Swell Foop Part 11

"That's it," the demoness agreed, squinting at it. "See, it says RING OF EARTH inside."

"But an imitation Ring could say the same," Zyzzyva pointed out.

"We'll test it, then. Put it on, Che." She handed it back to him. "But be warned: Once you don it, you won't be able to remove it until its task is done. That may be a burden."

"A burden?" he asked, slipping it on his little left finger, where it settled comfortably.

"You now have dominion over all the land-bound animals-the creatures of the earth. That's a considerable responsibility."

"I do?" he asked, surprised.

"Test it," she suggested. "Give them a directive."

Smiling, he did so. "Bow down to my left forehoof."

Immediately Zyzzyva and Wira got down on the floor, facing his hoof. Dafrey got halfway down.

"You're teasing me," he said, embarra.s.sed.

"No," Wira said. "I am compelled."

"So am I," Zyzzyva said. "And I am not pleased."

"But why doesn't it affect Dara? And what's Dafrey doing?"

"I am not a creature of the Earth," Dara said. "I am compelled only by the Ring of Fire, which is not here. My son is half human, therefore half land-bound, so he bows halfway. But you can test it more directly: Try to remove it."

Che did. The Ring, though not tight, absolutely refused to budge. It was locked on his finger.

"Are you going to let us up?" Zyzzyva inquired with more than a trace of annoyance.

Oh. "Yes, of course. Please rise."

They got up and dusted themselves off. But Che wasn't satisfied. "If the Ring of Earth gives its wearer such power, why didn't it affect Wira when she tried it on? Why didn't it stick to her finger?"

"Because it belongs to the one who finds it," Dara said. "For the duration. You accept the commitment of it by donning it. For Wira, it was just a ring."

"But a nice one," Wira said.

"I thought I was just looking for it, to bring it back," Che said. "It is really Cynthia's mission, to find the Swell Foop."

"And yours to help her," Zyzzyva said. "Let's go." She climbed onto his back.

"Uh, yes. Thank you, Dara, Dafrey, and Wira. I sincerely appreciate-"

"Oh, cut it short," Dara said. She slapped him on the flank. Startled, he bolted out the door, and was soon in the garden court, where he flicked them both with his tail, spread his wings, and took off.

"I'm not sure I like this," he remarked as he gained elevation.

"Too bad," Zyzzyva said unsympathetically.

CHAPTER 5: RING OF IDEA.

Justin watched Breanna depart with King Xeth. He wasn't totally easy about this, because Xeth had once wanted to marry Breanna, but he chided himself for even thinking of having doubt. After all, there was no question of Breanna's loyalty to him or Xeth's to Zyzzyva. Maybe it was that ever since his conversion from tree to young man, Breanna had been with him, and he wasn't used to being apart from her. He had been a tree for so long that he was hardly comfortable with the man state, but she had supported him throughout. They were about to be married, and though she liked to pretend that she was forcing him unwillingly into it, he truly wanted it.

But now he had to find his own zombie and search for a Ring of Xanth. According to King Xeth, all the Ring zombies were here, so he had merely to choose one and go find the Ring. He hoped it turned out to be that simple.

He turned to the nearest zombie, who was not far gone as zombies went. He had met most of the zombies in the course of the past year, and come to appreciate their qualities, but did not know this one personally. He was not part of the Castle Zombie contingent. "h.e.l.lo."

"Hullow," the zombie responded.

"I am Justin Tree. Who are you?"

"Unpun."

"Unpun, do you know where a Ring of Xanth is?"

"Yeth."

"Which one?"

"Ring of Ider."

This would require some finesse. "Please spell that."

"Eye Dee Eee Ay."

"Ah, the Ring of Idea. That will do. Take me there."

"Canth."

"Can't? Why not?"

"Complishated."

"It is complicated to explain?"

"Yeth."

Justin considered. The brains of zombies were notoriously poor, and simplicity was best. But he saw no ready way around this complication. "Then we shall just have to figure it out as we can. What makes it complicated to explain?"

Unpun started talking, with many confusingly slurred words. Justin focused, got clarifications on words, and managed to piece out the story.

Unpun was once a living young man with the talent of making puns disappear. He kept company with a young woman named Punny, whose talent was creating puns. They went everywhere together, their talents nullifying each other. They were not consciously controlled talents; it was just that wherever Punny went, puns grew in her wake. Wherever Unpun went, puns were destroyed. So as long as they were together, their wakes overlapped, and the pun ratio of Xanth was fairly constant. Of course some of her new ones got away, and he canceled some that had existed before, but overall there was no problem.

Then they encountered a bad situation. Justin was unable to clarify whether it was a dragon or some other monster. It attacked, threatening to gobble up Punny, because she was delectable, and Unpun tried to protect her. So it turned on him instead, and with one chomp killed him.

