One Good Memory Part 9

"Everyone handles it differently," Eva interrupted. "It's not right to judge the depth of someone else's pain by your own standards. Some people cry, some get angry, some never get over it and some seem unaffected. Personally, I think Maryl is over the worst of her issues with Alaine. Time will handle the rest."

Maryl was grateful for the support.

"What does concern me," Eva said directly to Maryl, "is that you don't create new pain to replace the old. I'm concerned about this new relations.h.i.+p. What do you really know about her? How does she feel about you? What happens at the end of our trip? And how will your heart handle it if it's over?"

"She's a good person," Maryl said quickly. "I know enough about her to make that judgement. And I think she has feelings for me, too. But...I think it's a spur of the moment affair for both of us. I expect we'll go our separate ways."

"How do you feel about that?"

Maryl brought her urge to cry under control before she answered. "I think it's the way it has to be, but that doesn't have to ruin our time together."

Linda finally spoke. "Are you going to see her tomorrow?"

Maryl lifted her chin defiantly. "Yes. I am. I'm leaving as soon as I wake up and I don't know when I'll be back. I promise to be here before we break camp the next day. I would appreciate it if no one came looking for me unless there's an emergency."

Linda snorted her displeasure. At Eva's glare she got up and stomped off to bed. "How far down river will you be?"

"It's a 45 minute walk or so. We're right on the water, out in the open. I won't be hard to find."

"And you trust her to keep you safe? She knows what she's doing?"

"Yes," Maryl said confidently. She thought of Bruce's link to Robin. "She stays in touch with one of her brothers constantly. If anything happens he'll know immediately and they can run there in 15 minutes or so."

Eva smiled. "That's all I care about, Maryl. I just want to know that you're safe. Just keep it all in perspective. If you need to talk about it, you know we're here for you."

Maryl nodded and Eva took one of the lanterns with her to the tent. Kirsten followed her and a moment later Brook did, too. She could see the outlines of the four women on the tent's walls; the murmur of their voices indistinct.

"So," Noreen said with affected casualness. "Is she any good?"

Maryl blushed head to toe. "Amazing." Wendy sweet laughter danced through the air like b.u.t.terflies on Ecstasy. The sound was contagious and she and Noreen had to join in.

Robin had packed everything she thought they might need or want for the next day in the largest pack she could find as soon as she got back to camp. She left it next to the inner tube and cooler by the river and went to bed. She dozed fitfully, afraid she would oversleep and just before 3 in the morning, she gave up.

Moving quietly, she dressed, grabbed a flashlight and picked up her gear. In the dark, her 15-minute run of the previous afternoon took more than an hour and a half of careful navigation through the water. By the time she reached their beach, her legs were numb from the knee down and her teeth were chattering. She knew it was foolish to put herself in such straits, but she didn't care.

She wasn't surprised that Maryl wasn't there yet. She didn't expect her for hours and with almost two hours till dawn, her first order of business was building a fire. She curled up next to it wrapped in a blanket and allowed her body to warm up before turning the beach into a campsite. She had the coffee almost ready when she spotted a flashlight bobbing towards her in the pre-dawn darkness. She stood opposite of the fire so Maryl could see her and tried to contain her joy. Maryl dropped her pack and jacket to the ground and Robin held open the blanket that was draped over her shoulders to welcome her into her arms.

"You're so warm," Maryl said with a contented sigh. "And you've got a fire and coffee going. How long have you been here?"

"A little over an hour. I couldn't sleep."

"I didn't think you'd be here yet."

"Can I make you breakfast?"

Maryl chuckled. "How much stuff did you bring?"

"Everything I could think of," Robin admitted. "At least, everything I could get here in one trip."

Maryl looked around and back to Robin's face. "Through the water? In the dark?"

"I know it was stupid," Robin said. "I couldn't help it." She smiled as Maryl snuggled closer and held her tightly. "I won't do it again."

