The Walls Of Troy Part 29

"Are you insane?"

"Probably." He held my gaze without flinching. "But I needed to see you."

And I was insane if I thought I could send him away, so I motioned for him to follow me upstairs. After I'd keyed us into my apartment, I closed the door, turned the dead bolt, and leaned against it.

"I want you to come back," he whispered.

"I can't. There's no way your dad will let me back on your security detail."

"I can talk to him." Troy s.h.i.+fted uncomfortably, making and breaking eye contact a few times. "He'll-"

"Troy, he knows we slept together. I'm lucky he hasn't had me keelhauled." I tilted my head back against the door and sighed. "Putting me back on your security detail? No way." I closed my eyes and swallowed. "And we both know I shouldn't be guarding you. I shouldn't be anywhere near you."

"I feel safer with you than I do with anyone else."

I opened my eyes and met his. "That doesn't change the fact that you're safer anywhere but with me."

"What am I supposed to do?" He threw up his hands. "Isolate myself from anyone until Ben gets bored and finds someone else to fixate on?" Troy shook his head. "I've already tried that. And then you came along, and I..." He winced as he lowered his gaze.

As much as it hurt to be this close to him-h.e.l.l, in the same room-I touched his shoulder. "Troy..."

He put his hand over mine and met my eyes. "I don't want to lose you, Iskander."

My chest ached, and it was all I could do not to pull him into my arms. "I don't want to lose you either. But I can't be the reason someone wants to hurt you."

"You're not." He moistened his lips. "He wants to hurt me because he's a f.u.c.king psycho."

"And me being with you p.i.s.ses him off. Until he's incarcerated somewhere, it's too d.a.m.ned dangerous." I exhaled hard, my shoulders sagging. "Troy, it's not that I don't want you. It's the complete opposite. I want you so bad it hurts like h.e.l.l to be away from you." My throat ached, and my voice tried to crack with every word. "But I can't put you at risk."

"You're not. He is."

"But we both know-"

"I don't care. I just... I don't. Maybe it's f.u.c.ked up and crazy, but I'd rather be in danger with you than be safe alone."

"That is f.u.c.ked up and crazy." I pushed myself off the door. "As long as that idiot is out there, then-"

"Then we'll tell my dad."

I raised my eyebrows. "What?"

"I'll...f.u.c.k, I'll tell him everything. And then..." His shoulders sank a bit farther. "And then I'll file the report. And name Ben."

"But, what about-"

"I don't care," he whispered. "I feel safer with you, and I'm tired of letting him run my life, and I-" His voice cracked, so he cleared his throat. "I want to be with you, Iskander."

That hit me right in the gut. Jesus. Didn't I feel the same way?

"Think about this. What we'd be getting into. Even if your ex was out of the picture, look at us. I'm...I am not the kind of man you want, Troy."

"You're exactly the man I want."

"I'm older than you. I'm a Navy man. You said yourself you want out of this life, and I'm in it for at least a few more years. Maybe even another fifteen if I aim for thirty."

"I don't care." He shook his head. "I don't care if you're older, or more experienced, or if the Navy's going to send you all over the f.u.c.king world. If they do, then I'll wait here." He inched closer. "I want to be with you. That's the bottom line."

"Do you hear yourself, Troy?" I exhaled.

"I know. I've been thinking about all of that nonstop ever since you left. And all the way here this afternoon." He laughed shyly and let his gaze flick away from mine. "It took me three times as long to get here because I kept changing my mind and turning around."

"Really?"

He nodded, meeting my eyes again. "Yeah. I've thought this through. A lot. I know what I'd be getting into."

"What about Ben?"

He shook his head. "I don't know. All I can think about is you."

G.o.ddammit, Troy. You're making this so f.u.c.king hard...

He rubbed a hand over his face, smudging his eyeliner slightly. "If you don't want this, I'll understand. But I needed you to know that I do."

It hurt like h.e.l.l, but I couldn't resist pulling him to me. I wrapped my arms around him and kissed the top of his head. "None of this has to do with me wanting you or not. Because I do. More than I could even tell you." I stroked his hair and tried to keep my voice even. "But I also don't want you risking your safety and your father's career for this."

"It's worth it," he whispered unsteadily. "And, maybe it's kind of crazy considering the situation, but..."

