Beauty Queens Part 37

When she'd busted the student council president, Adina had felt triumphant - it was a "gotcha!" moment. Now, she felt real fear. This man was not to be trusted, but she didn't know why or how much danger they might be in.

"Sorry. Miss Texas didn't make it," Adina lied. "Spider bite."

"Well. That's a real shame."

Adina yawned for effect. "Whoo. I am sooo tired. We should probably get our beauty sleep. Got a big day tomorrow. Nighty-night, Agent Jones."

Agent Jones left without saying anything back.

"Something's not right," Nicole whispered when they were alone again.

"What's going on?" Tiara asked.

"Not sure," Adina said. "But we're going to find out."

In the fog, the moon was filmy as an onion's husk. Down by the dock, the lights shone over the black water. Adina, Petra, Tiara, Nicole, Jennifer, and Shanti huddled in the bushes watching the guards, who were, in turn, watching the area around the volcano's secret door. The girls had been there for twenty minutes, proposing ways of getting inside, rejecting all of them. They were tired and uneasy and had begun to argue.

Tiara stood and smoothed her dress.

"What are you doing?" Shanti asked. "Do you want to get us killed?"

"No. I just want some gummi bears," she said, and marched toward the volcano.

"Hold up!" The guards leveled their guns at Tiara. "You can't be here, miss. It's restricted."

Tiara smiled and struck a pageant pose. "Hi. I'm Tiara Destiny Swan. Miss Mississippi. I'm real sorry to bother y'all and everything, but there's only one thing in the world I want - well, besides world peace and free makeovers for everybody - and that's some gummi bears. And y'all have a vending machine right inside. Can I pretty, pretty please go get some?" She put her hands together prayer-style.

The guards exchanged glances. Tiara danced around them b.u.t.terfly-style. "Pretty pretty pretty pretty please? Pretty pretty pretty pretty ..."

The guards shrugged at each other. "Sure."

"Oh, yippee!" Tiara jumped and clapped. She motioned to the girls. "Oh, my friends need to come, too. We're girls. We travel in packs."

"Unbelievable," Petra whispered in awe.

The girls emerged from their hiding place. The guard held up a hand.

"I can't let all of you inside."

"You have to let Petra come in because she's my best friend," Tiara said.

"And you have to let me in because I have my period," Adina said.

"And you have to let me and Shanti in or else you're totally racist." Nicole glared.

"You have to let me in or I'll cry," Jennifer said, working up tears.

"Whoa, whoa, hold on. Look, we have our orders and -"

"Oh my G.o.d! Please tell me you have a tampon! I need a tampon!" Adina screeched.

"Okay! Okay! You can go with her."

Nicole stepped up to the guard. "What about the rest of us, whitey?"

"Westerfeld?" The one guard looked to the other. "Did you read the Corporation pamphlet on racial sensitivity in the workplace?"

"No. I read s.e.xual Hara.s.sment and You: Why Sally Cries When You Touch Her in Meetings."

"Well, I'm not getting my b.u.t.t handed to me by corporate."

The other guard shrugged. "They're a bunch of girls. How dangerous could they be?"

"Okay. But be quick." The first guard punched in the code, and try as they might, the girls couldn't make it out. The doors opened. "Fourth floor."

"Thanks!" they said, and held their breath as the elevator shot them down.

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE.

"Gummi bear?" Tiara held out the bag.

Petra shook her head. "Where are we?"

After getting the candy and taking some beauty samples from the product room, they'd taken a door to a hallway and followed the stairs to the mysterious fifth floor and the door they were looking for. But it was locked, and they were stuck in a hallway lit by a dim red light.

"Now what?"

A flashlight beam bounced down the hall: one of the workers making the rounds. His card key bounced against his tubby belly.

"Quick, hide," Shanti whispered. She grabbed Tiara's face. "Tiara, can you make a sad face?"

She stuck out her lip.

"Great. When he comes, you make a sad face, tell him you're lost and need help. And then we'll clobber him over the head and take his card key."

"Okay," Tiara said. The girls ducked behind some large pipes. "Wait ... what?"

"Hey!" the guard shouted. "What are you doing here?"

Tiara's eyes widened and her lips quivered. "I came down here for some gummi bears and I got lost."

"Really?" the guard said, tucking away his flashlight.

