The Exception: A Novel Part 35

When Iben gets home that evening she tries not to think about the project with Anne-Lise. She checks her e-mail and answering machine, and wonders for the umpteenth time if it would be right to phone Gunnar.

She slices a handful of vegetables, pours olive oil on top, and adds some spices. After microwaving the mixture she eats it with pieces of Rye-Krisp while watching TV. She could say that she wants to hear Gunnars thoughts on the meeting today. Shes just a dedicated employee nothing wrong with that, is there? Thats what she could tell Malene, if she asks her.

Standing next to the heavy wine-colored armchair she inherited from her grandmother, she dials his number. He answers the phone.

Gunnar, I hope this isnt a bad time?

No. Not at all. Its good to hear from you.

But Iben doesnt learn much about the meeting because Gunnar says that hes in a hurry, hes on his way out.

Iben feels suddenly deflated. But then she thinks its just as well to know that hes not interested in her. No need for any more arguments with Malene.

Gunnar explains that he has promised an old friend to go to a showing of the friends doc.u.mentary about a development project in Uganda. The filmmaker is going to give a brief talk about his work and afterward the audience will join in a debate about both the film and the project. Would Iben like to come along?

The answer seems to stick in her throat. One of her hands is scratching at the back of the old armchair, her body tense. She feels a familiar s.h.i.+ver, almost like fear. She covers the mouthpiece and breathes a huge sigh. No criminal this time, but she looks around her all the same.

They agree to meet in half an hour at the Nrrebro Street office of the development organization Ibis. When Iben arrives, Gunnar is waiting for her. He looks happy to see her and introduces her to his friend.

The noise of the crowd milling around in the lecture theater is quite different from the earnest atmosphere of the DCIG. The aid activists, and the audience in general, are colorfully dressed, talk in loud voices, laugh, and call out greetings to people they last met on field projects abroad. Almost everyone is tanned.

A few older men wander about, working the crowd. Like Gunnar, these men seem to have many friends and acquaintances in the audience, the majority of whom are young, female, and often strikingly attractive. Three women chatting near a window catch sight of Gunnar and wave. He looks delighted and waves back.

Iben keeps wondering how many of these people have slept with each other. In a hut in Zimbabwe, for instance, or in a shack in El Salvador. Or in someones apartment, late one night after a party. It follows that some of them might have been with Gunnar. She cant let go of that thought either. She regrets putting on a prim cream-colored blouse, which had seemed so perfect. Still, she cant think what else she might have chosen to wear.

Gunnar introduces her to another old friend even though she looks quite young. The woman leans into Gunnar as they talk. Iben cant figure out why this girls turquoise dress is somehow provocative, given that it is high-necked and not at all figure hugging.

Fortunately Iben hits it off with many of the people she meets. They still remember her from the media coverage six months ago a Kenyan hostage crisis is especially likely to stick in the minds of Africa activists, of course.

Gunnar has reserved two good seats in the middle of the theater. After a very brief lecture, the film starts up.

Iben and Gunnar are sitting side by side in the dark on the hard wooden seats. They do not touch. Iben leaves one hand resting on her thigh. Its the hand closest to him, only a couple of inches away. Her hand senses the warmth of his body, but neither of them moves. Even the air between them is still.

When the film ends, four people carrying gla.s.ses of water and writing pads sit down at a couple of tables at one end of the room. They are introduced as the panel this evening. Twice they refer questions to Gunnar, saying, Gunnar, you know all about this issue. Gunnars answers are lucid and well delivered. He doesnt exploit the opportunity and avoids sounding overly academic. He comes across so well that Iben half suspects that he had it in mind when he invited her here. It makes her happy to think her opinion might matter to him.

Afterward, in the throng of people, Gunnar invites her to the nearby Cafe Sebastopol. Outside in the night air Iben and Gunnar walk, pus.h.i.+ng their bicycles along as they chat about the film. Once inside the cafe Iben tries to be relaxed but also to maintain a slight distance. Strictly speaking, this isnt a date, she tells herself, and she is definitely not trying to seduce her best friends would-be lover.