I tipped his chin up. "What?"

He pulled in a deep breath. "Even knowing Ben is watching me, and that this p.i.s.ses him off enough to make him dangerous, I've..." He swallowed. "When I said I've never felt safer than I do with you, I mean...I mean in every way. Like..." He swore under his breath, as if struggling to find the words.

"I always wanted you feel safe with me," I whispered. "Not just because I was your bodyguard."

"I know. I do. And...look, I feel safe around Talos because he'll rip anyone's throat out who tries to f.u.c.k with me. And yeah, with you, it's kind of the same. Protected, I mean, not like you're my dog. But with you, it's more than that." He stepped back, hugging himself. "My heart doesn't skip every time you move. When you say something, I believe you." He met my eyes. "When you leave the room, I'm not afraid you won't come back."

I stared at him with wide eyes. "Why wouldn't I?"

"I..." He took a deep breath. "The thing is, a few weeks after Ben and I started dating, we went on a road trip. Down to Florida." He hugged himself tighter. "Things were still okay with us at that point. He'd never laid a hand on me, and we hadn't even had a fight yet. But the whole time..." Troy closed his eyes and swallowed hard, as if forcing back a wave of nausea.

It took everything I had not to put a rea.s.suring hand on his shoulder again. He probably needed it, but touching him now was dangerous. We were both too raw, too eager to jump into anything that didn't hurt, and even the most platonic touch could be a spark to gasoline.

I hooked my thumbs in my pockets to keep my hands at my sides. "What happened, Troy?"

He s.h.i.+fted as if trying to mask a full body shudder, and met my gaze again. "The whole trip, I was afraid to get out of the car. Whenever we stopped at a rest stop, I was convinced somehow that I'd go in to take a p.i.s.s, and when I came out, the car would be gone. It was completely irrational, but I was just... I was sure he was going to take off and leave me in the middle of nowhere."

"Why?"

"I don't know." He shook his head. "It was just this gut feeling. And knowing now what he's really like? I think it was my subconscious telling me to get the f.u.c.k away from him." He laughed bitterly. "Too bad I didn't listen." I didn't know what to say to that, but he beat me to it anyway. "The reason I'm telling you this is I've never felt anything like that with you."

"You shouldn't feel anything like that with anyone."

"No, but I did. And after him, I haven't trusted anyone I didn't already know." He rubbed the back of his neck with an unsteady hand. "The thing is, you make me feel safer than anyone else. I like being with you. s.e.x with you is actually fun. When we're in bed, I don't spend the whole d.a.m.ned time waiting for the other shoe to drop." When he looked in my eyes, his had an extra s.h.i.+ne. "Ben has taken enough away from me. I can't let him take you too."

My heart dropped into my feet. To h.e.l.l with dangerous and tempting-I wrapped my arms around him again and held him tight. "I just don't want to see you get hurt."

He laughed humorlessly. "It's kind of ironic to be worried about being hurt with you, when I feel safest with you." The faint humor evaporated, and he looked in my eyes. "And not being with you hurts like h.e.l.l."

G.o.d, it hurts me too.

And it was insane that being away from him hurt so much. We hadn't known each other that long. We barely knew each other at all, if I was honest with myself. But that didn't change how I felt about him. It didn't have to make sense to be real, and Jesus, looking in his eyes now, there was no pretending the way I felt about him was anything but real. When professional protectiveness had turned to whatever the h.e.l.l this was, I didn't know, but it had.

He met my eyes, and d.a.m.n if a tear didn't draw a muddy line over his cheekbone. "The thing is, every guy I've ever been with has been amazing until I did something wrong, or as long as I had something he wanted. But you've... I mean, right from the start, even when I was being a standoffish d.i.c.k to you, you've always been there."

"I had to be," I said. "It's my job."

"It's Fowler's job too. And Johnson's. But they never gave a s.h.i.+t about me. Once their s.h.i.+ft is over, they're done. You actually gave a f.u.c.k. Right from the start." His eyebrows rose a little. "Didn't you?"

"Absolutely. I cared about your safety from the beginning, and the more time I was with you, the more I cared about, well, you."

"I know," he whispered. "It was obvious right from the get-go. And when we got involved, I...well, I was scared to death of Ben while I was with him. And I've been nervous around guys ever since." He reached up and touched my face, raising goose b.u.mps all the way down my spine. "But I've never felt like that with you."

