The Nanny Part 59

"What about Shaun then?" Josh asked in a low voice.

"Oh when he came to see her she wished him and Sheila joy," she said, eyes still on the telly. "Seems to be completely over him. Says she'd been over him for years-it's probably why she came to London. She just didn't know it. Was too scared of hurting him. But that's our Jo! Too nice for her own good!"

Josh didn't move.

"Right," said Pippa. "I'd better get back to it. Poor Jo needs cheering up. She was saying earlier how unbearable it is to be misunderstood and always thought the worst of. Don't know what she was talking about, but I just know it keeps making her cry. See you!"

And she left the room.

Meanwhile Toby, feeling full of optimism, wanted to share it with his half siblings. He took the stairs three at a time and knocked on Tallulah's door, where they were having a meeting. They all shouted at him to go away. He opened the door.

"It's alright!" he said, wandering in and lying on the floor. "It's only me. Big brother."

He became aware of an uncomfortable silence.

"What?" he said. "What's happened?"

"Toby," said Ca.s.sie, cautiously but with a firmness he'd never heard before, "we don't want you in here with us."

Toby looked up at her. "It's alright, Catastrophe," he said calmly. "I don't want you in here with me either.

n.o.body laughed. Not even Zak.

"No. We mean it," said Ca.s.sie. "This is private."

Toby looked at Tallulah.

"Come on Lu-"

"It's Tallulah!"

"Alright, keep your knickers on."

"My knickers are on! Stop being horrid and just go away."

Toby stared at her. He stared at Zak.

"Bro," he said. "C'mon. Me and you against the girls."

Zak looked down. "I don't want to be against the girls," said Zak.

Toby swallowed hard.

"Sorry, Toby," said Ca.s.sie. "We're all rather busy at the moment."

"Right," said Toby nonchalantly. He stood up slowly and walked to the door. "Your loss," he told them all, and closed the door behind him.

He stood in the dark hall for a few minutes, then suddenly ran down the stairs. He raced past the lounge and straight out into the garden. He didn't notice Jo, who was sitting on the patio, staring blankly at the trees.

She turned as she heard him. "What's wrong?" she gasped.

Toby wiped his face angrily. She got up and walked toward him, and, to her astonishment, he ran toward her and hugged her fiercely. She couldn't imagine what could possibly have happened. He drew away quickly and resumed the angry face wiping.

"Don't tell anyone I'm crying," he ordered her gruffly.

"Course not," she said. "Especially if you say please."

"Don't tell Josh," he squeaked. "Please."

"Come on," she whispered. "Let's walk down to the end. Tell me all about it."

By the time they got to the bottom of the garden, Toby was sniffing violently and thrusting his hands in his jeans pockets as far as they could go. The image reminded Jo of his big brother.

"What's up?" asked Jo.

Toby wiped his eyes again. "They hate me," he squeaked, plonking himself on the lawn.

"Who hates you?"

"The others. Lula, Ca.s.sie, Zak."

"Of course they don't."

"They do!" he shouted. 'They're having a 'meeting' in Tallulah's room, and they won't let me in."

"Toby, all brothers and sisters fight."

Toby shook his head.

"Sweetheart," said Jo, "what brought all this on? I didn't think you really cared about them."

After he'd stopped crying again, Toby told Jo that he was trying to be nicer to them.

"Why?" asked Jo, as gently as possible.

With immense difficulty, Toby told her that he didn't hate them anymore. He just didn't. After a bit more gentle coaxing, he told her that he knew it wasn't their fault that his dad had left. He told her what Josh had told him about their mum and dad's divorce. He explained how his mum confessed to intentionally forcing d.i.c.k out of their relations.h.i.+p, by nudging him into an affair, then accusing him of betrayal. Jo fell silent.

"I always blamed them for Dad leaving," said Toby. "That's why I treated them like s.h.i.+t-sorry-like dirt. But Josh told me it wasn't their fault, and they never asked to be lumbered with me either." He started crying again. "So I've tried to be nice, but they hate me."

Jo put her arm round him. "Sweetheart, why aren't you telling all this to Josh?"

