The Far Side Of Forever Part 28

"I think it's safe to a.s.sume 1 speak a good many more languages than you do," 1 said without moving my eyes,

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feeling not the least urge to look at him. "With that in view, you may rest a.s.sured your subtle hints have come through with full comprehension. If that was all you wanted, you can . . ."

"That was not all 1 wanted," he interrupted with his usua! charm, a definite growl beginning in his voice- "1 came here in the first place to repeat a point I thought I made clear enough yesterday. Since I now know 1 was wrong, we'll just have to go over it again, this time a little more thoroughly."

1 didn't know what he was talking about, but I was also too distracted to care. Al! 1 wanted him to do was get to his point and leave.

"Didn't you see the way Zail first began talking to me?" he demanded when it was clear i had nothing to say, exasperation wrapping itself around him. "He was an- noyed that I'd dared to interrupt the argument, and Kadnm wasn't looking much more patient. If I hadn't been able to use Persuasion on them, I probably would have had to fight them both. You can't keep treating me like some uninteresting, unintelligent burden without having it affect the discipline among the rest of the group, just the way it already has. You and J arc going to have a nice long talk about this, long enough to make you see reason. Now, sit up and look at me like a good girl, or I'll have to help you do it."

"The best thing you can do about anything right now is leave me alone," 1 began, finally understanding that sim- ply ignoring him would not get rid of him. I was about to add something about discipline never being a problem for a real leader, but he was suddenly standing next to the settle and staring down at me, and then he was reaching out with both hands, as though to take my arms. it all happened so fast 1 was barely able to blurt, "Hey, don't. . . !" before his hands reached my arms-with a result he hadn't expected.

He didn't quite scream with the pain as the electric-blue sparks flared, throwing him back away from me, but he did shout as he fell, a wordless sound of hurt and shock. I sat up as fast as I could, seeing InThig on its feet near my tent entrance, a flinching sympathy in its blazing red eyes

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for the man who now crouched on -all fours on my carpet- ing, trying to keep himself from collapsing. His nervous system had had a really nasty jolt, and I was faintly surprised that he wasn't flattened.

"Were you bom stupid, or did you have to practice?" I demanded as I got to my feet, looking down at his shud- dering body. "Didn't anyone ever teach you better than to try to put your hands on a sorceress? Nothing happened to you yesterday because we were supposed to be fighting.

and i don't consider it fair to use defensive magic during a physical fight. Are you all right?"

"Never better," he gasped, head down, still trying to recover control of his body. "If that's what you had in mind as a reception for Kadrim and Zail, I shouldn't have wasted my time interfering. Or maybe I was doing them more of a favor than I knew."

"Do you want me to call someone to help you back to your tent?" 1 asked, ignoring everything else he'd said.

"You should be feeling better in the morning, but not much before that. You're lucky you're not unconscious-or dead."

"Yeah, lucky." he muttered, taking a deep breath be- fore slowly beginning to push-himself back to his feet.

Once erect, he added, "I always have been a lucky devil.

And thanks for the offer of help, but 1 think I can make it on my own. Have a pleasant evening."

He looked at me once, the oddest expression in those bronze eyes, his right hand rubbing his left arm, and then he turned and moved slowly and painfully toward the way out. InThig s.h.i.+fted out of his path without comment, but.

once the silk had fallen back to cover the entrance, it made up for the lack.

"Laciel, that was obscene," it growled, those red eyes now lacking all traces of compa.s.sion, "And I would like to know how you did that. I was under the impression that Graythor had protected him from your magic."

"Graythor obviously protected him from offensive magic," I said with a shrug, feeling a good deal more tired than the activities of the day would account for. "He triggered one of my defensive spells, which can be consid-

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ered him taking rather than me giving. I still don't know what the man expected that idiocy to accomplish."

"He expected to try reasoning with you," InThig re- turned, not far from bristling tike the cat it pretended to be. "In my opinion, your treatment of him should have earned you far more, as it did so long ago with Graythor.

A brisk paddling or two would do you no end of good.*'

"How sweet of you to be so concerned about me, InThig," I responded, feeling my body stiffen along with my tone as I met that flaming red gaze. "I can't tell you how much I appreciate it, but there's something else I don't mind telling you at all: if you're that much on his side, 1 think you'd do better staying in his tent."

The red eyes stared at me in silence for a moment, unblinking and unreadable, and then the big black head nodded very slowly.

"Perhaps 1 would at that," it allowed in a very even tone, closing the subject with a finality I really hadn't expected to hear. It turned then and padded out of the tent, silent and flowing like a brief, gentie breeze in the heat of the night, and then was as quickly gone. I stood there staring for a moment but it really was gone, taking me at my word as it had never done before. I turned slowly from the entrance to look around at my empty tent, my bare feet chilly despite the warmth of the carpeting under them, then just as slowly went to my bed.