They talk a little about Gunnars meeting with Paul that morning. When Gunnar and Paul said goodbye, Paul put his left hand over their clasped hands and told him that he would keep Gunnar informed whenever the situation opened up. Iben and Gunnar have a good laugh about this.

They talk about literature too. Gunnar subscribes to Granta. It turns out that theyve both read Botho Strauss. Gunnar smiles at a quote that Iben happens to recall: The silent man, who was sitting at the cleared table in the feeble light of the projector, leaned on his forearms with his body suspended like a heavy, wet dress from between his shoulders.

Gunnar has read several of her articles in Genocide News and they talk for a while about the high-ranking n.a.z.is who simulated mental illness in the run-up to the Nuremberg trials. Gunnar tells a story about Karl Donitz, first commander of the German submarine fleet, later commander in chief of the entire navy and Hitlers successor for the final period of the war. Donitz used to wander around in prison with his head hung low, making a kind of engine noise. When asked what he was doing, he answered that he was a submarine. It didnt wash, of course. No one was taken in by his performance as a lunatic. They both laugh at the image of the commander rumbling around in the prison yard. Gunnars hand rests on the table very close to Ibens.

At her front door, Iben fumbles with her bicycle keys. When she tries to s.h.i.+ft the bicycle sideways, a pedal hits the knife fastened to her leg. For the first time, it strikes her that she has forgotten about her fear of being ambushed by a professional killer.

Hurriedly she looks up and down the dark road. Far away a broad-shouldered man is standing, looking in her direction.

As she runs up the stairs, thoughts of Gunnar still absorb her. Malene cant simply keep him for herself. She cant have him on standby, just in case Rasmus packs his bags one day. Hes too old for Malene; she said so herself. But it would be catastrophic for Iben to have to work so closely with Malene if they were no longer great friends.

She cant fall asleep right away. So she switches on the television in her bedroom and piles up cus.h.i.+ons to lean against in bed. Then she goes to the kitchen for marshmallows and a few spoonfuls of ice cream.

Just as she is coming back to the bedroom the phone rings. She runs to the living room and notices that she has several messages on the machine.

Malene is on the phone. Where have you been? Ive been calling you all evening! She is obviously very upset.

Out of habit, Iben thinks it must be Malenes arthritis, only Malene doesnt sound as subdued as she usually does during an attack. Then it hits her. Iben has an eerie feeling that she knows what Malene is about to say.

Rasmus has left! Malene is screaming.

What?

Moved out! Hes moved out!

Oh, no but where to? Why ?

Somehow Iben had known. It fits too well. Of all evenings, it had to be this one.

Without thinking, Iben hurls her bowl of ice cream at the nearest bookshelf. Fragments of the bowl shatter across the floor and some of the ice cream splashes onto the screen of the television.

Malene is talking. She says that Rasmus told her earlier this evening that for the last six weeks he has been having an affair. Someone who works as a bartender in Bopa.

So I threw him out!

You threw him out?

I didnt want him in my apartment for a second longer!

Iben knows she has to support her friend, rea.s.sure her that she has done the right thing, comfort her by telling her how good it is to have the self-a.s.surance to act on your feelings. But somehow she cant make herself begin.

And you werent in, Iben.

No Iben doesnt explain. She holds the receiver to her ear and, with the telephone cord trailing like the lead of a tethered animal, edges over to the bookshelf, where some marshmallows lie among the melting remains of the ice cream. She puts one in her mouth. Then she grabs two more and puts them in her mouth as well.

Malene keeps talking. So I got rid of him. But I dont want to be here I cant bear even to look at the apartment. There is a short pause. Iben, can I stay with you?

Malene, why dont you come here? Iben asks, as if she hadnt heard Malenes question.

When the call is finished, Iben goes to the kitchen, puts the kettle on, and finds Malenes favorite tea. She takes some cleaning fluid out of the cupboard so she can wipe the ice cream off her books and sweep up the bits of broken bowl. And shed better change back into her work clothes as well.