"'Cos he told me this would happen if I wasn't nicer to them, and I didn't listen." He started crying again. "I don't want to tell him. Please don't tell him."

"Oh don't worry," she said. "He's not talking to me."

"Oh yeah. That's all my fault, too."

"Don't be silly."

"It is. I said he thought you were a babe."

"Pardon?"

Toby shook his head. "Everyone hates me."

"Give it time," she murmured. "Once they realize that you want to be their friend, they'll idolize you as their big brother."

"But I've tried."

"What have you tried?"

"Being nice."

"Have you tried apologizing?"

There was a pause.

"I can't," he squeaked.

"Why not? You'd be surprised how effective it can be."

Toby stared at the gra.s.s.

"Can you imagine how much fun you'll all have together if they like you?" asked Jo.

Toby managed half a smile.

"Come on," said Jo, getting up. "There are some choc-ices in the freezer. You can give them all one and then tell them how you feel." Toby stayed sitting on the gra.s.s. "Just be honest," she said. "It'll make you feel so much better."

He grimaced.

"Come on," she urged.

He shook his head. "I'm scared," he whispered.

"Of course you are," said Jo, kneeling beside him. "Otherwise, the apology would be meaningless."

After a moment's thought, Toby slowly got up, and they walked thoughtfully back into the house.

When Jo returned to her room, she landed heavily on her bed. Pippa looked up from sorting a box that had found its way into Josh's room.

"Feeling a bit better?" she asked. She saw Jo's expression. "Oh dear, what's up? You look like you've seen a ghost."

Jo recounted her conversation with Toby, while Pippa sat next to the box, leaning back against Josh's bed.

After Jo had finished, she seemed to run out of energy. "That explains what Josh said to me," she said in a monotone, "about how sometimes a woman can push a man into adultery."

"Yeah, but that's still no reason to blame all women for men's affairs," remarked Pippa, glancing round Josh's room. "He's messy isn't he?"

Jo frowned. "I don't think he did blame all women. I think he referred to just one man and one woman. He was talking about d.i.c.k and Jane, and he knew it was true. And that was when I told him that he disgusted me."

"You were disgusted because he's helping his dad have an extramarital affair," said Pippa, her eyes fixed on some pieces of pink paper by her feet.

"I know, but-"

"But nothing," said Pippa, idly picking up the pieces of paper. "That's how you felt, and you had a right to those feelings. He's got double standards. The man's a woman hater-it doesn't matter why."

"But it explains why he got so annoyed with me so quickly. I must have really hurt him."

Pippa went silent. After a moment, Jo looked across at her. Pippa was staring, ashen-faced, at two pieces of pink paper.

"What are you looking at?" asked Jo.

"Jo-oh," said Pippa slowly.

"Yes?"

"Did you say Josh was living here rent-free?"

"Yup. Another reason to hate him. Thank you, I was beginning to forget."

"And how much is your monthly salary?"

"Why?"

"Just tell me. To the penny."

"It's a really weird amount because of my raise," she explained before giving her exact monthly salary.

Pippa put her hand over her mouth. "Oh dear," she whispered.

"What?" Jo came over and looked at the pieces of paper. Pippa let her take them out of her hand.

They were receipts, in d.i.c.k's handwriting. They were called "Josh's rent-May" and next to the amount was the word "Paid." And the amount was exactly-down to the last penny-the same amount as Jo's salary.

As they stared at it, their eyes alighted on an imprint, underneath, that slowly, like children's invisible ink, grew more and more legible. And the more legible it grew, the more cold Jo felt. In d.i.c.k's scrawl were the words, "for Jo-June."

"Why did you think he wasn't paying rent?" asked Pippa eventually.

Jo sat down next to her, leaning heavily against Josh's bed. "Vanessa told me."

They stared at the receipts.

"And do you think," asked Pippa, ever so softly, "that it's remotely possible that d.i.c.k and Josh"-the words hung in the air-"kept it a secret from Vanessa? The fact that Josh was..." Again, the words hung in the air.

Jo forced herself to finish the sentence. "...Paying my salary?"

They continued to stare at the receipts.