Guarding Raine Part 51

" Grat.i.tude was what he thought she'd felt, but that was something elsehe'd never be sure about. It could have explained the accidental waythey'd kept meeting. Surely she'd made her interest clear. Or she could have been sent to destroy him. He'd last seen her two hours before the bomb had gone off2 He had no way of knowing whether she'dbeen in the hotel. " Did she die in the explosion, too?

" Compa.s.sion warred with jealousy, and the latter was an unfamiliar,distasteful emotiom She didn't want to hear Macauley say he'd lovedthis woman, that she'd been the only one to slip beneath his guard. " I don't know.

Trey seemed to think that she may have arranged it.

" His smile was self-mocking. " You could call it a going-away presentfor me.

I never saw her again.

I was Stateside shortly after leaving the hospital.

But I found out later that she had a brother in the very guerrillafaction I supposedly rescued her from.

" " You blame yourself for trusting her.

" " Trust wasn't a word I'd use," he corrected her. " But I didn't necessarily mistrust her.

And that might have been my biggest mistake.

" He was a man who would learn well from mistakes, she thought. A man who would fight to avoid rap eating them. " Did your superiors thinkyou were at fault?

" " There was never enough evidence to prove who set the bomb, orwhy.

It was accepted as just one of those things.

" His mouth twisted. " Successes or failures weren't measured in little things like the number of people who died.

My job was to meet goals.

" His voice dropped. " I was very good at my job.

" " So them is no one in the world who is blaming you for what happenedat that hotel except yourself~" she inquired daringly. " Sometimes we're our own toughest judge and jury, Macauley.

" She didn't want to ask more, afraid of the answers she'd get. But the question that was burning inside her slipped out anyway, signalingher interest, and other emotions she didn't dare sham. " Did you loveher?

" He heard the note of yearning in her voice and hated himself forbeing responsible for it. He walked toward her until he stood before her. He parted her legs with one knee and stepped between them.Putting a hand on either side of her, he lowered his face to hers. " Love had nothing to do with it," he said huskily. " I didn't care enough about her to worry about whether or not I could protect her andstill do my job.

But she was a distraction, one I couldn't afford at that moment.

" She was gazing at him mutely, and he wished he could mad what wasgoing on behind those wide eyes of hers. " I thought at the time thatshe was responsible for my reflexes being sluggish, my suspicions beingsoothed.

But now I've met a lady who shoots the whole thought of objectivity toh.e.l.l.

One who could tempt a starch-collared priest.

You should be running, baby.

As fast and as hard as you can.

Because a bodyguard overly interested in your body isn't going to d~you a whole h.e.l.l of a lot of good.

" That pouty mouth of hers was trembling, and her lips parted slightly.Her eyes were fixed on his, and he knew that the glow of barelysuppressed desire in hers was reflected in his. His mouth was halfwayto hers before his ears picked up a sound that shouldn't have beenthere. One second he was above her, mouth close to hers, and the nexthe was propelled into action. " Get inside," he ordered. Without waiting for a response he gripped both elbows and lifted her from thechair. He ushered her into the kitchen, and she heard, through thewalkie-talkie he'd left on the counter, a voice say, " Cat's coming upthe drive at a pretty good clip, Mac!

" " Stay here," he said firmly and ran down the hallway and out thefront door. She obeyed for less than a minute. When she heard the shouts and squeal of car tires, she ran after him. By the time shethrew the door open, one side of her front porch was already engulfedin flames. Chapter C Raine slammed the door and raced toward the stairs. Flipping lightswitches as she went, she stumbled into a spare bedroom and threw openthe closet. She dragged down extra blankets, ran to the bathroom andthrew them into the tub.

The faucets were turned on full blast, soaking the blanketsthoroughly.

Then she gathered them up, dripping wet, and ran downstairs. When she stepped out on the porch, she saw Macauley there with the two men whopatrolled the property at night. One held a garden hose~in his hand,and the steady stream of water he was spraying turned the flames tosearing, hissing furls of steam. She dropped her load and shouted, "IIelp me with this.

" Mac turned to see her struggling with a large wet blanket. " I thought I told you to stay put," he said frustrate ally Even as hespoke he took the blanket from her and began beating at the flames withit. The other man stepped toward her, picked up the second blanket andattacked another area of the fire. " Call emergency and ask for a firetruck, and the police.

