The Shades Of Time And Memory Part 41

Ecstasy spent, they lay in each other's arms. Pellaz felt drowsy and contented. The world was a good place. Nothing bad could exist in a universe where this comfortable state abided. They lay side by side, facing each other and Galdra reached up to take a lock of Pell's hair in his fingers. 'You hide it well,' he said softly, 'but I do know, Pell.'

'Know what?' Pellaz had no idea what Galdra would say. Already, he knew enough about the Freyh.e.l.lan to expect anything.

'It should be Cal here, holding you, giving you his strength. I wonder sometimes whether you resent the fact it's me, because you are kept apart from him, unsure of where he is or how he is, or of why he can't come to you.'

Pellaz felt his body stiffen involuntarily. The words were like a knife wound. 'Don't talk of him here,' he said. 'Don't.'

'You should. You can say anything to me.'

Pellaz pulled away from Galdra and sat up. He felt dizzy and had to put his head in his hands. Galdra was silent and motionless behind him, giving him this time. After some moments, Pellaz lowered his hands. 'Galdra, Cal is not here simply because he doesn't want to be.'

'What do you mean?'

'He went to Galhea. We had news. I thought you might have heard.'

'No. The Gelaming are more tight-lipped about your affairs than you realise, at least with outsiders.' Galdra sat up also, put his hands on Pell's shoulders. 'What have you heard?'

'Not much, but if he can get to Forever, he can get to me. He doesn't want me, Galdra. That's the truth.'

'I can't believe that.' He kissed Pell's shoulder. 'It isn't true.'

Pellaz laughed harshly. 'It is. I know you love me, and maybe that's because you never knew me before I was Tigron. You love what you see. Cal loves a dream, a dead har. He can't love what lives. He's Tigron of his own life. He can't cope with what I've become. He defers to nohar.'

Galdra pulled Pellaz back down to the bed, held him close. He didn't speak, just pressed his lips against Pell's hair.

'There may have to be changes,' Pellaz said abruptly. He felt Galdra go utterly still. 'After this is all over, there may be changes. Perhaps you understand my meaning?'

Galdra did not respond immediately. 'I am here for you in whatever way you want me to be. I think I know what you mean, but I also think we should not speak of it. Too much could happen. I think you might be wrong about Cal.'

'But if I'm not? In Immanion, you told me I should let go of my dreams. What if I see them for what they are now a nightmare? You said we should be together.'

Galdra sighed. 'I know you more intimately now than I did when I said those words. I have seen things inside you, Pell, things that have made me sad for both of us. We could be together twenty years and if he came for you, you'd still go to him. I know that.'

Pellaz uttered an angry, wordless sound. 'Too many times I've thrown out a challenge to the universe, to him. Important times in my life. I've asked him to come to me, when it would have meant everything. He never did, not when I blood bonded with Rue, nor when I met with you in Immanion. He is never there when it would make a difference.'

'What if he walked in here now?'

Pellaz shuddered. A chill went through him like a spirit breeze. 'Don't say that. He won't.'

'But he could, at any time. You should be aware of that.'

'If that's the case, then it's not right. I won't play that game any more. You have made me see this.'

Galdra smiled sadly. 'I am a blinding light, that's all, and in that light you cannot see the shadows. It does not mean they're gone.' He kissed Pell's lips. 'Be silent. Be here now. We have said enough.'

That night, Pellaz dreamed of Lileem. He met her in a dark place, but sensed vast open s.p.a.ce all around him. Lileem came to him out of the darkness and said, 'We will meet soon. We will meet when the serpent bites the star and the seal opens. Do not be afraid of what lies beyond. It is safe to step through. I will be with you there. Soon.'

Pellaz woke up at once as if somehar had slapped him. Beside him, Galdra slept soundly, uttering gentle snores. Pell could still hear the echo of Lileem's words, as if she had really been there speaking to him. The air in his pavilion was charged.

The message had been very clear: He knew what he had to do.

The day begins very early when an army is on the march. Breakfast is ready by dawn, and even while it is being eaten, the pavilions are coming down around the dampened fires, so the supplies wagons, with their guards, can move out ahead of the troops.

Pellaz was woken by the sounds of activity but also by the heavy warmth of Galdra upon him. 'I should get back to my hara,' Galdra said. 'When I'm with you, it's easy to forget why we're here. This idyll, this love, is no part of war.'

