The Revenge Of The Radioactive Part 7

The only thing Otis really cared about was science, and it had always been Wilson, not Vic, whoad encouraged Otis in his scientific endeavors. Vic was a liberal arts person, so head readily allowed Wilson to step in. When Otis was little, Wilson sent him an endless supply of mechanical things: robots, model kits, radios, tape recorders. Otis spent hours taking things apart and rea.s.sembling them to see how they worked. He strung together batteries to use as a power source for an electric blanket on Boy Scout camping trips. He fas.h.i.+oned a battery-powered skateboard that Caroline had to confiscate after he fell and split his head open. At one point Wilson sent Otis an old book called The Golden Book of Chemistry Experiments. Otis started experimenting with all sorts of chemicals and even made some chloroform that he administered to Suzi, which knocked her out cold. The Golden Book was sent back to his grandfather. Now, apparently, it was something to do with smoke detectors and alarm clocks.

Gigi kept talking. aMaybe Oats plans to hide those clocks around your house and set them for different times. Wake up, people! Itas happy hour!a aNot yet,a Vic warned her, and opened another student essay, this one ent.i.tled aThe Terrible Trip.a aHey,a she said in a quieter voice, leaning toward Vic. aBring Avie out for a riding lesson this weekend. I miss her.a Vic said that he would. Gigi asking about his children reminded him of where his true priorities laya"that they werenat here, and they werenat with Gigia"and after a while he realized that the conference room had lost its magical sheen and had been restored to its drab state; and as usual, he couldnat wait to get the h.e.l.l out of there. He told Gigi head be skipping happy hour, explaining that Suzi would need him at home.

In late afternoon, sunlight hung in columns through the canopy trees on Live Oak Plantation Road, which, because they spread out so graciously, never made Vic feel claustrophobic, even though head grown up on the prairies of the Midwest. And, turning into Canterbury Hills, he was struck once again by how much he loved his neighborhood, the sheer ordinariness of it. It was the sort of neighborhood head always dreamed of living in.

Vic grew up in a house in West Branch, Iowa, that looked, from the outside, as if it had been abandoned. Until he got old enough to mow the gra.s.s, it grew so high that the neighbors called a lawn service and took up collections to pay for it. His father, who was always reading and writing and teaching, never seemed to notice the gra.s.s at all. And then there was his motheras rock collection. These werenat little rocks, or even hunks of interesting and unusual minerals, but big ugly gray-brown boulders she carted home from rivers and creeks in their aged station wagon. She dropped these monstrosities randomly around their overgrown yard, which made mowing even harder for anyone who dared to try it. The Fortress, people called their house.

Vic bided his time until he could get out. He enjoyed his afternoon paper route because he loved studying other peopleas neat little homes; smelling the dryer lint from their laundry rooms; imagining the quiet, mundane lives that were lived within. He bet n.o.body in those houses accidentally fried eggs in a frying pan lined with motor oil as his mother once did after his father had used the pan to catch oil draining from the station wagon.

For years Vic had congratulated himself on the splendid, impulsive idea head had of applying to graduate school at FSU. Head been working in marketing and publicity at the University of Iowa Press, and one snowy day, eating his tasteless sandwich in the lunchroom, head happened upon a spread in an old National Geographic about Maclay Gardens in Tallaha.s.see and Iowa was all over for him. And head never been sorry about leaving the Midwest behind. Tallaha.s.see was great! Florida was great! Why would anyone not want to live here? Of course, some sourp.u.s.s.es might take issue with not only the hurricanes and rising insurance rates and rampant, heedless development and lack of state money for education and Governor Jeb Bush and fire ants and palmetto bugs and alligators and vicious exotic pets turned loose and humidity and heat and March, which, although breathtakingly lovely, was when spring breakers and serial killers and long-lost friends and relatives descended upon the Suns.h.i.+ne State. But most of the time Vic didnat care about any of that, because every place had its drawbacks, and he loved living in Florida.

And there was his very own yellow brick house with the white picket fence, the smooth carpet of St. Augustine gra.s.s that, for some reason, this summer, didnat sport even a patch of brown fungus. If a big hurricane came and washed his house away, he would miss it. He truly would. As he pulled in behind the house and parked the car at the bottom of the driveway he felt a bittersweet tang, as if his house were already gone.

