The Three Stigmata Of Palmer Eldritch Part 9

Ill get you, too, then, Leo said. Along with that nutty magician, that so-called Palmer Elditch.

Why so-called? Barney glanced up quickly, and ceased his packing.

Because Im even more convinced hes not human. I never did lay eyes on him except during the period under the effect of Chew-Z; otherwise he addressed me through an electronic extension.

Interesting, Barney said.

Yes, isnt it? And youre so corrupt youd go ahead and apply to his outfit for a job. Even though he may be a wig-headed Proxer or something worse, some d.a.m.n thing that got into his s.h.i.+p while it was coming or going, out in deep s.p.a.ce, ate him, and took his place. If you had seen the glucks Then for chrissakes, Barney said, dont make me do this. Keep me on here.

I cant. Not after what you failed to do loyalty-wise. Leo glanced away, swallowing rapidly. I wish I wasnt so sore in this cold, reasonable way at you, but He clenched his fists, futilely. It was hideous; he virtually did it, broke me. And then I ran onto those two evolved Terrans and that helped. Up until Eldritch appeared in the form of a dog that peed on the monument. He grimaced starkly. I have to admit he demonstrated his att.i.tude graphically; there was no mistaking his contempt. He added, half to himself, His belief that hes going to win, that he has nothing to fear even after seeing the plaque.

Wish me luck, Barney said. He held out his hand; they briefly, ritualistically shook and then Barney walked from his office, past his secretarys desk, out into the central corridor. He felt hollow, stuffed with some unoccupied, tasteless waste-material, like straw. Nothing more.

As he stood waiting for the elevator Roni Fugate hurried up, breathless, her clear face animated with concern. Barneyhe fired you?

He nodded.

Oh dear, she said. Now what?

Now, he said, over to the other side. For better or worse.

But how can you and I go on living together, with me working here for Leo and you I dont have the foggiest notion, Barney said. The elevator had arrived, self-regulated; he stepped into it. Ill see you, he said, and touched the b.u.t.ton; the doors shut, cutting off his view of Roni. Ill see you in what the Neo-Christians call h.e.l.l, he thought to himself. Probably not before. Not unless this already is, and it may be, h.e.l.l right now.

At street level he emerged from P. P. Layouts, and stood under the ant.i.thermal protective s.h.i.+eld searching for signs of a cab.

As a cab halted and he started toward it a voice called to him urgently from the entrance of the building, Barney, wait.

Youre out of your mind, he said to her. Go back on in. Dont abandon your budding, bright career along with what was left of mine.

Roni said, We were about to work together, remember? To as I put it betray Leo; why cant we go on cooperating now?

Its all changed. By my sick and depraved unwillingness or inability or whatever you care to call it to go to Luna and help Leo. He felt differently about himself, now, and no longer viewed himself in the same ultrasympathetic light. G.o.d, you dont want to stay with me, he said to the girl. Someday youd be in difficulty and need my help and Id do to you exactly what I did to Leo; Id let you sink without moving my right arm.

But your own life was at It always is, he pointed out. When you do anything. Thats the name of the comedy were stuck in. It didnt excuse him, at least not in his own eyes. He entered the cab, automatically gave his conapt address, and lay back against the seat as the cab rose into the fire-drenched midday sky. Far below, under the ant.i.thermal curtain, Roni Fugate stood s.h.i.+elding her eyes, watching him go. No doubt hoping he would change his mind and turn back.

However, he did not.

It takes a certain amount of courage, he thought, to face yourself and say with candor, Im rotten. Ive done evil and I will again. It was no accident; it emanated from the true, authentic me.

Presently the cab began to descend; he reached into his pocket for his wallet and then discovered with shock that this was not his conapt building; in panic he tried to figure out where he was. Then it came to him. This was conapt 492. He had given Emilys address to the cab.

Whisk! Back to the past. Where things made sense. He thought, When I had my career, knew what I wanted from the future, knew even in my heart what I was willing to abandon, turn against, sacrificeand what for. But now Now he had sacrificed his career, in order as it seemed at the time to save his life. So by logic he had at that former time sacrificed Emily to save his life; it was as simple as that. Nothing could be clearer. It was not an idealistic goal, not the old Puritan, Calvin-style high duty to vocation; it was nothing more than the instinct that inhabited and compelled every flatworm that crept. Christ! he thought. Ive done this: Ive put myself ahead first of Emily and now of Leo. What kind of human am I? And, as I was honest enough to tell her, next it would be Roni. Inevitably.

Maybe Emily can help me, he said to himself. Maybe thats why Im here. She was always smart about things like this; she saw through the self-justifying delusions that I erected to obscure the reality inside. And of course that just made me more eager to get rid of her. In fact that alone was reason enough, given a person like me. But maybe Im better able to endure it now.