"Do you sit around thinking up ways to impress me?"

Robin laughed. "If I'd been thinking I wouldn't have lost the feeling in my feet." Maryl looked at her with concern. "I'm fine. What did you bring?"

"Food, mostly. Is there room in your cooler?"

"We'll make room."

They both laughed at how much food they had when combined. "Maybe we should send out invitations for company," Maryl suggested.

"Sorry," Robin said. ""I don't want to share you today."

Maryl sat between Robin's legs, the blanket around them both as they drank coffee and watched the sun come up.

"Did they give you a hard time last night?" Robin wondered.

"Some. But we worked it out."

Robin brushed blond hair to the side and pressed her lips to the soft skin of her neck. "When do you have to go back?"

"Before they start breaking camp tomorrow morning."

Robin almost cried with grat.i.tude for a full 24 hours with Maryl. She rested her cheek against Maryl's shoulder and her heart filled with love. She knew she loved Maryl. She had known during her run to camp the previous day, when her body and the universe had become one and the only thing that existed was her need to see her. She wanted to say the words out loud, but she somehow felt that Maryl wasn't ready to hear them and she didn't want to jeopardize this last day together. Somehow, sometime, before Maryl had to leave, she would say the words. She needed to say them.

"What are you thinking about?"

Robin drew her awareness back into her body. "How lucky I am to be here with you." She smiled as Maryl wiggled closer into her arms.

"What did you bring for breakfast?"

"Cold cereal with banana. Do you want some?"

"Sure."

Robin quickly put it together and brought the bowl back to her.

"Aren't you going to have some?" Maryl asked.

"I only brought one bowl and one spoon." At Maryl's look of confusion, Robin explained. "I want to be as close as possible to you. I want to share everything with you." Maryl's hand came to her cheek and Robin placed a kiss in it. "Is that weird?"

"Yes," Maryl grinned. "But it's a sweet kind of weird."

Robin let Maryl control the spoon and ate when it was given to her. She made a second bowl using the last of the cereal and returned the favor. They let the fire die with the last of the morning chill and began to undress each other wordlessly. They lay together on the blanket, pa.s.sion present but quiet and slowly learned each other all over again: feeling the curve of waist into hip; the tenderness of the back of a knee; the flexibility of fingers; the arch of a foot; the texture of throat; the shape of ears. They listened to each other's heartbeats and took each other's pulse.

Maryl was lying face down, arms stretched over her head and Robin watched her hand as it softly stroked in a lazy rhythm from shoulder to a.s.s. She pressed her lips to a bare shoulder before laying her cheek on the spot. She let her hand start making decisions and enjoyed the feeling of Maryl's a.s.s under her circling caresses. She listened to Maryl's breathing and heart rate change as her fingers began to randomly dip farther and farther between her legs. She almost couldn't breathe when Maryl deliberately spread her legs apart and Robin took full advantage. Closing her eyes, she slid two fingers inside of Maryl's moist heat and stroked in a gentle cadence.

"Robin?"

Her awareness was focused on her hand and it was difficult to frame an answer. "Hmm?"

"That feels really good."

"Mm hmm."

"Don't stop."

Robin nodded and completely lost track of anything outside of the sensations in her fingers. She couldn't tell when it was that Maryl first began to raise her hips to meet her. When she realized how fully involved Maryl was she moved to kneel between her open thighs and slid a third finger in as well.

Maryl rose to her hands and knees and began to writhe. Robin's own desire mounted at the enjoyment Maryl displayed and she reached forward to caress her swinging b.r.e.a.s.t.s. To feel a woman-this woman-taking pleasure from her with such abandonment brought Robin's desire to a crescendo of emotion. She cried out in sync with Maryl, the sound of her name ringing in her ears and followed Maryl to the ground as she collapsed.

