Ultimate: No Limits Part 20

Yeah, he could handle that. "Go on." He waited, but she seemed to be girding herself for- "I've been so unfair to you."

The blurted comment threw Cannon. "Come again?"

"I've let myself forget the truth of things when I shouldn't have. You're...well..." She huffed out a breath, then looked him in the eyes. "I just have to say it."

"Yeah, do."

"You're a fantasy for me. You know you always have been."

Twice Cannon started to speak, but with her looking at him so earnestly, he had no idea what to say. He settled on, "So far I don't see the problem."

He'd happily be her fantasy, because she was his.

"It's true," she said as if he hadn't spoken, "that being away for three years didn't change that. How I feel is the same, but now I'm different."

"Older, more mature." No longer off-limits.

"True, but also, I can't..."

He waited, saw her struggling with herself, and prompted her. "You can't what?"

She looked so d.a.m.ned grave, it bugged him.

"Here." He scooped her up and onto his lap, then held her there when she automatically started to scramble off. "You're not comfortable?"

"I am."

"I scare you?"

"I already told you that you didn't."

"Then let me hear what it is you can't do."

She went still, but remained stiff.

Cannon kept his arms loosely looped around her when what he really wanted to do was bring her close, as close as she could get. "It bothers you for me to hold you?"

"It does, but not for the reason you think."

Smoothing his hand over her hair and then down her braid, he asked, "How does it bother you?"

"It makes me want you even more."

He'd never had a problem with patience before. But now, with Yvette, figuring her out wore on him. He wanted to race to the finish line so they could move on to more physical things.

Like s.e.x.

Opening his hand on the small of her back, he rubbed, soothing her. "But you can't...why?"

Relenting, she got as close as he wanted her, curling into him, her head tucked under his chin against his chest. In a tormented whisper, she explained, "I can't... finish."

With no idea what that meant, Cannon kept quiet.

She toyed with the cotton of his T-s.h.i.+rt, her nervous fingers plucking at the material and then smoothing it. "Something in me is broken. When I have s.e.x, I mean."

It felt like a fist landed in his gut. Cannon forgot to breathe as he took apart what she said. In his mind he ran through one absurd scenario after another and still didn't quite get it.

He tried to tip up her face but she huddled in close, hiding, a little desperate.

To rea.s.sure her, he kissed the top of her head and tamped down a surge of jealousy. "I want to understand, okay? So I'm going to ask some questions. That all right?"

She nodded.

"Don't be embarra.s.sed with me, okay?"

Her laugh was raw, devoid of humor. "Of course I'm embarra.s.sed. It's an embarra.s.sing problem."

He hugged her tighter, his arms around her slender body. He couldn't think of a delicate way to put it, so he just asked. "You're saying you can't come?"

He heard the catch of her breath, felt the way she lowered her face more. "Yes, that's what I saying."

"During s.e.x?"

A nod.

So she'd been with some selfish bozo? So what? That wasn't him. h.e.l.l, he loved pus.h.i.+ng ladies over the edge, feeling them clench, hearing the sounds they made, how they breathed and cried out and the way they moved.

With Yvette, yeah, he could get hard again just thinking about something that hot.

And talk about hot... He lowered his mouth to her temple. "What about by yourself?"

A long, tense pause and then... "No."

d.a.m.n. Visualizing her trying- Her small fist caught him in his bruised ribs. "Stop it, Cannon."

Hiding his wince, he said, "Can't." Though she resisted, he framed her face, brought it up and kissed her again, a killer kiss that left them both breathless. And, d.a.m.n it, she didn't respond like a woman with issues. She gave back, took and enjoyed. Maybe not as much as he did, but given how much he wanted her, that'd be a stretch for anyone.

When he let up, he kept her there, looking at him. "You could get off before?"

Heat rushed into her face, making her green eyes more vivid. "Before I left here? Yes."

Which meant before she was so badly abused by the sc.u.m who'd a.s.saulted her, showing her things no young lady should ever have to see. "But since then?"

She bit her lip and shook her head.

Sorting things out in his head, he reminded her, "You like kissing me."

Gently, her fingers touched his mouth. "Kissing isn't a problem for me. Neither is touching. I enjoy it." Her gaze lifted to his. "Far more so with you."

Cannon was acutely aware of her firm bottom on his lap, how her b.r.e.a.s.t.s pressed against that thin camisole, her scent and her warmth. It was the oddest thing to be having this conversation. He had to think that once they got together, it'd all be fine. He'd obliterate her concerns with red-hot pleasure.

