Twilight Saga - Breaking Dawn Part 60

I looked at the globe and wondered where we were headed first.

"We're to stay here?" Edward asked, looking at Carlisle. He didn't sound happy.

"Alice said that we would have to show people Renesmee, and we would have to be careful about it," Carlisle said. "We'll send whomever we can find back here to you- Edward, you'll be the best at fielding that particular minefield."

Edward gave one sharp nod, still not happy. "There's a lot of ground to cover."

"We're splitting up," Emmett answered. "Rose and I are hunting for nomads."

"You'll have your hands full here," Carlisle said. "Tanya's family will be here in the morning, and they have no idea why. First, you have to persuade them not to react the way Irina did. Second, you've got to find out what Alice meant about Eleazar. Then, after all that, will they stay to witness for us? It will start again as the others come-if we can persuade anyone to come in the first place." Carlisle sighed. "Your job may well be the hardest. We'll be back to help as soon as we can."

Carlisle put his hand on Edward's shoulder for a second and then kissed my forehead.

Esme hugged us both, and Emmett punched us both on the arm. Rosalie forced a hard smile for Edward and me, blew a kiss to Renesmee, and then gave Jacob a parting grimace.

"Good luck," Edward told them.

"And to you," Carlisle said. "We'll all need it."

I watched them leave, wis.h.i.+ng I could feel whatever hope bolstered them, and wis.h.i.+ng I could be alone with the computer for just a few seconds. I had to figure out who this J.

Jenks person was and why Alice had gone to such lengths to give his name to only me.

Renesmee twisted in Jacob's arms to touch his cheek.

"I don't know if Carlisle's friends will come. I hope so. Sounds like we're a little outnumbered right now," Jacob murmured to Renesmee.So she knew. Renesmee already understood only too clearly what was going on. The whole imprinted-werewolf-gives-the-object-of-his-imprinting-whatever-she-wants thing was getting old pretty fast. Wasn't s.h.i.+elding her more important than answering her questions?

I looked carefully at her face. She did not look frightened, only anxious and very serious as she conversed with Jacob in her silent way.

"No, we can't help; we've got to stay here," he went on. "People are coming to see you, not the scenery."

Renesmee frowned at him.

"No, I don't have to go anywhere," he said to her. Then he looked at Edward, his face stunned by the realization that he might be wrong. "Do I?"

Edward hesitated.

"Spit it out," Jacob said, his voice raw with tension. He was right at his breaking point, just like the rest of us.

"The vampires who are coming to help us are not the same as we are," Edward said.

"Tanya's family is the only one besides ours with a reverence for human life, and even they don't think much of werewolves. I think it might be safer-"

"I can take care of myself," Jacob interrupted.

"Safer for Renesmee," Edward continued, "if the choice to believe our story about her is not tainted by an a.s.sociation with werewolves."

"Some friends. They'd turn on you just because of who you hang out with now?"

"I think they would mostly be tolerant under normal circ.u.mstances. But you need to understand-accepting Nessie will not be a simple thing for any of them. Why make it even the slightest bit harder?"

Carlisle had explained the laws about immortal children to Jacob last night. "The immortal children were really that bad?" he asked.

"You can't imagine the depth of the scars they've left in the collective vampire psyche."

"Edward ..." It was still odd to hear Jacob use Edward's name without bitterness.

"I know, Jake. I know how hard it is to be away from her. We'll play it by ear- see how they react to her. In any case, Nessie is going to have to be incognito off and on in the next few weeks. She'll need to stay at the cottage until the right moment for us to introduce her. As long as you keep a safe distance from the main house ..."

"I can do that. Company in the morning, huh?""Yes. The closest of our friends. In this particular case, it's probably better if we get things out in the open as soon as possible. You can stay here. Tanya knows about you.

She's even met Seth."

"Right."

"You should tell Sam what's going on. There might be strangers in the woods soon."

"Good point. Though I owe him some silence after last night."

"Listening to Alice is usually the right thing."

Jacob's teeth ground together, and I could see that he shared Sam's feelings about what Alice and Jasper had done.

