Breeds: Stygian's Honour Part 39

"I want to go to the desert now," she told him as she faced him. "I want to go to the crash site. And I want to see where the sweat lodge sat. Now."

"Liza-" he began.

"No, I want to go now," she demanded. "I want to know who I am, Stygian. I have to know who I am."

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She had a feeling, though, she already knew.

CHAPTER 16.

It didn't take long for Stygian to arrange the outing to the area where Liza and Claire had taken Ray Martinez's sports car over a canyon cliff.

After twelve years, evidence of the crash should have been completely wiped away; in- stead, there were still several signs of the wreck as well as the hastily erected sweat lodge that had been placed a short distance from where the vehicle had slammed into the opposite canyon wall.

As Liza stepped from the Desert Dragoon and surveyed the damage to the rock wall, 563/862.

she didn't attempt to fight any memories or sensations that swept through her.

One of the reasons why she was beginning to suspect she was Honor Roberts was the distant fuzziness of the memories of her life before the crash as well as the memories that seemed determined to torment her since Sty- gian had come into her life.

She remembered parts of her childhood well, especially those things her parents of- ten reminded her of. Picnics at the lake, birthday celebrations, certain amusing or even embarra.s.sing moments in her life. And though the memories were there, they had that hazy, uncertain quality as well. A lack of detail, or even periods of time when she couldn't recall certain memories at all.

Now, standing to the side of the Dragoon's multiple lights directed on the stone wall, it wasn't being in the wreck that flashed through her mind.

It was seeing the wreck.

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Staring at the unnatural crack in the stone from the force of the vehicle slamming into it, she felt a flash of light tear through her memories, the ground rocking with the explosion as flames overcame the vehicle, and remembered looking down to see the two bodies that had been thrown clear.

Her father had told her that that memory was the result of having "died" more than once that night.

Three times.

She had died three times. The last time had been in the ambulance as she was being transported to the hospital.

Moving to the canyon wall, her breathing heavy and ragged, she reached out, touched the cool stone, then laid her forehead against it.

What could she feel moving in her brain?

In her memories? What in G.o.d's name had really happened that night?

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"Where did the sweat lodge sit?" Turning to Stygian, she acknowledged the fact that she had forced herself to ask the question.

"Dog and his team have been trying to re- build it with the materials that were origin- ally used," he told her as he led her from the headlights brightening the area to the curve of the stone wall as it continued to slice through the land.

It was just out of sight.

As she followed that curve, the lights of Dog's Dragoon flared on, spilling over the roughly made wooden structure.

There were a lot of pieces missing, she realized. They were all blackened from the fire that had been used to attempt to destroy them, charred, some more rotted than not.

She imagined the missing were mostly ash.

"We found the burned wood in the back of a cave farther down the canyon," Stygian stated as he stood behind her. "The attempt to hide it was obvious."

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"How do you know it was part of a sweat lodge?" Wrapping her arms across her b.r.e.a.s.t.s, she gave herself a chance to accli- mate to the building tension invading her.

"The scent of the herbs used were still on the wood, but more so on the stones used for the ritual fire inside. Several of the Breeds in the area work with the chiefs of the Six Tribes and recognized the scent of the herbs immediately when we brought the stones to them."

The moment her eyes locked on the struc- ture, memories began to slam through her brain.

She remembered walking to the entrance.

She hadn't been alone.

Turning her head slowly, she looked at the bend of her shoulder where a hand had laid.

Broad, strong, yet the flesh had been aged. It hadn't been a young man who had walked with her that night.

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How could she have walked to the lodge if she had been thrown from that vehicle? And she knew Liza had been thrown from it. Her father had explained the wreck to her many times over the years. How the chiefs of the Six had been in the canyon that night, meet- ing in the lodge, so she knew it had been there. How they had run to the site and at- tempted to give medical aid until the EMTs could arrive.

Not once had it been mentioned that they had been taken, or had been conscious enough to walk, into the sweat lodge.

"The chiefs of the Six were here that night in a sweat lodge," she said, trying to find an explanation for the contradictions. "They were meeting as they sometimes do to dis- cuss Navajo Nation matters."

"The herbs used in such instances are dif- ferent, according to the Breeds we talked to,"

he told her softly. "The herbs used in that fire that night were ones that the Breeds had 568/862.

never known the chiefs to mix in a sweat lodge. One of them was a ritualistic herb, used only when their strongest medicine is required."

She nodded and forced herself to take a step closer to the entrance.

"It's safe?"

"Would I allow you to enter it without first warning you if it wasn't safe?" he asked.

She wanted to smile but couldn't find the lightness of spirit to allow her lips to make the move to do so.

"Do you know, I remember getting in the car with Claire, and I remember driving out here. I remember being so determined to be a rebel. To do all the things our friends were doing so we wouldn't be considered weak."