'Swim in me one more time,' Pellaz said. He could feel the pulse of blood in his throat, behind his eyes, singing in his ears.

'You are the primal waters of soume,' Galdra murmured, 'you are my element.'

Pellaz tried to regulate his breathing, distance himself from what was happening. He must take control and be aware, outside and inside at the same time. His consciousness hovered among the folds of pavilion's ceiling. What he saw below him was one being, a ma.s.s of pulsating energy, slowly turning. And in the heart of it was a vortex, like a black hole, drawing into itself all matter. It was shocking, terrifying, for this was where they must go.

Then he was back inside himself, Galdra's breath against his ear. Galdra made the strangest sounds, like the most terrible grief and the most sublime ecstasy.

The sensations in Pell's body were the most bizarre he'd ever experienced. It was as if he was deep underwater, and the walls of enormous ancient caverns were cracking apart all around him. He had a sense of immense forces churning within him. His body was a cosmos and somewhere at its heart stars were born.

'Pellaz,' Galdra said, 'we cannot do this. Stop. Release me.'

'No,' Pellaz answered, with his mind. 'I control this. There is nothing to fear. We must not stop.'

At that moment, the inner tongue of Galdra's ouana-lim shot out like an arrow of fire and made contact with the sixth energy centre in Pell's body. The serpent bit the star. The seal opened fully and Pellaz fell through it.

He was on his hands and knees in complete blackness, panting heavily. His whole body felt wet: the experience was totally physical. He heard swift light footsteps in the darkness, drawing nearer to him.

'Pellaz, call me!' The voice was Lileem's.

'Here!' Pellaz said. He was afraid to move. The surface beneath him felt uncertain, pliable, like a membrane over sinking sand.

He saw Lileem then, her body surrounded by a faint nimbus of light.

'What is this place?' Pellaz asked her.

'We are in the cauldron of creation: yours, to be precise.'

'So, I am hallucinating.'

'You are not. This is another form of reality, but reality nonetheless.'

'How did you get here inside me?'

'Haven't you guessed? The cauldron is a portal, or can create them. It happened with Terez and me, only different. I am learning about it. Listen, this won't hold for long, because you are inexperienced and events still take their course in your reality. During focused aruna, when the seal to the cauldron opens, opportunistic souls take advantage of it: that is how pearls are created. I have seen it, the myriad of lights beyond your realm, a galaxy of hara reaching for the ultimate. You must learn that this is not the only function of the cauldron. You must learn to control it. Look. I can grant you this perception.' She flung out an arm and Pellaz could see beyond her a host of tiny lights, like fireflies. 'They are predators. They are circling you. At this moment, you are yaloe, the essence of soume. Do not let them touch you, unless you want a pearl, of course.'

'Are they Galdra's aren?'

'Yes. If they touch you, souls will perceive it. They will fight to take possession.'

'I need to go,' Pellaz said. 'Now!' The lights were drawing closer, a fizzing ma.s.s of pinp.r.i.c.k radiance.

Lileem laughed. 'Pellaz, banish your fear. This is your body, your realm. You must learn you have the right and the ability to choose what happens to it.'

'Where is Galdra? Is he with us?'

'Your friend thinks he is dreaming. He is wandering the halls of your being waiting to wake up.'

'How do we use this? What is its purpose? You have called me for a reason, I know it.'

'You can use the cauldron to create more than new hara. You can summon other ent.i.ties through it. You have little time to gain knowledge of this skill, I know, but it must be done. You must learn to control focused aruna. It is like learning to dream lucidly, to remain aware in the realm of dreams. Do you understand?'

'Yes, I understand it, but how do I put that into practice?'

'When you are next here, call upon a dehar. You are familiar with their pattern. When they obey your summons, command them. Use them as a weapon.'

'Will you meet me here again? Will you help me?'

'I'll try. I'll remain alert. You should know that your enemies have no idea you are discovering this information. Higher forces of all factions do not desire for you to know it.'

'Even the sedim and those they serve?'

'Even them.'

'Tell me what you know.'

'The Kakkahaar are not wrong,' Lileem said. 'Listen to them. One day I will return to your realm, but not yet. I too am learning.'