And then stay inside," Mac ordered. She obeyed part of the command.When she'd finished the phone call, Raine went out to the porch, drawninvoluntarily. She watched, numbness setting in as the men fought forcontrol of the blaze. Just as they would conquer it in one area,flames would shoot up from another. Slowly, the men gained ground.

When nothing remained but glowing embers, the blankets were discarded.The man with the hose sprayed the porch and the surrounding areathoroughly, dousing even the most fervent sparks. She stood staringemptily at the soggy mess that use~t to be part of her porch. The flames had licked their way across the railing and left the porch floorcharcoal. Smoke had blackened the white siding of the house in spots.The soot and grime on the once s.h.i.+ny paint seemed a perfect commentaryon the turn her life had taken lately. " You okay?

" a voice rasped in her ear. She didn't have to turn her head to know it was Macauley at her side. She didn't answer. He drew her into the circle of his arm and led her toward the door. " Let's get youinside.

Smith, Anderson," he called to the two men still standing outside. " I'll need to talk to you in the office.

" Raine allowed herself to be led into the house, but once Mac got herto the front hallway, he didn't seem to know what to do with her, Hec.o.c.ked his head. " Is that water I hear running?

" She didn't move. " I wet the blankets upstairs.

" He lowered his head to gaze intently into her eyes. Bringing bothhands to her elbows, he rubbed up and down her bare arms in a gentle caress. " Why don't you go up and turn it off, honey," he suggested. " Better yet, take a long bath and relax~ It's over.

" She appeared to weigh his words solemnly for a moment before turningsilently and climbing the stairs. Mac observed her retreat with worried eyes. She was too calm, too quiet and much too obedient. He knew the combination spelled possible shock. He'd have to watch her carefully. Going to the office to confront his men, he demanded, "Well?

" " Looked like a late-model sedan, no plates," Anderson told him. " I chased it down the drive, but once it hit the road it was gone.

Two pa.s.sengers in the front seat.

" " Both dressed in dark clothes and ski masks," Smith put in. Hearingsirens approaching, Mac and the men went to the porch. " There's gla.s.sall around here," Anderson said. " Probably bottle bombs," Macgrunted. " Pretty basic," agreed Smith. " Pour in some gasoline,stuff in some cloth and ignite.

Instant torches.

" The man broke off abruptly. Following the direction of Smith's gaze,Mac turned and saw Raine standing in the doorway. Walking swiftly toher side, he ran a finger along the soot on her jawline. " Doesn't look,.

like you got 176 Guarding Rathe that bath taken," he said softly. Whenshe didn't respond, his arms went around her of their own volition.Cupping her head in one hand, he coaxed it to his chest. He bent his head, and rested his chin on her hair. He closed his eyes tightly,rocking a little. His hand swept up her bare back. It was chilled beneath his palm, despite the balmy temperatures outside. " I wanted to be here when the police arrive.

" Her voice sounded a bit more normal and he felt fierce relief. She was recovering from the shock of witnessing someone trying to torch herhouse.

No matter how often he witnessed it, he never ceased to be amazed ather strength. But he couldn't help worrying at her surface calm. Some time when the shock wore off, she was going to crash. All he could do was be there for her when that happened. The police car and the firetruck arrived simultaneously. When the two officers and the fire fighters joined them, Mac filled them in on the events of the evening." They were yelling at each other when they saw us coming," Andersonstated. " I heard one shout, "She's not alone.

' They were in a hurry to leave then.

" " I'm sure they expected her to be by herself," Mac stated grimly. " No one had reason to believe otherwise.

" The firemen looked around and p.r.o.nounced the area saturated enough toprevent any embers from igniting. The officers took notes, asked a fewmore questions, then joined the fire fighters in surveying the damage.After promising to pa.s.s the information on to Detectix/e Ramirez in themorning, the officers took their leave. The squad car was followeddown the drive by the fire engine. Raine returned to the house and huddled in a.chair. All of a sudden she was cold, as if she'd beencaught in a draft. She rubbed her eyes, which burned from acombination of smoke and stress, and stared straight ahead. It had been a while since she'd f~it this fear, but she remembered its effectswell. Intense enough to cripple a person, it could make her afraid toengage in a normal day's activities. She'd spent more than a decadeworking through that fear. She wondered bleakly how long it would taketo undo all she'd accomplished. That was how Mac found her. He didn't immediately see her when he entered the family room, and he scanned thearea sharply. She was in the corner, in such a small ball that onlythe color of her jumpsuit made it possible to pick her out. He immediately crossed to her.

