Honor Guards Part 19

"Okay." Dr. Saunders stood and gestured to a door on the opposite side of the room. "The examination room is this way. I'll have a nurse bring you a gown, and then I'll be in in a few minutes. Your partner is welcome to accompany you."

"Thank you." Blair reached for Cam's hand, and together they followed the surgeon.

In less than five minutes, Blair was naked from the waist up, covered only by a thin paper gown, and seated on a vinyl-covered examination table. Dr. Saunders arrived, washed her hands rapidly in the sink in one corner, and turned to Blair.

"All set?"

"Yes." Blair looked past the surgeon to Cam and smiled weakly.

Cam stood just inside the door of the ten-by-ten-foot white tiled room as the surgeon instructed Blair to lie down, sit up, and raise her arms while she observed and palpated Blair's b.r.e.a.s.t.s. As she watched the examination, sweat broke out between Cam's shoulder blades, although the room was not overly warm. She'd never seen Blair's eyes quite so blank before, as if her body was present but her mind was somewhere else. The surgeon was proficient and professional and apparently gentle, but Cam couldn't help but see Blair as victimized by the entire process. She clenched her fists at her sides and fought back the surge of fury. She had no one with whom to be angry and nowhere to vent her frustration.

"You can close your gown now," Dr. Saunders said as she stepped back. She waited for Blair to retie the paper strips that held the gown closed before she continued. "You have a one-centimeter density in the upper outer quadrant of your left breast."

Blair's face registered no change. Cam's stomach turned over, but she forced herself to listen.

"It's in an area of the breast where many women your age normally have unusually dense tissue. However, this is a discrete ma.s.s and warrants further evaluation."

"What kind of evaluation?" Blair asked in a low, controlled tone.

"The mammogram, first of all. I want to be sure there aren't any other abnormalities that I can't feel."

The doctor's tone was matter-of-fact and straightforward. Nothing she'd said so far surprised Blair. She'd known from the first instant that what she felt in her breast was not her imagination. She had read about the disease, lectured about the disease, and lived through it, even though at the time of her mother's illness, she had not understood all the nuances of treatment. "And then?"

"a.s.suming that nothing else shows up on the films, that area needs to be biopsied."

As Dr. Saunders spoke, Cam stepped around her and moved to Blair's side. She rested her hand at the small of Blair's back; on top of the baby-blue paper gown. Beneath her fingers, she felt her lover tremble. Cam asked quietly, "What if the mammogram is normal? Does she still need the biopsy?"

"Good question," Dr. Saunders replied. "The answer is yes, because a mammogram is not 100 percent accurate. Even if it's normal, in the presence of a discrete palpable ma.s.s, a biopsy is still indicated." She looked from Cam to Blair. "I could do a needle, aspiration biopsy here in the office. It's simple and relatively painless. The problem is it will only sample a small portion of the ma.s.s. If it comes back normal, we can't be sure that there isn't an adjacent area of abnormality which the needle biopsy missed."

Blair didn't hesitate. "I want it out. All of it."

"Very well," the surgeon said. "I'll arrange for the mammogram this afternoon to be certain that there are no problems in the rest of the breast or the right side. We'll plan on an open biopsy of the left breast at 7:00 a.m. tomorrow morning. I'll need to make a small incision directly over the lesion. You'll be sedated, but not completely anesthetized. The incision will be about an inch long. It will leave a scar, but it shouldn't be too noticeable given time."

"Yes. That's fine."

For the first time, Dr. Saunders looked the slightest bit uneasy. "Ms. Powell, would you like me to brief your father?"

Blair met the surgeon's eyes. "I'd rather he not know right now."

After a second's hesitation, the surgeon nodded. "If you leave your phone number with my secretary, I'll call you as soon as I've reviewed the mammogram. Someone will be by in just a few minutes to give you instructions regarding the surgery tomorrow and to take you to radiology. Do either of you have any questions?"

"No. Thank you," Blair said quietly.

Cam shook her head.

"I'll speak to you later then."

As soon as Dr. Saunders left, Blair let out a long breath and leaned into Cam's side. "Well."

Cam wrapped her arm around Blair's shoulder and kissed the top of her head. "Are you okay?"

"I guess so. It's what I expected." Blair closed her eyes and pressed her cheek to Cam's chest. "I'm so glad you're here."

"Me, too," Cam whispered.

