Looking For Salvation At The Dairy Queen Part 5

"Right."

I could tell by the way he said right that he was just humoring me, and I hated being humored. "Don't talk to me like that, Hank."

"Like what, Catherine? I didn't say anything."

"Oh yes you did. You said right. And you and I both know what that means."

"Right means you're right. Forget it."

But I couldn't forget it. Hank was loving the wrong girl, and I knew that now. "Just shut up, Hank. You know d.a.m.n well that's not what you meant."

"Catherine, what has gotten into you?"

"Gotten into me? So you can look me in the eyes and tell me that Gloria Jean does in fact know a whole lot more about love than you, perfect Hank Blankens.h.i.+p?" My voice sounded sharp and hateful, and I knew, with every word I was pus.h.i.+ng Hank further and further away. But it was for his own good. He needed to be set free.

"G.o.d bless it, Catherine. Look, the woman got left five times. I don't think any reasonable person would think she knows all there is to know about loving a man."

"Shut up, Hank. I mean it. Just shut up! No man ever left Gloria Jean," I shouted in his ear. People were starting to stare.

"Yeah right, Catherine. That's why she's sitting in that house all alone making herself up to look like some kind of two-bit tramp."

"Don't you talk about her like that. At least she's got the courage to live her life the way she wants to and doesn't just sit on some dairy farm making perfect little cupcakes for her perfect little boy."

"Catherine, you better shut your mouth before it gets you into trouble. n.o.body talks about my mama like that, you understand, n.o.body," Hank ordered in this firm, unfamiliar tone. But I couldn't shut my mouth now. Down deep inside I knew I had been waiting for a moment like this, when I could prove to Hank he had fallen in love with the wrong girl.

"n.o.body talks ugly about Gloria Jean. There were good reasons she got divorced, reasons I'd never expect you, some, some . . . small-town farmer boy to understand."

"Farmer boy! What the h.e.l.l do you mean by that? Listen, you're no big, sophisticated city girl like you think you are. Face it, Catherine Grace, you're a country girl and you always will be! It's in your bones."

Now the tears were running down my face. I could feel them stinging my cheeks. I ran out of the gym. Hank ran after me. He grabbed my arm and turned me around so we were standing face-to-face. "Don't run out of here, Catherine Grace, like some spoiled little kid pitching a fit. Running away doesn't make it better, or haven't you figured that out yet, sitting on that picnic table licking your d.a.m.n Dilly Bars?"

"Leave me alone, Hank." I pulled my arm from his grasp. "I'm not running away from anything. I'm running to something better, something you know nothing about. Now go on, go dance the last dance with Sh.e.l.ley."

I started running from the gym, not looking back to see if Hank was coming after me. He wasn't, but I didn't care. He didn't have the right to say those things about Gloria Jean. She'd been like a mama to me. He didn't know anything about true love or reaching for the stars. He was just a stupid country boy who'd rather spend time milking cows and playing a losing game of football.

I walked home that night carrying my pink, peau de soie heels in my hand, wondering if fancy shoes like these were ever going to feel good on my feet. Something kept pulling me toward Chickamauga Creek. I don't know, maybe Mama was showing me the way.

As I crawled on my hands and knees down the gra.s.sy bank, I could see the light from the moon bouncing off the water. The reflection was so smooth and pretty, it was like it was begging me to come sit by its side. I lay down in the gra.s.s and stared up at the sky, looking at everything and nothing all at the same time. The only sounds I could hear were the water flowing over the rocks and a choir of crickets chirping in the background. Something was speaking to me down deep inside, and I don't know if it was the Lord finally taking the time to answer one of my prayers or my mama sending me a message from above. I stood up, took the corsage off my wrist, and tossed it into the creek, letting the water grab hold of another piece of my heart and wash it away like it had done so many years before.

Hank and I didn't talk much after graduation, and when we did, we just argued about stupid stuff like whether or not the Bulldogs were going to win the Southeastern Conference or the right way to lick a Dilly Bar. It was kind of like we were little kids again, just annoying each other whenever we could. Henry Morel Blankens.h.i.+p and I were done. I knew that. He belonged with a girl who wasn't dreaming of her exodus of biblical proportions.

CHAPTER SEVEN.

Rolling Through the Red Sea in a Greyhound Bus My bedroom looked very different the morning of my eighteenth birthday. It looked lonely. I opened my eyes just as the sun started creeping through the window, and I stared at the white chest of drawers that had greeted me every morning since I could remember. Maybe it's stupid to think that a piece of furniture has feelings, but then again, I'm the same girl who kept my tattered old baby doll dressed in a sweater and knitted cap so she wouldn't get cold sitting on the top shelf of my closet. And this morning that chest of drawers was looking sad. All the photographs and trophies and silly knickknacks that had blanketed the top and told my life story better than any words ever could were gone, packed in brown cardboard boxes and neatly stacked in the cellar.

