The Road To Her Part 11

Would it?

Why did she tell me she missed me? Actually, hang that. Why the h.e.l.l did she feel the need to contact me-after two b.l.o.o.d.y years-to tell me that? Was it because she'd broken up with this Pilar girl and felt some need to tell me about it?

I rubbed tetchily at my eyes and glanced up at the clock on my wall. I was due in make-up in five minutes, but there wasn't one part of me that gave a d.a.m.n right now about make-up, about PR, about acting, or about Jasey. All I gave a d.a.m.n about was thinking about Grace's sodding e-mail. I picked up my phone again and read her message one more time, trying to absorb every word of it.

I'd just finished reading it when a knock at my door pulled my gaze to the clock. Five minutes had pa.s.sed, which meant it was either one of the make-up girls coming looking for me or someone from the set in a foul mood, wanting to know why I was late. Knowing I should move, but not being a.r.s.ed to, I remained stretched out on the sofa, numb.

"Holly? You in there?"

Elise. I switched my phone off again and stuffed it into my pocket.

"Yeah," I called wearily.

The door opened a crack and Elise stepped in, already made up and dressed in Casey's clothes-her uni hoodie and a pair of ripped jeans, a large, tatty shoulder bag strung round her shoulders.

"They're wondering where you are," Elise said. "Make-up, I mean. They're waiting for you."

"I don't feel so good," I said, still lying on the sofa.

"Oh?" Elise entered the room and was by my side in an instant, looking worried.

"Nothing serious," I said hastily, embarra.s.sed that she'd felt the need to come to me. "Just a headache."

"Again?" Elise crouched in front of me, an anxious look on her face. "Have you taken anything?" she asked. "'Cos I have some pills back in my room."

I shook my head. "It's not that bad," I said feebly, swinging my legs down and sitting on the edge of the sofa. I put my head in my hands, staring down at my feet and pulling my hands roughly through my hair. Grace and her stupid e-mail would just have to wait for now. What did she want me to say? That I missed her, too? Truth was, I hadn't thought of her for a long time, certainly not since I'd started working with Elise, anyway, and it had only been in the last few months that I'd really known for sure that I was finally over her.

I glanced up at Elise, now standing awkwardly next to me, and my insides dissolved at the sweet, concerned look on her face. So Grace was coming back, was she? Well, tough. This was my life now. Right here, right now. Grace was my past, and she could stay there.

"Shall we do this, then?" I scrambled to my feet and wandered to the door, not daring to look at Elise again on my way past her.

I just about made it through my scenes that morning, despite my mind frequently jumping between Grace and Elise, wondering what on earth I was going to do about everything. Despite telling myself over and again that Grace was nothing to me now, that she could go to h.e.l.l for all I cared, I'd be lying if I said her e-mail hadn't intrigued me, and that a small part of me wanted to see her again. But I didn't know why. Maybe I wanted closure. Maybe I'd get that from seeing her just one more time. I also knew that if I did meet her, there was the huge possibility that I'd take one look and fall for her all over again, and that, coupled with my confusion over Elise, might just tip me over the edge. But it also might take my mind off Elise, mightn't it?

In the days that followed, Elise sensed there was something wrong, too. How could she not? I was acting weird with her; I was robotic-even I could tell that-because all I could think about was Grace, and the fact that I hadn't replied to her, and that the Friday when she was due to be in London was just a few days away.

We were filming the last scenes of the morning on the set of Jasmine's front room, three days after Grace had contacted me, when I thought I might finally flip. I hadn't slept properly since I'd read her e-mail, waking up in the dead of night just churning stuff over in my head, pacing my lounge, drinking a hot chocolate in the hope that I'd manage at least a few hours' sleep. The lack of sleep and constant gnawing worry eating away at me were making me sullen and quiet, and Elise picked up on it straight away.

"So Jasmine's parents are out in this scene." Stuart paced the floor of the set. "Remember, her parents don't know anything yet, so any chances Jasmine can take to be alone with Casey, she's going to grab them, okay?"

I nodded wearily, sitting down on the prop sofa and tensing as Elise sat down beside me.

"You good to go?" Elise asked, seeing me pinch the bridge of my nose with my finger and thumb.