A few moments later he was at Emilys door, ringing the bell.

If she thinks I should join Palmer Eldritchs staff I will, he said to himself. And if not then not. But she and her husband are working for Eldritch; how can they, with morality, tell me not to? So it was decided in advance. And maybe I knew that, too.

The door opened. Wearing a blue smock stained with both wet and died clay, Emily stared at him large-eyed, astonished.

Hi, he said. Leo fired me. He waited but she said nothing. Can I come in? he asked.

Yes. She led him into the apt; in the center of the living room her familiar potters wheel took up, as always, enormous s.p.a.ce. I was potting. Its nice to see you, Barney. If you want a cup of coffee youll have to I came here to ask your advice, he said. But now Ive decided its unnecessary. He wandered to the window, set his bulging sample case down, and gazed out.

Do you mind if I go on working? I had a good idea, or at least it seemed good at the time. She rubbed her forehead, then ma.s.saged her eyes. Now I dont know, and I feel so tired. I wonder if it has to do with E Therapy.

Evolution therapy? Youre taking that? He spun at once to scrutinize her; had she changed physically?

It seemed to himbut this was perhaps because he had not seen her for so longthat her features had coa.r.s.ened.

Age, he thought. But Hows it working? he asked.

Well, Ive just had one session. But you know, my mind feels so muddy. I cant seem to think properly; all my ideas get scrambled up together.

I think you had better knock off on that therapy. Even if it is the rage; even if it is what everybody who is anybody does.

Maybe so. But they seem so satisfied. Richard and Dr. Denkmal. She hung her head, an old familiar response. Theyd know, wouldnt they?

n.o.body knows; its uncharted. Knock it off. And you always let people walk all over you. He made his tone commanding; he had used that tone with her countless times during their years together, and generally it had worked. Not always.

And this time, he saw, was one of them; she got that stubborn look in her eyes, the refusal to be normally pa.s.sive. I think its up to me, she said with dignity. And I intend to continue.

Shrugging, he roamed about the conapt. He had no power over her; nor did he care. But was that true? Did he really not care? An image appeared in his mind, of Emily devolving and at the same time trying to work on her pots, trying to be creative. It was funnyand dreadfuI.

Listen, he said roughly. If that guy actually loves you But I told you, Emily said. Its my decision. She returned to her wheel; a great tall pot was being thrown, and he walked over to get a good look at it. A nice one, he decided. And yetfamiliar. Hadnt she done such a pot already? He said nothing, however; he merely studied it. What do you suppose youre going to do? Emily asked. Who could you work for? She seemed sympathetic and it made him remember how, recently, he had blocked the sale of her pots to P. P. Layouts. Easily, she could have held a great animosity toward him, but it was typical of her not to. And of course she knew that it was he who had turned Hnatt down.

He said, My future may be decided. I got a draft notice.

Good grief. You on Mars; I cant picture it.

I can chew Can-D, he said. Only Instead of having a Perky Pat layout, he thought, maybe Ill have an Emily layout. And spend time, in fantasy, back with you, back to the life I deliberately, moronically, turned my back on. The only really good period of my life, when I was genuinely happy. But of course I didnt know it, because I had nothing to compare it to as I have now. Is there any chance, he said, that youd like to come?

She stared at him and he stared back, both of them dumfounded by what he had proposed.

I mean it, he said.

When did you decide that?

It doesnt matter when I decided it, he said. All that matters is that thats how I feel.

It also matters how I feel, Emily said quietly; she then resumed potting. And Im perfectly happy married to Richard. We get along just swell. Her face was placid; beyond doubt she meant every word of it. He was d.a.m.ned, doomed, consigned to the void which he had hollowed out for himself. And he deserved it. They both knew that, without either saying it.

I guess Ill go, he said.

Emily didnt protest that, either. She merely nodded.

I hope in the name of G.o.d, he said, that youre not devolving. I think you are, personally. I can see it, in your face for instance. Look in the mirror. With that he departed; the door shut after him. Instantly he regretted what he had said, and yet it might be a good thing It might help her , he thought. Because I could see it. And I dont want that; n.o.body does. Not even that jacka.s.s of a husband of hers that she prefers over me for reasons Ill never know, except perhaps that marriage to him has the aspect of destiny. Shes fated to live with Richard Hnatt, fated never to be my wife again; you cant reverse the flow of time.

You can when you chew Can-D, he thought. Or the new product, Chew-Z. All the colonists do. Its not available on Earth but it is on Mars or Venus or Ganymede, any of the frontier colonies.

If everything else fails, theres that.