Even my pretty pink walls were bare. Mama picked this color after I was born, and I've never wanted to change it. Ruthie Morgan used to try to convince me that my walls should be painted some other color. "Pink's just not your color, Catherine Grace. You know as well as I do that there's not a speck of pink on the football field."

There was nothing she could say that was going to change my mind or the color on my walls. If I had, I would have lost another piece of my mama. And I wasn't letting go of any piece of her, pink or not.

Daddy insisted on replacing my tired, worn curtains a while back, but I threw such a fit that he spent a good seven weeks looking for the very same fabric, little bitty pink flowers on a white-and-pink-checked background. He finally found a few yards in some textile mill down in South Carolina. I told him there were a few things in life that should never ever be allowed to change, and my curtains were one of them.

So many other things were never going to stay the same, and this morning was one of them. I'd been praying for this day for as long as I could remember, and now that it was here, all I wanted to do was crawl under my covers and pretend it was any other day.

I couldn't help but think of Moses. He was certain the Lord had chosen the wrong man to lead His people out of slavery, and I wondered if I really had what it took to up and leave the only land I had ever known. But then I figured if Moses could question the Lord's intentions out-right, surely it was natural for me to feel a little shaky about my pending exodus, now that the day had finally come.

I knew that this would be the last morning I would wake up in this bed as a Sunday-school-going, dishwas.h.i.+ng, tomato-watering member of this family. I knew this would be the last morning I would wake up in the same bed where I had calculated G.o.d only knows how many algebra problems, the same bed I had hid under playing hide-and-seek with Martha Ann, and the same bed I had lain on and cried myself to sleep too many nights after Mama died. I wasn't sure how I was going to make it through the day considering I was having such a hard time just saying good-bye to my bed.

Normally, in the Cline house, on your birthday morning, Daddy would sneak into your room like some sort of undercover spy, stand over your bed, and start singing the Happy Birthday song just as loud as he possibly could. Last year on Martha Ann's birthday, Gloria Jean said that Daddy's cat-a-wallin', as she kindly called it, woke her up in such a panic that she almost fell right out of the bed.

"I d.a.m.n near thought the early-morning freight train had jumped its track. Apparently the good Lord only thought it was necessary for one of your parents to carry a tune," she had said, laughing as she handed Martha Ann a box of perfumed body powder.

But today the house was unusually still. Everything about this birthday was going to be different, I could feel it. The suitcases pushed into the corner of my room kept reminding me of that. I was trying to cram everything I owned into that luggage set Daddy had given me two years ago. Now I bet he was wis.h.i.+ng he'd bought me that lilac cashmere sweater set I'd seen at Loveman's, the one just like Ruthie Morgan's, the one I'd been admiring since the first day she wore it.

I heard Daddy's bedroom door creaking in the distance and figured I might as well close my eyes so he could enjoy this birthday ritual one last time. He tried to sneak down the hallway, but the old floorboards under his feet were blowing his cover. My door opened slowly. I could feel the light from the hallway on my face, and I knew he was standing over my bed. I played possum, waiting for him to sing, but there was a long still silence instead. He knew this would be the last time he'd be singing the birthday song, waking Catherine Grace Cline from this very bed.

"Happy birthday to you," he began, speaking more than singing. "Happy birthday to you . . . Happy birthday, dear Catherine Grace . . . Happy birthday to you."

We both just stared at each other with tears puddling in our eyes. I lunged out of bed and threw myself in my daddy's arms.

"I love you, Catherine Grace. You know you will always be my little girl and this will always be your home," he whispered in my ear.

"I know, Daddy. I love you, too," I said, not wanting to let go.

This was going to be a long, hard day. I could feel it in my heart. Thankfully Martha Ann bounced through the door and announced that my birthday breakfast feast was cooking and I better get my lazy b.u.t.t out of bed and make myself a little more presentable. Considering the fact that my birthday was about the only day of the year that Martha Ann ever cooked me anything, I did as I was told.

I put on my fuzzy chenille robe and matching slippers that Mrs. Blankens.h.i.+p had given me for graduation. She said that I would always be special to her even though Hank and I were no longer together. She said she was secretly hoping we would find our way back to each other someday. I wondered if Hank had ever told her what I said about her at the prom. I hoped she knew I didn't mean a word of it.