"Good to go."

"Sure?"

"I just said, didn't I?" I pinched my nose harder.

"Just a short scene, this one, to ease us into lunch." Stuart stood next to the camera, his hand on the cameraman's shoulder. "Scene three, take one. Cue Casey."

Elise took a deep breath, casting a quick glance towards me, then was into her take.

"Every time I close my eyes, I see you," she said, leaning back against the sofa.

"It's like, you got into my head and I can't shake you from there." She turned her head slightly, catching my eye. "And you know what?" she said, "I like you being there."

"You really mean it, Casey?" I shuffled slightly, angling my knees towards hers. "I thought when you said you were going out with that guy from the pub..."

"Lloyd?"

"Was that his name?" I asked. "I didn't catch his name."

"Lloyd means nothing to me." Elise moved closer. "You're the only one that means anything to me now, Jas-"

"Cut!" Stuart waved his arms. "You're too quiet, Holly. Soundman didn't pick up your last line. Can we go from that guy from the pub, please?"

Elise and I repeated our lines, but every word I spoke was a struggle. My voice sounded weak and thin, strained by the effort of saying lines I wished I could say to Elise in real life. What was happening to me? Why was my life apparently now playing out in the scripts that I was memorising? How could I have been so stupid as to confuse Jasmine's life with my own?

"Scene two, take one." Stuart's instruction woke me from my thoughts. "Action."

"Sometimes it feels like I've waited my whole life just to find someone like you." Elise spoke her lines effortlessly. "Like everything I went through before, with all the guys who didn't give a d.a.m.n, was worth it because it brought me to you."

We looked at one another, the cameras still rolling.

"Are you scared?" Elise pulled me to her, adjusting her shoulder slightly as I rested my head against it.

"Truthfully?" I lifted my head slightly and peered at her. "Terrified."

"Me, too." She pulled me closer to her again, allowing me to rest my head back on her shoulder. I loved hearing her heart beating in my ear and the feel of the gentle fall and rise of her shoulder as she breathed in and out. "But it is what you want, isn't it?" she murmured softly.

"Casey, I've waited months to hear you say what you just said to me," I said, aware of Stuart giving us thumbs up from behind the camera. I carried on from my script. "When I first knew you, okay, you made me nervous because you were so kick-a.s.s, but then I realised I was only nervous because I liked you."

"You liked me from the start?"

"Not at first." Remembering where we were up to, I looped my arms around her waist, just as it had been written in the script. "You kinda grew on me. Once I realised that kick-a.s.s att.i.tude was all for show, and that underneath it all you were just a big softy," I said, "well, then I stopped being scared of you."

"That's kinda cute." Elise gave a half laugh and gazed down at me.

"Okay, cut." Stuart appeared from behind the camera, peering down at his clipboard, his gla.s.ses perched on the end of his nose. "Good job, you two." His voice reluctantly pulled my eyes from Elise's. "Very good." He made a winding motion to a runner nearby. "Quick break for lunch, then we're on to the next scene, okay? Shooting on set three for that one, please. One o'clock sharp."

I was still sitting with my arms looped around Elise's waist. I liked that her arm was still around my shoulders, even though we'd finished the scene. She didn't make any move to go, instead just sitting on the sofa, her head resting against the back of it, her eyes closed.

"I don't want to move," she whispered. She opened one eye and peered down to me. "Do you?"

I breathed in and out slowly, trying to calm myself down, scared that Elise would be able to detect that I was breathing far faster than I should have been.

Finally, grudgingly, I moved my arms from her waist, eliciting a grumble from her.

"Don't," she murmured. "I want to stay like this forever."

"We have four more scenes to shoot this afternoon," I said, reluctantly pulling away. She lifted her arm to allow me to disentangle myself from her, instantly making my shoulder want to feel her warmth on it again. "And lunch in between. No time for lazing about."

"Spoilsport." Elise stretched her arms in front of her and yawned. "Just as I was beginning to enjoy myself, too."

She tilted her head slightly and studied me. "You're quiet today, Hol," she said. "Something on your mind?"

I stood up. "Plenty," I said with a exaggerated roll of my eyes. I moved away slightly. "Look, I'm just going to stay and chill here for five minutes."

