The Last Exhale Part 9

I look out the window. Try to put my life in perspective without staring in the face of a man who's brought me so much joy in such a short time. I mean, literally. All it took was a five-minute case of mistaken ident.i.ty and I drive home with a newfound crush. I'm too old for a crush. I catch a glimpse of Katrina getting in a car with a man who looks like he's out for one thing. What's sad is I know she's going to give it to him. She's been running around with all kinds of subpar men since her husband left. Am I staring in the mirror of what my life would be like if I keep entertaining my unhappiness with an illusion of happiness?

"Was he wearing satin pajamas?" Brandon asks.

"She has a type," I say. "You'd think after being dogged by every man she's ever dated, including her ex-husband, that she'd wisen up and try a different approach."

"Can't be good for her kid to see."

"Luckily, he doesn't see much. She puts her hoeish ways on pause during the week and his dad keeps him on the weekends."

They say if you hang around people long enough, you begin to take on some of their tendencies. Yep, I've been hanging around Katrina a little too long.

I turn to Brandon. "Do you have any kids?"

He shakes his head and watches the car Katrina got into drift away into the night.

My clutch purse vibrates in my lap. An incoming text from Eric.

Again, Brandon says, "Let me get you to your car."

I give him directions to Katrina's place, since we carpooled to the lounge. He parks behind my car and waits for me to get in and start the ignition. I roll down my window. "Meet me at the park Monday morning."

"Six a.m. sharp."

And with that, he drives off.

"Every time you go out lately, you stay out later and later," Eric says as soon as I push open the bedroom door. He's sitting up in the bed with the lamp on his nightstand on, a turned down book in his lap.

"Now, now, I haven't said anything about all those extra s.h.i.+fts you've been pulling lately."

He tosses the book on his nightstand. "That's because it's putting extra money in our pockets, ma'am."

I walk into the closet, put my shoes back in their box. Yell out, "Well, sir, according to your buddies at work, what I'm doing is putting money in our pockets as well."

"Not funny," I hear him say.

I snicker to myself, then peep my head out of the closet. "Aw, babe. Look, I had to make sure Katrina got home okay. She had quite a bit to drink." At least half of it is true.

"Don't make me have to put an APB out on you."

I roll my eyes as I slide out of my dress, hang it up and walk back in the room in bra and panties. Give him a longer than usual kiss on the lips. "Now why would you have to do a thing like that?"

He nibbles on my bottom lip. "Y'all have a good time?"

"Yeah, it was good, all three of us hanging out together again. It's only been Katrina and me for a while. Rachel's still acting like a newlywed."

"Everyone in the unit always has jokes about the leftovers he brings in for lunch. One of the guys tries to get to it when Michael's not looking, so he can read the note Rachel left to the rest of us. Or toss around his gold-wrapped chocolate treats."

"Leave the man alone. I'm sure y'all would love a woman to do that for you."

Eric sticks his finger down the back of my panties and pulls me back to him and nuzzles me down to the bed. "You used to do that way back when."

I lightly bite at his nose. "We both used to do a lot way back when."

He releases his hold on me. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Aw, nothing, babe." I push him back against the pillow, spread my legs across his lap. "Come shower with me?"

He firmly grips my backside. "Thought you'd never ask."

My back is thrust against cold tile. Legs shake as Eric pumps his girth in and out of me like a jealous lover.

I claw at his back. "What has gotten into you tonight?" I pant in his ear.

He flicks his tongue against my neck, sucks hard enough to draw blood.

I moan. Yell out his name loud enough for the neighbors to have wet dreams about Eric Thomas Holmes, Sr.

There's so much steam in the shower, it now feels like my back is up against the sun.

Hands are on my b.r.e.a.s.t.s, lips on my nipples.

I suck on his earlobe, stick my tongue deep in his ear. He loves when I do that. My hands glide down his back, round the firmness of his rear end, usher him deeper inside me.

Staying out past my curfew seems to have worked in my favor. Brings out the lover in this husband of mine.

Eric raises my hips, slides out of me. "Turn around," he says.

Tonight, I'm at his will.

He slips back inside me from behind. Puts one palm up on the wall, the other one guiding my hips into him.

I'm no longer in this shower. I'm somewhere far away from here. A place where this feeling is everlasting, where I don't have to do something to set my husband's hormones off the Richter Scale. I'm somewhere feeling deadened places in me come back to life. I'm in an open field chasing b.u.t.terflies, laughing.

I'm in a place where, when my husband calls out my name in ecstasy, I almost call out for someone else.

17.

BRANDON.

A white sedan pulls up next to my ride. I hit end on my cell phone without leaving a message. Toss it in the back seat.

Sydney doesn't greet me. She wraps a timer around her neck, says, "How long can you run without stopping?" while lacing up her sneakers.