For Vic, being around Suzi had always been relaxing, like sitting in front of a fire, basking in the warm glow of her competency. Not that she was always easy to be around, by any means. But up until she hurt her knee, shead been on a steady coursea"good grades, excelling at sports, and friends.h.i.+psa"whereas Ava and Otis were much loopier and uncertain in their pa.s.sage through the days. They got Aas in some subjects and Fas in others, could flawlessly recite their lines in Guys and Dolls but had trouble cutting up their meat. In a conversation with Ava and Otis, you never knew, from one minute to the next, whether theyad approach you eagerly or flail and curse at you. And being around them out in public, watching them interact with other kids, Vic always felt on edge, expecting a misstep and hating himself for it, overwhelmed one moment with pity, the next with pride, his hopes rising and plummeting. There was always distance between himself and his older two children, even though he loved them with all his heart. With them he always had to think before he said or did anything; and because being with them often felt like work, head gradually started spending more time with Suzi. He wasnat proud of this fact, but there it was.

Thatas why he depended so much on Suzi to be the calm center of his life. Watching her decline was extremely disturbing.

That evening after work, when he went into her messy room and sat on the bed beside her, she merely glanced at him and went back to staring up at the swiveling ceiling fan. She wore her shorty pjas with fairies on them and had an old polyester afghan shead dug out of the back of the closet covering her injured knee.

Vic worried about leaving her at home all day, because her mother was too busy with Wilson and Ava to pay much attention to her. Oh, Suzi could take care of herself. It wasnat that. On one occasion, years ago, when Suzi and Ava and Otis had, for one time only, an incompetent babysitter who did nothing but sit on her b.u.t.t and watch TV all evening, occasionally going outside to call her boyfriend and smoke a cigarette, eight-year-old Suzi made dinner for herself and Ava and Otisa"sandwiches and cheese grits and a fruit salada"then put the leftovers away and washed the dishes, took a bath, and put herself to bed. aI figured I was second in command,a she told us later. It didnat occur to Ava or Otis to step in and take over, or even help.

Vic reached over and stroked Suzias unkempt, curly hair.

She flinched, the way Ava always did when he tried to touch her.

aWhatave you been doing today?a aPraying about my knee. Itas not working.a Vic decided to leave that one alone. aHelp me make something for supper.a aWhereas Mom?a Suzi said accusingly, like he was keeping her mother away.

aThey wonat be home from therapy till seven.a aFigures.a aWant to bake some cookies?a aYou donat get it,a she said loudly. aMy knee hurts!a Vic knew he should stop pus.h.i.+ng her, but he couldnat seem to shut up. aYouall feel better if you get up and move around some. And your knee will heal faster.a In response, she rolled over and faced the wall. aI. Donat. Want. To. Do. Anything.a Vic found himself wanting to yell at her, shake her. Stop this at once! Youare my only normal child and youad better stay that way! Then another voice, a wiser voice, came over the loudspeaker in his head: Get away from your child. Now.

He ducked out of her room and into his own, changed into shorts and a T-s.h.i.+rt, grabbed a can of sparkling water from the fridgea"no beer left! Shouldave gone to happy houra"then went out back to sit on the screened porch, under the ceiling fan, which was uselessly paddling the turgid air. It was the golden time of day, mellow spotlights of sun gleaming between the branches of the live oak trees. Quiet except for the squirrels chittering in the limbs and the whine of a distant leaf blower. It was so hot out there in the summer that he always had this second story porch to himself. His own little tree house. Down below, Otisas white shed looked like the hut of a fairy-tale creature.

Their backyard was so totally enclosed by trees and shrubbery, they could cavort around naked if they were so inclined. Caroline had done that very thing one morning, peeling off her sweaty clothes after her run. Shead never do anything like that now, not since her body had decided to betray her by aging, but he wished she would. He would take off his own clothes and join her. He pictured the two of them, frolicking in the backyard, a gleeful, world-weary middle-aged Adam and Eve whoad returned for a second honeymoon in a much smaller, homelier Garden of Eden. If he told Caroline about this fantasy, shead either bring up dirty laundry or laugh her head off.