Renee glanced around the still-unfamiliar apartment. Like Stark, it was neat and tidy. And like her, here and there were surprising touches of sweetness. A hand-embroidered pillow on the sofa bearing the words "Home is where the heart is." It looked like something done by a grade-schooler, and Renee was willing to bet it was a gift from some friend or family member. The fact that Stark actually kept it out was testament to how tender at heart she was. A small, carefully tended aquarium filled with colorful fish sat on an ornate pedestal table in one corner of the room. A list of specific instructions as to the care and feeding of the inhabitants sat nearby with an a.s.sortment of food and medicinal agents. Obviously, some friend or neighbor looked after them when Stark was away on a.s.signment. For some reason, the touching attention that Stark paid to these small creatures stirred Renee's heart.

You are such a sweetheart G.o.d, how did I ever find you?

As if in answer, Renee's cell phone rang and the readout indicated it was Stark. With a quick smile, Renee answered. "Hey! I was just thinking of you,"

"How you doing? Are you home?"

Home. Renee glanced around the apartment. She'd unpacked the suitcases she'd brought from her sister's. There was very little else of hers in the apartment, other than a few books that she'd acquired during her convalescence. Is that what this is? Home? Am I ready for that?

"I just got in," Renee said quickly. "How about you?"

"I'm at the hotel. Probably in for the night."

"How long will you be there?"

"I'm not sure," Stark said pensively. "For some reason, we're in an information blackout. I don't even know what we're doing in the morning. The commander is a.s.sembling the first team at 0530 for a briefing."

"Just the first team?" Renee asked curiously. "That's not SOP, is it?"

"No. Usually the whole team gets briefed on the complete itinerary and schedule for several days in advance." Stark was silent for a moment, then said quietly, "We spent all afternoon at Walter Reed. Just the first team."

Renee inhaled sharply in surprise. "Blair?"

"Yeah."

"Oh G.o.d."

"Yeah," Stark agreed glumly. "I have no idea what's going on, but it can't be good if we had to rush down here for...something."

"What about the commander?" Renee asked, thinking how much she liked both women and how much they had already been through.

"Same as always, totally in control. Except...! don't know, she looks...too controlled, you know? Like something might crack."

"Yes." Renee slumped onto the couch and leaned her head back, staring at the ceiling. "Are you okay?"

"Just worried."

At that, Renee smiled faintly. "I wish I were there with you."

"Yeah, I miss you."

"Me too, sweetie," Renee breathed softly. More than I imagined possible.

On the TV screen, Sigourney Weaver's Ripley stalked through the bowels of the Nostromo searching for the alien life form that had killed most of her crew. Cam was stretched out on her bed in a faded gray T-s.h.i.+rt and gym shorts. In a matching outfit, Blair lay curled against her, her head on Cam's shoulder. She was so quiet she might have been asleep, but Cam knew that she wasn't. Her heart was beating too rapidly for that.

"I think you should tell your father," Cam said softly.

"He's got enough on his mind. We don't even know anything yet."

"That's not what matters." Steadily, Cam stroked Blair's bare arm. "He'd want to be here for you."

"I know, but I don't want him to worry if there isn't any reason to."

"Baby," Cam murmured, dipping her head so that she could kiss Blah's lips. "I got the sense that being your father is very important to him. I think he'd want the chance to worry."

Blair squeezed her eyes closed. "I can't even imagine what it will bring up for him."

Cam's heart twisted, but she continued softly, "The same pain it brings up for you. That's why the two of you need to be together for this."

"G.o.d, I keep hoping this will just go away."

"I know. And maybe it will." Cam held her fiercely. "Probably it will. But until then, we need to be together. All of us. Like a family."

For the first time since she'd brushed her fingers over her breast and felt something that had never been there before, Blair cried. Cam kept her in her arms, rocking her very gently, until the tears abated. Then she pulled up the hem of her T-s.h.i.+rt and carefully dried her lover's cheeks.

"I'm not blowing my nose on your T-s.h.i.+rt," Blair mumbled.

"Oh, good. Sweat and tears are one thing, but sn-"

Blair's cell phone rang, causing them both to jump. Before it rang a second time, Blair s.n.a.t.c.hed it up.

"h.e.l.lo?...Yes, this is she...all right...yes. Yes, I understand... I'll be there. Thank you."'

Cam held her breath while Blair closed the phone and set it aside.

"Except for some increased density in the area of the ma.s.s, the mammogram is normal," Blair said in a rush.

"Oh, thank Christ." Cam pulled Blair back into her arms and kissed her. "G.o.d, that's good news."

"Yes." Blair gave a shaky laugh. "Now, all we have to do is get through the biopsy tomorrow."

"We will, baby," Cam murmured. "We will, I promise."

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE.