I shrug my shoulders. "I don't know, maybe ten minutes or so."

"We'll run for five minutes at my pace, then intervals for thirty."

"Cool." I take a swig of my blue-colored drink. "Wait, what's your pace?"

"You're worried about the wrong thing," she says and starts jogging off.

I set my drink in the cup holder, set the alarm, and do my best to catch up.

As my feet hit the pavement, my mind drifts to the phone call I just made. I've been calling my wife for weeks now, and not once has she picked up or responded to any of the voicemails I've left. Same thing when I call the job. The receptionist takes a message, but I never get a call back. Thought things between us would've changed after my visit to her business, but she's left me hanging since. I should be used to it by now.

"Your head's bobbing. Steady your pace, Brandon."

Don't even know why I keep trying. Moved out, but I'm still trying. And here I am with a woman who's allowed me to be me again, a woman who's allowed me to not feel so guarded and off balance. Yet and still, my mind is on my wife.

"Use your arms. You're working your legs too hard."

Sydney's voice breaks my trance. I do as she says and start pumping my arms.

I hadn't realized I had lost control of my run, but now that I'm pumping my arms, I feel like I'm in control. Wish I could get control of my marriage as easy as changing a simple movement. Then again, I've changed quite a few things, and at the same time, nothing's changed. I don't know what's happened to my wife. Seems like the more I try, the farther away she moves.

"You're. Going. Too. Fast," a voice yells out in slow motion.

I let thoughts of Rene drift with the wind. Look up and look for Sydney. Don't see her. Look behind me and realize not only have I caught up with Sydney, I've left her in the wind as well. She's not running behind me. She's chasing me.

All of a sudden, I'm aware of my heart, feel it racing faster than Usain Bolt breaking another world record. My lungs struggle to expand to their full potential. Can't catch my breath, feel myself falling.

"Don't stop moving," Sydney says once she's caught up to me. Her huffing and puffing is hard from the unexpected sprint. "Give me your hands."

I reach my hands out to her. She walks backward pulling me in her direction.

"You've got to keep moving. Your heart's probably on the verge of a nervous breakdown."

My legs feel like Jell-O. I want to sit, want to lie in the gra.s.s and close my eyes until the next lifetime.

"No. Keep your eyes open." Sydney continues walking backward. "Don't hold your head down, keep it up. Look at me."

I do as told, wait for the dizziness to wane.

Everything fades to black.

She holds my wrist with three fingers. Counts as blood pulsates through my veins. "What were you trying to pull?" she asks once she's a.s.sured I'm going to live. "You men and your egos."

"This has nothing to do with ego."

"So, you mean to tell me you had no problem with a woman outrunning you, that you found some sprint you didn't even know you had?"

My attention is drawn to the lake. Swear the water is rising above the banks and inching its way to me. Even nature is tired of my situation and is ready to drown me, put me out of my misery.

Sydney sits in the gra.s.s next to me, touches me on my shoulder. "Hey, you okay?" When I look across from me and see the concern in Sydney's face, I see the lake's tide still in my eyes. I blink and feel water roll down my cheek.

"Let's get you to the hospital."

I shake my head. Tell her, "I'm divorcing my wife."

She flicks a piece of gra.s.s from her s.h.i.+n. Does that to break eye contact. "Are we really about to have this conversation?"

For a while, the only sounds heard come from rubber striking concrete as other runners trail the lake. Walkers come and go with idle chitchat floating through the trees. Birds serenade us with high-pitched melodies.

I break our silence. "Look, this is my reality. It's what my marriage has come to."

"I envy you."

"Jealousy is dangerous, don't you think?"

"I wish I had the guts to leave my husband." She folds her legs up like a pretzel, brings them into her. "Wish I had realized my mistake like Kim Kardas.h.i.+an and called it quits after seventy-two days."

"Your husband that bad of a guy?"

Sydney shakes her head. "And neither was Kris Humphries. Just the right people in the wrong marriage. I feel like I'm the bad one for feeling like this. I take it out on him, punish him, blame him all because I'm the one who feels this way."

"And what way is that?"

Again she says, "Are we really having this conversation?"

I nod.

She sighs. "I'm not sure that I love him. Not sure I ever did."

Her confession takes me aback. Makes me wonder if Rene feels the same about me. Wonder if at some point during our marriage she had to be honest with herself and her feelings, and if pus.h.i.+ng me away was her resolution.

"Don't get me wrong, Brandon. I do care about him, but there's always been this hole in the pit of my soul that he's never been able to fill."

I say, "Voids can lead you to places you might not be able to return from. My wife left me with a void, and now I'm here." I reach my hand across the way to hers. Intertwine my fingers with hers.

Sydney looks at our hands together, quickly releases mine like I have the cooties. Unfolds her legs and stands up. Says, "I need to get my daughter to school."

We walk back to our cars in silence.