But she doesnt. On the way back to the bedroom, she collapses on the sofa and weeps, the side of her face pressed against the unyielding arm.

The intercom buzzes. Iben jumps up and runs to release the downstairs lock.

Next she must change her clothes and wipe off her smeared makeup. She runs into the bedroom and pulls her blouse off. No time to change her trousers. The bathroom next. She puts cleansing cream on her face.

When Malene comes in, Ibens face is still covered with cream. Malene! Im in here!

Malene joins her in the bathroom. She seems emotionally drained, but gives Iben a hug. Iben, Im so glad to see you youre a true friend.

By the time they sit together on the sofa with their tea, Iben has pulled herself together. She has reminded herself that she isnt the one who has just lost the man she has loved for the last three years. She needs to be there for Malene.

She remembers her one and only experience of breaking up after a long affair. The man was one of her literature teachers at university and almost eleven years older. They spent amazing amounts of time together, especially considering that he not only was regarded as a hardworking academic but also had a live-in partner.

He told Iben practically from the start that he wanted to get out of his relations.h.i.+p, but then the day came when he told her that his partner was pregnant. He didnt seem to feel that this needed to affect what he and Iben had together, but she had put an end to it there and then. It took her more than a year to get over it.

Malene doesnt touch her tea, but talks on in a loud, trembling voice. And I said to him it was pointless. s.h.i.+t, shes only twenty-one. What good is that for him? Hanging out with a twenty-one-year-old barmaid. But he said they get along so well.

She stares up at the ceiling, tears streaming across her temples. So well because she has done film studies for six months. Oh, yes. They can discuss movies. f.u.c.king movies! Must be great to have something to talk about after s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g.

Oh, Malene!

And I asked him if she was healthy. He wouldnt say and insisted, but insisted, that health had nothing to do with anything. Then I said, But you cant know for sure, can you? There might be something wrong with her. Like, maybe shes got AIDS. Or MS. Or the Big C. Anything. You cant be sure. You didnt recognize that I was ill, not when you met me. Not when you first said you loved me.

Malene leans against Iben, who holds her close and tries to say all the right things even though she knows it wont make a difference. Malenes mascara has run and some of it has rubbed off on her white s.h.i.+rt. She blows her nose now and then but has given up drying her tears. Her voice has become hoa.r.s.e and she keeps repeating herself.

We were having such a good evening too. We ate, he seemed happy, and we were relaxing together. And then he just suddenly came out with it. There was something he had to tell me, it was only right. And then it all s...o...b..lled from there. What did he imagine? I mean, what did he think would happen when he told me something like that?

I dont know.

Did he think that Id listen to his story and that would be that? Did he think we would just continue as before?

Iben thinks back to the moment when she turned to her teacher and told him it was all over between them. They were sitting on a stony beach at the far end of Amager Island. The beach was one of their special places, somewhere no one they knew would ever come. He protested, but it was as if a repairman had told him to buy a new fridge. Iben, are you sure? And theres absolutely nothing I can say to change your mind? Well, okay. I guess thats it. He had listened to Iben, agreed, and then gone home.

Iben stopped going to his cla.s.ses. It was tricky to find enough courses to fill the days when he was not in the department. He never contacted her again, but she couldnt avoid hearing on the student grapevine that he had married and had a little boy.

Iben looks around. Her living room strikes her again as ugly, almost repulsive. She hates her old furniture and unframed posters. Hates the cold overhead light.

Later, when Malene is crying a little less, Iben gets up and goes to the kitchen. She makes a fresh pot of tea and puts four frozen rolls into the microwave. While they thaw, she slices cheese for the two of them.

From now on Iben will look after Malene when she has her arthritis attacks. There is no one else, unless a smart new admirer carries Malene off. And if the illness worsens and the admirers vanish, Iben will be on duty for a long time ahead.