Lying down across a wide, comfortable bed is supposed to feel really good. but there are times when nothing in the entire universe has the power to make you feel good. More than anything it felt the way it had all those years I could still remember so clearly, curling up in a s.h.i.+vering ball on the floor of some deserted warehouse, hungry and cold and all alone. There was no silk cover under my cheek, only my arm protecting it from splintered and filthy boards, nothing to look forward to once that night was done but more nights and days of the same. And through it all I had to be strong and brave, never flinching or showing when I was hurt, never backing away in fear-and never crying.

I moved around on the very soft cover, feeling the tears already in my eyes, too miserable to be as disgusted with myself as I should have been. Rikkan Addis had been hurt

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by my automatic defenses, but I hurt a lot more and basically it was all his fault. If not for him 1 would still believe that 1 really meant something special to someone, that I really wasn't so different that no one but Morgiana could ever love me. Right then I felt uglier and more unwanted than I ever had in my life, and the pain was worse than I would have thought possible.

Zail, beautiful Zaii. where would those gray eyes be looking if you weren't under a spell? Probably at Dranna, but certainly not at me. Your lips were so gentle and warm that I wasn't frightened at all, or at least not much. And Kadrim-would we even be friends if not for magic, or would you be totally uninterested in silliness like that? I rolled over onto my stomach to stare down at my hands, but blurriness kept me from seeing them clearly. I felt like such an absolute fool, such a naive, believing infant, an imbecile who blindly accepted everything told her. Graythor had warned me not to believe, but I hadn't understood his warning so I had ignored it. So much for thinking you knew everything there was to know.

I swiped at my eyes with the back of my right hand, but it didn't do any good. The tears were still leaking out in the sort of shamefaced way that they had, knowing how much 1 didn't want them but forcing themselves through anyway. I was sure Su never cried like a baby. and if Dranna ever did it would only be for a purpose, never helplessly out of misery. I wondered briefly if she had ever used tears on Rik, and then moaned when I remembered something she'd said about him. She'd talked about it being a good thing he wouldn't be "pursuing his own interest," which meant she'd seen something I hadn't thought of. If it was bad having two men of our group arguing over me, wouldn't it be worse with alt three of them doing it? That was only logical, which meant Rik was also under the spell-and would have been right there with the other two if we hadn't gotten off on the wrong foot with each other and then stayed there. The men would spend their time arguing, fighting, and trying to outmaneu- ver each other, I would be too starry-eyed at all the attention to see the truth, and the quest would end up going downhill into total oblivion. It was attack from a

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direction we never would have suspected even after it was too late, an attack more vicious than anything we'd faced yet, even on the forest world.

I sat up and folded my legs in front of me, wiped at my eyes again, then looked around my tent. The enemy had found a way to reach me even there, even in the middle of me haven I had created, and 1 knew I would never be able to forget about or forgive that particular invasion. Every- thing about the quest had suddenly changed for me, except for the most important part: the overwhelming desire to succeed. That part of it was stronger than ever now, fueled by humiliation and rage and bottomless pain. 1 had no doubt that the enemy and 1 would eventually meet face to face, and I looked forward to that time as I had never looked forward to another. Striking from an unseen direc- tion is often unwise; if the blow lands wrong, you haven't taken from your opponent's strength but added to it.

I knew it was already full dark out, knew I ought to eat the food I'd created and then get a good night's sleep, but I had no appet.i.te and my eyes didn't seem to be in the mood to close. I stared around at the beautiful but silently empty tent, wis.h.i.+ng magic could provide the truly impor- tant things in life, then lay back again to imagine what it might have been like to be held in the arms of a man who really loved me. I knew then that I'd never find out for certain, but even dangerous, powerful sorceresses arc enti- tled to dream.

CHAPTER 6.

1 was up and out so early the next morning that I had time to saddle all the horses before anyone else began stirring.

The rising sun was streaking the sky with a heavy, un- friendly red, but I stood looking up at it without feeling the least intimidated. I was ready for that world and whatever it would throw at us, ready in a way i wasn't supposed te be. I had even had a good breakfast to make up for the meal I'd missed the night before, which I intended counting as the first victory of the day. There would be other victories later to til! a different hollow inside me, a hollow I really needed to have filled.

"You were rather wise suggesting I spend the night with Rik," a quiet, nearly diffident voice said from behind me, breaking into my examination of the sky. "He was in a good deal of pam for a time, and welcomed my presence and a.s.sistance. Your own night pa.s.sed more peacefully, I hope?"

"Yes, it did," I answered shortly, making no effort to turn and look at the demon. I'd forgotten for a while that you can't trust anyone but yourself not to turn on you, but I'd been reminded of that fact the night before. The last thing I needed just then was someone who thought I ought to be beaten-by its brand-new, bosom-buddy fnend.