I splashed a little water on my face, pulled my hair back in a rubber band, and then walked into the kitchen to find the table covered with sausage and biscuits and gravy and scrambled eggs and pancakes and maple syrup. I sat down at my usual place at the table and noticed a plate of sliced, red tomatoes. "They're for good luck." Martha Ann chuckled.

"Very funny. What in the world got into you?" I said, ignoring her sense of humor. "I can't eat this much food."

"This may be the last home-cooked meal you get for a while, so you might as well have everything you like," Martha Ann said with a smile, knowing that I still didn't have a clue as to how I was going to make any money down in Atlanta. I had spent so many years planning my escape that I hadn't given quite enough thought to my long-term survival. I knew I wanted to work in retail. I wanted to be surrounded by all the pretty things I had admired as a little girl wandering through Davison's department store. And I knew I eventually wanted to go to college and maybe get myself a business degree. Gloria Jean said I was going to need that piece of paper to get ahead in this world.

But for now, I was certain I had enough do re me stuffed in my s...o...b..x to last me at least a month or two, money I'd earned from making strawberry jam for the past five summers.

The three of us sat at the breakfast table for at least an hour. We'd eat, then get to feeling kind of full, so we'd wait for a while and talk and laugh, and then we'd start eating again. I didn't want to stop eating, not because I thought there was any truth in what Martha Ann had said, but because I knew that when I got up from the table, I was going to have to face this day head on. Finally, Martha Ann announced that she was going to wash the dishes. Apparently, she was the only brave one among us.

"Hey Catherine, have you talked to Gloria Jean this morning?" she asked as she stood at the kitchen sink with her hands elbow deep in soapy water. "She called late last night wanting to know when we were coming over. Said she had something special for you."

"No, but I've got a little more packing to do, so why don't we head over to her house in about an hour or so?" I replied. My daddy was still sitting at the table. He said he had some business to take care of over at the church and thought he'd be gone most of the morning. My daddy had never gone to church on my birthday, unless, of course, it fell on a Sunday. I honestly think sticking around the house was just too painful for him. I understood that. I was almost relieved to see him go.

After drying the dishes, Martha Ann came into my room and flopped her body across my bed. Any other day I wouldn't have minded, but I had spent a good twenty minutes meticulously folding the sheets and blanket so they were neat and tight. I wanted to leave my room looking extra nice for Daddy. But before I could start griping at her, she started to cry.

"Catherine Grace, I know this day has been part of your plan, I mean our plan, since forever. But all that talking, I just never counted on it being this sad," she said, her voice trembling as she talked.

"I know," I said, gently stroking the back of her head. "Just two more years, Sis, and we'll be together, living it up big, on our own. Just two more years."

I never was really sure if Martha Ann wanted to leave Ringgold as much as I did or if she just went along with the idea because she didn't know how to tell her big sister she wanted to stay home. But either way, sometimes I wondered if my leaving was going to be the hardest on her.

"You know," I said, trying to lighten the mood, "I can't fit all these romance novels that Gloria Jean has been smuggling to me for the past two years into my suitcase. It ain't Shakespeare, but I think you're old enough now to handle these steamy love scenes. Just don't let Daddy catch you with them or we'll both be reading the Bible cover to cover."

Martha Ann wiped her tears on my bedspread, and then she seemed ready to change the subject. So we talked about clothes and hairstyles and her first heavy make-out session with Freddy Emerson behind the fence at the public swimming pool, something she didn't think I knew about. She wasn't sure if she should feel proud or ashamed, but I told her as long as he kept his hands out of her pants, she should walk around with a smile on her face. We laughed when we started wondering what would be the appropriate shade of nail polish for making out behind a recreational swimming facility. Martha Ann thought it should be Crimson Red. I said Pink Paradise.

All the time I kept folding and packing. Finally I looked at my little sister and announced, "It's done. It's all done." But before either one of us could start crying again, I suggested we walk on over to Gloria Jean's and then down to the Dairy Queen for one last, ceremonial Dilly Bar. We put on our new, hot pink flip-flops that Mr. Tucker had given us the day before as a going-away present. Then we left Daddy a note on the kitchen table and headed out the door. I knew this good-bye wasn't going to be easy, either.

Gloria Jean must have heard us coming down her gravel driveway because she was already standing on her front porch waving at us to hurry on inside. "Girls, you better get in here. I couldn't imagine Catherine Grace would leave this town without coming to see me one last time. I've even made you some chocolate chip cookies for the bus ride. I got some for you, too, Martha Ann," she said, talking so fast, something she does when she's trying to keep a feeling to herself. I knew she was going to miss me, probably almost as much as my own daddy.