"I'm cold," she murmured plaintively.

Reaching down and picking her up, he turned and dropped into the chair,arranging her on his lap. His arms surrounded her, and her head wentinstinctively to the hollow of his shoulder. He didn't question thewisdom of his move. She needed to be held, and maybe he needed this asmuch as she did. " Probably shock, as much as anything," he saidagainst her hair. " You need a hot shower to warm you up, and a shotof whiskey to put you to sleep.

" She wrinkled her nose against his s.h.i.+rt. " No, thanks.

WMskey wouldn't [nake me sleep, it would make me unconscious.

" He wasn't so sure that wouldn't be a good thing. If ever a woman deserved a few blessed hours of unconsciousness, it was her. He didn't know how to make sure the scene tonight didn't trigger a flashback whenshe finally did manage to sleep. Pa.s.sing out just might be the answerto avoiding that particular problem. But he wasn't surprised thatshe'd refused that solution. She wasn't the type to hide from herproblems in the bottom of a bottle. " I don't know what to do anymore,Macauley.

" Her voice was weary. " And I just keep wondering why.

I can't figure out what I did to elicit this kind of hatred fromsomebody.

" His arms tightened around her. " You didn't do anything," he saidfiercely. " You've been targeted by someone with a sick mind whosemotives are clear only to himself.

Don't start blaming yours, elf for this.

" " I'm scared," she whispered.. " I mean, I'm really, reallyscared.

It's Crazy, because not even the accident shook me up like this.

Part of me stands back and observes all this as if it's happening to astranger.

And then I realize with a jolt that this is me.

This is all happening to me.

" She was silent for a while before she spoke again. " l was never afraid to stay here alone, you know?

Once I had the house all set up so I didn't have to worry about beingcaught in the dark, it was always my haven.

As soon as I'd approach the driveway a kind of peace always settled over me.

I'm afraid I won't ever feel that again in my home, even when this is over.

" " You won't be alone here while there remains any hint of danger,"he said. Her admission of fear echoed a silent one of his own. Fear for her, for her safety. If she had been alone tonight, if she'd beensleeping, this act could have resulted in her death. The whole house could have gone up in flames, with her in it. He felt sweat pop out onhis forehead at the thought. He could have lost her to night, soeasily. The threats were getting too real, and far too close. He hated having her afraid, and he knew what it took for her to admit itto him. He didn't much care for the feeling himself. Somehow objectivity didn't seem to matter anymore. There was nothing objectiveabout the rage he felt each time someone tried to hurt her. Emotion,an uncomfortable amount of it, had crept into this job at some point,and d.a.m.ned if he knew what to do about it. His instincts had alwaysbeen his mainstay, and every instinct he had was screaming at him. Thiswoman was more dangerous than any he'd ever encountered. Seductivebecause she saw through him, through the defenses he'd built for years.

Alluring in her vulnerability, and in her curious strength. And tood.a.m.n s.e.xy to be out on her own. Regardless of what people thought ofhim, Mac O'Neill did have a few scruples. That's what had had him holding Raine at arm's length, but those scruples were pretty tatteredthese days. The danger of her ~ituation seemed to weave a coc.o.o.n ofintimacy around them. His role as her protector drew him nearer, evenas he tried to resist the pull. He didn't know how much more of this she could take, and he was wondering how much more he could take. One thing was sure--sitting like this with her was playing h.e.l.l with theone remaining ethic he had.

Everything in him demanded that he rea.s.sure himself she was all right,in the most primitive way a man could. He wanted to lay her down andrun his hands all over her, in a tactile exploration that would lead tomore than his recognition of her well-being. Danger was a powerfulaphrodisiac, but his fear for her was an even greater one. She stirred then, and her hip pressed against his groin. He stifled the groan thatwas on his lips. Raine raised her head. " I think I'll go up now andtake that bath you were suggesting.

" He had to agree, since it had been his idea. But the image of her inthe tub, bubbles spreading alluringly to allow teasing glances at sweetsecrets, danced through his mind. " Good idea," he murmured. " And then you'll come down for that drink I mentioned.

It doesn't have to be whiskey.

" " Thank heavens for that," she muttered. " But it will complete therelaxation and help you get some sleep.

Okay?

" She nodded, and he helped her to her feet. She walked from the room and only then did he move, almost painfully to the kitchen. She mightnot want a whiskey, but he'd never felt more in need of a drink.