'Can the sedim be trusted?'

'Yes. They will surprise you. Pellaz...' Lileem hunkered down beside him and put a hand on his shoulder. The touch felt real. 'Your son who was taken from Rue's body: he lives. Some battles will be fought among the next generation. Do what you can. Repair the tear in your reality that allows your enemy's allies ingress into the earthly realm. Repel them.'

'Where is my son?'

'I don't know everything, only some things. The marks in the stone books I read are like fragments. They move and change.'

'And my other son Abrimel. What of him? We believe he has gone to Ponclast.'

'I have not looked into that,' Lileem said, 'but I will do so. Where I am, in the Black Library, there is so much to absorb. It is amazing. I want to show it to you.'

'That realm is treacherous,' Pellaz said. 'I have been there before, to drag you out of it, and we almost didn't make it.'

'Sedim are not the appropriate medium to reach it,' Lileem said. 'There are better ways. I cannot explain now. It would take too long. Listen. There is one thing you should know before you leave. Cal still loves you. It is written on every stone that bears a harish mark. It can never be erased.'

'Lileem...' There was so much Pellaz wanted to ask, but already he could feel the pull of earthly reality upon him. He was faintly aware of his physical body, the feeling of Galdra inside him.

'Go now,' Lileem said. 'It is time for this congress to end. If you remain here once aruna has peaked, it might be very difficult for you to return to normal consciousness. I don't have full knowledge of this process yet. Think yourself back, Pell. Concentrate on your soume-lam, its feelings. Be flesh once more. Now.'

Pellaz closed his eyes and directed his concentration towards his physical body. In an instant, he was back on his bed, his flesh coursing with powerful and paralyzing sensation. The climax of this aruna was like an immense electrical charge, the water of soume conducting the current of ouana. It was not altogether pleasant. Pellaz cried out involuntarily, and yelled so loudly that hara came running.

Vaysh was the first to arrive. He threw aside the door curtain.

Over Galdra's shoulder Pellaz could see his aide's shocked expression. He could not help but laugh out loud as the pulsations in his flesh ebbed away, waves upon a beach, low tide, going back.

Galdra was clearly oblivious to anyhar else being present. 'Are you with pearl?' he asked urgently. 'You made it happen.'

Pellaz gently pushed Galdra away from him. 'No, I am not with pearl,' he said. 'I have discovered something more wonderful.'

Vaysh had recovered his composure. 'Pellaz!' he said, 'Are you insane? It sounded like you were being murdered. Remember who and what you are. You cannot behave like this. It is inappropriate at this time.' Other hara had gathered behind him and now he turned on them. 'Get out! All of you!'

'Summon Tharmifex and Ashmael,' Pellaz said. 'Also Velaxis, I suppose. Do it now, Vaysh. I have learned something of great importance.'

Vaysh nodded, clearly troubled. 'I will.' He glanced at Galdra. 'You should leave, tiahaar. If they should see you here, like this...'

'Let them see,' Pellaz said. 'I have nothing to hide from them. The Tigron is allowed to take aruna, Vaysh. For the Ag's sake, just go and get the Hegemony.'

Chapter Thirty-Five.

It was not easy to make friends among hara who were naturally suspicious of strangers, made even more difficult because the Teraghasts were acutely aware of Moon and Tyson's heritage. The veiled hostility did not appear to affect Cal, as if other hara's opinions of him simply rolled off his skin like sweat. But then he'd had a lifetime to train himself to ignore the disapproval of others. 'They are mostly stupid,' he told Tyson and Moon. 'Just play up to them, use flattery, bat your eyelashes. It'll work. Trust me.'

Such behaviour did not come naturally to Moon, and Tyson felt like a fraud if he tried to ingratiate himself with the Teraghasts. Consequently, they spent much time alone. The Teraghasts were happy to give them work to do, such as rebuilding dwellings and workshops, but come break times, Tyson and Moon always sat apart from the other workers. They were escorted to and from the workplace and their accommodation, and were always locked in at night, although their rooms, which were at ground level, did have a small walled courtyard they were allowed to use. Cal was rarely with them during the day, but they didn't know where he went: Ponclast would only see Cal very occasionally. Cal himself was vague concerning his whereabouts. The Teraghasts were close lipped about their captives, so Cal hadn't been able to find out much about Azriel and Aleeme. He had worked out where they were confined, however. He said that if he asked too many questions, the Teraghasts would guess the truth about his presence in Fulminir, and it would be likely that he and his companions would be put back into more stringent confinement.