Punny was distraught, but nothing she could do could bring him back to life. She could not create puns consciously, and even had that been possible, what pun would suffice for something as unfunny as this? So she did the next best thing: She brought Unpun's body to Castle Zombie and begged the Zombie Master to zombie him, so that he could have at least half a life. The Zombie Master did so, but Unpun could no longer make puns disappear. There seemed to be no fixed rule with respect to talents and zombies; some zombies kept their talents, some had partial talents, and some had none.

"I wonder why that is," Justin remarked musingly. "One would think that the process would be consistent."

"Don'th know."

"Could it be that some are fresher than others? How long were you dead before getting zombied?"

"Threee daysh."

"So have any zombies of that duration of death retained their talents?"

"Yesh, a numberr."

"So that's not it. Does the nature of the talent have bearing?"

"Noo."

"But there must be some reasonable rationale."

"Nooo."

Justin gave it up, frustrated; this was, after all, peripheral to his quest. "So what happened after you became a zombie?"

It turned out that Punny did not want to continue without Unpun. For one thing, there was now no nullification of all the puns that grew in her wake. She had to keep moving, or they soon surrounded her, making life unbearable for her and anyone near her. She had depended on Unpun to keep them under control, and now they proliferated impossibly. For another, she loved him, and had no joy of life alone.

"But why didn't you stay with her, as a zombie?" Justin asked. "She did not have to be denied your company."

"Nooo," Unpun said, pained.

It turned out that when Unpun lost his life, and his talent, he also lost his sense of humor. He did not find it funny, being a zombie, and he did not feel like laughing at anything. But Punny was increasingly surrounded by puns. He could not get close to her without stepping on them. Every time he touched one, it forced him to laugh, and it really hurt him to laugh. He couldn't endure it. So he was unable to approach her.

"That's an intriguing reversal," Justin remarked. "Zombie fleeing maiden."

But Unpun did not appreciate that form of humor, either.

The regular folk of Xanth normally took puns in stride, and even expected to encounter a certain number regularly. But the density around Punny was far too intense for anyone who wasn't a m.a.s.o.c.h.i.s.t. Punny lost her friends; the stench of bad humor was just too much for them. Finally Punny fled Xanth, seeking refuge on Ida's moon Ptero. She left her body in a safe place for the duration, and her soul went to reside in one of the few places where puns were welcome in any concentration. There she remained, patiently awaiting rescue from her fate.

"That is certainly interesting," Justin concluded. "But I remain uncertain how it explains why you can't guide me to the Ring of Idea." For that was, after all, the point of this a.s.sociation.

Unpun explained, slowly and confusingly, and finally Justin understood. Punny's job on Ptero was to safeguard the Ring of Idea, so that it would be there when it was needed. That meant that the Ring too would be surrounded by puns. Unpun would be unable to approach it, or even to direct anyone else to it, as long as it was in Punny's possession.

"But why did she take that job, then?" Justin asked, righteously perplexed. "She surely didn't have to. Didn't she know that would prevent you from guiding anyone to it when the need came?"

"Yesh."

As usual, it was necessary to question further, slowly unraveling the details. It seemed that Punny wanted Unpun to recover his sense of humor, so that both of them could be happy again. The only way he could possibly do that was to be returned to full life. That could be accomplished by the holder and wielder of the Ring of Idea. So Punny made sure to be there when the holder came, so she could ask him to do that for Unpun.

"The Ring of Idea can do that?" Justin asked, amazed. "It can restore you to full life?"

"Yesh."

"That is amazing. I never heard of life being fully restored after death. What an idea!"

"Precishly."

It took Justin a moment to a.s.semble that thought. Restoring life after death was a fantastic idea, so it fell in the province of the Ring of Idea. "And that is why you know where the Ring is!" Justin exclaimed, finally making the connection. "Because you know where she is. Yet you can't guide me there."

"Yesh. Yesh," Unpun agreed.

"What an irony!"

"Yesh."

"But you know I do have to find it, and you surely want me to succeed."

"Yesh."

"So we shall just have to figure out how you can help me get that Ring."

"Yes," Unpun agreed. But the zombie did not look confident.

Justin pondered half a moment. "First, of course, we shall have to travel to Castle Roogna."

"Noo."

"No? Why not?"

"Bad direchion."

"But that's where Princess Ida is."

"Nooo!"

"It certainly is. Breanna delivered our wedding invitation there only a few days ago. We would have heard if she had moved."

"Noo."

"But I tell you-" Justin broke off, catching on. "You can't guide me there! So you had to protest when I called out the correct route."

"Yesh," Unpun agreed, abashed.

"Very well. We shall go to Castle Roogna. You know it's best, don't you?"

"Yesh," the zombie agreed faintly.