Still fragile, Malene has kicked off her shoes and put her stockinged feet up, warming her toes under Ibens thigh. She cant stop tormenting herself.

I wonder what hes doing now? They must be so pleased. I bet theyve been f.u.c.king ever since he turned up at her door.

Malene, dont you think I bet hes in her arms now. Theyre naked. And I bet shes happy too because hes taken the plunge.

Very late that night, Iben finally brings a cloth, a bucket of water, and a roll of paper towels to the bookshelf. She starts cleaning up the ice cream.

Malene sits up. What are you doing?

Something made me fling my ice cream at the bookcase when you phoned this evening.

They exchange faint, miserable smiles.

Iben! Thats not like you at all.

Nope.

Thats really sweet of you. And to let me come here, just like that Dont think about it.

And you dont mind if I sleep here?

No problem. I know its going to be a tough night for you. Im glad Im here for you.

I am too. Where were you earlier?

Never mind. It doesnt matter now.

chapter 36.

iben is on her way upstairs to Malenes apartment. Its in an old building with stained-gla.s.s windows on each landing that run from floor to ceiling, and over time, some of the panes have fallen out of their lead calms and the property manager has replaced them with cheap plain gla.s.s. Iben has always thought the stairway rather beautiful, even though the blank fields of gla.s.s break up the images.

It is late on Sat.u.r.day morning. Rasmus has said he will come to collect his belongings but Malene doesnt want to be there. She is holed up in Ibens apartment, so Iben has promised to go and keep an eye on him instead. Rasmus mustnt be allowed to carry off the wrong things or take more than hes ent.i.tled to. Iben has a pretty good idea of what belongs to whom, and besides, she can always phone Malene if in doubt.

It will be strange to meet Rasmus now that their relations.h.i.+p has changed. Iben knows that she should be angry with him, but she cant force herself.

Only four days have pa.s.sed since Malene thought Rasmus loved her. Malene has since tried to convince him that its all been a mistake, but now hes certain that its the right thing to stay with his new girlfriend.

Malene speaks about the way he shut her out completely. It was done in a day. He decided to be cold toward her and, right away, he was. Rasmuss behavior toward Malene has made Iben question whether mens feelings are as strong as womens. Theres no way of telling. But there is one major difference: men seem to be able to postpone their emotional reactions until it suits them. Even men you think you know well can turn their back on you in an instant, acting more distant than you ever thought possible.

The apartment is on the fifth floor, and when Iben finally reaches the landing she can hear Rasmus rummaging around inside. She is just about to press the doorbell when she realizes that Rasmus doesnt live here anymore. This is Malenes place and by now Iben, the owners best friend, has more right to be here than he has. Shes certain that Malene would prefer her to make a point of this and considers using her key, but then she decides against it and presses the doorbell.

Rasmus lets her in. His hair is all over the place. He must have run his fingers through it several times.

She has never heard him speak in such a serious tone. Iben! We have to talk. Come inside and have a seat. There, on the sofa.

She follows him into the living room. Many items are already in boxes: a few small pictures, some books and CDs. The music center and the loudspeakers are dismantled and about to be packed, together with the large TV and the folding dining table chairs.

Would you like coffee? Or something?

Rasmus, Im not sure Maybe we shouldnt I think Malene She settles down all the same. She has no idea what he wants to tell her.

Characteristically, he begins to talk about a computer program hes written. Apparently hes devised a long and complex piece of spyware, which he had intended to use in order to trace the sender of the e-mails.

What is he really saying? Is this technical stuff meant to prove how much Malene meant to him, even though hes been unfaithful to her? Whatever the message, he spends such a long time on the details of the programming that her mind begins to wander.

Later on she helps him take his things down to the white van he has borrowed. She does several rounds with bags of clothes, CDs, and boxes full of bits and pieces. She has always liked Rasmus. Hes a nice guy; simply not the right one for Malene. His parents, who live in Svendborg, are schoolteachers with a shared enthusiasm for sailing. The pair seem to confirm the argument that people with a background in education are best equipped to bring up happy, stable children.