She knew how vulnerable you could feel after a particularly powerful o.r.g.a.s.m and didn't want Maryl to feel embarra.s.sed or alone. She spoke soothing words until she realized that Maryl wasn't listening. She was asleep. With a soft laugh, Robin withdrew her hands and sat up. "I don't think I ever put anyone to sleep before," she told the river. "I'm not sure what to do."

Wildflowers across the river caught her eye and she waded over to pick a bouquet. Tying it together with strands of her hair, she placed it where Maryl would see it, then lay down next to her and followed her into sleep.

She woke gradually, aware of the smell of sunscreen and Maryl's hands working the lotion into her legs. She hummed to let Maryl know she was awake and stretched like a cat. She felt all of her muscles relax under the thorough touch and she smiled when Maryl turned her over. The sun was not yet high so she knew they had not lost too much of the day and she watched Maryl's face as she worked. Her tiny bouquet was tucked behind one ear. "Where'd you get the flowers?"

Maryl smiled knowingly. "A woodland fairy, I suppose."

"Awfully nice of her."

"I thought so, too."

Maryl eased her leg over Robin's hips and settled down. Robin watched as she squeezed more lotion into her hands and rubbed them together. She was looking forward to those hands on her b.r.e.a.s.t.s, but Maryl saved them for last and then was very careful not to get any lotion on her areolas. "What if my nipples burn?" Robin asked.

"I'll kiss them better," Maryl teased.

Robin pushed her a little to one side. "You're blocking my sun."

Maryl laughed and pinned her arms. "Maybe a little preventative attention is a good idea."

Robin held her breath as Maryl slowly leaned over to kiss each one. "More," she whispered. She watched, fascinated, as Maryl's tongue circled her tightening flesh; excited to see how Maryl was making her feel so good. She watched her nipples disappear into her mouth one at a time and fought the desire to close her eyes and give herself up to it. "Last night...in the truck...I think I came...just from what...you're doing right now."

"I know," Maryl said between kisses. "It was very exciting...You were incredible...I could feel how much you enjoyed it...Maybe we'll try it again..."

Robin didn't think it was repeatable, but she enjoyed the attempt completely. Maryl only let her bask in the afterglow for a moment before dragging her to her feet.

"Come on, Robin. This is wonderful, but I need to move around a little. Let's go for a walk."

Dressed in sneakers and smiles, they forded the river and headed into the trees. It did feel good to walk and Robin's strength returned. "Tell me your coming out story," she prompted.

Maryl had a stick in her hand and swung it idly as they slowly strolled. "Like most people it wasn't an event so much as a process. I came out when I was 19, but I started messing around with girls when I was nine."

"So young?"

Maryl's voice took on a hint of fond remembrance. "A neighbor girl and I used to...play. It wasn't s.e.xual at the time, but in retrospect it was extremely sensual. We gave each other ma.s.sages and slept naked together, but there was no s.e.xual touching or kissing. We were very casual about it, but I remember delighting in the way my body felt when she looked at me."

"Sounds innocent enough."

"It was, but it was golden, too." Maryl smiled to herself and then glanced at Robin. "Then, in seventh grade, I had every cla.s.s with a girl named Debbie and we naturally became friends. We were twelve that year and we spent the night at each other's house all the time. We used to practice kissing. We slept in our underpants and we hugged a lot, but aside from kissing, we didn't touch very much. I think we knew it would be crossing a line we weren't quite ready to cross. I'm sure she wanted to as much as I did, but we were so young. In my mind, she was very much my girlfriend, but even so, I didn't really understand what that meant."

"Whatever happened to her?"

"Her family moved away. I wonder now and then if she grew up to be gay as well. She was far more aggressive than I was in what she wanted. If not for her, we wouldn't have done anything at all."

Robin recognized the far away look in Maryl's eyes and she waited for it to clear before pressing. "Then what happened?"