"Do you want me to go?" She suddenly reached up and took my hand. "Leave you in peace?"

"No." I let her hand fall away from mine again and turned away from her, staring down at the floor, my arms wrapped tight around myself. "I don't want you to go."

Elise stood up and slowly came up behind me. She gently touched my arm, sending an electric current down the length of it to my fingertips.

"Then I'll stay," she said from just behind me. She stood so close I could hear her breathing, could feel her breath on the back of my neck. I squeezed my eyes shut.

"Talk to me, Holly," she said. "You're not yourself today. I can sense it."

I shook my head. "I'll live."

"Are you stressed?"

"Just a bit." I gave a hollow laugh.

"Then let me help," Elise said.

"I don't think anyone can help me." I continued hugging myself.

"But I can't sort out whatever it is if you won't talk to me, can I?" Her soft voice sounded near me, nearer with every word she said.

"You don't need to sort anything out, Elise," I said.

"Casey would want to help Jasmine if she knew Jasmine was stressing about something." She put her hands on my arms and slowly turned me round to face her. "And I want to help you." She gazed at me, her face etched with concern. "Have I done something wrong?"

"You haven't done anything wrong, Elise." My voice cracked with emotion. "I just have a lot on my mind, that's all."

"Because of?"

"Please," I pleaded, scared that everything would come tumbling out. "Just don't ask, okay?"

"No," Elise continued gazing at me. "I need you to tell me what's bugging you."

"Nothing's bugging me that I want to talk about, honestly," I said quietly.

She wanted to know what my problem was, did she? My problem was Grace coming back into my life and bombarding me with e-mails telling me she missed me when I'd finally gotten over her and fallen head over heels for Elise. I was longing for this straight girl, standing right in front of me looking angry and adorable and s.e.xy all at the same time, and knowing that she didn't feel the same way about me. Why didn't she feel the same way? Why?

I stared at Elise, standing there looking so G.o.dd.a.m.ned perfect with her hands on her hips. I knew I should walk away, ignore my feelings for her, but all I could do was carry on glaring at her, taking in every detail of her beautiful face, while my guts churned up inside, knowing that I could never have her.

Chapter Twelve.

I finally stumbled away from Elise, leaving her confused, knowing that just one more look from those dark eyes would have me telling her everything about how I felt about her, and I literally b.u.mped straight into Bella on my way down the corridor.

"Blimey, someone got out of bed the wrong side today," she said, rubbing the arm that I'd just cannoned into.

I looked at Bella, and I guess the expression on my face told her everything because she quickly looked over her shoulder and, without another word, ushered me down the corridor and into our dressing room, shutting the door tightly behind us.

"Someone needs a timeout, I think," she said, sitting me down on the sofa and joining me, putting her arm round my shoulders.

"I don't think even the longest timeout could sort out this mess," I said, staring bleakly at the floor.

"Want to talk about it?" Bella asked gently.

I shook my head, just as there was a knock on the door. It would be Elise, I knew.

"Shall I send them away?" Bella rose from the sofa and headed for the door.

"Would you mind?" I asked, leaning my head back against the back of the sofa and staring blankly up at the dust-covered light fitting on the ceiling.

I heard the low murmur of Elise's voice in the doorway but couldn't see her, as Bella had positioned herself in such a way that blocked my view. I sat back, eyes closed, as they spoke briefly to one another before Bella finally closed the door and faced me.

"Now then, my dear," she began. "Is there anything you want to tell me?"

"I just don't know what to do, Bella," I said. "I really don't."

Bella sat with me on the sofa. I was on the verge of tears but knew if I gave in to them and actually started crying, then I wouldn't be able to stop. Trying to stem them, I sat with my elbows on my knees and concentrated on picking at my fingers and staring down at the floor while Bella rubbed my back.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Bella asked gently.

I shrugged.

"Elise wanted to see you, you know," Bella continued.

"Well, I don't want to see her," I said, still staring numbly at the floor.

"She said you've been uptight all day." Bella spoke quietly. "Is something the matter?"

I rolled my eyes and laughed. "Plenty, Bella," I said. "I've just got some stuff going on that I need to get sorted."

"At work?"