The longer Vic sat there, sipping the unsatisfying sparkling water, the more he became aware of the work that needed to be done all around him. The porch smelled musty and the screens looked green. He needed to pressure wash again, needed to replace some mushy boards on the deck, and repaint the whole thing. But before he did any of that he would check the NHC Web site.

aDaddy.a Suzi stood in the doorway, flushed and disheveled but determined, leaning on her crutches. aIam sorry. I want to make cookies.a aIam sorry, too,a Vic said, rising out of the wicker chair.

aFor what? You didnat do anything.a How could he even begin to explain what all he was sorry about? He was sorry shead hurt her knee, sorry that he depended on her to prop him up, sorry that shead been stuck in the role of the aonly normal kid in the family.a He was sorry that poor Wilson had had to come live with them and that poor Ava and Otis had Aspergeras and sorry that his marriage had gone south and that he missed the days when it was just him and Caroline and sorry because Caroline felt so besieged and that he felt so inadequate that he was counting on a hurricane to blow their problems away. He was sorry that his life was slipping away while he sat on the porch feeling sorry. He was sorry that he was such a sorry son of a b.i.t.c.h.

aForget it,a he told Suzi. aHow about peanut b.u.t.ter with chocolate chips?a * * *

Gigi and Vic were finis.h.i.+ng up the training packetsa"six example packets and six testing packets. The readers had been hired by Human Resources and would show up at FTA the following day, ready to be trained.

Vic was not only helping Gigi make up her packets but also supervising the other test specialists in math, science, and social studies, and he needed to go over their training packets with them later that day. He and Gigi were taking too long to make hers up, because, basically, she couldnat keep her mind on the task.

aIf I have to read one more review of The Incredibles Iam going to kill myself,a Gigi said. There were entire cla.s.ses at one high school that had written reviews of The Incredibles. aIave never seen that movie and I never will. Just the thought of it makes me sick.a Vic smiled at her and picked up another essay to read.

Gigi pulled up the hood of her green sweater. aItas like a refrigerator in here,a she said. aArenat you cold?a Because Vic wasnat seeing any bigwigs that day, he was wearing shorts and a polo s.h.i.+rt. He was cold, but it did no good to complain, because thatas the way management liked it. aGet some coffee,a he told her.

She shrugged. aAlmost lunchtime.a The bank of fluorescent lights above them emitted a high-pitched buzz. Vicas left big toe throbbed. He wriggled it against the b.u.mpy rubber sole of his sandal. Gigias horse Cisco Kid had stepped on it. Head been holding Cisco while Ava tightened his girth, and the dumb horse moved sideways, planting his hoof on Vicas sneakered foot. He hoped the nail wouldnat turn black and fall off.

aHow can you stand doing this day after day?a Gigi blurted out.

aI do it with half my brain tied behind me.a aIs that any way to go through life?a Why had he asked Gigi to work with him again? She hated work. She didnat know how to work. She didnat need to work. Her family had money. aWeare not all independently wealthy,a Vic told her.

Gigi spread her hands to check out her pink fingernails. She had beautiful hands, but they looked pale and cold. Vic could take hold of her hands, warm them for her. aActually, Iam broke,a she said. aI need this job.a aYour idea of broke is different from mine,a Vic said.

She shrugged. aIam going to teach more riding lessons, too. That ought to help.a Shead insisted he not pay her for Avaas lesson on Cisco Kid, so head offered to take her out to dinner sometime instead. It had been wonderful to watch Avaas total absorption while she rode and her straight posture as she posted around the ring. And head enjoyed seeing another side of Gigia"the competent horsewoman, pa.s.sing on her knowledge, neither one of them paying the least bit of attention to Vic. Despite the heat, it would have been a perfect afternoon except for three things: 1. Caroline had not wanted Ava to go because she was worried about her having another fall, so Vic and Ava had had to spend way too much time talking Caroline down; 2. During the lesson Travis, Gigias son, had plopped down in the lawn chair beside his and had talked unceasingly about horse manure while staring at Ava; and 3. A horse had smashed his toe.

Vicas next paper was about the philosophy behind The Little Engine That Could and how it had helped the writer achieve her goal to become cla.s.s president.

aHereas a perfect three,a Gigi crowed, waving her paper at him. aA narrative thatas all dialogue. Itas a tree talking to a bird.a aFunny.a aWant to read it?a aNo.a He wanted to put his head down on the desk and sleep.

Gigi smacked her lips and picked up another essay. aYeah. Okay. This oneas about 1984. When are they going to put that book to rest? All it is, is an anticommunist manifesto.a She spoke in a Valley girl voice. aLike, itas so cold war!a Vic wasnat looking at her. He was trying to make sense of the lines on the page in front of him. aDear Sir,a the letter began. aI have some suggestions for alternative power sources that you may be interested in hearing about.a No, actually, Iam not, he silently answered the student, then told Gigi, aLetas just read the f.u.c.king essays or weall be here all night.a There was a few minutes of strained but blessed silence.