Maryl laughed without pleasure. "Then I hit p.u.b.erty. That was such a terrible time for me. I wanted so badly to be happy and loved and I hated everything and everyone so pa.s.sionately. I can hardly stand to remember how awful I felt. Of course, the root cause was that I hated myself for feeling so different and not being able to identify why. Everyone expected things from me. My family is very image oriented so I ended up being a cheerleader. I hated it. I tried so hard to be straight-I really did. I dated the boys my friends were all excited about. I even slept with some of them, but the more straight I tried to be the more unhappy I got and I couldn't even figure out why I was so miserable. I wasn't even allowed to express any of it."

Robin knew that being a teenager was hard on most people, but Maryl's teen years sounded like a nightmare. "Society, peer pressure and family are very powerful things. It's almost impossible to fight them. It's too bad we don't live in a society geared to helping us through that stage of life. How did you ever get out of it?"

Maryl smiled. "I fell in love with a girl I worked in a video store with. I was 19 and she was 20. It was scary and torrid and spine tingling all at once. Pretty typical really."

"And your family? How did they take it?"

"Badly." Maryl looked up at Robin. ""Are you sure you want to hear about this?"

"Only if you want to tell it."

Maryl sighed. "My mother drank most of a bottle of whiskey in about five minutes flat and cried till she pa.s.sed out. My father called his campaign manager."

"Why?"

"He was up for re-election as a County Supervisor and he was concerned about damage control."

Robin was hesitant to be critical, but it seemed the only thing to say. "That seems rather...cold."

"It was pretty devastating at the time. Here I had finally figured out what was wrong with me and it turned out to be a wonderful thing, but my family went totally berserk. My father frowned at me for two years straight and my mother cried every time she saw me for almost 6 months. My sisters were almost as bad. My oldest sister found G.o.d and apparently he told her that I was one of Satan's imps. She still prays for me. My other sister thinks it's a phase and one of these days I'll stop embarra.s.sing the family and come to my senses."

"You're not kidding, are you?"

Maryl shook her head. "No, I'm not. I actually toned it down quite a bit. I moved out here about 10 years ago to get away from them. I call them four times a year just to be annoying and keep my name in the will." She laughed and put her arm around Robin's waist. "What about you? What's your coming out story?"

Robin shook her head to clear it of the appalling story she had just heard. "Unlike you, my coming out was an event. You heard a part of it already, but I'll fill you in on the rest of the story. I was 13 and I was at a slumber party with a couple of girlfriends. Unbeknownst to the parents..."

"Unbeknownst?"

Robin lifted an eyebrow at Maryl's tone. "It's my story and I'll tell it how I like." She smiled at Maryl's laugh and went on. "Okay. Like I was saying, we snuck boys into the party sometime after midnight. I didn't care one way or the other, it was just something you did back then. Bruce was one of them, by the way. We ended up playing Spin the Bottle and it was all very funny and weird. Kids kept going into the closet and we would tease them and they'd come out and be embarra.s.sed-it was all very juvenile. Anyhow, it finally landed on me and I jumped up thinking that Susan was my partner. She was sitting directly across from me. I was waiting for her to stand up and the boy next to her, Allen McIntyre, stood up instead." Robin could see Maryl trying to place where she had heard that name. "He grabbed my hand and tried to drag me to the closet, but I jerked away from him. To make a long story short, I told him I didn't want to kiss him. I wanted to kiss Susan. In the instant I said it, I knew I only ever wanted to be with girls and I was perfectly fine with it. Allen called me a freak of nature and I blasted him square in the nose."

"Ah! I remember now."

"That was the only time in my life that I hit anyone in anger. It was the strangest thing."

"How so?"

"He saw it coming," Robin said with a wry laugh. "I mean, I stepped back with my fist and just zeroed right in on him. I saw his eyes watch it coming. I don't think he believed I was really going to hit him, but he had to know from the beginning that I was winding up for it." Robin shook her head. "His nose exploded; blood and snot everywhere. I had nightmares about it for months."