"Get in here and tell me what you've decided to do when you get to Atlanta tonight. Oh Lord, child, I cannot believe this day is finally here. You got your jam money in a safe place? You know you can't carry that s...o...b..x with you on the Greyhound. Any old fool will know what you got in there."

Martha Ann and I both felt like we had been swept up in a tornado and plunked down on Gloria Jean's bright blue velvet sofa where we had spent so many hours watching the Guiding Light and listening to her stories about love and romance.

She handed us both a plate of cookies and, as full as we were from breakfast, we still managed to eat every last one. Gloria Jean had always said it was these very cookies that had been responsible for attracting husbands numbers two and four; and someday, when we were ready for true and lasting love, she'd share the recipe with us. She almost gave it to me last spring, but something inside told her to wait a little longer. And she was right. It would have been a shame to have wasted Cupid's chocolate chip cookie recipe on Henry Morel Blankens.h.i.+p.

"Okay, Catherine Grace Cline, tell me. Are you ready? Are your bags packed?"

"Yes, ma'am. Somehow I've managed to fit everything I own into my luggage set. Kind of sad to think my entire life actually fits into three matching suitcases."

"Honey, you're life is just beginning. Today is the day. The adventure begins!" She was almost shouting at this point. "Remember, hon, what's really important in life is never gonna fit into those three suitcases anyway."

Boy, I was going to miss her.

"So the bus leaves at six o'clock sharp. Now tell me where you've decided to stay tonight."

"Well, I'm not getting to Atlanta until a little after eight. So Daddy arranged for some cousin of ours I've never laid eyes on before to pick me up at the bus station. She works in a bank downtown somewhere and she's going to let me stay with her for a while. She's getting married at the end of the month, so I have to be out of there by the twenty-fifth or so."

"Good. You got yourself a place to lay your head tonight. Now what about a job? Any last-minute news? Did you call my friend at J.C. Penney yet? If nothing else, she might know of some place you can live when it comes time to leave your cousin's."

"No, but I will. You know I'd still like to work at Davison's best of all, but any kind of ladies' shop, like Love-man's, would be great," I said. "So I thought I'd head over to Lenox Square mall first thing Monday morning and start filling out applications."

"Oh, honey, I'm gonna keep telling you what you already know. You will be wonderful in the world of fas.h.i.+on. You always look so cute even when you're in shorts and a T-s.h.i.+rt. You really do have that special something. I know you don't think you do, but you do, just like your mama," Gloria Jean said, complimenting me like I was her own flesh and blood.

"Catherine Grace, I've been saving something to give you. You know how much I loved your mama. When you were born, I used to go over and do a little cooking for her or rock you to sleep so she could get some rest. I'd sing *Hush Little Baby,' not as pretty as your mama, but you'd fall right to sleep anyway. Worked like magic every time.

"Anyway, as a way of saying thanks, your mama painted this little box for me. She used to kid and tell me she made it to hold all my wedding rings," she laughed, handing me the box. "Look inside, she even lined it with red velvet and fancy gold trim." I held it for a long time, just feeling its weight in my hands. I opened the lid. The trim was straight and not a raw edge was showing.

"Now turn it over and look at what she wrote on the bottom of the box."

You welcomed my little Catherine Grace with love and joy.

I hope she celebrates life as you do.

Love, your friend, Lena Mae.

I couldn't believe that I was holding something so beautiful that my mama's very own hands had made, and I had that feeling, that really odd feeling deep down inside, that the message on the bottom of this box was meant as much for me as it had been for Gloria Jean. That familiar s.h.i.+ver ran down my back, Mama's way of letting me know she was floating nearby.

I hugged Gloria Jean and let my body rest in her arms before looking up to see that all three of us were sobbing like newborn babies. We sat there crying and hugging till finally Gloria Jean said, "Okay girls, enough of this carrying-on. You got an adventure waiting for you. Now, go on, get out of here. And don't worry about Martha Ann, I'll be looking after her."

"I love you, Gloria Jean," I said, and I wanted to keep saying it, over and over again.

"I know you do, hon," she said quietly. "Now go on, you must have a mountain of things to do before you get on that Greyhound."

Martha Ann and I walked down the driveway still sniffling and rubbing our noses with the backs of our arms. I held my box next to my heart, hoping Mama could see how pleased I was with her handiwork. Martha Ann asked if I wanted to stop by the house before walking to town so I could put the box in my suitcase for safekeeping. I told her no. I wasn't ready to let go of it, not even for a minute.