Gigi couldnat keep quiet. aVic,a she said, and waited until he finally glanced up at her. Her face was framed by the hood of her sweater, tendrils of blond hair wisping around her face. Little Green Riding Hood. aIs your toe bothering you?a She smiled at him, and he felt bad for being so cranky.

His toe, actually, was killing him. aLittle Italy for lunch?a he asked her.

aYouare on. Iam gonna take me a bath in a hot bowl of pasta.a The image of Gigi, naked, in a bowl of pasta, like a kind of old-timey black-and-white photo, filled his head and warmed him right up.

The following day they began training the newly hired temps who would score the sample portfolios. Gigi trained the Language Arts people, Ed did Science, Carol did Math, Sandra did Social Studies. Vic went from one conference room to the next, observing, answering questions when he needed to, making sure everything went well. The scorers were over-educated and underemployed, some of them mentally unstable (those people usually left after a few days), some of them happy to be out of the house and eager to stay out (these people tried to impress him at every turn, thinking that they might get a real job at FTA), some of them angry about being smarter than the trainers but having to score portfolios in an a.s.sembly line at two dollars over minimum wage. These people often challenged the trainers and had to be dealt with.

When Vic walked into the conference room as Gigi was getting ready to start the training, he did a quick inventory of the scorers and noticed many familiar faces, old hands who helped out on every project, and there in the back row, Nancy Archer, her accoutrements spread out around hera"coffee mug, pens, pencils, notepad. She looked like a regal but mischievous queen. She waved at Vic, claiming their special relations.h.i.+p in front of G.o.d and everyone. He nodded at Nance, thinking, Oh s.h.i.+t. He remembered telling her about the project, suggesting that she might want to score, but never thought shead actually follow through.

He sat down in the back of the room to watch Gigia"wearing a low-cut, sleeveless dress, high heels, and big hoop earringsa"explain the training packets to the scorers. As soon as shead finished, three of the scorersa"an African American ex-military fellow, a young greasy-haired Harley type, and Nancy Archera"banded together to challenge her.

aWhyas aMy Big Fat Halloween Partya a three and aLost in Kentuckya only a two?a Harley asked Gigi. a aLost in Kentuckya at least has a voice.a aI used to be an English teacher,a Nancy said, afor twenty-five years. And I never wouldave given aMy Big Fat Halloween Partya a C, which is what a three isa"am I right?a Military Man read Gigias rubric back to her in a sarcastic voice, and then waited for her to defend her scores.

Gigi kept glancing at Vic, her eyes panicky like a horseas. He nodded encouragingly at her, but even though theyad discussed the reasons theyad given the papers their scores, she didnat seem to remember their rationale. She stammered and blushed and giggled. aWell, let me think. I know I had a good reason. Can anybody help me out here?a The rebels saw they were getting to her and stepped up their attack. How had this woman ever taught when she was a graduate student? Was she falling apart because Vic was there, watching her? He finally stood up and sent everyone on break.

Vic planned to spend half an hour with the upstarts in his office, the three unhappy know-it-alls, letting them know, in the nicest way possible, that they were completely replaceable.

He spoke first to Military Man and then Harley, who both left his office in a huff and quit the project, and saved Nance for last. He was particularly angry at Nance, whom he felt was trying to take advantage of the fact that they had a personal connection.

aIam sorry I upset Gigi,a Nance said, sitting across from him. She was wearing a pinstriped jacket with a white bow blouse underneath. aI truly didnat mean to.a Vic flipped the overhead lights on in his office so as to create an official atmosphere. As in, This is a corporation youare dealing with, lady.

aGigias a real nice girl,a Nance went on. aSheas Buff Coffeyas sister. I believe I saw you talking to Gigi at the roller rink. Is she a good friend of yours? Is that why she has this job?a Vic said that Gigi was qualified to be doing what she was doing, having a Ph.D. in English.

aShe might be smart,a Nance said, aand sheas real cute, but I could do a much better job training than sheas doing.a Did she think Vic was going to let her take over Gigias job? The arrogance! And after head been so nice to her that evening she came over, defending her against Carolineas sullen attacks.

aGigias doing a fine job. You need to give her a break and not argue with everything she says. We made up those training packets together. I stand by all those scores.a Nance grimaced and raised a hand to her cheek. aIam so sorry. Didnat mean to step on your toes. I didnat realize that you two were a team. I thought you were her supervisor.a aI am her supervisor. And weare working together. My toeas already been stepped on.a He told her about Gigias horse stepping on his foot, realizing as he did so that he was only making things worse.

aOh, I see. I had no idea you two were together.a What the h.e.l.l was wrong with this woman? aWeare not together. We work together.a She swiveled around and gazed at some framed photos on the shelf behind her. aAnd,a she said cheerily, ayouare good friends!a aWeare friends.a aWhat a lovely picture of Caroline,a Nance said, pointing at one Vic had taken of Caroline, tan legs and big smile, in front of the Grand Canyon, right after theyad graduated from college. With virtually no money, theyad taken the whole summer off to drive out West to places neither of them had ever been before.

