could have for me.

It was also more.

I wanted him to know nothing for the rest of his sweeter than what I could give him.

"I think I'm in trouble," I told his neck.

"That feeling will fade," he told mine.

"I think I'm scared," I kept going.

"That'll fade too."

"Just saying, you might be in a little bit of trouble, too."

His head came up, his fist loosened in my hair so mine could go back and he caught my eyes.

His were still amazing.

The relief in them was not hidden.

He'd been worried.

Raiden Miller was so totally into me.

G.o.d.

Grams was so totally right.

How did this happen?

"How am I in trouble?" he asked.

I didn't tell him what he knew, but obviously, from what he said, refused to do anything about.

That he was damaged and he needed fixing.

I also didn't tell him I was going to do it.

I wasn't going to do it because he was Raiden Ulysses Miller, a beautiful boy that turned into a gorgeous man I'd been crus.h.i.+ng on for forever.

No, I was going to do it because he was Raiden, a gentleman, a hero. A man who, as a boy, went through terrible things and came out amazing because that was just who he was and he deserved someone who cared enough to put the effort in to fix him.

I didn't want to change him. What he did was who he was and however that progressed I knew he was the kind of man that I would have to leave that alone.

That would be up to him.

But I was going to right the damage because I cared enough to put the effort in.

Instead, I told him, "I'm totally Peggy Sue, Raiden, and you do what you do and obviously you intend to keep doing it, but you should know I'm going to ignore that and keep right on being Peggy Sue."

"Thank f.u.c.k," he replied so immediately I blinked.

"Sorry?"

"You gotta know my work because you gotta know me," he explained. "Now you know it. But from now on, it doesn't touch you. So you keep bein' you because that's you but also because that's exactly what drew me to you, baby." He grinned. "That and your long-a.s.s legs and that sweet a.s.s, and, bein' honest, your great t.i.ts and fantastic f.u.c.kin' hair." I rolled my eyes, his grin got bigger and he kept talking. "But, back on track, bottom line, I wouldn't want it any other way."

I liked that. All of it, including the stuff about my legs, booty and the rest.

So I smiled.

Then I relaxed.

Raiden felt it.

And I felt him relax.

Then he wasted no further time and kissed me.

It was nice, but too short.

I would know why when he broke it, looked me in the eyes and stated, "Now that's done, time for a tour of your house. A tour that's gonna end in your bedroom."

His words made me s.h.i.+ver.

I was about to have s.e.x with an amazingly gorgeous, criminal underworld bounty hunter with questionable ethics that at least made sense to him, even if they didn't entirely make sense to me. He was dangerous. He was damaged. He was into me. I instinctively knew this was not the end of my world s.h.i.+fting because Raiden Ulysses Miller entered it.

And still...

I could not wait.

Chapter Twelve.

Trust It All to Me.

The tour of my house didn't last long, and as Raiden said, it ended in the bedroom.

It lasted long enough that by the time we got there my b.r.e.a.s.t.s had swelled and my legs were trembling so much I didn't know how I stayed standing.

That didn't mean I didn't watch closely as he entered my room. I was unbelievably gratified when he took in my intricately scrolled white iron bed; the frills, the flowers, the pastel pinks, blues and greens, and I saw his face get soft. His lips quirked and I knew he liked it.

I definitely knew I liked Raiden in my room and this did have to do with the fact that I spent a fair amount of time imagining him right there.

And there he was.

Right there.

I enjoyed this feeling for a second before he took my hand and led me to the bed, then I was back to concentrating on my b.r.e.a.s.t.s swelling and my legs trembling so badly I found it hard to stay upright.

Once we got to the bed, though, he did something strange.

He sat on the side, opened his legs and pulled me between them, but then he let my hand go and both of his spanned my hips in a firm way that said without words I was to stay right there.

I stayed right there.

He tipped his head back to look at me.

"Downstairs, you made a decision," he stated quietly, and my breath started to quicken.

He was very right. I did.