But he wanted her to know that he took her worries seriously, that it wasn't only s.e.x he wanted, so he held back and listened.

"That's what I wanted to explain to you." Her fingertips went from his lips to his jaw, rasping over his beard shadow. "When I can't...can't react the way I should, I don't want you to think that reflects on you."

She couldn't be serious. "So if I get mine and you don't get yours, it wouldn't be my fault?" By sheer force of will, he kept the disbelief from his expression. "That's what you're saying?"

"I'm saying I can't seem to do...that, no matter what. So you wouldn't be to blame. There's just something broken in me."

"Yvette-"

"You need to understand up front, so you won't be disappointed."

So she'd made up her mind that they would be together? Knowing she'd climax, because he'd ensure it, he said, "You could never disappoint me."

"So far I've disappointed every guy I've ever been with."

Yeah, not something he wanted to think about. "You already told me I'm different."

Her smile was sad and fleeting. "And because of that, I'd still enjoy being close to you, being...with you. So if you want-" she stared him in the eyes "-I'm willing."

Willing? But not anxious. She hoped to be a sacrifice.

Screw that.

"What I don't want," she continued, "is for you to think if you try hard enough, if you're patient enough, it'll make a difference. I'm sorry, but I can't go through that again. It makes it even more frustrating."

The words sank in. I can't go through that again. "Spell that one out for me."

With two fingers she anxiously toyed with a loose lock of hair that had escaped her braid. "I dated guys who were c.o.c.ky enough to think they only had to finesse things a little more and I'd miraculously launch into a screaming climax."

He stiffened. "How many guys are we talking about?"

Defensively, she said, "I was trying to find one that'd work!"

He laughed, but he sure as h.e.l.l wasn't amused.

Insulted, Yvette started to push off his lap.

Immediately he regretted his reaction. "I'm sorry." He held on, and when she continued to shove at him, he said again, "I'm sorry! Swear."

An inch from his face, she snarled, "It is not funny."

"No, it's not." He ran his hands up and down her arms in apology. "That was more a sound of jealousy than humor anyway."

"Jealousy? Get real." Still irked, she poked at his chest. "You're the one who was with five women earlier."

His brow went up. "Not with them. Don't say it like that. I was just talking to them. Don't confuse me with Armie."

At that she did a double take. In an appalled whisper, she asked, "Five? Seriously? I mean, I know he's out there, but-"

"I was exaggerating."

Somewhat disappointed, she said, "Oh."

"Back on track now, okay?" He eased her against him, arranged her the way he wanted with her snuggled close. And she went along with it, her head in the curve of his shoulder, her long legs draped over the side of his thigh.

"You tried with these other guys, but it didn't work out?"

"We had s.e.x. It was...okay. But I didn't..."

"Come." He couldn't imagine what it'd be like to go through the motions but never find release. "Did you tell them about your past?"

"No. I've never discussed that with anyone."

"Not even Heath?"

"He knows only the basics, what was in the news. He knows that you saved me. But that's it." She released a sigh. "I've never been comfortable talking about it with others."

Only him. He hugged her for that. "So they thought... what?"

"One guy said I wasn't trying hard enough."

What an idiot.

"Another a.s.sumed I wasn't s.e.xually attracted to him. He decided I must be into women instead." Her hand tightened in his s.h.i.+rt. "A couple didn't care enough to worry about it."

d.a.m.n, but hearing that felt like another punch. He didn't resent her for seeking pleasure. She was young, healthy, beautiful. But now that she was back, now that he was with her again, he wanted her only with him, and vice versa. "Even though you don't come, you enjoy s.e.x overall?"

"To a point. But it does get frustrating." She tilted back to see him. "Heath said I should at least fake it, pretend for his sake, but I couldn't do that."

Jesus. "Heath is a f.u.c.king idiot." No, he didn't want her faking anything. He wanted the real deal, and he'd get it.

No doubts at all.

"In his defense, he was patient for a very long time. And he tried, far more than the other guys did." She wrinkled her nose. "It's just-"

Cannon put his fingers over her mouth. G.o.d almighty, the last thing he wanted to hear was s.e.x stories about her and Heath. "Did he-did any guy-know he was on a tryout?"

"I don't know what you mean."

Time for more plain speaking. "You said you were trying to find a guy that'd make it work."

She rolled in her lips. "G.o.d, that sounds so awful, doesn't it?"

No, it sounded desperate. "All women are different, honey. Some get off easy, some don't. Some like things slow, some rough. Maybe you just haven't found your way yet."

She listened, her eyes wide, her cheeks warm.