Nance persisted. aIs Caroline a friend of Gigias, too?a aMrs. Archer.a aNance.a aMaybe working on this project isnat the best thing for you. You seem to be very unhappy with it.a aOh no! I love it so far. Iam so sorry Iave offended you. I wonat say another word. Iall just score my papers and leave you and Gigi alone.a Vic reluctantly agreed to let her stay on, and Nance returned to the training room with her tail between her legs. She was just desperate for attention, Vic decided. For people to acknowledge that she was smart and knew her stuff. That put her into a category of people that Vic and Gigi could deal with.

That evening, after checking on Suzi and explaining to Caroline that he was dining with asome FTA peoplea he took Gigi out for dinner.

At one point, at the cozy corner table in Cyprus, surrounded by the elegance, candlelight, and fine wine they felt they deserved after such a hard day; when they were toasting each other with their winegla.s.ses and imitating Nancy Archer and Gigi was looking at him eagerly, as in, Now what? he finally realized where he was headed. He kept hearing Nancy Archeras insinuating voice saying, aYouare a team. Youare good friends.a Vic, like any man his age, had done a few rounds with this problem. He knew full well that you couldnat help who you were attracted to. Forget about willing it away! Head thought about this problem over the years and had come up with some theories and options and a solution that he thought would keep him on the straight and narrow. He called it Vic Witherspoonas Guide to Doing It and Not Doing It at the Same Time: The All-and-Nothing Approach to Marital Fidelity.

To begin with, attraction just springs up, that dizzying electrical field, and there it is. Attractions are often inappropriate. Usually inappropriate. If youare married, always inappropriate. In said inappropriate situations, head come to see, one had a number of choices. The smartest choice, and the one that was often the hardest to make and carry out, was to remove yourself from the company of the attractive person as quickly as you could and never go near her ever again. This was often not possible because of the circ.u.mstances that placed you in the path of this person to begin with, for instance, an attraction between coworkers like him and Gigi.

If you canat flee the attractive person, you can choose to hang close but not too close to this person, indulging in the glimmering edges of the force field, convinced that nothingas going to happen and that itas perfectly okay because: 1. n.o.body else notices, including the person youare attracted to. (Everyone notices.); 2. The feeling is probably only coming from you and so, since it isnat reciprocated, you arenat in any danger of actually acting on it. (If the other person allows you to hang around her, she is attracted to you, too.) So scratch that option. Hereas the best solution head come up with, the one that seemed to make the most sense, the one he decided would work with Gigi: You hang around the attractive person as much as possible, bathing in the glow, waiting it out, telling yourself that even if the desire between the two of you is mutual and acknowledged, youall have the power to resist.

This, he thought, was the best solution for two reasons: 1. The more youare around the object of such attraction, the more youare forced to face the fact that she does have a few flaws, a few unappealing qualities, and before long she becomes as ordinary as an old shoe, or your spouse, and youare breathing a sigh of relief that you didnat say what the h.e.l.l and give in. 2. Head used this method once, successfully, with another coworker, Wendy, a few years backa"ten years, to be exact. Actually, he didnat breathe a sigh of relief until she moved away, but by the time she left most of the sparkle had worn off and shead transitioned into being just a friend rather than a friend. Her pregnancy and the birth of her first child was undoubtedly a factor in the transition, but still.

Full disclosurea"he knew the other methods didnat work because of a few slipups, a very few, none of which Caroline knew about. When he turned thirty-five, head determined that all that was behind him. The older he got, the more he had to lose, the less compelling became the prospect of upheaval and drama; and even if Caroline never found out, the pining, scheming, euphoria, and the wallowing in guilt wouldave taken too much out of him. Add to that his intense desire to avoid dueling lawyers; acres of counseling appointments; and most of all, heartbroken children. Head prefer to just stay home, eat popcorn, and watch all of the above on TV.