This excuse made sense, but Moon was unsure that the rescue of Aleeme and Azriel was the real reason Cal had brought them there. Tyson would not hear a bad word against his hostling, but privately Moon wondered whether Cal believed the outcome of any conflict would leave Ponclast in power. Perhaps Cal simply wanted to be with the winning side when it was all over.

It soon became clear that Cal had been cultivating a friends.h.i.+p with Kyrotates during his absences from his companions, a strategy that seemed eventually to be paying off but then who could resist Cal on full power for long? Kyrotates was an extremely contained and self-disciplined har, but even so, Moon had caught glimpses of him staring at Cal with the unmistakable expression of intense and smouldering desire. In Moon's opinion, Kyrotates felt confused about it, perhaps wondering where these devastating feelings had come from. Cal in seduction mode was terrifying. He was a like a primordial G.o.ddess of love: unswervable, inexorable and merciless, skulls of his victims swinging from his belt. One evening he stretched himself beside the cooking fire they'd built in their courtyard and said, 'Kyrotates will soon be cooked to perfection, and I intend to consume him with relish. Then we will have the information we need.'

Tyson laughed, but Moon felt slightly disgusted. 'Sure he doesn't need longer on slow simmer?' he asked, and could hear the acidity in his own voice.

'Don't want him to burn,' Cal said lightly. 'Believe me, I know all about this type of cuisine, moonling. I don't have a taste for charcoal.'

'But if you don't cook something for long enough,' Moon said, inspired, 'then it can poison you.'

'Yes, the metaphor is fun,' Cal said dryly, 'but I think we've got more than enough out of it.'

'Cobweb thought you'd changed,' Moon said, 'but he was wrong. It was all just an act. You still use hara as you like.'

Cal sat up. 'Moon,' he said, in a low voice, 'don't be such a prude. That's very early Cevarro of you! Why are we here? I'm just making light of what is actually an unpleasant circ.u.mstance.'

Moon went numb with humiliation. He wished Tyson wasn't there.

Ponclast took a great deal of pleasure in observing Cal the other two barely interested him. He could see Cal trying to wind himself around Kyrotates' legs like a demanding cat, and he noted with amus.e.m.e.nt Kyrotates' inept attempts to stumble away from it. Cal operated on hara with surgical precision: it was a delight to behold. Ponclast dearly wished he could trust Cal what an a.s.set he'd be but he was also realistic. If anything, Cal was above and beyond any skirmish between the Teraghasts and the Gelaming. Ponclast knew Cal was not a spy for Immanion, but neither could he be relied upon. At the most crucial moment, he might jump from your lap and be out of the window, to disappear over the rooftops. A cat is a creature unto itself.

Cal still did not know about Abrimel: a morsel Ponclast was keeping in reserve. Abrimel himself had no wish to confront Cal and still thought he should be thrown into a dungeon or killed. Ponclast realised Abrimel was actually terrified of Cal, although he would not admit it. The question was: did he fear Cal's judgment? If that was the case, it would suggest that Abrimel was not wholly free of his Gelaming heritage. And that was a fact to be mindful of.

Ponclast knew that Cal was interested in the fate of the Parasilians, simply because he had not yet asked about them. Aleeme Parasiel had already delivered one pearl for Ponclast, and was currently carrying a second one. His health had deteriorated, but Ponclast did not care. Every time he laid eyes on those hara, he saw Swift's face. He remembered the day that Fulminir had fallen before and Swift's righteous wrath. When he used his will to open the seal in Aleeme's shuddering body he felt like he was beating Swift about the head. He had not yet forced himself upon Azriel: he merely made Azriel watch what happened to Aleeme. Now, he kept the Parasilians apart. Aleeme was dying. When he was dead, Azriel could have him back. Then it would be his turn.

The Hashmallim had made only one further visit to Fulminir. Abraxis had manifested spontaneously in front of Ponclast late one night, this time alone. His towering presence had turned the air in Ponclast's study black. 'Let your enemies come to you,' he said. 'When they arrive, unleash your hara upon them, but selectively.'