Unfortunately, he didn't dare take one. He didn't need any of hissenses dulled. He s.h.i.+fted uncomfortably. Although he'd welcomedulling his awareness of Raine. She lolled her head back in the tub and turned on the tap with her foot. When she'd replenished the hot.w.a.ter in her bath, she turned it off again. Macauley had been right,she thought lazily. For the first time all evening she could feeltense muscles lose a little of their stiffness. Not completely, of course. There was only so much hot water could do, after all. But being held in his arms had started the process.

Blocking all thoughts from her mind for a few precious moments, sheengaged in the repet.i.tive task of soaking the bath sponge in the waterand squeezing it gently out again. Over and over her hands repeatedthe simple action, and she watched it hypnotically. It wouldn't do to fall asleep in the tub, but there really was no danger of that. Her trancelike state was her mind's way of escaping the events of the lastfew hours. She didn't want to think about the fire or the threats, orthe persons responsible for them. She didn't want to wonder about their motivations. And she didn't want to feel afraid anymore, Shedidn't feel afraid while Macauley held her. Those were the only timessince the rape she could remember feeling completely and utterlysafe.

It didn't make sense to feel that way with a man like him. She'd known from the start that he had a wall around his emotions. But she'd sensed so much more since then. He was holding his desire for her atbay. It wasn't ego that told her that. There had been too many timeswhen she'd read his true feelings on his face. Or lower. Heat suffused her cheeks, and it wasn't caused from the hot water she'd justadded. Only a couple of short days ago Macauley had joined her in thisroom, and the mask of desire stamped on his features had been the mostseductive sight she'd ever seen. She knew there was no chance he would happen in tonight. Macauley O'Neill a.s.suredly never made the samemistake twice. That was how he viewed their night together, she knew.A slip of the natural guard that was so much a part of him. She doubted he was aware that the control he exerted over his emotions served to remind others to curb their own around him. Doubtless, hewouldn't care.

Emotion wasn't logical or reasonable or rational. All the words that described almost every action he took.

Except on those rare occasions when he was tempted to forget them. She rose then, the water sluicing off her, and stepped from the tub. She reached for a towel and dried herself, slipping into a short, silkyrobe she'd brought in. She stopped, catching her reflection in themirror. He would a.s.sume the high color in he~ cheeks was the result ofthe warm bath. Only she knew it had been caused by memories of himtouching her. Macauley O'Neill. She'd told him once that the name sounded like a poet. Now she wondered if it described a saint. How much would it take to tempt a saint? she wondered. How much to tempta man who held himself to higher ideals than any plaster of Parismartyr had ever harbored? Perhaps tonight, if she could summon thecourage, she'd find out. Mac prowled around the kitchen restlessly.He'd scavenged through her cupboards and found some brandy. That would do, he thought judiciously. One drink would have just enough kick to get her completely relaxed. Two would complete the trick, andthree--well, three would mean she'd need some help getting to bed. He pursed his lips consideringly.

Better not push it. Three might guarantee her a solid night's sleep,but would mean far less than that for him if he was forced to getanywhere close to a bed with Raine and then leave her. The thought ofputting Raine to bed gave rise to a more pleasurable solution to theproblem tonight. Exhaustion could be arrived at by much more mutuallysatisfying means than brandy. He pushed away from the counter,impatient at the way his mind kept coming back to one thing. One woman. It wasn't a possibility, and it wouldn't be fair to her tooffer his protection, give her his body and walk away. A needling ideatormented him, one that slyly suggested walking away might not benecessary, but he knew better. She'd put her life back together overinsurmountable odds. He was just beginning to be able to sleep througha solid night, and it had been four years since he'd come home. Once his parents had spoken of grandchildren, had teased about adaughter-in-law, but his mother never spoke of it now. She knew,somehow, in that indiscernible perception a mother has for her child,that Something inside of Mac was gnawing away, and it couldn't all beobliterated by the love of a good woman.

Wanting something had never made it happen. That's what Shawna O'Neill had always told him, and he knew from experience that wanting to bewhole again, wanting to be the kind of man someone like Raine deservedwasn't going to be enough. And only a b.a.s.t.a.r.d would ignore that. He rubbed a hand over his face, and was half surprised to see the grime onhis palm.