So Vic was counting on the all-and-nothing approach with Gigi, because he had no desire to disturb his marriage any more than it was already disturbeda"he didnat want to add to the damage that had already been done by the everyday wear and tear of life with three kids, two of them with adisabilities,a and an old man with dementia. Also, he was already aware of some of Gigias flaws: She overdid it with the eyeliner and revealing outfits. Her laugh was too loud and her Southern accent exaggerated. She didnat take the job seriously. She wasnat very good at it. She drank too much.

He told himself that nothing had happened between himself and Gigi at the Cyprusa"they ate dinner and drank a lot of wine, hugged good-bye a little too long in the parking lot and went their separate ways. But he never mentioned to Caroline that Gigi was the only other person at the dinner, which broke the cardinal rule of All-and-Nothinga"if he couldnat tell his wife about it, it was not nothing.

Later that night, his head heavy with pinot noir, instead of getting into bed where he belonged, he found himself in front of his laptop, checking the NHC Web site to see if there were any new developments, any new storms that might have potential.

There was nothing on his computer screen. Nothing.

Part Four.

JULY 2006.

On the Fourth of July, at the Canterbury Hills neighborhood pond, Caroline sat on top of a picnic table, her father parked on the seat below her, watching fireworks shooting up from across the muddy water. Vic, looking young and trim in shorts and T-s.h.i.+rt, stood a few feet away, arms folded on his chest. Otis had wanted to stay home and watch the s.p.a.ce Shuttle Discovery launching toward the International s.p.a.ce Station, but Caroline had insisted he come out and get some fresh air. Head walked down to the pond with them but disappeared into the crowd as soon as they got there. Ava and Suzi had better reasons for missing the festivities. Avaas nervous system couldnat tolerate fireworks, and Suzias knee was giving her trouble.

Kids danced around with sparklers, and the smoke from stink bombs hung like a ceiling overhead. The smoke didnat rise in this humidity. Caroline wore jeans and tennis shoes, because of the mosquitoes and fire ants, but wished shead worn a sundress and put up with the bites. She despised July Fourth and all the forced gaiety around it, gaiety that required one to endure the heat, eat bad food, and subject oneself to fiery things that banged and popped and had been known to atake out an eyea or ablow off a finger.a She felt guilty about hating Independence Day, so she usually went overboard in the opposite directiona"baking cupcakes with red, white, and blue icing; organizing a cookout; buying tons of sparklers and snakes; forcing gaiety on everyone else. This year she hadnat bothered with any of it.

Vic had come along only because shead asked him to, but Caroline was glad he was here. She hadnat had a minute alone with him, and there was something she had to tell him. The other night at her Aspergeras RDI groupa"Relations.h.i.+p Development Interventiona"which always met at Carolineas friend Billieas house, a new mom had shown up, a woman who had the kind of straight blond-highlighted pageboy that three quarters of the women in northeastern Tallaha.s.see sported, even though maintaining such a hairstyle in the raging humidity took buckets of time and money and products. This woman quickly let it be known that she didnat want to waste time discussing RDI, or what she called piddle-a.s.s therapy. She wanted to talk about how the mercury in vaccination shots had ruined their children. aIam involved in a lawsuit right now against drug companies,a shead said. aThatas where we ought to be directing our energies! We need to be exposing these people. Theyave ruined thousands of kids with those vaccines. My daughteras life is ruined! My beautiful daughter is ruined!a What a thing to say about your daughter, Caroline thought, but then realized shead thought similar things but had never said them aloud. Sometimes, in her darker moments, she wondered if the reason she spent so much time trying to fix Ava was because she couldnat fully love Ava the way she was.

The women in the RDI group had tried to comfort the angry woman and counter her arguments, saying they doubted that the shots were the only cause, if they were a cause at all, and that theyad chosen to put their energy toward doing something to help their children now; but the woman didnat want to hear any of it. There was something about the way the woman went on and on, about her entirely understandable and justifiable but out-of-place anger, that stayed with Caroline and eventually drove her to do some detective work. And shead unearthed something amazing, which was what she needed to tell Vic about.

Above the Canterbury Hills pond, a huge orange and blue blossom burst in the sky amid cheers and hoots of appreciation. Caroline gave up waiting for Vic to sit down with her, slid off the metal picnic table, and went over to stand beside him. aListen to this,a she began.