We walked on to town, stopping on the sidewalk to talk to Mr. Tucker. I told him he had been partly responsible for this moment, letting me sell my jam in his store all these years. He asked me again when I was leaving, forgetting he had asked me the very same question only the day before. I said about six tonight and then told him how much Martha Ann and I loved our new flip-flops, shaking my left foot as I spoke. He told me he was going to miss me, and I said I was surely going to miss him, too. It was tiring, all this good-bying.

We even ran into Ruthie Morgan and Emma Sue Huck-step as they were making their way into the Dollar General Store, surely looking to buy themselves a new pair of hot pink flip-flops, having already seen ours. Ruthie reached out to give me the obligatory good-bye hug, but as I pressed my body against hers, I wondered if I hadn't been so busy hating her for the past eighteen years if we could have been friends. Leaving sure makes you rethink your friends and your enemies alike.

Emma Sue and I decided a polite smile would be sufficient.

Finally, we made it to the Dairy Queen, and fortunately n.o.body was there except Eddie Franklin, standing behind the counter as usual waiting to take our order. Eddie had worked at the Dairy Queen since he was no more than thirteen. He graduated from high school five or six years ago and now worked there full-time. No one can make a more perfect curlicue at the top of a soft ice cream cone than Eddie Franklin. Even when he dips the ice cream in the warm, melted chocolate, it holds its shape.

"Hey Catherine, Martha Ann, what can I get you girls?" he asked like he really had no clue what we were going to order.

"Same as usual Eddie, two Dilly Bars," I replied, putting eighty cents on the counter.

Lolly had said she was going to try to meet us here so we could see each other one last time before I left. I didn't normally encourage visitors while I was at the Dairy Queen, but today seemed worthy of making an exception to the rule. I figured Lolly's mama would probably come up with some stupid ch.o.r.e for her to do at the last minute just to keep her from coming to say good-bye. You'd have thought Lolly would have gotten herself out of town the minute she was handed her diploma, but for some reason she hadn't been able to go. I think that crazy mother of hers had convinced her she wasn't capable of much of anything, not even running away.

Martha Ann was sitting on the picnic table and staring blankly at the road in front of her. I handed her a Dilly Bar, and we sat there eating our ice cream and talking about life like we had a thousand times before, never once mentioning my leaving. We talked about the kids at school and Mrs. Gulbenk's tomato aspic and how it tasted like an unfortunate combination of Hunt's tomato paste and lime Jell-O.

And we talked about Miss Raines and her new boyfriend. She finally broke up with Daddy, saying it was time to get on with her life. After all that complaining I'd done when she first started coming over to the house, it turned out I really liked her. And I knew Daddy did, too. He obviously loved her but couldn't bring himself to commit to anything much more than Sunday lunch. I guess Gloria Jean was right. Miss Raines wanted to grow her own little crop of tomatoes while she still could.

Martha Ann asked me how I thought Daddy was going to handle my leaving.

"I don't know," I told her. "It's gonna be real hard, I'm sure, but, heck, I'm only gonna be a couple of hours down the road." But with Daddy it didn't seem to matter whether I was two hours or two days from home. I was gone.

"You know, Catherine Grace, I bet Daddy is not the only man who doesn't want you to leave town. Have you seen Hank lately? Ruthie Morgan said he'd been asking about you."

"No way. When she'd say that? She's lying. Anyway, Hank and I are history, you know that," I told her.

But I also knew that if I hadn't been so determined to leave town, Hank and I would have been engaged by now, spending these last days of summer picking out our wedding china and arguing with Ida Belle about the flavor of the wedding cake. Ida Belle would insist that it be almond, so I guessed it'd be almond.

I hadn't seen Hank in more than a month, which takes some doing in Ringgold. Somehow we had managed to successfully avoid each other all summer long, and I certainly wasn't expecting to run into him today.

"Come on, Martha Ann, it's getting kind of late. Daddy's probably back from the church wondering where we are." We slowly eased our bodies off the table and began walking on home. I couldn't help it. I just kept looking back at that picnic table till it was nothing more than a speck in the distance. When we got to the house, we found Daddy out back watering the flowers along the side of the garage. He looked up when he heard us coming. "So, Catherine Grace, you think your sister and I are going to be able to keep these zinnias and tomatoes from dying in this heat?"

"I don't know, Daddy," I said. "But I think it's a good thing you're a man of G.o.d because they're definitely going to need some saving if Martha Ann gets a hold of them."

"Hey," my little sister blurted, like she was actually offended. Truth be told, sometimes I thought Martha Ann killed Daddy's tomatoes on purpose just so she wouldn't have to take her turn watering.

"You know, sweetie, the mustard seeds that fell among the thorn bushes grew up nice and tall, but then the thorns choked them and their fruit never ripened. The seeds that fell in the good soil grew strong and bore many fruits."