He hadn't cleaned up after the fire, and he didn't think it would besuch a good idea to share the bathroom with Raine. He opened a drawerand pulled out a kitchen towel. Shucking his s.h.i.+rt, he turned on thefaucet, cupped some water in both hands and splashed his face andchest. Then he washed his hands, and with careless disregard he wetthe towel and dragged it across his torso. Feeling slightly freshet,if not totally clean, he turned off the water and reached for anothertowel. He heard a noise behind him and looked over his shoulder. All the blood in his body pooled behind his fly. She was standing in thedoorway, and her skin was rosy? from the bath. She was wearing agreen silky s.h.i.+ft that had narrow straps, and every hormone in his bodyattested to the fact that she was wearing little, if anything, beneathit. " It occurred to me that you weren't going to be able to find anywhiskey in here anyway.

" She nodded toward the cupboards. " So I really didn't have anythingto worry about.

" She had plenty to worry about, he wanted to tell her. If she had a notion of the kind of thoughts running through his head right now, he'dguarantee she'd be plenty worried. He picked up a gla.s.s from thecounter and thrust it at her. " Here.

" His voice was raspy. " It's brandy.

Drink it.

" . She moved toward him to take it, and his eyes narrowed a.s.sessinglyHe'd never noticed her hips move with that seductive sway before, andhe wondered for just a second if it was purposeful. Then she took the gla.s.s from his hand without managing to touch him, and he beratedhimself for his imagination. He wiped the excess moisture from hischest carelessly, then threw the towel with the other in the corner onthe floor. He watched as she leaned against the edge of the table andlooked from the contents of the gla.s.s to him. " You didn't by anychance slip a mickey into this, did you?

" she asked, only half joking. " If the brandy does its job, you won'tneed one.

But if you don't trust me, I'll take a drink from it first to proveit.

" Oh, I trust you.

" Her voice was soft, her gaze direct. " Completely.

" She moved the gla.s.s to her mouth and sipped. His gut clenched at herwords, and at her meaning. She trusted him. She could have been talking about his ability to keep her safe, but he knew she wasn't.She'd told him on more than one occasion that he was a better man than he gave himself credit for. He'd never wanted so much to believe that himself. He made himself look away. " You're going to have to drinkmore than that.

" Bracing herself, she swallowed half the contents of the gla.s.s. The burning sensation brought tears to her eyes. and a gasp to her lips.She shuddered.

" It's awful," she said. " I never understood how a person acquired ataste for this stuff.

" " Mostly they acquire a taste for what it does for them.

" She nodded. There were many ways to forget. She'd been lucky she'dgotten help all those years ago before she'd chosen this one. She drank the rest of the brandy, better prepared for the taste this time.Then, crossing the room, she set the gla.s.s on the counter near hiswrist. Mac went still, his nostrilstlaring. She was close, and hecould smell the hint of lilac in the soap she'd used. Her pulse wasbeating rapidly in the spot below her jaw, and he coiddn't helpnoticing that her nipples were taut beneath the s.h.i.+ft.

He thought of that for a moment, of how the material must have rubbedthe delicate tips to cause that kind of reaction. He would never have accredited her response to himself. Turning away abruptly, " he pickedup the bottle and poured her another healthy shot. What the h.e.l.l, hethought a little frantically. The sooner she was out of commission,the sooner he could get to his own room alone. And spend the nighthowling silently at the moon like some d.a.m.n animal in agony. He gritted his teeth at the thought. Turning, he almost shoved the gla.s.stoward her. She took it, but didn't back away this time. Now she was close enough for him to observe through the gla.s.s the sight of her lipsparting to accept the liquid. Her upper teeth were visible, and thenhe focused on the tip of her tongue. As she moved the gla.s.s away fromher lips, it came out to sweep the errant drops of liquid away. He watched that unhurried movement intently. The method he'd chosen to relax her was having the opposite effect on him, he realized grimly.His muscles were bunched up into knots, and his groin was drawn tight.He turned away from the sight and reached for his s.h.i.+rt. As he pickedit up he noticed it was streaked with soot and he wadded it up andthrew it with barely restrained force onto the pile of towels he'dalready discarded.

Raine noticed the fury of his movements and watched him uncertainly. Heseemed different tonight somehow. His eyes were hooded and intense. Helooked as if he was the one in need of relaxation. All of a sudden she questioned the wisdom of her half-formed plan tonight, to see what itwould take to make Macauley O'Neill lose his famed control. She was' no longer certain she wanted to be responsible for letting all thattightly coiled energy loose. She escaped his intent gaze by closingher eyes and taking ~ large swallow. She coughed as the brandy wentdown, choking a little, and her wrist tipped, spilling the remaining liquid down the front of her gown.