She told him how shead gone snooping through her fatheras bedroom and had found a folder in an envelope in one of her fatheras dresser drawers. The folder was labeled Prenatal Studya"Memphis University Medical School. When she opened it, she discovered medical records and typed narratives with her fatheras name signed at the bottom.

On the papers were names of hundreds of pregnant women whoad been given, in the early fifties, prenatal c.o.c.ktails containing radioisotopes at the Memphis University Medical School. It was part of a government nutrition study.

Shead known that her dad was involved in some experiments in the fifties, experiments he didnat like to discuss, but shead had no idea what they were really about. In the folder was correspondence between Wilson Spriggs and someone at the Atomic Energy Commission regarding their radioisotope distribution program, which Dr. Spriggs was taking advantage of. The c.o.c.ktails given to the pregnant women were made with radioactive iron that came from the Oak Ridge, Tennessee, uranium pile.

From what Caroline could figure out, a random sample of pregnant women visiting the prenatal clinic would have a blood sample drawn on their first visit, radioactive iron administered on the second visit, and finally another blood sample taken on the third visit to determine how much of the iron had been absorbed. The women were told only that they were getting vitamins that would be healthy for them and the baby. No consent forms were signed.

As she finished talking, a spidery, spangly star with tails whiz-banged overhead. aMy favorite color!a yelled a nearby kid.

aSweet Jesus,a Vic said. aYour father poisoned all those people.a They both turned toward Wilson, who was holding a lit sparkler someone had given him, holding it like he didnat know what to do with it.

aYou donat have to say it that way,a she said, knowing how ridiculous it was to defend her father at this point, but she kept on. aThey didnat think they were poisoning people. They thought they were helping their country. There was a cold war on! Anyway, I doubt he actually gave the women c.o.c.ktails.a aIt was his study,a Vic said.

aYeah. I know.a aIam sorry,a Vic said, finally putting his arm around her and pulling her close. He smelled like beer, but it felt good to be close to him again. When had they stopped hugging, and why, when it was such a comfort? Then he added, aTry to forget about it.a Caroline broke free of his arm.

Her father now sat with his head tilted up, gazing at the latest gold and silver explosion.

aThose people got a settlement,a Vic said. aItas over now.a aBut itas not over,a Caroline said. aItas never over.a She forced herself to breathe. aI think Nance was one of those women.a aReally?a She finally had his full attention, although she couldnat see his expression in the dark. aIs her name on the list?a Caroline had to admit that it wasnat.

aWell then,a Vic said. aHave you been talking to Billie again? You two and your conspiracy theories.a aI think sheas using a made-up name,a Caroline suggested. aI just figured it out after support group the other night. Why Nance showed up here in Tallaha.s.see. I knew there was something too coincidental about her coming here from Memphis and her having gone to the same clinic where Dad worked. For a while I thought she was my real mom!a Caroline made this sound like a joke and hurried through it. aBut now I know why sheas here. My father killed her daughter. There was a Memphis postmark on the envelope that the papers were in. And her daughter died of bone cancer. She told Suzi.a aSounds pretty far-fetched,a Vic said, and before Caroline could reply, added, aHey, isnat that Otis?a He pointed at a family sitting on a blanket a couple of yards away.

Actually, there seemed to be a family blanket and an annex blanket. On the family blanket were Buff and Paula Coffey and their little girl, Angel, all cuddled up close. The older, black-haired, black-outfitted daughter, Rusty, sat cross-legged on the annex blanket with a Otis?

aWhat the h.e.l.l?a Caroline said. aWhatas he doing with her?a aI didnat know they were friends.a aHe never tells us anything,a Caroline said. aHe knows we wouldnat want him hanging out with Rusty.a aShould I go over and talk to him?a Caroline thought about it. She imagined Otis seeing his father, his embarra.s.sment, his defensiveness. And herself having to talk to Paula Coffey. Being invited to join them. aIall talk to him later,a she said.

Nance lived in a white brick house at the dead end of Reeveas Court. Her front porch was festooned with hanging flower baskets, and there were pots of flowers all over the small front yard. There were rows of flowers along the edge of the house with no weeds in between them. It wasnat until Caroline was standing in front of the door, waiting for Nance to answer the doorbell, that she noticed that the red salvia in the basket nearest her were made of silk. She swiveled around. All the flowers in all the baskets were silk. She peered over the porch railing and studied the flowers down below. Shead stuck plastic flowers in the ground! Then whyad she have that garden hose snaking across the yard? And the full watering can? And shead eagerly offered to work in their yard, saying she loved yard work! As Caroline was trying to process this, Nance, who was expecting her, answered the door with Buster at her heels, and, smiling, ushered Caroline inside.