"I'd never hurt you."

"I know." He ran his thumb along my cheekbone. "A lot of guys say that. Ben said it. You're the only one I believe."

Another blow to the chest. "G.o.d, Troy. You deserve so much better than a.s.sholes like that. And guys like me."

"What if you're the guy I want?"

He didn't give me the chance to respond. His hand slid around to the back of my head, fingertips hissing across the shaved hair, and he stood up on his toes to kiss me.

A million alarm bells went off inside my head. This was such a bad idea. We both knew d.a.m.n well we couldn't and shouldn't, but I couldn't tell myself I wouldn't, and I let myself be drawn in. As I wrapped my arms around him and parted my lips to deepen the kiss, something in me...gave. I couldn't say if it relaxed, or if it broke, or if I'd just completely surrendered because there was no point in fighting how badly I wanted him, but I released a long breath through my nose and held him tighter.

Eventually, he broke the kiss and whispered, "I'm so sorry. For the s.h.i.+t I said."

"I'm sorry too. I never wanted to hurt you."

"I know."

I touched my forehead to his, and the words slipped out before I thought twice: "I love you, Troy."

His whole body relaxed against me, as if something in him had given like it had in me when he'd kissed me. "I love you too."

Holding him tighter, I said, "This is so wrong, but I can't help it."

"Neither can I. I don't want to."

And wasn't that the truth? I didn't want to either.

Drawing back, I met his eyes and touched his face. "Do you have anywhere else to be?"

"I don't care." He moistened his lips. "I could probably be studying, but I can't think about anything except this."

"Neither can I."

"Then let's not think." He took my hands and guided me toward the hall. "We can think after."

"After?"

Troy grinned.

So did I.

Seconds later, we tumbled onto my bed, fully dressed and fully tangled up in a deep, breathless kiss, with Troy on his back and his hands grasping my s.h.i.+rt, as if he had any reason to worry about me pulling away.

I broke the kiss and buried my face against his neck, and for a long moment, neither of us moved. We just held each other. Even this borderline unbearable hard-on, not to mention his c.o.c.k against my hip, wasn't enough to make me pull out of this embrace quite yet.

"I want you so bad," he whispered. "I don't even know where to start."

"We're in bed together. I think we're off to a perfect start."

"Good point." He pushed my s.h.i.+rt up and off. "We're off to a good start, and I don't want to f.u.c.king stop."

I didn't answer. I just pressed my lips to his and didn't f.u.c.king stop.

We stripped off our clothes and pulled the sheet up over us, coc.o.o.ning us together and away from everything else as I completely lost myself in him. No guilt. No shame. Maybe there should have been some, and maybe the fear that we were making a huge, dangerous mistake should've been closer to the forefront of my mind, but I couldn't feel any of it over the relief that his body was against mine. That he was here, and there were two locked doors between us and the rest of the world, and he loved me like I loved him, and somehow that was enough to make everything outside this room unimportant. There were two locked doors between us and the rest of the world.

Even when we just held each other and kissed, we were never still. Our bodies kept slipping into a slow, sensuous motion, moving together as if we were already f.u.c.king.

Then Troy pushed me onto my back and straddled me. G.o.dd.a.m.n, I loved this-d.i.c.ks rubbing together, mouths moving together, and both my hands free to touch him all over. It was perfect. Kissing him, touching him, being as close to him as possible.

Almost as close to him as possible.

"f.u.c.k me, Troy," I blurted out between kisses. "Please. I need..." I need to be closer to you. "Please."

Troy lifted himself up and reached for my nightstand. "Hands and knees?"

I grinned. "You tell me."

He arched an eyebrow. "I'm on top, so I call the shots?"

Sliding a hand over his a.s.s cheek, I said, "Well, you know what position you like best. As long as you're f.u.c.king me, I don't even care."

Troy moistened his lips. "Hands and knees, then."

While he put on the condom and lube, I turned around. My arms were already shaking under me. I was so d.a.m.ned overwhelmed by him even being here, I could barely handle the fact that he was about to f.u.c.k me. But he was, and I wanted it, and when he pressed against me, I bore down and leaned back at the same time, and the instant his c.o.c.k breached me, my vision blurred.

Troy groaned. "f.u.c.k..."