While they were talking, I wandered toward the back windows, trying to look distracted and anxious. Not a difficult thing to do. I leaned my head against the wall that curved away from the living room toward the dining room, right next to one of the computer desks. I ran my fingers against the keys while staring into the forest, trying to make it look like an absentminded thing. Did vampires ever do things absentmindedly? I didn't think anyone was paying particular attention to me, but I didn't turn to make sure. The monitor glowed to life. I stroked my fingers across the keys again. Then I drummed them very quietly on the wooden desktop, just to make it seem random. Another stroke across the keys.

I scanned the screen in my peripheral vision.

No J. Jenks, but there was a Jason Jenks. A lawyer. I brushed the keyboard, trying to keep a rhythm, like the preoccupied stroking of a cat you'd all but forgotten on your lap.

Jason Jenks had a fancy website for his firm, but the address on the homepage was wrong. In Seattle, but in a different zip code. I noted the phone number and then stroked the keyboard in rhythm. This time I searched the address, but nothing at all came up, as if the address didn't exist. I wanted to look at a map, but I decided I was pus.h.i.+ng my luck. One more brush, to delete the history...

I continued staring out the window and brushed the wood a few times. I heard light footsteps crossing the floor to me, and I turned with what I hoped was the same expression as before.

Renesmee reached for me, and I held my arms open. She launched herself into them, smelling strongly of werewolf, and nestled her head against my neck.

I didn't know if I could stand this. As much as I feared for my life, for Edward's, for the rest of my family's, it was not the same as the gut-wrenching terror I felt for my daughter. There had to be a way to save her, even if that was the only thing I could do.

Suddenly, I knew that this was all I wanted anymore. The rest I would bear if I had to, but not her life being forfeited. Not that.

She was the one thing I simply had to save.Would Alice have known how I would feel?

Renesmee's hand touched my cheek lightly.

She showed me my own face, Edward's, Jacob's, Rosalie's, Esme's, Carlisle's, Alice's, Jasper's, flipping through all our family's faces faster and faster. Seth and Leah. Charlie, Sue, and Billy. Over and over again. Worrying, like the rest of us were. She was only worrying, though. Jake had kept the worst from her as far as I could tell. The part about how we had no hope, how we all were going to die in a month's time.

She settled on Alice's face, longing and confused. Where was Alice?

"I don't know," I whispered. "But she's Alice. She's doing the right thing, like always."

The right thing for Alice, anyway. I hated thinking of her that way, but how else could the situation be understood?

Renesmee sighed, and the longing intensified.

"I miss her, too."

I felt my face working, trying to find the expression that went with the grief inside. My eyes felt strange and dry; they blinked against the uncomfortable feeling. I bit my lip.

When I took my next breath, the air hitched in my throat, like I was choking on it.

Renesmee pulled back to look at me, and I saw my face mirrored in her thoughts and in her eyes. I looked like Esme had this morning.

So this was what it felt like to cry.

Renesmee's eyes glistened wetly as she watched my face. She stroked my face, showing me nothing, just trying to soothe me.

I'd never thought to see the mother-daughter bond reversed between us, the way it had always been for Renee and me. But I hadn't had a very clear view of the future.

A tear welled up on the edge of Renesmee's eye. I wiped it away with a kiss. She touched her eye in amazement and then looked at the wetness on her fingertip.

"Don't cry," I told her. "It's going to be okay. You're going to be fine. I will find you a way through this."

If there was nothing else I could do, I would still save my Renesmee. I was more positive than ever that this was what Alice would give me. She would know. She would have left me a way.

30. IRRESISTIBLE.

There was so much to think about.How was I going to find time alone to hunt down J. Jenks, and why did Alice want me to know about him?

If Alice's clue had nothing to do with Renesmee, what could I do to save my daughter?

How were Edward and I going to explain things to Tanya's family in the morning? What if they reacted like Irina? What if it turned into a fight?

I didn't know how to fight. How was I going to learn in just a month? Was there any chance at all that I could be taught fast enough that I might be a danger to any one member of the Volturi? Or was I doomed to be totally useless? Just another easily dispatched newborn?