"You could never have been weak." The confidence that rang in his voice wrapped around her and gave her strength.

"Before the wreck, Claire and I were in our first months of becoming a pain in the a.s.s for 569/862 our parents. After we awoke in the hospital, it was as though our entire personalities had changed. Even our friends remarked that we were so radically different that it was as though they didn't even know us."

She and Claire had also been concerned because it was as though they didn't really know those who had been their closest friends.

"And it could be explained away the same as the reason for the plastic surgeries and the differences in your features," he pointed out.

"Because of the wreck." Inhaling deeply she stepped forward, lowered her head and moved inside the remnants of the sweat lodge.

Reality was like a mirrored mirage that began to s.h.i.+mmer around her. The past and the present were slamming together, at- tempting to merge and to separate as hazy images flashed before her and then escaped just as quickly.

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She and Claire were laid out on the ground, bloodied, broken. There was a sense of urgency in the men who filled the small lodge and stroked the fire hotter, brighter, as the sizzle of water and the scent of herbs filled her senses.

But she wasn't lying out on the floor. She was watching-herself?

The murmur of voices whispered past her ear, and shadowed images moved about the lodge. Breathing roughly, she felt her senses being bombarded by memories that weren't memories, but rather misty threads of in- formation that made such little sense.

Clenching her fists, she fought to keep her mind open, to hold her fear back.

There was something there, information she needed. Liza could feel it drifting through her mind, just out of reach.

"What the h.e.l.l happened? Ah G.o.d, Liza!"

She swung around, expecting to see her father.

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His voice was so angry, so agonized and filled with horror.

But he wasn't there.

Stygian stood watching her silently, his gaze intent, his expression somber.

"I don't understand," she whispered, turn- ing back, the wispy images of a past that made no sense rus.h.i.+ng over her again.

The two girls, she and Claire, were laid out on one side of the fire. On the other side-she could feel herself trembling as the memory rushed over her-were two other girls.

Claire turned to look at her-the Claire that wasn't broken and b.l.o.o.d.y- "I'll never see him again," she whispered as a tear fell down her cheek. Linking her fingers with her, Liza tried to give her friend comfort where only confusion and fear existed. "Perhaps it's for the best," Liza whispered. "Perhaps it's the only thing that will keep us alive."

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The memories, hazy and fragile as they were, drifted away. But she wasn't left with nothing to fill the place of where the memory had been. It remained there, a part of her now, pulled from the deepest reaches of her subconscious and now a part of her con- scious memories.

She wasn't Liza Johnson. Liza Johnson had died that night and Honor Roberts had taken her place.

She didn't have the memories, yet. She had no idea how to help Jonas Wyatt, but what she did have was Orrin Martinez's promise.

"One day, named for that which few men know-Honor-One day, you will realize, child, you have lived up to all the dreams your father had when he gave you a name of such distinction. Know now, your heart and your soul resonate with it, and into this new life you will take with you the knowledge that will ease the burden of loss for the parents who had such hope, and one day, 573/862.

you will fill the heart and the soul of one who never truly believed he had such."

Stygian.

She filled his heart and soul, just as he filled hers. But there were so many other dreams, and so many others who were a part of her. And admitting to who, to what she was- What she was- Oh G.o.d, oh G.o.d- "Liza!" Stygian caught her before her knees could collapse, before the shock could steal not just her strength but also her con- trol. "Liza, are you okay?"

"Get me out of here." She was going to be sick. "Get me out of here, Stygian."

And he did just that. No questions, no de- mands. Lifting her into his arms and carry- ing her from the remnants of the sweat lodge, he took her away from the past and back into the present.

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Nothing could steal the memory of those dark, terrifying days just before the ritual that had taken from her and Fawn the night- mares of their lies and had instead given them the peace and sheltered existence that Liza Johnson and Claire Martinez had been so determined to forsake.

And now, nothing could steal from her the realization of why they had been forced to make such a horrifying decision.

She could never again hide from what she was.

CHAPTER 17.

But, it wasn't as easy as Stygian had hoped it would be, and Liza wasn't cooperating when it came to explaining exactly what had happened in that d.a.m.ned desert.

She shut down on him.

It wasn't the distance he had experienced from her before. That complete emotional and spiritual distance, which a.s.sured his an- imal instincts that she was nothing more than a perfect, breathing sh.e.l.l.

This was different, but no less disconcert- ing. It was as though a part of her was so fo- cused on something else to the point that 576/862.

there was no room for anything or anyone else.

That focus had completely eradicated the mating heat, and it was infuriating him.

The animal that lived under his skin was enraged by it.

His c.o.c.k was just tortured. He was so d.a.m.ned hard, so f.u.c.king hungry for the taste of her, the touch of her, that it was about to drive him insane.