Tiara smiled. "No. Not really. I'm supposed to get you over here so my friends can hit you over the head and take your card key."

"b.a.l.l.s," Petra whispered.

"What?" the guard said.

With a "Kee-yah!" Jennifer leapt up from her hiding place and pinched the guard's neck near the clavicle.

The guard whirled around. "What the ...?"

"c.r.a.p. That always works on Star Trek."

"It's over here." Petra pinched the other side of the guy's neck and he dropped like a sandbag.

"Whoa. How'd you learn to do that?"

She put a hand on her hip. "Please. I'm a transgender former boy-bander. You think I don't know how to defend myself?"

The girls swiped the card. The door opened and they pulled the guy inside.

"Whoa. Holy secret a.r.s.enal, Batman." Jennifer whistled.

The walls gleamed with guns, a.s.sault rifles, grenades ... things they'd only seen in blockbuster summer movies.

"I'm guessing The Corporation's expanding its product line." Shanti picked up a souped-up a.s.sault rifle with a scope on the end, then put it back gently.

"This is insane," Nicole said.

"What's really going on?"

"I might ask you the same question, ladies." Harris stood in the open doorway wearing a Three Stooges T-s.h.i.+rt and plaid golf pants. In his hand was a putter. "What are you doing here?"

"Adina needed a tampon?" Tiara said.

"Huh. Why don't I believe you?" Harris closed and locked the door. Swinging the putter, he made a slow circle of the room, forcing the girls away into a corner. "See, I think you girls are much smarter and savvier than anybody here knows." Harris gestured to the walls of guns. "Welcome to our secret room. Got some nice automatic weapons. Grenades. Some beautiful killing machines, really. Here's my personal favorite." Harris opened a small steel door and took out a jar of Lady 'Stache Off.

"That's hair remover," Petra said.

"Looks like it. Actually, if you change one element, it becomes a pretty powerful explosive. Just needs some sort of charge."

"Where's Mary Lou?" Adina demanded.

Harris grinned. "Your friend got a little nosy."

"I'll ask you again: Where is she?"

"I'm. Not. Telling."

Nicole grabbed for one of the guns and pointed it at Harris. Her hands shook. "Where's Mary Lou?"

Harris lined up a shot with the putter. "Cartridge."

"What?"

"You need a cartridge for that. Which you do not have."

"Shoot." Nicole tossed the gun on the table.

"Wait a minute, why are we all standing here?" Adina asked. "There are more of us than there are of him."

"But I've got this," Harris said, holding out his putter.

"Well, we've got this." Nicole held the can of hair spray out in front of her.

"Hair spray? That's your secret weapon? See, this is why women will never end up really having power." Harris swung the putter and the girls jumped back to avoid the blow. "Because I bring a kick-a.s.s, bone-breaking piece of steel ..." Harris swung the putter again, forcing the girls closer to the corner. "... and you think you can take me down with a can of hair spray."

"Yeah?" Nicole said. Her hands shook.

"Yeah," Harris said.

"Ever get this s.h.i.+t in your eyes? It burns like h.e.l.l." Nicole pressed the nozzle and Harris got a face full of The Corporation's 'Do Me Right with Long-lasting Hold.

Harris was duct-taped to one of The Corporation's ergonomically correct chairs. His feet and hands had been secured with panty hose, which had been finished off with sailors' knots.

"Glad those pirates were useful for something," Nicole said, tightening the last one.

Jennifer ripped off his maxi-pad gag.

"Ow! Jesus, that hurt!" Harris howled.

Jennifer was unimpressed. "You want to know what pain is? Try running out of Advil when you've got a Category Five period. I've had cramps that would make grown men beg for a bullet between the eyes."

"You b.i.t.c.hes are all so dead!" Harris snarled.

Adina straddled Harris's legs, hands on her hips. "Uh, Harris? Hate to break it to you, but you're not in a prime bargaining position. Now. We don't want to have to hurt you any more. But if you keep threatening us and telling us lies, I will personally give you a Brazilian."

"She won't warm the wax first, either," Petra said.

Tiara shuddered. "I've had so many bikini waxes, I cry every time I see a Popsicle stick."

Harris cackled low. When no one responded, he cackled louder.

"Okay, I'll bite," Adina said. "What's with the creepy laugh?"

"You babes have no idea what's coming."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Don't you misunderestimate me!" Harris bellowed.