So many answers I needed, but I did not get the chance to ask my questions.

Wanting some normality for Renesmee, I'd insisted on taking her home to our cottage at bedtime. Jacob was more comfortable in his wolf form at the moment; the stress was easier dealt with when he felt ready for a fight. I wished that I could feel the same, could feel ready. He ran in the woods, on guard again.

After she was deeply under, I put Renesmee in her bed and then went to the front room to ask my questions of Edward. The ones I was able to ask, at any rate; one of the most difficult of problems was the idea of trying to hide anything from him, even with the advantage of my silent thoughts.

He stood with his back to me, staring into the fire.

"Edward, I-"

He spun and was across the room in what seemed like no time at all, not even the smallest part of a second. I only had time to register the ferocious expression on his face before his lips were crus.h.i.+ng against mine and his arms were locked around me like steel girders.

I didn't think of my questions again for the rest of that night. It didn't take long for me to grasp the reason for his mood, and even less time to feel exactly the same way.

I'd been planning on needing years just to somewhat organize the overwhelming pa.s.sion I felt for him physically. And then centuries after that to enjoy it. If we had only a month left together... Well, I didn't see how I could stand to have this end. For the moment I couldn't help but be selfish. All I wanted was to love him as much as possible in the limited time given to me.

It was hard to pull myself away from him when the sun came up, but we had our job to do, a job that might be more difficult than all the rest of our family's searches put together. As soon as I let myself think of what was coming, I was all tension; it felt like my nerves were being stretched on a rack, thinner and thinner."I wish there was a way to get the information we need from Eleazar before we tell them about Nessie," Edward muttered as we hurriedly dressed in the huge closet that was more reminder of Alice than I wanted at the moment. "Just in case."

"But he wouldn't understand the question to answer it," I agreed. "Do you think they'll let us explain?"

"I don't know."

I pulled Renesmee, still sleeping, from her bed and held her close so that her curls were pressed against my face; her sweet scent, so close, overpowered every other smell.

I couldn't waste one second of time today. There were answers I needed, and wasn't sure how much time Edward and I would have alone today. If all went well with Tanya's family, hopefully we would have company for an extended period.

"Edward, will you teach me how to fight?" I asked him, tensed for his reaction, as he held the door for me.

It was what I expected. He froze, and then his eyes swept over me with a deep significance, like he was looking at me for the first or last time. His eyes lingered on our daughter sleeping in my arms.

"If it comes to a fight, there won't be much any of us can do," he hedged.

I kept my voice even. "Would you leave me unable to defend myself?"

He swallowed convulsively, and the door shuddered, hinges protesting, as his hand tightened. Then he nodded. "When you put it that way... I suppose we should get to work as soon as we can."

I nodded, too, and we started toward the big house. We didn't hurry.

I wondered what I could do that would have any hope of making a difference. I was a tiny bit special, in my own way-if a having a supernaturally thick skull could really be considered special. Was there any use that I could put that toward?

"What would you say their biggest advantage is? Do they even have a weakness?"

Edward didn't have to ask to know I meant the Volturi.

"Alec and Jane are their greatest offense," he said emotionlessly, like we were talking of a basketball team. "Their defensive players rarely see any real action."

"Because Jane can burn you where you stand-mentally at least. What does Alec do?

Didn't you once say he was even more dangerous than Jane?"

"Yes. In a way, he is the antidote to Jane. She makes you feel the worst pain imaginable.

Alec, on the other hand, makes you feel nothing. Absolutely nothing. Sometimes, when the Volturi are feeling kind, they have Alec anesthetize someone before he is executed.

If he has surrendered or pleased them in some other way."

"Anesthetic? But how is that more dangerous than Jane?"

"Because he cuts off your senses altogether. No pain, but also no sight or sound or smell. Total sensory deprivation. You are utterly alone in the blackness. You don't even feel it when they burn you."

I s.h.i.+vered. Was this the best we could hope for? To not see or feel death when it came?