And perhaps it already had failed. Because In the last a.n.a.lysis he could not go to Palmer Eldritch. Not after what the man had doneor tried to doto Leo. He realized this as he stood outdoors waiting for a cab. Beyond him the midday street s.h.i.+mmered and he thought, Maybe Ill step out there. Would anyone find me before I died? Probably not. It would be as good a way as any So there goes my last hope of employment. It would amuse Leo that Id balk here. Hed be surprised and probably pleased.

Just for the h.e.l.l of it, he decided, Ill call Eldritch, ask him, see if he would give me a job.

He found a vidphone booth and put through a call to Eldritchs demesne on Luna.

This is Barney Mayerson, he explained. Previously top Pre-Fash consultant to Leo Bulero; as a matter of fact I was second in command at P. P. Layouts.

Eldritchs personnel manager frowned and said, Well? What do you want?

Id like to see about a job with you.

Were not hiring any Pre-Fash consultants. Sorry.

Would you ask Mr. Eldritch, please?

Mr. Eldritch has already expressed himself on the matter.

Barney hung up. He left the vidphone booth.

He was not really surprised.

If they had said, Come to Luna for an interview , would I have gone? Yes, he realized. Id have gone but at some point Id have pulled out. Once I had firmly established that theyd give me the job.

Returning to the vidphone booth he called his UN selective service board. This is Mr. Barney Mayerson. He gave them his official code-ident number. I received my notice the other day. Id like to waive the formalities and go right in. Im anxious to emigrate.

The physical cant be bypa.s.sed, the UN bureaucrat informed him. Nor can the mental. But if you choose you may come by any time, right now if you wish, and take both.

Okay, he said. I will.

And since you are volunteering, Mr. Mayerson, you get to pick Any planet or moon is fine with me, he said. He rang off, left the booth, found a cab, and gave it the address of the selective service board near his conapt building.

As the cab hummed above downtown New York another cab rose and zipped ahead of it, wig-wagging its side fins in a rocking motion.

They are trying to contact us, the autonomic circuit of his own cab informed him. Do you wish to respond?

No, Barney said. Speed up. And then he changed his mind. Can you ask them who they are?

By radio, perhaps. The cab was silent a moment and then it stated, They claim to have a message for you from Palmer Eldritch; he wants to tell you that he will accept you as an employee and for you not to Lets have that again, Barney said.

Mr. Palmer Eldritch, whom they represent, will employ you as you recently requested. Although they have a general rule Let me talk to them, Barney said.

A mike was presented to him.

Who is this? Barney said into it.

An unfamiliar mans voice said, This is Icholtz. From Chew-Z Manufacturers of Boston. May we land and discuss the matter of your employment with our firm?

Im on my way to the draft board. To give myself up.

Theres nothing in writing, is there? You havent signed.

No.

Good. Then its not too late.

Barney said, But on Mars I can chew Can-D.

Why do you want to do that, for G.o.dssake?

Then I can be back with Emily.

Whos Emily?

My previous wife. Who I kicked out because she became pregnant. Now I realize it was the only happy time of my life. In fact I love her more now than I ever did; its grown instead of faded.

Look, Icholtz said. We can supply you with all the Chew-Z you want and its superior; you can live forever in an eternal unchanging perfect now with your ex-wife. So theres no problem.

But maybe I dont want to work for Palmer Eldritch.

You applied!

Ive got doubts, Barney said. Grave ones, I tell you; dont call me, Ill call you. If I dont go into the service. He handed the mike back to the cab. Here. Thanks.

Its patriotic to go into the service, the cab said.

Mind your own business, Barney said.

I think youre doing the right thing, the cab said, anyhow.

If only I had gone to Sigma 14-B to save Leo, he said. Or was it Luna? Wherever he was; I cant even remember now. It all seems like a disfigured dream. Anyhow if I had Id still be working for him and everything would be all right.

We all make mistakes, the cab said piously.

But some of us, Barney said, make fatal ones. First about our loved ones, our wife and children, and then about our employer , he said to himself.

The cab hummed on.

And then, he said to himself, we make one last one . About our whole life, summing it all up. Whether to take a job with Eldritch or go into the service. And whichever we choose we can know this: It was the wrong alternative.

An hour later he had taken his physical; he had pa.s.sed and thereupon the mental was administered by something not unlike Dr. Smile.

He pa.s.sed that, too.

In a daze he took the oath (I swear to look upon Earth as the mother and leader, etc.) and then, with a folio of greetings! -type information, was ejected to go back to his conapt and pack. He had twenty-four hours before his s.h.i.+p left for wherever they were sending him. They had not as yet uttered this. The notification of destination, he conjectured, probably began, Mene, mene, tekel. At least it should, considering the possible choices to which it was limited.