The house smelled of ham and cookies baking. Nance, wearing a patio dress and purple tennis shoes, indicated that Caroline should sit on what looked to be a brand-new beige vinyl couch. She disappeared into the kitchen and brought out a plate of homemade peanut b.u.t.ter cookies and gla.s.ses of tea with sprigs of fresh mint in them.

She settled in the rocking chair across from Caroline, holding her gla.s.s of tea, which shead wrapped in a yellow cloth napkin, and explained that since shead been scoring portfolios part-time at FTA and helping out Carolineas family and going to Buffas church every whipst.i.tch, shead been neglecting her own housekeeping.

Caroline reiterated that they all appreciated everything she was doing to help them, and that she hoped Nance wasnat wearing herself out. And, besides, the house looked clean to Caroline. In fact, the room they were in was not only free of dirt and dust and clutter, but it was also free of personality. Every bit of furniture looked new, large, and beige, even the coffee table and the lamps. Framed photographs were lined up on a low table against the beige wall, but Caroline couldnat get a good look at them. She told Nance that her house looked neat as a pin.

aDonat look too close,a Nance said. She had a rather large pecan-shaped head, and she sat up straight as if she had to balance her head on her shoulders, which gave her a dignified air. aIam trying to get things done round here today,a she told Caroline. aIf I get distracted, itas all over for me. The TV has to stay off.a aI donat want to take up your time,a Caroline said, like a salesperson. aI just wanted to pay you a visit, since youare helping out at our house so much.a Nance didnat respond to this illogical statement. aWell,a she said, athereas somebody out there who doesnat appreciate me. Has it in for me, seems like. Keeps calling here and hanging up. Lets it ring twice, and then hangs up before caller ID clicks on. They know exactly what theyare doing.a aWhy would someone do that?a Nance snorted. aHeck if I know.a She told Caroline shead been hearing strange sounds on the roof at night, like somebody was walking around up there. It drove Buster wild, she said. aHereas the scariest thing,a she said, lowering her voice. aThe other evening, round eight, I saw someone wearing a Richard Nixon mask peering in the kitchen window at me. I ran outside, but the person had run off. It was a grown person! Couldnat tell whether it was male or female.a aYou should call the police,a Caroline said. Maybe Nance was closer to totally losing her marbles than shead thought. aYou want me to call them for you?a aOh, no, no,a Nance said. aTheyall just think Iam a crazy old lady. Maybe Vic could come down here and spend the night sometime. He could catch them, I bet.a aMaybe.a Vic would never agree to that.

Nance dabbed at her lips with her napkin and set down her gla.s.s and uneaten cookie on the doily-covered table beside her. Buster, lying beside her, stared intently at the cookie, as if waiting for it to leap up and dance.

Caroline resumed eating her crumbly cookie and sipping tea and asked Nance about working at FTA.

aItas a hoot,a Nance said. aJust a hoot. Iam loving every minute of it. Except for that loud woman who helps Vic. Buff Coffeyas sister.a aGigi?a Caroline said.

aFlirty little filly,a Nance said. a aTween you and me, sheas terrible at her job. But Vic covers for her.a Nance gave her a creepy little smile, cut her eyes toward her and then away.

aSounds like Gigi,a Caroline said, feigning lightheartedness. At one point, back when Vic was in graduate school, shead suspected Vic and Gigi of being attracted to each othera"they always ended up side by side at partiesa"but Vic had always denied it. Gigi had always gotten plastered at those parties, but that was back when lots of people drank too much, she and Vic included.

aNow.a Nanceas voice changed and became confiding and caring, aSuzi told me that Otis and Ava havea"Is it a.s.s burger? Whatas that?a Caroline went into her Aspergeras spiel and after a while, as Nanceas expression grew more quizzical and then doubtful, Carolineas mind started wandering back to the fake flowers in the yard. Did she actually pretend to water them and think she was fooling the neighbors?

Nance said, aWell, I canat tell thereas a thing wrong with Otis and Ava. Theyare just as smart as can be. And cute. They seem perfectly normal.a Caroline took a deep breath. In the old days she would argue with people who said things like this, but it felt awful, really, to be put in the position of trying to convince someone that there was, really, something wrong with her children and that she and the doctors and therapists werenat just making s.h.i.+t up. So she didnat put herself in this position anymore. She looked at her watch and said she had to get to the grocery store.