24 August 2001 I t was still dark when Cam felt Blair leave the bed. When she heard the shower running in the bathroom, she threw back the covers and made her way into the adjoining room. Once inside, she tapped gently on the gla.s.s door of the shower before sliding it open a few inches. Blair stood beneath the steaming water, her hair streaming back from her face, her eyes closed. There were smudges beneath her eyes, testament to the fact that she had slept little, if at all, the night before.

"May I join you?" Cam asked softly.

Without opening her eye's, Blair pushed open the door and extended her hand. "Please."

Cam stepped in behind her lover and reached for the soap. Circling Blair's waist with one arm, she drew Blair back against her chest. Resting her chin on Blair's shoulder, she lathered the front of Blair's body with her other hand.

Neck arched, Blair rested her head back against Cam and sighed. "You have the best hands."

Chuckling softly, Cam smoothed her soapy palms over Blair's b.r.e.a.s.t.s, then down her abdomen. "And you are a beautiful woman." When she felt Blair stiffen, Cam continued evenly, "And there isn't one part of you I don't love." She pressed her fingers above the spot where Blair's heart beat. "But this is what I love most about you, Blair. What's inside...here."

Blair turned in the circle of Cam's arms and wound her arms around Cam's neck. Pressing her face to the soft warmth between Cam's neck and shoulder, she leaned into her lover, welcoming her solid strength. "With any luck, there'll just be a little scar. If there's more..."

"No scars, no matter how many or how big, are going to make me love you any less." Cam cupped her palm beneath Blair's chin and lifted her face until she could bring her mouth to Blair's. She took her time kissing her, exploring her lips, and then the inner surface, and then the inside of her mouth. She stroked and caressed and wors.h.i.+pped until she felt Blair tremble in her embrace. Then she drew away and whispered, "And nothing will ever make me want you any less."

"How is it that you always know what to say?"

Cam shook her head, her eyes dark as they held Blair's. "I don't. I just try to tell you how much you mean to me. I always feel like I come up short."

"Oh, Commander," Blair laughed tremulously as she brushed her fingers through Cam's wet hair, "believe me. You never come up short."

"Are you all right?" Cam asked as they stepped from the shower and she handed Blair a thick turquoise bath sheet.

"Yes, I think so." Blair wrapped herself in the oversized towel and knotted it just above her b.r.e.a.s.t.s. "I know I would have gotten through this no matter what." She reached out and caressed Cam's face. "But your being here for me..,I don't think I've ever felt so loved."

Cam tossed aside the towel she had been using to dry her hair and stepped close to Blair. Tenderly, she took Blair's face in her hands and kissed her veiy gently. "I think I'd go crazy if I couldn't be with you right now."

Blair's gaze softened as she searched Cam's face. "Are you all right? G.o.d knows you're not indestructible, even though sometimes you do make it hard to remember that."

"Thank you." A smile twitched at the corner of Cam's mouth. "And I'm fine."

"Then everything will be all right." Blair kissed Cam swiftly one last time and turned to leave the bathroom. "I'll be ready in just a few minutes."

A few seconds later through the open door, Cam heard the quiet sound of Blair talking on the phone. Then very clearly, she heard her lover's words.

"Hi, Dad? Listen, there's something I need to tell you."

The four Secret Service agents gathered in the sitting area of the hotel suite stood automatically when Cam entered with the first daughter by her side.

"As you were, please," Cam said to Mac, Felicia, Stark, and Parker. "Ms. Powell asked to be included in the briefing this morning."

All four nodded respectfully. Stark's expression, however, was worried, and Mac's blue eyes were particularly intense. Felicia appeared serene as always. Cynthia Parker, the newest member of the team, took her cue from the others and waited patiently, her attention on Cam.

"Ms. Powell is scheduled for an outpatient surgical procedure at 0700," Cam said evenly. "I want an absolute information blackout on this. No one gives a statement. No one gets close to her with questions."

Blair settled one hip on the arm of an overstuffed chair as Cam spoke. She was used to Cam's command mode and felt oddly comforted by it, even while struggling with the sensation of being disconnected from everything around her. She was acutely aware that the entire shape of her future could change in the next few hours. Plans she had made, dreams she had nurtured since childhood, and the joy of a newfound love could all be altered by a tiny clump of cells growing uninvited in her body. Those facts were nearly impossible to absorb, and yet she knew she must. Only by embracing the reality could she hope to emerge victorious. She would have her life back, no matter what the outcome of the biopsy. Blinking, she realized that Cam had stopped speaking.

"Sorry." With an apologetic smile, Blair rose. "I just wanted to be here when the commander explained the situation. I know you'll do your best to keep this from the press." She shrugged. "But I also know how persistent they are. If it gets out..."

"It won't," Stark said vehemently, looking from Blair to her colleagues. "Right?"